Today, my husband and I came clean to his overbearing parents... - FML

By .__. - 16/7/2013 20:00 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, my husband and I came clean to his overbearing parents about our private wedding. It started with them accusing him of making rash decisions, and somehow descended into an argument amongst themselves that ended with his mom deciding to divorce his dad. FML

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Toxic parents

Tense

Workaholic

By RingAroundThe..SPLAT - 16/5/2012 04:10 - United States - Washington

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she was scared that she was more in love with me than I in her, and that she was afraid I would leave her. So she left me instead. I'd been thinking about proposing. FML

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By Noname - 14/3/2009 15:16 - United States

Today, I yelled at my spouse in front of 20 guests for not coming to blow out his birthday cake candles. Turns out he was in the other room, quietly changing his disabled friend's diaper. FML

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By lostinthewoods - 30/5/2019 04:00

Today, while hiking, my dad decided we should take the beeline trail down the mountain to save time. When we got to the bottom of the mountain, we discovered we were on the wrong side. We had to hike 13 extra miles to go around the mountain to get back to our car. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/6/2018 05:00

Today, I found a leather book in my husband's sock drawer with "BRO CODE" on the front. It was blank except for the last page, which said, "NICE TRY SUSAN BUT EVERYONE KNOWS BRO CODE IS UNWRITTEN AND FOR GUYS ONLY". Well-played, husband. Well-played. FML

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By shoveless - 20/12/2016 21:08 - United States

Today, I came home from school to find my house ransacked. The robbers shoveled a path from my back door to the driveway, through the snow, then they stole my snow-shovel. FML

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By OutoftheLoop - 20/2/2009 09:24 - China

Today, I returned home from college and saw a framed picture of my parents and my younger sister on an elephant in an exotic jungle. I pointed to the picture and asked my mom, "Is this some photoshop job?" She responded, "No, we went to Thailand for a family trip, didn't we tell you?" FML

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By Anonymous - 22/10/2014 17:37 - United States - Allen

Today, I got my graduation photos back. I'd sent them to a friend for touching up, but unfortunately we had a major argument recently. I guess that's why in the photos I've been photoshopped out and replaced with a goat. FML

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By Username - 7/3/2010 17:41 - France

Today, the guy that I have been seeing for over a year left on a business trip. While straightening out his room as a favor, I noticed he took his condoms with him. FML

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By cchandler - 23/9/2009 01:10 - United States

Today, I received a phone call from the number of a "single" guy I met online. It was his wife, who is three months pregnant. She threatened to kick my ass. FML

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By addie19 - 19/1/2010 19:25 - United States

Today, I found out the antibiotics I'm taking can cause you to vomit unexpectedly. In the car. While driving. To work. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/9/2019 12:00 - United States - New York

Showtime

Today, I accidentally rammed my finger into my desk, and it felt like I'd broken it. Yelping in pain, I fell over onto my bed, missed it, and landed on the floor. My dog saw this as a good opportunity to climb on top of me and start humping. FML

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By piliseep - 7/6/2017 16:00

Today, I realized that I accidentally said my phone number wrong when I was giving it to a really smart, cute guy with all the same interests as me that I met at a bar last night. I'd had a few drinks and had gotten the middle three digits mixed up. FML

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By Moanie - 15/3/2009 22:45 - United States

Today, my parents were taking a tour of my apartment when my bird started making noises. It was mimicking my moans from when I was having sex yesterday. It was screaming in my voice, very noticeably. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/9/2011 10:39 - Australia

Today, I realized just how much my bad sex life has started affecting me, when after not being able to climax from masturbating, I instinctively faked an orgasm. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/2/2010 05:48 - United States

Today, I was shopping at Walmart when I ran into this stalker chick. She introduced me to her baby. He's named after me. FML

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By Jeff G. - 23/1/2012 00:31 - United States

Today, I had to send a picture of my Grandma at her funeral to my girlfriend, because she thought I was out cheating on her. FML

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By JSterl - 2/1/2010 05:33 - United States

Today, our airplane was delayed because of issues with the de-ice-ing. Then, because it had too little fuel. Then, because of engine troubles. Then, because our first officer needed to be replaced due to legal restrictions on pilots' hours. Now, I get to go straight from the plane to work. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/5/2015 15:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got into a heated argument with my girlfriend. Not because of anything I did, but because she actually believes that pasteurization is when a pastor blesses a dairy product. "You know, like kosher." FML

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By Anonymous - 12/11/2010 12:07 - Sweden

Today, I was late for work and got chewed out by my boss. To console myself I decided to drink a cup of coffee and a cup of tea. My work provides this for free. When I did, my boss told me that in fact it wasn't, nor has it ever been, free; all this time I've been stealing other people's coffee. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/6/2015 07:06 - United States - Corning

Today, I walked in on my roommate with her ass cheeks spread wide, and her friend ripping a strip of wax off of her while wearing a headlamp flashlight to see if she "got it all". FML

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By mathhhh - 26/2/2010 17:57 - United States

Today, I missed points on a math quiz because I thought 2 times 5 was 20. I'm a math major. FML

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By laurenmay - 6/3/2009 23:11 - United States

Today, I was working at Target when an old woman asked me if I could help her find her favorite bra. I asked what brand it was when she replied "I'll check the tag". She lifted up the front of her shirt, and flipped one cup of her bra inside out. I saw everything. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/2/2010 15:45 - United States

Today, it appears that my upstairs neighbour has decided to learn how to play the trombone. FML

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By Jayswizzle - 11/8/2010 08:10 - United States

Today, I had an elderly woman come up to me and tell me how well I pull off the look of being bald. She said that most women can't look attractive without hair. Then she asked me if I had cancer. I had to explain to her that I am, in fact, a man, and I shave my head because I'm a swimmer. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/8/2012 15:42 - United States

Today, after much deliberation, I decided to accept my parents' invitation to a family dinner. A half hour after I arrived, all hell broke loose, because my mom's pregnancy test had come back positive, and she was convinced my dad had poked holes in his own condom. FML

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By me - 5/1/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time. He was sucking on my boob, everything was going good. He suddenly stopped and started choking really bad. He thought milk was coming out. Turns out, it was just his gum. The moment was ruined. FML

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By samrodpuertorico - 13/2/2009 20:40 - United States

Today, I went to dinner with my friend and his family. I went to the men's room at the same time as his father, and as we peed next to each other in adjacent urinals the father looked over at me and said "Don't worry, I've seen smaller." FML

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By fuckingfloridahowihatethee - 26/4/2014 19:55 - United States - Punta Gorda

Today, I was taking the bus to work, when a man sat down beside me. The guy was nuttier than Ron Jeremy's ballsack, and had a face like a shovel and the worst meth mouth I've ever seen. I had to sit there for ages while he frantically muttered to himself and picked at my hair. FML

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By me - 20/12/2010 02:26 - Bulgaria

Today, my roommate asked me to lock the door as we left our place. I told her to use my keys, because my hands were full. Afterwards, she and her boyfriend set off out of town for the next couple of days. She forgot to give me back my keys. FML

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By dadyoureacunt - 21/9/2013 13:10 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my dad made a big show of sending me to my room and grounding me for a week. Not because he heard me cursing at my video game, but because I "swear like a little girl" and it embarrassed him in front of his friends. FML

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By PeeLeg - 11/3/2013 07:43

Today, I finally got a tattoo of an alchemy symbol that I've wanted for years. I also found out later that symbol stands for urine. FML

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By kernewek - 26/5/2011 21:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at work, nonchalantly spinning my keys around my finger when they flew off and hit a glass cabinet. Broken glass showered passing customers. I don't think I'll have a job to go to tomorrow. FML

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By PhilDavisDied? - 30/9/2010 10:33 - France

Today, after pulling up to my girlfriend's house for dinner with her parents, one of my favorite rock songs begin to play on the radio. After my 3 minutes of air drumming, I look up to see my girlfriend and her parents bouncing with laughter. FML

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By SadBride - 8/9/2015 00:39 - United States

Today, my in-laws decided they were going to stay an extra week during our vacation to Dominican Republic next year. This would be fine, if we weren't travelling for our destination wedding, and the extra week wasn't our honeymoon. They are literally joining us on our honeymoon. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/7/2012 17:09 - United States

Today, my husband and I went to the store. Because we have no car, we had to walk four miles in the 115 fahrenheit weather. It didn't click until we were standing outside the door with a metric shit-tonne of ice-cream, that we'd have to tear ass back home to keep it all from melting. FML

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By spit saliva spit - 7/8/2019 20:00

Today, I drooled on myself during a job interview and was immediately dismissed. This isn’t the first time it’s happened. FML

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By Dammit... - 20/11/2010 02:45 - United States

Today, my mom told my dad to get me extra absorbent pads, very loudly, in a crowded mall. FML

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By bathroomgirl - 11/8/2011 16:09 - United States

Today, thinking I was alone in a public bathroom, I started singing the words to my favorite song. A minute later that I heard a toilet flush, so I just sat there petrified. The other person sarcastically picked up the singing from where I left off. FML

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By feel so dirty - 11/1/2018 09:00

Today, I asked my husband when he first knew he loved me. He replied, totally honestly, that I was the easiest girl he'd ever managed to talk into a one night stand, only instead of doing the walk of shame the next morning, I stayed so long we ended up married with kids. FML

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By banj0 - 6/10/2012 22:58 - United States - Madison

Today, I had to pry my sister's used tampon out from between my dog's jaws. FML

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Top comments

By Myo_fml | 20

#5583901 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:15

Well, that escalated quickly.

By Wizardo | 33

#5583910 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:16

Feel no guilt, if they were this high strung their relationship probably has been extremely strained and fragile for a very long time.

COMMENTS

By Myo_fml | 20

#5583901 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:15

Well, that escalated quickly.

Reply

rg350dx | 29

#5583945 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:29

Boy,*

Reply

Dracoboxer357 | 35

#5583983 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:54

And considering how it did, I suddenly see exactly why they eloped to get wed in the first place. Crazy, crazy people.... ;P

Reply

hemz_fml | 13

#5583996 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 2:03

I can see why you wanted to keep it private.

Reply

TheOwnedBagel | 9

#5584059 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 2:56

I mean, that really got out of hand fast!

Reply

lightanddark | 17

#5584152 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 4:16

damn, you took my comment

Reply

SokDek | 14

#5584231 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 5:01

Why are you thumbing down 13?!! The quote number 1 butchered is from Anchor Man. Ron Burgundy says, "Boy, that escalated quickly." While discussing a previous encounter of a violent midday brawl with the rival KQHS Channel 9 Evening News team.

Reply

RoboCunnilingus | 23

#5584289 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 5:42

Ironically, you butchered the joke complaining about someone who butchered the joke.

Reply

Allennis44 | 16

#5584393 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 7:08

Which probably is why they wanted to keep the wedding private.

Reply

Myo_fml | 20

#5584462 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 8:20

It's funny that you have so little of a life that you remember that much detail from that movie.

Reply

Phustercluck | 11

#5584491 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 8:53

Insulting someone personally for correcting your mistake...cool!

I'm just wondering, but are you implying that anyone that knows a similar amount of detail about any movie, or other media for that matter, also has no life? Quite bold.

Reply

gotaplanstan | 28

#5584665 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 11:58

Am I the only one who prefers elevators as their go-to choice for stationary transportation?!

Reply

DeanWnchstr12479 | 6

#5584953 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 18:10

It's, "Boy, that escalated quickly..."

Reply

parasyte18 | 9

#5585215 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 21:47

dang...

Reply

highclasssnegro | 9

#5585902 - Thursday 18 July 2013 8:43

You, sir, replied simply like a boss.

By livelobster123 | 14

#5583904 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:15

Well, I hate to say it, but FIRST!

Reply

anythingmustbe | 18

#5583909 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:16

You got ninja'd

By Wizardo | 33

#5583910 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:16

Feel no guilt, if they were this high strung their relationship probably has been extremely strained and fragile for a very long time.

Reply

sniffenwessen | 6

#5584042 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 2:39

I'd say this is your husband's Fml, not yours.

Reply

1PersonIsMyWorld | 22

#5584344 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 6:22

4--- u made the most factual comment. A relationship that falls apart that easily wasnt being held together very well.

By Pleonasm | 34

#5583912 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:16

On the bright side, this means you probably won't have to see much of them again during life, which is probably for the best.

Reply

Phustercluck | 11

#5584503 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 9:00

Now they'll have to visit each parent separately during holidays. That's double the time than if they were still together!

By expertsmilee | 26

#5583916 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:16

Successfully diverted the situation away from yourselves. Job well done.

By JukeboxBanshee | 10

#5583917 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:16

Wait, what? How did that even happen?

Reply

Dracoboxer357 | 35

#5583984 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:55

6: Stupid drama = Shit that is fucked up. ;p

Reply

Dracoboxer357 | 35

#5583992 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 2:01

^ I guess addition signs don't show up...?
Well, insert one between stupid and drama, please.

Reply

ThatGuyWhoTalks | 10

#5584466 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 8:24

+

By Hypertudism | 15

#5583919 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:17

It was not your fault, if they decided on divorce this easily then it was bound to happen sooner or later. It sounds like they've had some bad relationship problems for a while now.

By anythingmustbe | 18

#5583921 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:17

This sounds like a plot for a new comedy movie. You need to try and get the parents back together again.

Reply

jordanlevy | 3

#5584707 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 12:29

How about Stepbrothers?

By olpally | 32

#5583925 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:18

This goes way beyond Jerry springer shit. Holy fuck. Nobody wins here. :/

By truth_teller23 | 11

#5583935 - Wednesday 17 July 2013 1:23

Well at least you and your husband are still together... I hope.