Today, I woke up to 15 texts from my mom, 6 missed calls, and...

By Anonymous - 27/3/2016 03:53 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I woke up to 15 texts from my mom, 6 missed calls, and with no bra or shirt on in a random guy's bed. Welcome to spring break, ladies and gentleman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13926

You deserved it

33377

Favorite

Intimacy

Out of it

Incognito browsing

Gas giant

By Anonymous - 26/3/2009 23:39 - United States

Today, I was at QuickTrip. As I was leaving, I passed a woman who was saying "stay" very sternly through her open driver's side door. I smiled as I passed, saying "Your dog wants to follow you huh? I've been there." She glared at me and said "No. That's my son. He's mentally challenged." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51752

You deserved it

25985

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/11/2017 01:30

Today, an hour after telling me she wasn't in mood for sex, my girlfriend called me to help her get a cucumber out of her ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6206

You deserved it

713

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/5/2014 21:04 - United Kingdom - London

Today, for the first time in my life, my dad said he was proud of me. It meant a lot to me, and I started tearing up. Noticing my emotion, he looked at me pityingly, said "Aaaaand it's gone." and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45373

You deserved it

6784

Favorite

By meow - 16/7/2019 18:30

Today, I found out my boss hired literally the only person in this town who is an ex-boyfriend. I also work with my current boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1524

You deserved it

189

Favorite

By Noname - 6/3/2009 21:24 - United States

Today, I went for a job interview on my birthday. I had on a shirt and a tie on and I had my Blackberry in my pocket. I was running a little late, so I dashed outside. When I came out of the door, a bunch of my buddies screamed HAPPY BIRTHDAY! and poured Gatorade all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58624

You deserved it

3679

Favorite

By Thanks Fred - 18/5/2019 00:05

Today, I discovered why there was such a horrible stench in my bedroom. My cat had a secret stash of shit under my dresser. Along with the carcass of a rat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1739

You deserved it

285

Favorite

By laner - 26/7/2019 12:00

The Stinking of Hill House

Today, I found out my ex-husband left the fridge full of rotting meat in the house that I'm selling. I turned off the power to the house in March. Now the whole house stinks, and I had to have the fridge professionally removed and the kitchen cleaned because buyers are coming to look at it tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1477

You deserved it

383

Favorite

By Username - 29/7/2011 23:36 - United States

Today, my younger brother and I got into a fight over who the favorite child is. My mom overheard, came in the living room and said, "It's your little brother, now shut up." She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40224

You deserved it

7310

Favorite

By smells like ass - 29/12/2016 03:05

Today, my brother tried to ninja-kick his dirty underwear up into his hand. He failed and it landed on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4938

You deserved it

395

Favorite

By hatemylifelol - 8/1/2016 20:33 - United States - Roseville

Today, I noticed I parked behind a boy I like. Trying to impress him with my driving skills, I ended up forgetting to put the car in reverse and rear-ended him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12192

You deserved it

20709

Favorite

By carson28 - 17/12/2010 02:23 - United States

Today, I saw a homeless man on the corner, I thought I would be generous and give him some cash. I rolled down my window and waved my hand for him to come over. As he was walking over, he was struck by another car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50090

You deserved it

6314

Favorite

By hashtag67 - 5/11/2016 09:08

Today, I taught my first seminar as a teaching assistant. I prepared for hours and rehearsed and discussed it with the professor. Two students fell asleep, I said "shit" twice and I froze mid-sentence, then said, "Sorry guys, I have no idea what I'm saying." FML

I agree, your life sucks

10087

You deserved it

1484

Favorite

By ditched?? - 6/8/2010 09:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were driving around town in his car. To my surprise he took me out to lunch. As we were leaving, a girl walks up and asks if he had room for one more for a ride, sadly he only has two seats in his car. Guess who had to walk! FML

I agree, your life sucks

49188

You deserved it

5684

Favorite

By doggybag - 24/9/2009 05:17 - Canada

Today, I was walking my dogs. I had a doggy bag, and was holding it closed, then breathing in it, so it would blow up. My dogs 'went', so I picked it up and kept walking. As I was heading home, I absent-mindedly started blowing into the bag again. Everything ended up in my mouth and on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12737

You deserved it

80725

Favorite

By oh for f*cks sake - 20/3/2017 12:00 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, my baby brother learned to remove his nappy. He immediately used this new skill to shit all over my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4718

You deserved it

386

Favorite

By Broke - 7/2/2020 05:00 - United States

This is my life

Today, I need money to fix my car, I need my car to get to work, and I need work to get money. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1865

You deserved it

178

Favorite

By lfssecond - 30/5/2009 18:04 - United States

Today, while arriving at my best friend's wedding, I accidentally ran over her 2 dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56653

You deserved it

25509

Favorite

By StijnDescamps - 13/8/2019 16:00

Today, for the very first time, I invited my girlfriend's parents for dinner. I bought a pre-made oven dish, just to be sure nothing could go wrong. Once at the table, her mother asked pointedly who forgot to remove the plastic foil before putting it in the oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks

702

You deserved it

1861

Favorite

By Abendigo77 - 14/1/2013 04:49 - United States - Healdsburg

Today, my vegan boyfriend told me that if he were forced to kill either his cat or me, he'd kill me because he "would never kill an animal." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39397

You deserved it

6806

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 07:11 - United States

Today, I was taking a leak in the mall bathroom. A kid no older than thirteen strolled in and paused next to me at the urinals. He took one look and laughed, "I feel sorry for your wife, man." All I could do was stand there as he casually disappeared into one of the stalls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40555

You deserved it

4450

Favorite

By Geezum Crow - 6/12/2018 17:30

Today, I found out my school's financial aid had a "misunderstanding" of my finances, I can no longer afford to pay half of my bills or pay for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2608

You deserved it

145

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/7/2015 06:56 - Australia

Today, while shopping with my sister, she asked me to wait for her while she quickly said hello to a friend. I sat on a bench for an hour before I realised she wasn't coming back. Turns out "hello" had turned into a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27522

You deserved it

2323

Favorite

By MoonStarShine3 - 9/6/2015 16:12 - United Kingdom - Chorley

Today, my boss yelled at me for being 3 hours late. I was late because I fell down the stairs and broke my arm. Apparently, breaking my arm is not a good enough excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29318

You deserved it

2049

Favorite

By afather - 14/6/2015 13:41 - United States - Worthing

Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39234

You deserved it

6491

Favorite

By Darkheaven - 17/11/2008 11:27 - France

Today, I was in an online chatroom speaking to this girl that I really hit it off with. She then confided in me that she'd recently been dumped by her boyfriend and that he was a jerk. A little while later, we exchanged photos. It was my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50351

You deserved it

9410

Favorite

By candymansvan17 - 17/8/2011 21:50 - United States

Today, I had a cop pull me over because he claimed that he saw me taking a bunch of colorful pills at the previous stop sign. I was eating skittles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44337

You deserved it

3214

Favorite

By Nick - 22/5/2018 01:30

Today, my girlfriend and I went to see a horror movie. It ended up scaring her so badly that she refused to leave our bed all night long, even to pee. I have to clean the mattress now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3729

You deserved it

712

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/6/2016 23:29 - United Kingdom - Cannock

Today, thanks to the unholy power of autocorrect, I told my mother-in-law that "crispy dick" is on the menu tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12591

You deserved it

1614

Favorite

By shbaxter - 16/3/2020 06:00

That's nuts

Today, I finally got my car back after it was in the auto shop for a week. On my way home, I started swerving all over the road. It turns out they didn't tighten the lug nuts on one of my wheels properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1453

You deserved it

Favorite

By Kid - 17/3/2010 09:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I bullied a kid at school, just so someone would talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17017

You deserved it

80163

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/5/2009 17:13 - United States

Today, I was home on leave and having breakfast with my parents and my younger brothers. I guess I got too used to the rougher language around the Army barracks where I'm stationed. At the breakfast table I asked my Mom to "pass me the f***ing butter". FML

I agree, your life sucks

31015

You deserved it

69970

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/10/2019 00:01

Sounds illegal

Today, I got a lot of tips at work, but little did I know our boss takes it out of our paychecks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1812

You deserved it

111

Favorite

By JoanT - 14/7/2020 09:43

"Nice alarm you've got there"

Today, I woke myself up by pinching my nipple between my elbow and the bed. This isn’t the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

216

You deserved it

Favorite

By HAIRY - 26/4/2012 20:23 - United States - Iowa City

Today, I was hanging out with some of my friends when I fell asleep. When I woke up, I found that they had shaved the F word into my arm. I don't know what is more disturbing: the fact that this is what my friends do for fun, or that I have enough arm hair to have four letters shaved into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24018

You deserved it

4389

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/12/2013 08:29 - United States - Inglewood

Today, I tried to be cute by sitting on top of my boyfriend's belly. While getting on top, I accidentally kneed him in his nuts. In pain, he jolted his head up and ended up banging his head against mine. Now I have a black eye and he can't walk without waddling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23821

You deserved it

44225

Favorite

By goodgrief - 5/3/2013 05:08 - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, I parked next to a police officer's car in a bad part of town. When I got out, I saw a bag of pot on the ground between the cop's car and mine. When I pointed it out to him, he insisted it was mine and interrogated me to the point of tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41404

You deserved it

4912

Favorite

By cherknobil - 7/7/2019 00:00

Today, I went to my favorite burger joint. Upon taking the first bite of my burger, I dislocated my jaw. The employees had to call 911. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1647

You deserved it

163

Favorite

By frustrated - 4/9/2019 06:00 - Australia

When clampers attack!

Today, despite being parked in my work's car park, my car got clamped. It cost me $150 to get the clamp removed and all I got was "bad luck" from my boss and the clamper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1423

You deserved it

115

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/11/2010 17:46 - United States

Today, I was drinking coffee out of my favorite mug, when it slipped out of my hand. I caught it, but not before most of the hot coffee spilled all over my lap. In reaction, I dropped the mug again, shattering it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27146

You deserved it

4234

Favorite

By This girl - 19/12/2011 18:01 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street, when I slipped and fell on a patch of ice. It wasn't all that embarrassing, until I walked two more feet and slipped again. The second time, a man pulled over and loudly asked if I was drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29229

You deserved it

3374

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Tripartita | 44

#6568494 - Sunday 27 March 2016 16:54

On the first day of spring break, your one night stand got you: 15 texts from mom, 14 pulsating head pains, 13 cents in your pocket, 12 hours forgotten, 11 inexplicable Snapchats, 10 new sex positions attempted, 9 indentations on your face for sleeping on wrinkled sheets, 8 odors you didn't even know existed, 7 things you forgot to do, 6 missed calls, 5 minutes before mystery guy returns, 4 pairs of boxers on the floor, 3 tangents of thought about how many guys were actually there last night, 2 turtles in the terrarium mystery guys keep on a shelf, and a missing shirt/bra combo stranding you temporarily!

By Irakli_1 | 27

#6568454 - Sunday 27 March 2016 16:31

The important thing is to wake up in the same country

COMMENTS

By SOILEDIT | 51

#6568431 - Sunday 27 March 2016 16:27

What else happened? This is the beginning to a really wild story!

nzhx | 23

#6568453 - Sunday 27 March 2016 16:31

Not necessarily? All she described was sex with a stranger if that's your definition of wild spring break is on all year round

slappygecko | 21

#6568531 - Sunday 27 March 2016 17:33

It'll be like the fourth hangover movie.

ladyLALAA | 28

#6568542 - Sunday 27 March 2016 17:46

#5 slut says what?

yenze | 18

#6568570 - Sunday 27 March 2016 18:46

What?

NYGiants1925 | 22

#6568676 - Sunday 27 March 2016 20:23

I don't think she remembers the rest of the story...

YouDeservedIt69 | 8

#6569545 - Monday 28 March 2016 23:19

You seem like a slut

By Kaoticwolf | 17

#6568433 - Sunday 27 March 2016 16:27

SOUNDS LIKE ONE HELL OF A NIGHT :D

A07 | 48

#6568625 - Sunday 27 March 2016 19:46

STOP SHOUTING

ThrottleJockey | 34

#6568885 - Monday 28 March 2016 1:04

LOUD VOICES!

By tackblog | 14

#6568435 - Sunday 27 March 2016 16:27

*looks at location*

Seems about right.

Marcella1016 | 29

#6568788 - Sunday 27 March 2016 23:02

What is the location? All I see on mobile is United States.

FrizzyGuide | 8

#6568995 - Monday 28 March 2016 4:42

For me it says she is from United States, Indiana.

By tin_cup | 27

#6568451 - Sunday 27 March 2016 16:31

Sounds like a fun night to me!! Why is this an FML?

By Irakli_1 | 27

#6568454 - Sunday 27 March 2016 16:31

The important thing is to wake up in the same country

By darshini_ii | 24

#6568469 - Sunday 27 March 2016 16:36

We need a follow up Op

By dilliedill | 13

#6568479 - Sunday 27 March 2016 16:42

We're up all night to get lucky!

By Tripartita | 44

#6568494 - Sunday 27 March 2016 16:54

theswanlake | 13

#6568496 - Sunday 27 March 2016 16:56

GENIUS!

sammiaaron | 16

#6568508 - Sunday 27 March 2016 17:05

brava, good sir

19990231 | 29

#6568513 - Sunday 27 March 2016 17:08

Up voted for effort.

ladyLALAA | 28

#6568543 - Sunday 27 March 2016 17:48

Drugs really are bad

Tripartita | 44

#6568670 - Sunday 27 March 2016 20:13

I don't know if using the feminine form of bravo was intentional, #12, but thanks regardless.

RoseCrystal | 17

#6568698 - Sunday 27 March 2016 20:51

*standing ovation* Bravo!!!!

PrincessZelda_HR | 22

#6568753 - Sunday 27 March 2016 22:13

That's possibly the most effort I've seen put into an FML comment before, well done sir!

JosephKorso | 15

#6568984 - Monday 28 March 2016 4:21

And a partridge in a pear tree.

tomvertigo | 17

#6569144 - Monday 28 March 2016 10:35

*slow clap*

xx000o | 27

#6569167 - Monday 28 March 2016 12:17

Other than that a relatively quiet night.

SneezyBear | 27

#6569193 - Monday 28 March 2016 12:48

Did anyone else find this difficult to sing? XD

bornpatriot | 11

#6569312 - Monday 28 March 2016 17:21

The Master has spoken

GokuSS400 | 18

#6569767 - Tuesday 29 March 2016 11:05

Sir, you are a genius

Tantien | 8

#6571148 - Thursday 31 March 2016 5:49

Legend. No more than that

By kre8iv | 13

#6568505 - Sunday 27 March 2016 17:04

Spring break goals tho

By born_hustla | 26

#6568510 - Sunday 27 March 2016 17:07

You woke up with a story to tell...start from the beginning.