Love: Today, my husband and I came clean to his overbearing parents... - FML

By .__. - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my husband and I came clean to his overbearing parents about our private wedding. It started with them accusing him of making rash decisions, and somehow descended into an argument amongst themselves that ended with his mom deciding to divorce his dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54776

You deserved it

4587

Tweet

Share

Proactive

Mother of the year

Rock, hard place

By stay in there - 17/4/2020 23:00

Dumbasses

Today, I got a call from the local police station. Apparently, my idiot son and his equally dumb girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to have sex in the car at a park in broad daylight. They assumed no one would be there due to the quarantine. They were wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2075

You deserved it

266

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my cat played dead just so I would leave him alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23375

You deserved it

6037

Tweet

Share

By bad_day_in_hell - United States

Today, I woke up to a phone call from my boss' wife. She demanded to know how long we'd been sleeping together. When I denied her allegations, she screamed that she knew all about my "history of sleeping with married men". I'm a virgin and I have to work with him tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35897

You deserved it

2137

Tweet

Share

By DMitch - United States

Today, I went to Subway with my girlfriend. Just as the time came for her to pay, she went to the car to grab her purse. She didn't come back. I found a note on the windshield saying, "It's over." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42762

You deserved it

14412

Tweet

Share

By Baggabbles123 - Canada

Today, I was camping. Me and this really cute girl were hitting it off real nice. It was the last night so we both headed over to my tent to have sex. I was just about to get it in when a raccoon ripped my tent causing the girl to scream and runaway. I got cockblocked by a raccoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76989

You deserved it

9254

Tweet

Share

By Oli974 - France - N?ves-parmelan

Today, it's job interview day. In the elevator on the way there, I overheard potential candidates talking about the boss of the company, mocking his alleged lack of credibility. Who's the boss? Me. They don't know that yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31143

You deserved it

2753

Tweet

Share

By lily_marleen - United States

Today, we have a fruit fly infestation again because my roommate keeps buying fruit and letting it rot on the counter. Despite the moldy fruit being covered in flies, she insists it's my fault because I left an empty bottle of beer out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10051

You deserved it

686

Tweet

Share

By cAPITOLpORN - United Kingdom - Romford

Today, my grandmother ripped her pants. We all got a big view of her pink thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26166

You deserved it

2195

Tweet

Share

By louie - United States

Today, I went to see a doctor about some of the memory problems I've been having. After the appointment, I could barely remember a thing he told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31995

You deserved it

3185

Tweet

Share

By Chilly - United States - Wasilla

Today, I told my mom that my boyfriend had broken up with me. She was more upset about it than I was. She actually almost cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42600

You deserved it

4255

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/1/2021 20:01 - Germany

One rule for me…

Today, I haven’t had a haircut in 15 months. Our politicians announced that the lockdown, prohibiting haircuts, commerce and social life, will go on even longer than previously decided. Our impeccably coiffed politicians, that is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

647

You deserved it

174

Tweet

Share

By for my brother in law - United States - Oxnard

Today, I sent a love message to my wife asking if she was horny. Minutes later, I realized that I sent it to my mother in law. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17737

You deserved it

6662

Tweet

Share

By dylanhollis - United States - San Antonio

Today, I signed up for a dating site and used a photo of my mother and me at a wedding. Everyone stops responding when they find out they're talking to me and not her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43695

You deserved it

9118

Tweet

Share

By IHateMyLife - 1/2/2021 08:01

Best birthday ever!

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend had promised that the day would belong to me. But no, I had to drive 80 km forth and back to pick him up from work, then he took pictures with his new camera lens, then he decided what to eat, demanded a massage and then he just fell asleep. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

994

You deserved it

232

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

I'm right here

Today, after applying for a promotion to a position which I've been working my ass off for two years to get, my managers thought it would be appropriate to discuss other applicants in front of me, even asking me to compare my resume with theirs to see the "caliber" of what I'm up against. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22658

You deserved it

2174

Tweet

Share

By 12incher - United States

Today, I was sitting in math class when I glanced over to the other side of the room and the hottest girl in the school is over there. I could see her thong so I instantly got a boner. About a minute later my teacher calls me up to the board to do a problem. I wore basketball shorts that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

83427

You deserved it

42588

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Bethlehem

Today, I tried having some girl time with my mom so I could sneakily figure out what to get her for her birthday. All I could think of in the end was a time machine, after her rant about wishing she'd gotten her tubes tied rather than going through the stress of raising me and my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12919

You deserved it

930

Tweet

Share

By Jehovah God - United States - Richmond

Today, while I was waiting at a red light, a drunk guy limped in front of my car, unzipped, and started pissing on my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45198

You deserved it

3590

Tweet

Share

By Bden - United States

Today, was my first serious photoshoot as a male model for a high-end clothing line. It was a nude photoshoot, with kind of an Adam and Eve theme. After the first couple of pictures with the extremly sexy female model, I got a boner. There were still 100 shots left to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57635

You deserved it

22338

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, while out with my family, I happened to run into "the one who got away." She smilingly introduced herself to my wife, who definitely noticed that she and our daughter share the same name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3563

You deserved it

7838

Tweet

Share

By mskawaiibat - United States - Laguna Hills

Today, my step mom and her kids moved in. This is my first night sharing a room with her daughter. She snores, sleep talks, and sleep scratches the side of the bed creating a sound like nails on a chalkboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50662

You deserved it

3394

Tweet

Share

By cameltoeyourface - United States

Today, I was wearing my yoga pants for my boyfriend. He's infatuated with them. He claims they make my ass look nice. I found out it's because I constantly get a camel toe, and it gives him a semi every time he sees it. I found this out by listening to him and his father at dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34762

You deserved it

10341

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - South Sioux City

Today, I told my family I was divorcing my husband. My little sister asked if "we can keep him instead". FML

I agree, your life sucks

37860

You deserved it

7619

Tweet

Share

By vegantreegirl

Today, I was using the restroom at work when my glasses slipped off my face and landed right in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2404

You deserved it

303

Tweet

Share

By makiju - France - M?zi?res-sur-seine

Today, I was severely chewed out by my boss because, according to him, I look down on him too often. I'm 6ft5. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28431

You deserved it

1958

Tweet

Share

By Michelle - United States

Today, I turned on my boyfriend's computer and saw pictures of all of my credit cards, front and back, and several of my parent's credit cards. I looked in his e-mail and found receipts for items which had been billed to me and delivered to him, including golf clubs and my birthday gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61893

You deserved it

6449

Tweet

Share

By dumbassbuffet - Canada

Today, I cut my penis on a desk fan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20708

You deserved it

83832

Tweet

Share

By theraarman - France

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has to pretend to have another boyfriend who isn't me, because her siblings and cousins don't like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31555

You deserved it

3073

Tweet

Share

By =( - United States - Houston

Today, I had to tell my ex that I'm pregnant with his baby. I sent him a casual "Hey :)" text to try to ease into things. He replied, "WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?" and ended up threatening to make my life hell if I don't tell my new boyfriend that the child is his. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46627

You deserved it

14370

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I discovered that no matter how hot and exhausted you are, being blasted in the face with a high pressure hose is always more painful than refreshing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19199

You deserved it

10525

Tweet

Share

By finalssuck - United States

Today, I found out that I have been studying for the wrong final exam. One more hour until the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21671

You deserved it

36685

Tweet

Share

By Ouchies - United States

Today, while cleaning up, I dropped a box of thumbtacks, spilling them all over the floor. As I fumbled to pick them up, the power went out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50184

You deserved it

3777

Tweet

Share

By Grrrr! - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he wanted to hunt Easter eggs before we have sex. I'm glad he has his priorities straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34900

You deserved it

10887

Tweet

Share

By seethroughpee - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my 6-year-old daughter barged into the bathroom while I was peeing, inspected the toilet and said, "You're well hydrated, good job." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32182

You deserved it

3954

Tweet

Share

By Flopera

Today, I treated my out of town family to a surprise opera experience as a belated Christmas present. When we arrived, there were people already in our seats. Upon checking the tickets, I realized that I had purchased them for the following Friday instead of today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3037

You deserved it

2001

Tweet

Share

By kittyslayer - United States

Today, my landlord came and beat on my door demanding the rent check. I just got home from a trip and my wife was supposed to pay it while I was away. What happened to the money? Black Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32885

You deserved it

3864

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States

Today, I drove 100 miles from my parents house to mine. I had only a few miles left when I realized I really had to pee. I didn't want to pull over somewhere when I was so close to home, so I sped up. A cop pulled me over a block from my house. I started to sob, and ended up peeing myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37138

You deserved it

15395

Tweet

Share

By Noname - Canada

Today, I was watching 24 and realized that Jack Bauer had gotten more action in 5 hours than I had in 5 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31412

You deserved it

6801

Tweet

Share

By teeth - United States

Today, I meant to forward an email to my friend mocking a coworker's email, but I hit "reply" instead of "forward". FML

I agree, your life sucks

7230

You deserved it

45711

Tweet

Share

By BadGirlfriend12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend actually offered me $1000 to break up with him, and to move back to where my family lives 5 hours away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41311

You deserved it

6260

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Myo_fml | 20

#5583901 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:15

Well, that escalated quickly.

By Wizardo | 33

#5583910 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:16

Feel no guilt, if they were this high strung their relationship probably has been extremely strained and fragile for a very long time.

COMMENTS

By Myo_fml | 20

#5583901 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:15

Well, that escalated quickly.

Reply

rg350dx | 29

#5583945 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:29

Boy,*

Reply

Dracoboxer357 | 35

#5583983 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:54

And considering how it did, I suddenly see exactly why they eloped to get wed in the first place. Crazy, crazy people.... ;P

Reply

hemz_fml | 13

#5583996 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 2:03

I can see why you wanted to keep it private.

Reply

TheOwnedBagel | 9

#5584059 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 2:56

I mean, that really got out of hand fast!

Reply

lightanddark | 17

#5584152 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 4:16

damn, you took my comment

Reply

SokDek | 14

#5584231 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 5:01

Why are you thumbing down 13?!! The quote number 1 butchered is from Anchor Man. Ron Burgundy says, "Boy, that escalated quickly." While discussing a previous encounter of a violent midday brawl with the rival KQHS Channel 9 Evening News team.

Reply

RoboCunnilingus | 23

#5584289 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 5:42

Ironically, you butchered the joke complaining about someone who butchered the joke.

Reply

Allennis44 | 16

#5584393 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 7:08

Which probably is why they wanted to keep the wedding private.

Reply

Myo_fml | 20

#5584462 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 8:20

It's funny that you have so little of a life that you remember that much detail from that movie.

Reply

Phustercluck | 11

#5584491 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 8:53

Insulting someone personally for correcting your mistake...cool!

I'm just wondering, but are you implying that anyone that knows a similar amount of detail about any movie, or other media for that matter, also has no life? Quite bold.

Reply

gotaplanstan | 28

#5584665 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 11:58

Am I the only one who prefers elevators as their go-to choice for stationary transportation?!

Reply

DeanWnchstr12479 | 6

#5584953 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 18:10

It's, "Boy, that escalated quickly..."

Reply

parasyte18 | 9

#5585215 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 21:47

dang...

Reply

highclasssnegro | 9

#5585902 - Thursday 18 July 2013 8:43

You, sir, replied simply like a boss.

By livelobster123 | 14

#5583904 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:15

Well, I hate to say it, but FIRST!

Reply

anythingmustbe | 18

#5583909 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:16

You got ninja'd

By Wizardo | 33

#5583910 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:16

Feel no guilt, if they were this high strung their relationship probably has been extremely strained and fragile for a very long time.

Reply

sniffenwessen | 6

#5584042 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 2:39

I'd say this is your husband's Fml, not yours.

Reply

1PersonIsMyWorld | 22

#5584344 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 6:22

4--- u made the most factual comment. A relationship that falls apart that easily wasnt being held together very well.

By Pleonasm | 34

#5583912 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:16

On the bright side, this means you probably won't have to see much of them again during life, which is probably for the best.

Reply

Phustercluck | 11

#5584503 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 9:00

Now they'll have to visit each parent separately during holidays. That's double the time than if they were still together!

By expertsmilee | 26

#5583916 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:16

Successfully diverted the situation away from yourselves. Job well done.

By JukeboxBanshee | 10

#5583917 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:16

Wait, what? How did that even happen?

Reply

Dracoboxer357 | 35

#5583984 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:55

6: Stupid drama = Shit that is fucked up. ;p

Reply

Dracoboxer357 | 35

#5583992 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 2:01

^ I guess addition signs don't show up...?
Well, insert one between stupid and drama, please.

Reply

ThatGuyWhoTalks | 10

#5584466 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 8:24

+

By Hypertudism | 15

#5583919 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:17

It was not your fault, if they decided on divorce this easily then it was bound to happen sooner or later. It sounds like they've had some bad relationship problems for a while now.

By anythingmustbe | 18

#5583921 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:17

This sounds like a plot for a new comedy movie. You need to try and get the parents back together again.

Reply

jordanlevy | 3

#5584707 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 12:29

How about Stepbrothers?

By olpally | 32

#5583925 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:18

This goes way beyond Jerry springer shit. Holy fuck. Nobody wins here. :/

By truth_teller23 | 11

#5583935 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:23

Well at least you and your husband are still together... I hope.