Love: Dealbreaker - FML

Dealbreaker

By banarama - 05/02/2021 07:54

Today, I found out that the person I'm seeing is a terrible kisser. I really like them, but it's awful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 169

Own it

8 out 10 dentists

You tried

Are you there?

By Anonymous - 01/06/2021 12:59 - United States - Steele

Today, I had an awful dream where my uncle died from a massive heart attack. When I woke up, my brain interpreted the dream as being a real thing that really happened. It wasn't until my uncle called and asked me why everyone thought he was dead that I finally came to my senses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 710

You deserved it 327

By Anonymous - 13/05/2017 12:00

Today, a guy told me I was hot and that I should give him a chance. When I told him I was straight, he instantly called me a bigot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 477

You deserved it 380

By Anonymous - 06/11/2009 00:40 - United States

Today, I got to work in the ER at the local hospital. A lady came in with high blood sugar. She was concerned because the same thing happened to her husband. I reassured her, telling her she'll be back with her husband in an hour or so. Her husband died four years ago from something similar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 389

You deserved it 7 565

By fuck - 02/06/2011 18:43 - United States

Today, I got to see my son's dream of being on television come true. Unfortunately, it was because he'd been arrested for trying to rob a bank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 038

You deserved it 5 928

By look how totally not racist I am! - 11/07/2014 03:32 - United States - Salida

Today, I was stuck on a campus tour with my subtly racist mother who, in an attempt to seem open-minded, deemed it appropriate to refer to our black tour guide as "Sistah". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 013

You deserved it 3 985

First Dates

By mildver - 20/04/2009 04:51 - Costa Rica

Today, I went to a date with a girl I thought liked me. We sat down at a restaurant, ordered some food and started talking. After 30 minutes, she said with a sigh of relief, "THANK GOD! There's my dad. Now I can leave. Bye, thanks for the dinner." The food hadn't even arrived yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 361

You deserved it 4 564

By Jessy - 14/10/2011 11:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I was driving home when I saw my boyfriend chundering on the side of the road, into an old lady's shopping basket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 135

You deserved it 2 771

By thenewone - 19/11/2009 20:09 - Brazil

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents. Later on, his mom pulls me aside and tells me to back off, saying he will never marry someone like me and he should be with a nice girl like his ex. They broke up after he found her in his bed with his roomate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 712

You deserved it 2 192

By cookyourowndamndinner - 17/04/2017 06:00 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, my roommates sat me down and said we need to have a serious chat. I was worried, until they asked me if I could quit my new night job. When I asked why, they said it was because I wasn't home anymore to cook them dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 993

You deserved it 449

Cool

By indi1011 - 20/04/2009 12:21 - Australia

Today, I was giving a presentation to a group of high school kids about how being 'cool' wasn't as important as they might think. When I was done I asked for questions. A kid says, "Miss, I get that you're not into being cool, but you're wearing your pants inside out." He was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 061

You deserved it 25 467

By WretchedOwls - 03/03/2016 23:59 - United States - Barberton

Today, after weeks of my brother being laid off from work, I was able to fenagle him an interview for one of the entry level positions at my work. He got the job, only to refuse it because it doesn't pay enough. I thought 9 dollars an hour was a lot more than 0 dollars an hour. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 22 230

You deserved it 1 655

By flyakite - 22/08/2014 03:53 - United States

Today, my boss decided our 4 year relationship was unethical, so she broke up with me, then terminated my employment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 043

You deserved it 6 582

By Rabite - 13/09/2016 11:22 - Germany

Today, I was on a business trip with a co-worker. We had to wait for the train, so I decided to browse a store in the train station while he waited outside. I then got a message on my cell phone, from my co-worker saying, "You are somewhere on this train, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 543

You deserved it 5 261

By oheyimsarahh - 16/02/2011 15:30 - United States

Today, I was sitting in social studies and someone threw a note at me. It said "Go fuck yourself, everyone hates you, just die." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 579

You deserved it 5 264

Murdered

By Anonymous - 16/02/2021 20:01

Today, I woke up and checked my fish tank. I thought the temperature was too low, so half asleep, I turned it up. Now all my fish are dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 366

You deserved it 918

By TecheyTim - 01/04/2015 17:46 - United States - Latham

Today, a coworker and I pulled a April Fools' joke on our boss. She "borrowed" his keys and rolled down his window. I took a car window from a scrap yard and sprinkled it on the ground near his door. His response was to kick the nearest object in anger. The nearest object happened to be my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 208

You deserved it 11 501

By Anonymous - 22/09/2009 16:27 - United States

Today, I was going to take my boyfriend to Napa. It's my birthday and I wanted to do something big since last year my fiancée called off the wedding. My boyfriend just broke up with me because I'm "clearly not over" my ex. This makes two consecutive birthdays alone in romantic hotels I paid for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 342

You deserved it 6 062

By Anonymous - 25/09/2010 14:45 - Malaysia

Today, I was trying to apply some toothpaste on my pimple to help dry it out. My mum came from behind and hugged me, making me accidentally apply minty toothpaste into my right eye instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 798

You deserved it 4 665

By Forever alone - 01/05/2015 14:24 - United States - Lincoln

Today, I told my friends I was kissed by a girl. They said "Yeah, probably by your mom." The sad thing is, they were right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 659

You deserved it 12 456

By Mom2boysonly - 15/06/2018 20:30

Today, the AC broke in the car I bought brand new last August. My 3.5-year-old hates wind, even from the sunroof being open, and there's no fix for the "manufacturing defect" so far. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 118

You deserved it 362

By Scabs - 09/08/2010 16:54 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my parents' friends. I was in the back with my window down when I felt something strange hit my ear. I then realized that the person sitting in front of me was picking their scab and throwing it out the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 733

You deserved it 2 617

By Brotherssuckkk - 18/01/2010 20:04 - France

Today, my mom asked me to clean beneath my brother's bed for money. I found a rotten apple, a picture of my best friend, and a dead bird. I got $10. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 101

You deserved it 4 790

By loveloves154 - 30/03/2018 15:00

Today, our toilet overflowed during the night. Over 50 gallons worth leaked through the floor and the ceiling to the room below. I am now covered in poop water. What a way to start the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 894

You deserved it 245

By Anonymous - 30/04/2009 16:54 - United States

Today, my coworker sent an email to the whole company asking us to fill in a survey. I've been secretly seeing her for two months, so I responded with "sure thing baby, and by the way I ran out of condoms, can you bring more for tonight?" I accidentally hit reply all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 001

You deserved it 91 698

ACAB

By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 02:00 - United States

Today, I got pulled over by a cop and got slammed with a ticket for expired tabs on my motorcycle. The DMV was literally across the street. I was heading there to get new tabs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 491

You deserved it 646

By Marcipaud - 05/05/2016 17:51 - United States - Detroit

Today, I opened up an English textbook to find someone else's dirty fingernails between the pages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 548

You deserved it 977

By Tgreject - 16/08/2009 04:33 - United States

Today, I was planning on asking out a girl I've been really close to for a few months now. I was with her when I got a forward text from my friend. It was from the girl and it said "noooo tell him not to ask me out I don't like him." I got rejected via forward text before I told her how I felt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 412

You deserved it 3 144

By Gale - 13/01/2009 15:01 - United States

Today, I threw a rock in the air and watched it soar. And watched it come back down and hit me in the face. Gravity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 856

You deserved it 52 795

By Username - 23/03/2011 16:16 - Japan

Today, I quit my job and sent a mass mail on Facebook that I was moving to a different state with my long time boyfriend. He called me later that night to tell me we aren't moving after all. Now we are both jobless with loads of bills to pay by the end of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 674

You deserved it 23 029

By Anonymous - 29/05/2009 15:47 - United States

Today, I got my belly button pierced. The guy put a small dot with a sharpie right above the center of my belly button so he knew exactly where to pierce. I also have a small freckle noticeably to the left of center of my belly button. Guess which one he pierced through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 062

You deserved it 6 775

By Anonymous - 17/09/2009 01:43 - United States

Today, I saw a weight loss 'before and after' advertisement and I wished I could at least look like the 'before'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 357

You deserved it 24 053

By SapphireRaven - 07/09/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I found out that I was denied for work study eligibility by my college. I went to my financial advisor to ask why. It wasn't my grades or attendance. Apparently my father makes too much money for me to get a job at the school. My dad was fired 3 months ago and has been out of work since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 488

You deserved it 2 554

By LXA429 - 12/03/2010 07:35 - United States

Today, I went to the tanning bed. I laid down in the bed and turned it on and the fan started blowing. There was a terrible smell and I thought it was the person before me. Then I realized it was just the fan blowing my sweaty feet towards my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 854

You deserved it 32 318

By Timetoloseweight - 11/11/2009 16:03 - France

Today, for my birthday, my friends and family gave me: A Wii Fit, a free year at the gym and a book of diet recipes. They didn't consult with each other. I've asked for "something corresponding to me". FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 858

You deserved it 15 348

By Anonymous - 04/03/2010 17:15 - Estonia

Today, I stole a bite of my boyfriend's hamburger. He threw a fit, saying I took too big a bite and I had to replace it with a new, more expensive one. Afterwards, he said how lucky I was he didn't break up with me then and there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 482

You deserved it 10 409

By myheadhurts - 21/06/2009 07:09 - United States

Today, I came home from an amazing cruise to find that my house broken into. My best friend apparently decided to invite her drug addicted friends into my home while I was away where they stole 172$ and my migraine pills, which are non-refillable. I now have a migraine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 141

You deserved it 5 402

By unicornlovet - 23/02/2019 16:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I filled in for my absent pregnant co-worker like I have done since she went on disability a month ago, at the job I’ve been doing for 15 months. Today the replacement they hired also came to work, and I had to train her since she has more experience and got the maternity leave position over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 897

You deserved it 209

By anon - 07/11/2012 23:28 - United States

Today, I threw up after drinking a smoothie my mother made me. She then called me "ungrateful" and "immature" for not liking what she spent a long time making for me. I later found out that not only did she use expired yogurt, it was also a mango smoothie, which I'm allergic to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 577

You deserved it 1 813

By JackOLantern - 13/07/2009 20:16 - Satellite Provider

Today, I proposed to a girl I'd been in love with for 6 years. I filled the balcony of the building where I'd first laid eyes on her with innumerable roses and, under the starlit sky, I did it. She later posted on facebook 'OMG. This geek I knew from high school did the FUNNIEST thing today'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 762

You deserved it 33 042

By shayes9 - 22/07/2009 22:15 - United States

Today, the boss returned from vacation. While he was gone we thought it would be a great idea to fill the water cooler with margaritas. Even after rinsing it we still have lime flavored water. Needless to say we got a company memo about appropriate office behavior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 756

You deserved it 53 233

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Top comments

malicemassacre 18

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Friday 5 February 2021 7:57

Grow up and teach them how to kiss. If you like them it should be a no brainer

J15237 25

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Friday 5 February 2021 8:36

Instead of complaining why don’t you try and help them out?

Comments

malicemassacre 18

Send a private message

Friday 5 February 2021 7:57

Grow up and teach them how to kiss. If you like them it should be a no brainer

J15237 25

Send a private message

Friday 5 February 2021 8:36

Instead of complaining why don’t you try and help them out?

RichardPencil 30

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Friday 5 February 2021 8:50

Friend zone them. It's a good bet that if the kissing is bad, the fucking is going to be fucking awful.

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Friday 5 February 2021 12:29

Talk to the person. Sometimes it's inexperience, sometimes it's different styles and sometimes it's just the person holding back because they think I kiss a certain way. Had same issue with an ex once. Talk, learn, move on :)

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Friday 5 February 2021 15:24

Retrain them, it could be your lockdown project

OrySoma 11

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Saturday 6 February 2021 1:08

everyone always wants instant gratification you ever heard practice makes perfect also try being open and honest even if its uncomfortable if you lack that you will be alone forever bud

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Sunday 7 February 2021 1:32

I foresee you having a LOT of unhappy relationships if you consider something so extremely minor a complete dealbreaker.

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Sunday 7 February 2021 21:24

Please at least try to teach the person what you want. Maybe it will work, maybe it won't. But kissing is a technique, and it can be learned. Even if the person doesn't wind up being able to kiss the way you like, just trying different things and practicing might help them down the road. Teaching this person could lead you to wind up with a great partner that kisses you the way you like, but if not, you may at least change that person's life so that they wind up with the partner of their dreams somewhere down the road.

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 2

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 12

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 932

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 177