Today, I received a bouquet of flowers. I thought they might be from my crush, so I excitedly opened the card. It was from my druggie ex-boyfriend, who apparently can't move on with his life even after three years. The contents of the card? "Baby, I got you like a habit, and I can't give you up". FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I got flowers sent to my work, I happily opened them in front of my co-workers thinking they were from my crush, I open the card to see "Love you, from mom". My mother thinks my love life is so pathetic, thats she needs to send me flowers to cheer me up. FML
Today, I got a rose from my boyfriend. The card read, "It's over." FML
Today, I received a bunch of flowers from my 'lover'. This would be fine, except that I don't have a lover, and my boyfriend now thinks I'm cheating. FML
Today, I received a bouquet of flowers from my boyfriend, which is something he's never done before. Unfortunately, this was his way of apologizing for cheating on me. FML
Today, my boyfriend sent me a bouquet of roses with a message attached. The message said, "Ever since your dog died you've stopped putting out, so I think we should break up." FML
Today, I found a note in my boyfriend's car from another girl telling him she hoped he liked the flowers. These were the same flowers he gave me while I was in the hospital, just after having his kid. FML
Today, my girlfriend came home with a huge bouquet of roses. They were from an admirer, brainwashing her to think I'm a terrible boyfriend for not buying her flowers like he did. FML
Today, I bought my crush a bouquet of roses plus one fake. The line was going to be, "I'll stop loving you when the last rose dies." I told my best friend and he thought it was such an amazing idea that he stole the fake rose and gave it to her himself. Guess who got the girl. FML
Today, I got a bouquet of beautiful flowers from someone I'd never heard of. My boyfriend flipped his shit and stormed out, calling me a cheater. I called the flower shop. Turns out he made a fake order, just so he could accuse me of cheating and dump me. FML
Today, I got a gift from my ex-boyfriend who's currently studying abroad. He got me a really creepy snowglobe for my "collection" as a sweet gesture, maybe to win me back. Except I don't collect snowglobes. He'd confused me with the girl he cheated on me with. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
toddin 7
Tell him to go to rehab. :)
CyrusTheBlue 0
Be glad someone wants to give you something. Women are so ungrateful.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (118)
eat_this_buddie 5
hahaha this is cute
MermaidSongXOXO 6
Today, I realized somebody loves me and was thoughtful enough to give me flowers on Valentine's Day. FML
Ajjas013 6
Oh shit I forgot to send you flowers. Happy Chinese New Year, Ajjas :)
boopityboppity 11
Ajjas, it looks like you just wished yourself a Happy Chinese New Years. This confirms it. You're a figament of Mermaid's imagination!
MermaidSongXOXO 6
LOL
YeahFMLxX 0
@59 your hot, and hell yes bring on them fireworks!
GalaxyShots 21
And you're thirsty as ****.
f_alltheirlives 3
Violets are purple, same with the rain at least thats what Prince says now buy me cocaine
mainiac_zombie_m 0
#16 ftw
seeimdee 0
I love you.
cinnamonfire131 1
hilarious
f_alltheirlives 3
Seeimdee loves me, I'd take off her bra but she is fifteen, its against the law :(
DonkeyDelight 0
Yeah, don't you just hate it when underage girls are really sexy?
purplemnm 9
this is so epic...I forgive you for screwing up "happy together"... bone me now...
Ultimate_Cynic 0
C-C-C-COCAINE!!! Dr. Rockzo's partyin' right now, b-b-baby...
YeahFMLxX 0
damn you child age laws! damn youuuu!
f_alltheirlives 3
I love how my rhymes about underage sex and cocaine makes internet ladies love me or want to bone me. I guess poems DO get you the ladies, you just need to be creepy and disgusting enough :D
iztrollinnn 0
"I swear officer! I didn't know she was 15!" ... "She told me she loved me!" ... "It's not rape if you enjoy it..it's just surprize sex." ... Have no idea where I was going with that. :3
bezach 0
...this pain I feel it travels down, this pain I fell creates a frown. this blade I see it cuts the vien, this blade is in my wrist slicing up eternal pain-bezach WTF why do people think poem writers are creepy? sure I'm satanic, sure I drink blood and sure I do dark magic but I'm just a bad example.
24788 7
You seem like you don't enjoy the druggie part, so if he cared about you he would of quit. Just a guess since you included it.
elledubb 0
agreed! ppl saying see is ungrateful.. I thinks it's creepy.. it's been 3 years already move on!
zombiebadger 0
haha he's a keeper
Universe_of_Time 0
tell him to quit and to change then he would do it. If he refused, then you are better off without him
daydreamstar 7
awww..... :) in a stalkerish kinda way ^^
talavera 0
number 5 is bang on....maybe women like you should learn to appreciate a gift, instead of thinking the world owes you. how many people receive nothing on this day?
ensemble_coeur 0
so, if you don't want him back, just ignore it
cmaureen3579 0
you should be happy he gave you something. so ungrateful. and what the card said was cute.