By LindseyS - United States

FML: Uncensored

Today, I was enjoying my last day of Spring Break in Panama City. I got up to dance on the stage at the Holiday Inn in front of hundreds of college kids. I tried to be sexy by turning around and bending over. My friends took pictures and my bloody tampon string was hanging out the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40981

You deserved it

106385

Tweet

Share

Proactive

Official meeting

Sharing is caring

By Anonymous - 28/7/2020 02:02

TMI

Today, my granny had the phone on loudspeaker, talking to a friend. When the conversation turned from the price of potatoes to ticks in hard-to-reach places, I fleed into the garden. First thing granny tells me once I’m back: The details of how that tick was all the way up in her friend’s husband’s crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1188

You deserved it

123

Tweet

Share

By Danou - France

Today, I was waiting for the bus while wearing my FML shirt. A passer-by stopped, stared at me for a moment, and said, "I agree, your life sucks." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32046

You deserved it

58517

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - France

Today, the Vuvuzela that my brother ordered online was delivered to our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63090

You deserved it

6044

Tweet

Share

By Spockx - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, my girlfriend told me she was over her addiction and wished to quit cold turkey. I cancelled all my plans to stay home and support her. She didn't mean her tobacco addiction, no no. Her corn chip addiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25260

You deserved it

2848

Tweet

Share

By left4dead - Australia - Sydney

Today, I went on a field trip with some people from school. I'm currently confined to a wheelchair, so I had to rely on my sister to get around. She eventually went off with her friends, assuming that the people nearby would keep me company. Five minutes later, they'd all left me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27721

You deserved it

2064

Tweet

Share

By PatientInWaiting - United States

Today, I had a conversation with another patient in my gyno's waiting room. It was about her getting pregnant in a truck while passed out drunk, her therapist's frequent use of a "For Dummies" books, and how she had waxed and oiled everything to impress our doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23131

You deserved it

2462

Tweet

Share

By Broderick - United States

Today, I was hiking, and four miles away from my car and civilization, I tripped over a rock into a cactus. I used duct tape, which ripped all the hair off my arms and legs but ignored the spikes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29971

You deserved it

6932

Tweet

Share

By natalyV

Today, my boyfriend has been sulking like a moody kid all day, all because I won't set my phone background to a picture of his dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27861

You deserved it

3225

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Where is everyone?

Today, I tried to have a game night at my house. Suggesting a popular card game that everyone plays, snacks, and BYOB. No one showed or even said they weren't coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2183

You deserved it

165

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after an extremely hard day at work, I took a hot shower to wind down a little bit. I accidentally splashed a painful amount of hot water and shampoo in my eyes. My left contact is now stuck to my eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38094

You deserved it

8920

Tweet

Share

By blech - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I witnessed my dad rummage through his nostrils, thoughtfully examine the contents, and flick them nonchalantly onto the carpet. All of this he did with the biggest demented grin on his face. Sadly, this has become a regular occurrence. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26667

You deserved it

2524

Tweet

Share

By sexybelly - Australia - Parramatta

Today, I was asked when my baby is due. My baby was due 6 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32784

You deserved it

4595

Tweet

Share

By blame the maid - 13/9/2020 17:02 - United States

Deadly cocktail

Today, my very sheltered girlfriend decided to surprise me by cleaning our apartment. Although she grew up with housekeepers and maids, I thought it was common knowledge that you don’t try cleaning the bathroom with both bleach and ammonia. We still can’t go back inside our place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1343

You deserved it

119

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Romania

Today, I realized I have to choose between being unemployed or putting up with my perverted boss who desperately wants me. I'm a guy and so is he. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44250

You deserved it

3611

Tweet

Share

By Bartender - United States - Saint Paul

Today, near the end end of my shift as a bartender, a drunk man stumbled into my bar, got upset because I refused to serve him, puked into my tip jar, then offered me half a pack of cigarettes in exchange for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35419

You deserved it

2614

Tweet

Share

By umyuck - United States - Norfolk

Today, I noticed my shower drain wasn't draining well. I cleaned it out, thinking it was just a rat's nest of hair. Wrong. It was an actual dead rat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32391

You deserved it

2482

Tweet

Share

By Brown345 - United States

Today, I started a new job. I noticed all the beautiful women. Then I tripped on a cord running across the floor. They noticed me too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21178

You deserved it

5983

Tweet

Share

By mikki_arlert - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my mother threatened my psychiatrist with legal action because he told her the organic and herbal "medicine" she swears by don't actually "cure" mental illness like she claims. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10299

You deserved it

629

Tweet

Share

By RickTheBoy - Canada - Toronto

Today, after a haircut, I walked to the cash register, handed the hairdresser a $20 bill and said, "Keep the change." He looked at me with a blank expression and replied, "The haircut costs 25 dollars." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32390

You deserved it

50028

Tweet

Share

By Toothy. - Australia

Today, I went to the dentist to have two cavities filled. I hate the dentist. After he'd started drilling, I heard a "clunk" noise followed by an "Oops." My dentist had cut my tooth in half. Now I have to go to surgery to have the tooth extracted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54908

You deserved it

2909

Tweet

Share

By Unreasonable - 23/3/2020 14:00 - United Kingdom - Bath

Bridezilla vs. the Coronavirus

Today, I received a threatening DM from my so-called best friend, telling me that she wouldn't be calling off her wedding next week, despite everyone telling her to postpone due for health and safety reasons, and would claw my eyes out if I stayed in quarantine with my sick mum instead of coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2145

You deserved it

137

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I turned 21. It's also the day I learned how it feels to have my foot and leg set on fire by a drunken idiot who thought it was a great idea to splash lighter fluid into an open-pit bonfire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27563

You deserved it

2701

Tweet

Share

By ScarletBuckeye

Today, I didn't want to get sand in my shoes. So I walked down to the beach barefoot. The sand was so hot that it burned the soles of my feet. I now have blisters across the bottom of my feet and between my toes. But at least there's no sand in my shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10414

You deserved it

4917

Tweet

Share

By AloneAtPerkins - 18/11/2020 13:02 - United States - West Bend

Tree trunks

Today, I shaved my legs. It's been so long since I've shaved that my razor broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks

607

You deserved it

257

Tweet

Share

By "Courtney Edwards" - United Kingdom - Cwmbran

Today, I was taking care of the general public as a first aider in a massive event. Since the temperature was high, we were expecting many of the older-than-middle-aged women to collapse of heat exhaustion and need to be treated. I didn't realise I would be one of those affected. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3163

You deserved it

442

Tweet

Share

By neverdateaclosetcase - Canada

Today, my boyfriend asked me to meet his parents over Christmas. I was ecstatic. But there was one condition: I must go dressed as a girl since he hasn't worked up the nerve to come out to his parents yet. We've been dating for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46266

You deserved it

13428

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, while making deliveries, a lady answered the door stark naked and invited me in. I'm a young single guy so I went for it, but her husband was also there, ready to go with an enormous boner, so I ran to my van and went back to the depot. They reported me for bad customer service. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6695

You deserved it

2678

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend updated her Facebook status when I was with her. No, let me correct myself. Today, my girlfriend updated her Facebook status when I was in her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76138

You deserved it

11718

Tweet

Share

By tantanpanda - United States

Today, I was swimming my routine laps at the gym's pool and a man came in and swam in the adjacent lane. While swimming freestyle, I smelled a really nasty fart. Not a minute later, he hurriedly left. I didn't realize what he had done until I saw "floating particles" in the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31370

You deserved it

1929

Tweet

Share

By wheatsnake - Australia

Today, I took my new laptop into my house from my car, thinking it would be a too much of a target for kids grabbing it. I came home tonight to find my door kicked in, my laptop gone and my TV ripped from the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39060

You deserved it

2793

Tweet

Share

By First World Problems - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. Afterwards, my parents thought it would be a great idea to have my favourite meal. I got to watch them enjoy it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24353

You deserved it

1751

Tweet

Share

By youcould'vejusttoldme - United States - College Station

Today, my roommate started packing up for when we move out in August. Thirty boxes later, I realized she's leaving me with only a dishtowel and a skillet while she traipses through Europe for the summer. She even packed the silverware. And the curtains. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3259

You deserved it

443

Tweet

Share

By dynomyte - United States

Today, as I sat on the table in my gynecologist's office for my yearly checkup, I realized that was the most action I got in the past year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43861

You deserved it

8104

Tweet

Share

By allgassedout - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was lying in bed with my girlfriend. Trying to be romantic, I complimented her on how nice her hair smelled. She replied: "Yeah? Wait till you smell this." then let out the vilest, most nauseating fart I'd ever smelled in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39282

You deserved it

7310

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my aunt's last words to me were, "Don't be an idiot". FML

I agree, your life sucks

19360

You deserved it

2774

Tweet

Share

By HolyyMolyy

Today, I was ecstatic to have received a friend request from my crush of grade 4 after 11 years. He's grown up to be such a hottie. I quickly accepted his request, he messaged me and we ended up chatting for hours. Later, when I messaged him, he called me clingy and unfriended me from Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13461

You deserved it

1969

Tweet

Share

By Gothicbunnyx3 - United States

Today, I had to tell my 7 year old son it's not polite to jack off in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37539

You deserved it

5626

Tweet

Share

By TheJuggla17 - United States

Today, I put in an application to my local market for a job that I desperately needed. I was talking to the manager, he seemed pleased with my application and said he'll call me. As he walks into his private office, I hear the sound of a paper shredder. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29004

You deserved it

2601

Tweet

Share

By reyoflight - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, I walked in on my 12-year-old daughter lying on her bed, repeatedly opening and closing her legs. I asked her what she was doing, and she replied, "Trying to queef. I saw it online." FML

I agree, your life sucks

60285

You deserved it

7380

Tweet

Share

By Miss<Younger>Beyoncé - Namibia - Windhoek

Today, I was boxing up all my brother's old stuff to take to the attic. I came across a box, and without checking what was inside, I took it up, just to have it fall on my head, to then find out it was filled with dead baby hamsters. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39725

You deserved it

3905

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By alex_vik | 0

#43950 - Friday 20 March 2009 1:40

I remember approving this one just to say this.

NEVER try to be sexy when you're on your period. It just makes the guys want to throw up and the girls laugh.

By OCChef | 0

#43933 - Friday 20 March 2009 1:36

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

COMMENTS

By Blanche_fml | 0

#43932 - Friday 20 March 2009 1:35

ouch.

Reply

zavian | 1

#968732 - Friday 26 March 2010 19:59

ouch is right! but you deserved it for being a dumb drunk spring break ho

Reply

Jojo08_fml | 0

#2682411 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 0:14

that's gross

Reply

Jimmothy68 | 5

#4117449 - Saturday 3 March 2012 11:28

Ydi for coming to panama city. I know it's the spring break capital and shit but drive down the road 5 minutes and it turns into the ghetto. Trust me I live here.

By OCChef | 0

#43933 - Friday 20 March 2009 1:36

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Reply

sashalynn | 0

#1559264 - Sunday 17 October 2010 4:26

hehehehehehehe!!!!!!!!!! XD

Reply

cwells0430 | 12

#5560096 - Monday 1 July 2013 5:17

Welcome to YouTube lmao

By noellemarie | 0

#43934 - Friday 20 March 2009 1:36

well that just sucks

By Ender_ | 0

#43937 - Friday 20 March 2009 1:36

Good friends huh? hahahahahhaha

By HotAsIce99 | 0

#43939 - Friday 20 March 2009 1:37

LMFAO EPIC FAIL

By alex_vik | 0

#43950 - Friday 20 March 2009 1:40

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

profligatesoul | 18

#5404494 - Thursday 14 March 2013 2:48

2 thumbs up

Reply

purplepixie23 | 15

#7527295 - Tuesday 8 August 2017 22:03

I hope you're only speaking for yourself, granted it's kinda gross when you can see blood, but if a woman being on her period makes another person want to throw up, that person is not a MAN. A MAN has more damn respect than that you douchebag.

By awwwkwarddd | 0

#43953 - Friday 20 March 2009 1:41

thats fucking sick. wow thats really nasty. i can only imagine if i'd been there drunk what i wouldve had to say to that. NASSSSTYYYYY.

By Sakeyaki | 0

#43958 - Friday 20 March 2009 1:41

...

No. D:

By locasocha | 0

#43959 - Friday 20 March 2009 1:42

ohhhhhhhhhhhh, alcohol.

next time think twice.

oh, and get better friends. maybe theyd help you instead of embarrass you.

By seaprincess | 0

#43961 - Friday 20 March 2009 1:42

eww haha. Great Ending to spring break.