Today, my therapist told me to write any negative thoughts that I had on a piece of paper and then set fire to it. When I lit it in the trash can, huge flames broke out and I had to throw the trash can out my window to keep from setting my house on fire. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my therapist told me to write down my secrets in an envelope and symbolically burn them. My secrets included stories of my rampant sex life, drug use, a suicide attempt, and the overpowering hatred I have for my family. I've managed to misplace the envelope somewhere back home. FML
Today, after I told my roommate last week she needed to find a new place to live because I thought she was psychotic, she set my house on fire. FML
Today, as a means of getting over my abusive ex, I decided to write his name on a piece of paper and light it on fire. As I lit the paper up, I noticed the marker ink had bled through it. The paper is gone, but his name is forever engraved on my desk. FML
Today, I yelled at my boyfriend for smoking in the house, because I didn't want the house to smell like smoke. While doing so, I knocked over a candle and lit the couch on fire. FML
Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML
Today, I decided to light a candle in my room. Since fire intrigues me, I put an old brochure into it. Paper burns fast, and now my carpet has a big, black burn mark. FML
Today, my boss told me to not burn the place down while she was outside. When she came back inside, I accidentally started a fire. FML
Today, my hand is covered in blisters because my boyfriend thought it would be fun to set an old insurance card on fire. Out of panic, he slapped the card against the wall in a failed attempt to put it out. Also out of panic, I slapped the flaming wall with my bare hands. FML
Today, my therapist asked me if I’d been journaling as he suggested. I had to tell him that I don’t trust writing down my innermost thoughts anymore, because when I was younger my mom read by diary multiple times and beat me for what I wrote. So did my ex-boyfriend. FML
Today, I lit a used tissue on fire in my room. Eventually, the fire became kinda of large (it was a big tissue) and when I blew it out, it fell on the carpet. Now I have a burn stain on it. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
Your therapist obviously thought you were a lost cause and was trying to get you to end it all. I'd check to see of she took out an insurance policy on you recently.
Pleonasm 36
It might have been a pane in the ash, but I bet that it was relieving throwing your worries our the window like that. Nothing to get burned up about.
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Comments (131)
kemando 22
Please dont tell me you left the bag in the can...
wonders8 3
This is a crazy idea but maybe next time set the fire outside not in your house?!
kalbrek009 20
How big was the paper & why didn't you do it over the sink? Throwing it in your trash can (& possibly catching your house on fire) was just NOT what your therapist had in mind....you should have thought this one out better, so I gave you a YDI.
love_rose18 9
Ah the power of negative thinking!
jiraii 9
I guess that your therapist forgot to tell you to use common sense when setting the fire
Cazz91 21
Nothing says great therapy like being told to become a mindful pyro attic instead to blaze away all of your issues. :)
omgitslian 6
How exactly does one become an attic? Is there much money in that?
whyisitme12 19
So life hates you
Dave_Davington 34
Well that was ******* retarded of you. It's basic common sense to not burn the contents of your bin inside your house.
Lili_love 14
so instead of setting your house on fire you thought it was better to set the rest of the neighborhood on fire?
BEButterfly 13
You're therapist was supposed to tell you do that outside in a fire pit or somewhere safe with water. Wow I'm glad you just need to replace the window and not your whole house!