By Anonymous - 09/03/2016 18:54 - United Kingdom - Carlisle

Today, at a family dinner, I found the courage to tell my husband's parents about my schizophrenia. They exchanged weird looks and then there was an uncomfortable silence. Then my father-in-law finally says, "Christ. The grandkids won't come out all nutty, right?" FML
I agree, your life sucks 21 613
You deserved it 2 107

Same thing different taste

Top comments

The grandkids might come out all nutty; not because of your genes, but because of his genes.

ExtremeEncounter 32

Well he seems nice. It's always the in-laws.


ExtremeEncounter 32

Well he seems nice. It's always the in-laws.

I dunno, I've seen enough FMLs about the person's own parents...

That's really insensitive, but they are in-laws so that's something to be expected. Sorry OP.

The grandkids might come out all nutty; not because of your genes, but because of his genes.

I'd give you a thumbs up if it weren't for the fact that Schizophrenia is genetic and you can pass it to your kids.

YourOpinionSucks 22

No, that's literally how it works. Having it means your children are just that much more at risk of having it as well. Obviously it's not a for sure deal, but it's like having aids while pregnant, sure there's a chance your child won't have aids, but more likely than not they will.

Seriphe 16

Population statistics on the heredity of schizophrenia estimate a child with one diagnosed parent has about a 10% genetic risk of developing the disease themselves (this is compared to a 1% risk in the general population). The risk goes up significantly if a grandparent (or other close relatives) also has schizophrenia. My husband's schizophrenic, and we'll just have to see if our son (currently 3) ends up the same.

I swear I think some people are just born stupid

Apparently in this case, OP CAN pass it on...

Its not like you get to control that. Im sorry OP, I hope your husband stood up to you.

*for But yes, OP, that's totally uncool and, like #5 said, I hope your husband said something to defend you.

I find it strange how I hate you just for that correction

MikaykayUnicorn 36

As someone who has anxiety, depression, and bipolar disorder, I understand how it is to have people do this shit, and it IS like they expect you to just "Stop being anxious" "Stop being depressed" "Stop having 'mood swings'" and it gets so frustrating. If we could control our mental illnesses we would. Medication and therapy can only do so much and they take time. If your in-laws can't support you for something about yourself that you cannot change, have a serious talk with your husband about it, because you don't want them acting like you're psycho every time you are near them.

Nyattack 14

While OP certainly can't control her illness, the father-in-law isn't exactly wrong (although he said it very insensitively and in an inappropriate manner), schizophrenia has a genetic component...

53. Sometimes you're lucky if you get support from your spouse. they're usually the first to get frustrated and angry about it.

Steve97 32

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway
hellobobismyname 24

She is not obligated to tell her in-laws. Had she not told her husband before marriage, then that would be a different story. But it's not necessary to tell his parents. And it's not her fault she has schizophrenia, so why is it her fault that things got awkward during dinner or any other time just because she decided to finally open up about it? When you're with family, you should be in a safe place. It's a sensitive topic, but it was the in laws who made it awkward.

I can't stand the idea that acknowledging mental illness is a personal failure that "makes things awkward" or makes someone less of a person. If it had been Huntington's OP had, would you say the same thing? OP opened up about something they were struggling with, at a close-knit gathering full of people they'd known for a long time. That's not unreasonable.

You're an absolute prick of the highest order, #6...

Thank YOU. Destroy the idea that mental illness is a character flaw.

Are you ******* kidding me?! A family dinner IS a private thing and a perfectly acceptable place to have a family conversation. And why the hell would the in-laws be entitled to know such personal information about her before the wedding, or at all? She thought they were family and she could share what she's going through without judgement buy obviously the in-laws are ignorant, judgemental people who have antiquated ideas about mental illness. And from your post I think you're in the same boat as the in-laws, ignorant and perpetuating the unfair stigma associated with that type of illness. Smh.

Hopefully they won't be peanuts. Hopefully.

It is something that cAn be passed on, but that would be the least of my concerns! Some people! *hug* good on you op for opening up

Marcella1016 31

Kind of wondering why you felt you needed to tell them in the first place. There's such a stigma attached to it, I wouldn't tell anyone unless they really needed to know. Beyond your husband, I'm not sure why they'd make the "need to know" list. Sorry they were such insensitive assholes about it.

I guess OP was just hoping they'd be decent. There's a stigma, but the right response to that isn't having to hide and be ashamed of something you can't help, you know?

Suaria 38

I realize depression isn't even close to schizophrenia but as someone with depression I think we as people should be more open about mental health issues. It is better to talk about what you have because it never helps not telling and discussing what you have to other people. There is always going to be people who think you are crazy because you have a mental health issue but those people aren't worth having in your life.

In my experience, keeping it a secret just makes everything worse in the long run. I don't open up with "Hi! I have schizoaffective disorder, nice to meet you!" just like you wouldn't open up by telling someone you have cancer or that you were abused as a child. It is a personal thing but once someone is a huge part of your life, you want them to be in on the know, because mental illness is a huge part of your life too, no matter how well it is managed. When I'm having a day where my medication isn't working as well as I'd like and I'm feeling anxious or depressed, it takes so much more energy to hide it than to just focus on feeling better. Keeping it a secret or on a need to know basis is exhausting and I have found that, after the initial knee-jerk reactions, the people who really like me and care about me are eager to learn and let go of the stigma they learned from movies and media. Some people have removed themselves from my life and that always sucks but I'm not going to pretend to be something I'm not. If someone is such a close-minded dick that my mental illness makes them tuck their tails and run, I have two middle fingers for a reason.

Yea, because the best way to fix that stigma and fix the unfair perception people have is to cater to it and hide. It's not something to be ashamed of, so why should she hide?