Happy Birthday

By shmoooopie - 29/05/2015 03:39 - United States - Medina

Spicy
Today, for my birthday, my boyfriend made me a coupon book. I thought it was sweet until I noticed they were all conditional. For example; "Give your boyfriend a blowjob and he'll give you a 10 minute back massage!". They're all like that and he's mad because I refuse to use them. FML
I agree, your life sucks 34 633
You deserved it 3 893
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Top comments

604 11

If he asks why you're not using them, tell him you already did; they were accepted by a competitor for double the value.

714 14
queenofirony 12

Give him a coupon for one sleep on the couch.

260 5

Comments

pl0xs3rver 45

What a horrible present to get you, I'm sorry.

20 3
False_Stupidity 41

Sorry but don't paint us all with the same brush.

1 0
GigaPudding_fml 24

I hate it when people use this expression to justify guys doing stupid things. It's not like all men are the same?

2 0
keyofdestiny13 24

I would love something like that. ******* for a back massage is so worth it.

10 66
Kempeth 5

I totally agree! ... Oh wait. OP's the woman not the man.

61 3
leogachi 15

I'm guessing you actually like giving head. Most girls don't, and a "present" like that is inconsiderate. And personally, I think it's offensive.

15 4
allplayedout 20

Giving someone what's basically a "buy one, get a free sample" coupon isn't a present.

29 2
Noela Abney 5

anyone who has you for a partner is terribly unlucky

0 0
jadeleepenguin 29

I hope he got you something else too. I don't see anything wrong with the coupons though.

11 70
Aimeejasmine 15

I guess you like to be used even on your birthday then..

32 0
jadeleepenguin 29

I don't see it as being used at all. You can't just expect everything to be handed to you in life. So what if he gets something too. If he's a decent boyfriend, he deserves it. Can't blame a guy for trying.

1 58
cristy91 33

The point of the coupons as a gift is because it's a treat. Like, it's one day and a limited number of coupons, he could have AT LEAST made half of them unconditional. The sentiment behind something like what he did is "I can't give you pleasure if I don't get pleasure too" and thats kinda ****** up for a gift, I would be upset too (and even if you love giving blow jobs, it's still work)

42 0
mezochan 29

You shouldn't have to "pay" for a ten minute back rub from your significant other.

35 0
alitairi 18

#60 even when you really enjoy giving ********, it's still her pleasing him a lot for a little 10 minute massage. what that coupon should have said is "your boyfriend will give you oral AND a 10 minute massage" it's her freakin birthday. you're supposed to give and spoil your SO on that day.

32 0
Noela Abney 5

And thats why you will have shitty relationships. Because you dont know how to recognize a decent guy. A decent guy wouldnt do this.

0 0
idxntgiveafxck 17

I wouldn't mind... Well yeah I would, just the massage though, I hate massages.

14 8
Miss_Whipped 43

Aaaaand on this side of the bridge, you'll see why Lake Fuckmylife is one of our more famous tourist hotspots. Off to the right, you may notice several women here with their fishing rods, hunting for a little attention!

17 76
idxntgiveafxck 17

Nah b, chill

28 2
Aimeejasmine 15

Lmao who cares, by the sounds of it she needs the attention

21 7
Miss_Whipped 43

Hardly. I just noticed that the comment section contained things along the lines of 'So? I'd do it!' That's fantastic, you like to suck dick. That's not why we're here. We're here because OP's boyfriend did a rather selfish thing by making it sound like a massage wasn't something that could be given freely, that it had to be earned.

34 8
steam_engenius 21

Haha! Yep.

4 2
abNormal62 23

The gift that was intended to keep on giving sadly, never took flight, not even once......

4 17
Kempeth 5

Soo many possible combacks... A) Get Massage first and at the 10 minute mark say to him "don't stop please". Then suck dick for a few moments and stop. When he says "Hey don't stop! I'm not done yet." simply answer: "Well that didn't stop you earlier." A2) BJ first variant: "What? You mean 1 minute is not enough to satisfy you?" - "NO!" - "Good because 10 minutes in not enough to satisfy me either." B) Birthday gift for him: "Give your gf a 30min back massage and she'll use one of your coupons" coupons. C) Give him a coupon: "Stop acting like a selfish prick towards your girlfriend and she'll stay with you"

81 3