Today, my husband and I came clean to his overbearing parents... - FML

By .__. - 16/7/2013 20:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my husband and I came clean to his overbearing parents about our private wedding. It started with them accusing him of making rash decisions, and somehow descended into an argument amongst themselves that ended with his mom deciding to divorce his dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54745

You deserved it

4579

Tweet

Share

Running commentary

White line fever

Honesty is the best policy

By allergic - 21/10/2010 03:12 - France

Today, I found out that I have a gluten allergy. What this basically means is that I can't eat anything with wheat in it; bread, pasta, cake, you name it. I am Italian, this basically limits me from eating any of the awesome food my family makes almost every night. Here I come plain rice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38600

You deserved it

3269

Tweet

Share

By bosssssssss765432 - 16/5/2009 15:20 - United States

Today, I was at the doctor and I had to get a "finger stick" in the lab to get blood drawn. There was a 6 year old boy waiting to go next. He was terrified. His mother told him to "watch this brave girl go first." I panicked and began to hyperventilate. The boy fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50774

You deserved it

9704

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/7/2011 13:31 - United States

Today, at a family reunion, my dad announced to everyone that I'd finally started my menstrual cycle. My grandmother started sobbing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44196

You deserved it

3080

Tweet

Share

By gross - 15/7/2016 03:06 - United States - Cuyahoga Falls

Today, after giving a potential employee a drug test and instructing her to leave her urine sample in the bathroom, she not only brought it into the office, she spilled it on the front desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14544

You deserved it

1376

Tweet

Share

By help me - 1/6/2014 15:51 - United States - West Hartford

Today, I walked in on my 15 year old daughter and her boyfriend. They were standing in my bathroom, both naked from the waist down. Supposedly, he was trying to "teach her how to pee standing up." FML

I agree, your life sucks

68653

You deserved it

9890

Tweet

Share

By smokin - 26/7/2011 21:22 - United States

Today, someone had the unique opportunity to be able to say to me, "Excuse me, your pants are on fire." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31982

You deserved it

5345

Tweet

Share

By allennn - 14/3/2010 14:56 - France

Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12873

You deserved it

38390

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/11/2011 17:07 - United States

Today, my son told me he was afraid of monsters under his bed. When I poked my head under to show him nothing was there, the family cat sprang out and clawed me in the face. Now I have a gash on my chin, and my son refuses to go anywhere near his bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36905

You deserved it

3796

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/3/2020 15:00

Cleanliness is next to someone else

Today, we got new seats in my English class; I was seated next to a boy that I don't know very well. When I sat down, he informed me that he is "opposed" to brushing his teeth. I thought he was kidding. Then he started breathing with his mouth open. These are our seats for the rest of the year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1657

You deserved it

93

Tweet

Share

By whereismyprince? - 18/12/2013 17:01 - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, I met a great guy at the bar, and we went back to my place. He left before I woke up, leaving a badly-scrawled note saying, "Gone to work, call me!" I couldn't make out the number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41490

You deserved it

7399

Tweet

Share

By Not Again! - 14/6/2019 04:16

Today, while riding a massive draft horse, the horse thought it would be fun to walk under a very low apple tree that sat level with his back. A branch hit me and made me fall off onto a coil of barbed wire, twisting my ankle in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1594

You deserved it

310

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/1/2016 07:46 - Netherlands - Overveen

Today, I dreamed a rat crawled up from the toilet and attacked me. Now I'm afraid to even enter the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18100

You deserved it

3749

Tweet

Share

By Machine - 19/2/2009 12:18 - Japan

Today, I asked to borrow my fat friend's pants for a semi-formal activity tomorrow. I figured I'd just get a belt to hold the pants up. Turns out, the pants fit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15799

You deserved it

63278

Tweet

Share

By Anon - 3/10/2009 11:43 - Australia

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I found out he was seeing someone behind my back: my ex-boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56408

You deserved it

5173

Tweet

Share

By no that does not help - 20/8/2013 13:41 - United States - Austin

Today, I went to see a therapist for help with my severe fear of spiders. The therapist held a big spider in a box inches away from my face. I ran to the back of the room and asked him why. He responded with, "Aren't therapists supposed to help you face your fears?" I'm paying $150 an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43438

You deserved it

7743

Tweet

Share

By jonas_93 - 5/4/2009 19:15 - Canada

Today, I went to a club with a couple of my friends. I met a really cute guy and we were getting along pretty well. We eventually exchanged numbers. Later on I decided to call him and set up a date. The number he gave me was the Rejection Hotline number. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68899

You deserved it

9142

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 16/8/2013 14:05 - United States - Grandville

Today, at the yacht club I work at a girl ordered a Portabella wrap. She asked for no cheese or veggies, just the Portabellas. After she got the sandwich and ate half of it, she sent it back saying she didn't know it had mushrooms in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48514

You deserved it

3317

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/3/2012 23:51 - United States - Meredith

Today, I tried to impress my girlfriend by vaulting over the side of a stairway rail parkour-style. Now I feel like I almost broke my legs, and judging by her hysterical laughter, she considers me more of a fool than a stud. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7816

You deserved it

32762

Tweet

Share

By confused_cashier - 12/6/2016 01:34 - United States - Herndon

Today, while working as a cashier at a fast food restaurant, a customer asked me how many chicken nuggets were in our 6 count chicken nuggets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13167

You deserved it

1430

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/8/2013 18:21 - Canada - Grand Falls

Today, I was at the beach. I'd recently decided to try the "life hack" where you empty out a bottle of lotion and hide small valuables in it, to avoid them being stolen. I'd put the bottle in my bag. Instead of stealing stuff from inside it, though, someone just stole the whole bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41369

You deserved it

10552

Tweet

Share

By theamericandream - 25/1/2009 13:07 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me to set up his new Mac and transfer all the pictures from his old notebook. Seems like he forgot that when he went on vacation 2 months ago he took pictures of him getting it on with another guy. We've been together for 3 years and just moved in together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40235

You deserved it

2864

Tweet

Share

By singlegirl - 27/11/2009 18:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to my best friend's wedding. All my friends and their boyfriends were seated at one table, while I, as the only single girl in the group, was put on a table with all the other single people. They were all over forty years older than me. I feel like I have seen my future. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34428

You deserved it

3087

Tweet

Share

By Anon127 - 12/6/2012 02:40 - United States - Taunton

Today, I learned that instead of training my cat, she has been training me. She now refuses to drink anything but running tap water, and yowls loudly early in the morning at my bedroom door to be fed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20201

You deserved it

7996

Tweet

Share

By DocShadow - 3/12/2013 17:33 - United States - New York

Today, my 4-year-old daughter stood up to a bully in the mall. I was the one who was getting bullied. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47520

You deserved it

8793

Tweet

Share

By giantcuntflaps - 13/12/2014 16:03 - Australia

Today, I was trying to turn my boyfriend on with dirty texts. When he said "I'm horny," I teasingly replied, "Whoops, did I do that?" His reply? "Huh? Naw i'm watching sum porn". FML

I agree, your life sucks

36319

You deserved it

6794

Tweet

Share

By noname - 4/12/2008 05:55 - France

Today, after having waited three long months, my shy girlfriend finally gave me a blowjob. Everything was going really well until I said, "Wow, you're really talented. Anyone would think you've been practicing your whole life." FML

I agree, your life sucks

11579

You deserved it

61445

Tweet

Share

By thatonekid - 27/7/2009 23:10 - United States

Today, my best friend told me she was pregnant over the phone. While in the middle of telling her congrats, she told me it was with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70272

You deserved it

3522

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/2/2016 09:15 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, my sister shared a post on Facebook which talked about how gays are destroying the "sanctity of marriage". I couldn't help but point out that she's been married 3 times in the last 7 years, while I've been happily married to my wife for nearly 9. She deleted my comment then blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24410

You deserved it

2290

Tweet

Share

By Msmerfner - 3/8/2013 08:40 - United States - Hemet

Today, I was trying to be sexy in the bathtub for my boyfriend. I leaned back and caught my hair on fire with the candle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48359

You deserved it

16032

Tweet

Share

By themcdave - 19/5/2012 08:03 - United Kingdom - Cranfield

Today, I woke up early for an important team meeting I needed to attend. I washed, got changed, and sat down to eat breakfast... I then woke up again, an hour late and covered in cereal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25472

You deserved it

4507

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 20/12/2019 01:00

Looking for another one!

Today, I finally got a Christmas gift, a calligraphy set, for my father that I have been looking for for a month. My dad came home happily with the same calligraphy set today, saying that he surprised himself for Christmas. He got it cheaper than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1999

You deserved it

133

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/12/2009 23:10 - United States

Today, I was at the airport about to leave for my business trip. In the restroom, I put my purse on the edge of the sink and got my lipstick out. I leaned closer to apply my lipstick and my open purse fell into the sink, triggering the automatic faucet, filling my purse with water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26669

You deserved it

9945

Tweet

Share

By ren - 13/1/2009 20:54 - United States

Today, I went to work only to serve one table, make a $9.00 tip, get sent home because it was slow, have the city busses stop running because of weather, and have to pay a $20 cab fare to get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29282

You deserved it

1934

Tweet

Share

By britanyann - 6/1/2012 03:45 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my 25-year-old boyfriend why we cannot get pet raccoons. This is not the first time we have had this conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27394

You deserved it

6349

Tweet

Share

By HopelessGRLF - 16/12/2016 19:30

Today, I was talking to a guy I met on a dating site, and he asked if we could meet up and what we should do. When I suggested ice-skating he told me he was in a wheelchair, so I said we could go for a walk instead. I realised my mistake the moment I sent the message. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8004

You deserved it

2112

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/6/2015 05:03

Today, I received a beautiful, heart-felt text from my boyfriend detailing all the ways he loved me. He probably should have emphasized just how big his heart is though because he sent the text to three other women too. Thank you, group messaging. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33411

You deserved it

2561

Tweet

Share

By Mandy - 22/12/2014 21:36 - United States - Tampa

Today, I got in trouble for going to work sick. Yesterday, I got in trouble for not going to work while sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34164

You deserved it

2417

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/6/2012 05:50 - United States - Egg Harbor Township

Today, I had an unbearable itch on my foot that I could not make go away with my nails, so I grabbed the stapler in my drawer to scratch it with. Bad idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6735

You deserved it

48879

Tweet

Share

By Apissedoffguy - 3/6/2012 15:20 - United States - Brockton

Today, in a parking lot, a girl came up to our car and started to knock on the window and scream, "I KNEW IT!" My girlfriend doesn't believe that I don't know her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32952

You deserved it

2430

Tweet

Share

By Username - 27/3/2011 18:09 - United States

Today, my friend stole my phone to call the creepy boy that follows me around at school. I wouldn't have been so bothered if she hadn't had phone sex with him, all while pretending to be me. He got so into it, he now thinks we're a couple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51753

You deserved it

6305

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Myo_fml | 20

#5583901 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:15

Well, that escalated quickly.

By Wizardo | 33

#5583910 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:16

Feel no guilt, if they were this high strung their relationship probably has been extremely strained and fragile for a very long time.

Comments

By Myo_fml | 20

#5583901 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:15

Well, that escalated quickly.

Reply

rg350dx | 29

#5583945 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:29

Boy,*

Reply

Dracoboxer357 | 35

#5583983 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:54

And considering how it did, I suddenly see exactly why they eloped to get wed in the first place. Crazy, crazy people.... ;P

Reply

hemz_fml | 13

#5583996 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 2:03

I can see why you wanted to keep it private.

Reply

TheOwnedBagel | 9

#5584059 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 2:56

I mean, that really got out of hand fast!

Reply

lightanddark | 17

#5584152 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 4:16

damn, you took my comment

Reply

SokDek | 14

#5584231 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 5:01

Why are you thumbing down 13?!! The quote number 1 butchered is from Anchor Man. Ron Burgundy says, "Boy, that escalated quickly." While discussing a previous encounter of a violent midday brawl with the rival KQHS Channel 9 Evening News team.

Reply

RoboCunnilingus | 23

#5584289 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 5:42

Ironically, you butchered the joke complaining about someone who butchered the joke.

Reply

Allennis44 | 16

#5584393 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 7:08

Which probably is why they wanted to keep the wedding private.

Reply

Myo_fml | 20

#5584462 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 8:20

It's funny that you have so little of a life that you remember that much detail from that movie.

Reply

Phustercluck | 11

#5584491 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 8:53

Insulting someone personally for correcting your mistake...cool!

I'm just wondering, but are you implying that anyone that knows a similar amount of detail about any movie, or other media for that matter, also has no life? Quite bold.

Reply

gotaplanstan | 28

#5584665 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 11:58

Am I the only one who prefers elevators as their go-to choice for stationary transportation?!

Reply

DeanWnchstr12479 | 6

#5584953 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 18:10

It's, "Boy, that escalated quickly..."

Reply

parasyte18 | 9

#5585215 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 21:47

dang...

Reply

highclasssnegro | 9

#5585902 - Thursday 18 July 2013 8:43

You, sir, replied simply like a boss.

By livelobster123 | 14

#5583904 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:15

Well, I hate to say it, but FIRST!

Reply

anythingmustbe | 18

#5583909 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:16

You got ninja'd

By Wizardo | 33

#5583910 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:16

Feel no guilt, if they were this high strung their relationship probably has been extremely strained and fragile for a very long time.

Reply

sniffenwessen | 6

#5584042 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 2:39

I'd say this is your husband's Fml, not yours.

Reply

1PersonIsMyWorld | 22

#5584344 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 6:22

4--- u made the most factual comment. A relationship that falls apart that easily wasnt being held together very well.

By Pleonasm | 34

#5583912 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:16

On the bright side, this means you probably won't have to see much of them again during life, which is probably for the best.

Reply

Phustercluck | 11

#5584503 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 9:00

Now they'll have to visit each parent separately during holidays. That's double the time than if they were still together!

By expertsmilee | 26

#5583916 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:16

Successfully diverted the situation away from yourselves. Job well done.

By JukeboxBanshee | 10

#5583917 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:16

Wait, what? How did that even happen?

Reply

Dracoboxer357 | 35

#5583984 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:55

6: Stupid drama = Shit that is fucked up. ;p

Reply

Dracoboxer357 | 35

#5583992 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 2:01

^ I guess addition signs don't show up...?
Well, insert one between stupid and drama, please.

Reply

ThatGuyWhoTalks | 10

#5584466 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 8:24

+

By Hypertudism | 15

#5583919 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:17

It was not your fault, if they decided on divorce this easily then it was bound to happen sooner or later. It sounds like they've had some bad relationship problems for a while now.

By anythingmustbe | 18

#5583921 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:17

This sounds like a plot for a new comedy movie. You need to try and get the parents back together again.

Reply

jordanlevy | 3

#5584707 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 12:29

How about Stepbrothers?

By olpally | 32

#5583925 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:18

This goes way beyond Jerry springer shit. Holy fuck. Nobody wins here. :/

By truth_teller23 | 11

#5583935 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:23

Well at least you and your husband are still together... I hope.