Today, my therapist told me to write any negative thoughts that I had on a piece of paper and then set fire to it. When I lit it in the trash can, huge flames broke out and I had to throw the trash can out my window to keep from setting my house on fire. FML
Collection
College Life
Packed lecture halls, a sketchy roommate and frat parties: welcome to college, the real thing.
Today, my therapist told me to write down my secrets in an envelope and symbolically burn them. My secrets included stories of my rampant sex life, drug use, a suicide attempt, and the overpowering hatred I have for my family. I've managed to misplace the envelope somewhere back home. FML
Today, after I told my roommate last week she needed to find a new place to live because I thought she was psychotic, she set my house on fire. FML
Today, as a means of getting over my abusive ex, I decided to write his name on a piece of paper and light it on fire. As I lit the paper up, I noticed the marker ink had bled through it. The paper is gone, but his name is forever engraved on my desk. FML
Today, I yelled at my boyfriend for smoking in the house, because I didn't want the house to smell like smoke. While doing so, I knocked over a candle and lit the couch on fire. FML
Today, I found a box of birthday candles sitting on the coffee table. Bored, I lit one, and after a minute I threw it away and sat back down on the couch. I started looking at the box and noticed that it said "Magic Re-Lighting Candles" at the exact moment that my trash can burst into flames. FML
Today, I decided to light a candle in my room. Since fire intrigues me, I put an old brochure into it. Paper burns fast, and now my carpet has a big, black burn mark. FML
Today, my boss told me to not burn the place down while she was outside. When she came back inside, I accidentally started a fire. FML
Today, my hand is covered in blisters because my boyfriend thought it would be fun to set an old insurance card on fire. Out of panic, he slapped the card against the wall in a failed attempt to put it out. Also out of panic, I slapped the flaming wall with my bare hands. FML
Today, my therapist asked me if I’d been journaling as he suggested. I had to tell him that I don’t trust writing down my innermost thoughts anymore, because when I was younger my mom read by diary multiple times and beat me for what I wrote. So did my ex-boyfriend. FML
Today, I lit a used tissue on fire in my room. Eventually, the fire became kinda of large (it was a big tissue) and when I blew it out, it fell on the carpet. Now I have a burn stain on it. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
Your therapist obviously thought you were a lost cause and was trying to get you to end it all. I'd check to see of she took out an insurance policy on you recently.
Pleonasm 36
It might have been a pane in the ash, but I bet that it was relieving throwing your worries our the window like that. Nothing to get burned up about.
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Comments (131)
eyepuppy 31
You are a special kid of stupid.
DontGuessMyName 5
*kind
AurumPotestasEst 16
#124 Let me guess... is your name Inigo Montoya?
ZombieInConverse 13
Your therapist is right, your negitive thoughts are killing you. Just more litterally then he probably thought.
gordogirls 4
Than*
jjander69 11
You could chop it into a ton on tiny pieces. That would be less dangerous.
Queensland 27
No it wouldn't it's still paper and would light up the same way..
lulubelles 33
I think 14 meant to chop it up instead of setting it on fire
dontgivafuk 9
most things take you a long time to "get" huh queen? maybe next time think about what you're gonna write before you write it. for about a week or 12.
Queensland 27
Thanks 61, I misunderstood. And thanks 90, suggestion noted. :)
FlyingLeumer 19
Well that's just trashy.
Futacy 30
The stupid, it burns!!!
IStoleTheCookies 16
I can kind of understand this idea, but i don't think you were meant to do inside your house, that will probably end up in you getting sectioned.
tacojauns 45
I prefer throwing paper on fire and placing it in a cardboard box
Wizardo 34
That's why you light it outside OP, doesn't take a genius to know this.
pheonix_flash 7
"Sink" is a really strange idea noone has thought of. Or "bathtub" somewhere enclosed with an accessable source of water is a great place to set things on fire. Take that advice from a pyro
RedPillSucks 33
Perhaps you need some additional therapy to resolve your pyromaniacal tendencies.