Intimacy: Today, I woke up to 15 texts from my mom, 6 missed calls, and...

By Anonymous - 27/03/2016 03:53 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I woke up to 15 texts from my mom, 6 missed calls, and with no bra or shirt on in a random guy's bed. Welcome to spring break, ladies and gentleman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 994

You deserved it 33 750

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

My eyes! My eyes!

By traumatized4life - 04/11/2010 19:32 - United States

Today, I woke up to two text messages from my mother. The first said, "You could've had this for breakfast. How do you like your eggs?" The next text was a picture message of her naked. I think it was meant to be sent to her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 807

You deserved it 2 911

FML: Uncensored

By LindseyS - 20/03/2012 02:00 - United States

Today, I was enjoying my last day of Spring Break in Panama City. I got up to dance on the stage at the Holiday Inn in front of hundreds of college kids. I tried to be sexy by turning around and bending over. My friends took pictures and my bloody tampon string was hanging out the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 058

You deserved it 106 697

By holycommander - 26/03/2013 20:20 - United States

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend. I was woken up by my mother breaking into my house to tell me I need to get ready for work. Then she got mad that I had a girl over. I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 633

You deserved it 5 139

By Anonymous - 31/12/2012 20:04 - United States

Today, I went to bed with a bra on. I woke up with no bra on. My brother had a friend sleep over last night. I wonder where my bra went. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 814

You deserved it 4 204

By Anonymous - 09/01/2014 00:53 - United States - Piedmont

Today, I joined my friends out birthday clubbing. After I'd gotten a little drunk, a few guys asked for my number. I rattled off random numbers, until I accidentally said my mother's. Guess who woke up to a text at 2:17 in the morning, containing a picture of a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 694

You deserved it 39 027

Awkward

By Nikki - 18/03/2009 03:15 - United States

Today, I woke up, completely naked, in bed with a guy I met the night before. We were both drunk the night before and I had agreed to go home with him. The reason I woke up was that someone was knocking on his bedroom door. Turns out he lives with his mom and she made us pancakes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 186

You deserved it 91 572

By ohfantastic - 25/01/2009 02:47 - United States

Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 696

You deserved it 2 385

By yourstruly - 11/02/2010 19:40 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of someone having sex in the room next to me. I don't have a roommate. Turns out my mom thought I was out of town and used her extra key to bring a guy over for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 714

You deserved it 2 361

By notsurprised - 01/08/2011 12:55 - United States

Today, I woke up to my mom washing the dishes completely naked. Sadly, I was more surprised by the fact she was doing the dishes than the fact that that she was strutting about in her birthday suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 540

You deserved it 3 171

By Maybe I'll stay longer than spring break. - 31/03/2013 04:34 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I came home to visit my family for spring break, only to realize that I'd left my phone in my apartment. After a 2 hour drive back, I discovered my boyfriend with my neighbor. He panicked and pretended to be sleepwalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 766

You deserved it 4 087

Tripartita 44

Sunday 27 March 2016 16:54

On the first day of spring break, your one night stand got you: 15 texts from mom, 14 pulsating head pains, 13 cents in your pocket, 12 hours forgotten, 11 inexplicable Snapchats, 10 new sex positions attempted, 9 indentations on your face for sleeping on wrinkled sheets, 8 odors you didn't even know existed, 7 things you forgot to do, 6 missed calls, 5 minutes before mystery guy returns, 4 pairs of boxers on the floor, 3 tangents of thought about how many guys were actually there last night, 2 turtles in the terrarium mystery guys keep on a shelf, and a missing shirt/bra combo stranding you temporarily!