Love: Today, my husband and I came clean to his overbearing parents... - FML

16/07/2013 20:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my husband and I came clean to his overbearing parents about our private wedding. It started with them accusing him of making rash decisions, and somehow descended into an argument amongst themselves that ended with his mom deciding to divorce his dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 795

You deserved it 4 587

Batman

The smell detective is on the case

You tried

17/11/2016 03:39 - Australia - Cardiff

Today, upon applying for a new job to leave my old crappy job I was informed by my new potential employer that he was unable to hire me because he is friends with my current boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 929

You deserved it 708

30/09/2011 12:52 - Australia

Today, my younger brother brought home his new bagpipes. My older brother plays the drums. I'm currently preparing to sit the most important exams of my schooling life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 440

You deserved it 2 398

How? Why? When?

By Anonymous - 16/08/2021 22:01

Spicy

Today, I found on my brother's laptop thousands of pictures of my wife naked, in the shower and even a few of us having sex. That fucking creep put spy cams in our bedroom and bathroom. I’m so angry I don’t even know where to turn, hopefully the police can give me a hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 746

You deserved it 68

10/01/2011 19:06 - Denmark

Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 567

You deserved it 39 883

05/03/2009 00:29 - United States

Today, a creepy man on the subway said he liked my eyeballs. It was the best compliment I've received in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 372

You deserved it 4 029

07/08/2015 12:51 - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, when I noticed a large piece of broccoli wedged between her teeth. I have no idea how she didn't feel it, but I couldn't stop fixating on it and started going soft. I had to cry out, fake an orgasm, then toss the condom really quickly to spare her feelings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 434

You deserved it 6 829

01/12/2012 01:02 - United States - Downers Grove

Spicy

Today, as part of my job as a swimming instructor, I had to help a teenage boy learn how to float. This involves supporting the person's back as they try to float. His boner stood straight up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 346

You deserved it 3 920

Are you experienced?

By Karenfast17 - 03/03/2021 14:58 - Hong Kong - Kowloon

Today, I have to write my resume, and my teacher asked me about my secondary school activities. I'd never joined in any activities at that time, did no work experience, no volunteer work, except for two activities that I did in an institution centre this year. This all means I'm good at NOTHING. FML

I agree, your life sucks 611

You deserved it 304

21/02/2017 15:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I contacted my landlady to tell her that I approved of the girl she recommended for a sublet. She then told me she thinks this girl is a neo-Nazi. Why? The e-mails she sent to the girl were rejected as spam. Apparently, this and being German qualifies you to be a neo-Nazi. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 334

You deserved it 400

06/07/2014 20:27 - United States - Wakefield

Today, I called my mother crying, telling her how my husband has apparently been cheating on me for months. To my surprise, she didn't interrupt me or cut me off the whole time. Only when she didn't respond, did I realize she'd hung up a half an hour ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 005

You deserved it 5 979

Yuck.

By bdsam - 23/01/2018 06:00

Today, I found out that the sleeping mask I'd been using for months was actually part of a BDSM kit. I found the rest of it in my dad's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 335

You deserved it 1 226

13/10/2010 14:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, her pet bird whistled a tune she'd been trying to teach it. She stopped and congratulated it, and I took the chance to move it to the other room to prevent further distraction. She got mad and wouldn't let me back in bed because I just "untrained it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 355

You deserved it 7 631

27/10/2011 06:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got a boner at the dentist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 883

You deserved it 8 828

15/01/2018 17:30 - United States - Herriman

Today, my father told me that because of my 4.0 with all AP classes, I could choose where to eat tonight. My stepmother told him I wanted to eat at IKEA, of all places, because that's what she wanted. Guess who he believed, and guess where I am right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 529

You deserved it 347

Wanker

By oops - 09/02/2009 05:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, I can't decide what's worse, my mom walking in on me doing the five knuckle shuffle, or the one hour talk the next day about how it's perfectly normal and even she does it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 275

You deserved it 8 827

29/04/2013 07:20 - United States - Beaverton

Today, my dog became scared of his own food bowl. He now barks for ages every time he sees it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 034

You deserved it 3 436

23/07/2011 14:18 - Canada

Today, as I was hung over from a concert and refusing to get out of bed, my dad decided to hook up his top notch speaker system and play Christmas music that shook the house. It's July. Let the family weekend begin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 485

You deserved it 15 554

17/12/2012 05:08 - United States - Richmond

Today, my car window got smashed in. The cop that came to take the report said they'd already caught the guy doing it, he'd smashed in several other car windows, all of the exact same model and color. His reason for doing it was simple: he was drunk and "hated red Jeeps". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 343

You deserved it 3 816

11/01/2015 03:21 - United States - Queensbury

Today, I got a yeast infection, caused by the antibiotics for my UTI. I got the UTI after having sex for the first time in a year. A couple of minutes of sex have ruined my health. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 615

You deserved it 4 724

29/10/2010 06:12 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend got mugged. I found out because the mugger had the courtesy to ring me, after I texted several times asking where he was, to say "He won't reply. He got robbed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 316

You deserved it 3 120

Flashdance

By Muhd Hazrie - 27/07/2021 02:01

Today, I was working as a security guard in a office building. It was 5 p.m. and most of the staff had gone home so it was pretty quiet. I did a little ballet dance around my security post. When I turned around, I saw my supervisor taking a video of me. He sent it to my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 769

You deserved it 374

10/11/2018 10:30 - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, my boyfriend and I had a friend over. This friend was talking about how 2 girls were trying to get with him. My boyfriend says "I wouldn't ever fuck the blonde one, but I would do the other one in a heartbeat." Then, realizing what he said, he hesitantly added "...if I was single." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 229

You deserved it 396

26/12/2011 04:52 - United States

Today, a guy rang my doorbell, yelled "Happy Halloween" and then threw a bunch of leaves that he'd lit on fire at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 925

You deserved it 2 752

Throw in the towel

By Anonymous - 26/08/2021 14:01

Today, my plan to punish my husband by leaving him for a week completely failed. When I got home from the hotel, he had his buddies over happily watching football, but his face fell when I walked in, like I’d ruined his day by coming home. I don’t think my marriage can be saved at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 430

You deserved it 1 253

25/09/2014 06:21 - United States - Highland

Today, I was told by my doctor I should start eating meat again after two years of vegetarianism, in an effort to be healthier. After horrid gas after my first turkey sandwich, I was told that my body no longer has the enzymes to digest meat. My efforts to be healthy crippled my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 787

You deserved it 16 608

18/07/2011 01:51 - United States

Today, we found out why we were getting notes on our door telling us to "move out or else." As my mom works for the government and we have a direct-TV dish on our roof, our neighbor thinks we were sent to listen to his phone calls and read his mind. We were here before he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 988

You deserved it 2 655

30/04/2013 01:57 - United States - Hannibal

Today, my parents finally got married. At the after-party, my mother got drunk and informed me that even though she and my father were now married, it doesn't change the fact that I'm still a bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 636

You deserved it 3 669

24/07/2011 06:22 - United States

Today, I went to an amusement park with my family. I was the only one who put on sunblock, and the only one who got a sunburn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 618

You deserved it 3 927

09/11/2012 18:39 - United States - Ladys Island

Today, I stepped outside the house with my wife. She looked up at the sky and asked me in all seriousness if stars are man-made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 321

You deserved it 3 479

13/10/2012 22:25 - Canada - Bedford

Today, for the second week in a row, my brother woke me up in the small hours of the morning begging me to help him figure out the math problem to turn off his phone's stupid-ass app alarm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 416

You deserved it 1 947

29/12/2014 19:11 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, while putting a water bottle into the fridge, I suddenly had to sneeze. The force of my sneezing propelled my head against the open fridge door, causing a gushing wound to my forehead. Bless me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 050

You deserved it 3 585

06/05/2013 08:35 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I went to go see my granddad in the hospital and asked if he needed anything. He replied, "I need you to get out and send that hot nurse in, I may be old but I still got it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 626

You deserved it 6 580

29/01/2009 00:33 - United States

Today, my friend sent me the link to this website with a message that said, "You'll feel at home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 429

You deserved it 3 110

09/11/2018 15:30

Today, after months of job searching, I finally got a call for an interview. Right in the middle of the call, my phone hung up so the music app could open. I tried calling them back and got no response. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 693

You deserved it 367

01/10/2011 02:57 - United States

Today, I was trying to find my first message on Facebook. When I was reaching the bottom, I saw a message from my old crush. It contained a paragraph confessing her love for me and asking me to write back. Don't know how I missed that one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 044

You deserved it 7 767

03/12/2015 05:33 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I burped in front of my crush. Well, not really in front of him. I turned around mid-burp and noticed him, not knowing anyone was there. The surprise made me scream a little, which only amplified the burp. So I made this mighty belch-turned-scream noise, while maintaining eye contact with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 188

You deserved it 2 612

23/03/2011 00:18

Today, my friends thought it would be hilarious to show me Marley and Me the day right after I had to put down my dog. I had my dog for 11 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 400

You deserved it 4 213

Life of Brian

By Anonymous - 29/09/2020 05:02

Today, I never wanted a wife, so of course I got married. I never wanted kids, so of course my unwanted wife insisted we have two. My mother-in-law, who I wish daily would get hit by a bus, just got hired at my workplace. My only pleasure in life is fishing and my kids just broke my only rod. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 4 133

04/02/2015 03:39 - United States - Andover

Today, the kid I was tutoring told me that "pirates were a myth. Like the Greeks and Romans." He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 709

You deserved it 2 810

27/08/2013 07:21 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I got in a heated fight and ended up being punched in the jaw. The fight was about Harry Potter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 756

You deserved it 21 166

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:15

Well, that escalated quickly.

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:16

Feel no guilt, if they were this high strung their relationship probably has been extremely strained and fragile for a very long time.

Comments

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:15

Well, that escalated quickly.

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:29

Boy,*

Dracoboxer357 35

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:54

And considering how it did, I suddenly see exactly why they eloped to get wed in the first place. Crazy, crazy people.... ;P

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 July 2013 2:03

I can see why you wanted to keep it private.

TheOwnedBagel 9

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 July 2013 2:56

I mean, that really got out of hand fast!

lightanddark 17

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 July 2013 4:16

damn, you took my comment

SokDek 14

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 July 2013 5:01

Why are you thumbing down 13?!! The quote number 1 butchered is from Anchor Man. Ron Burgundy says, "Boy, that escalated quickly." While discussing a previous encounter of a violent midday brawl with the rival KQHS Channel 9 Evening News team.

RoboCunnilingus 23

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 July 2013 5:42

Ironically, you butchered the joke complaining about someone who butchered the joke.

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 July 2013 7:08

Which probably is why they wanted to keep the wedding private.

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 July 2013 8:20

It's funny that you have so little of a life that you remember that much detail from that movie.

Phustercluck 11

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 July 2013 8:53

Insulting someone personally for correcting your mistake...cool! I'm just wondering, but are you implying that anyone that knows a similar amount of detail about any movie, or other media for that matter, also has no life? Quite bold.

gotaplanstan 28

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 July 2013 11:58

Am I the only one who prefers elevators as their go-to choice for stationary transportation?!

DeanWnchstr12479 6

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 July 2013 18:10

It's, "Boy, that escalated quickly..."

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 July 2013 21:47

dang...

highclasssnegro 9

Send a private message

Thursday 18 July 2013 8:43

You, sir, replied simply like a boss.

livelobster123 14

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:15

Well, I hate to say it, but FIRST!

anythingmustbe 18

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:16

You got ninja'd

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:16

Feel no guilt, if they were this high strung their relationship probably has been extremely strained and fragile for a very long time.

sniffenwessen 6

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 July 2013 2:39

I'd say this is your husband's Fml, not yours.

1PersonIsMyWorld 22

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 July 2013 6:22

4--- u made the most factual comment. A relationship that falls apart that easily wasnt being held together very well.

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:16

On the bright side, this means you probably won't have to see much of them again during life, which is probably for the best.

Phustercluck 11

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 July 2013 9:00

Now they'll have to visit each parent separately during holidays. That's double the time than if they were still together!

expertsmilee 26

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:16

Successfully diverted the situation away from yourselves. Job well done.

JukeboxBanshee 10

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:16

Wait, what? How did that even happen?

Dracoboxer357 35

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:55

6: Stupid drama = Shit that is fucked up. ;p

Dracoboxer357 35

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 July 2013 2:01

^ I guess addition signs don't show up...? Well, insert one between stupid and drama, please.

ThatGuyWhoTalks 10

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 July 2013 8:24

+

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:17

It was not your fault, if they decided on divorce this easily then it was bound to happen sooner or later. It sounds like they've had some bad relationship problems for a while now.

anythingmustbe 18

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:17

This sounds like a plot for a new comedy movie. You need to try and get the parents back together again.

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 July 2013 12:29

How about Stepbrothers?

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:18

This goes way beyond Jerry springer shit. Holy fuck. Nobody wins here. :/

truth_teller23 11

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:23

Well at least you and your husband are still together... I hope.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 121

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 136