Today, at the hardware store, I had to physically restrain my... - FML

By Anonymous - 6/9/2016 13:36 - Estonia - Tartu

Today, at the hardware store, I had to physically restrain my senile grandpa from trying to take a crap in one of the display toilets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15310

You deserved it

957

Tweet

Share

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

No justice

Alternative medicine is bull

By perfect - 4/2/2013 20:47 - Canada - Whitby

Today, my boyfriend and I arrived at our pre-paid hotel for a romantic evening. When we went to sign in, they had no reservation for us, however they did yesterday. The payment is non-refundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32710

You deserved it

6036

Tweet

Share

By poopydaddy - 3/5/2013 11:32 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53731

You deserved it

5640

Tweet

Share

By Kim - 17/7/2020 23:01

To the window, to the wall

Today, I saw my boyfriend using a washcloth to clean his cock and sweaty balls. He told me he's been doing this for quite some time now. Guess who's been using the same washcloth to clean her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1449

You deserved it

364

Tweet

Share

By A.Summers - 30/9/2013 22:41 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, my parents surprised me by redecorating my room. I think they were more surprised by the box of naughty toys under my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45880

You deserved it

11444

Tweet

Share

By Moanie - 15/3/2009 22:45 - United States

Today, my parents were taking a tour of my apartment when my bird started making noises. It was mimicking my moans from when I was having sex yesterday. It was screaming in my voice, very noticeably. FML

I agree, your life sucks

79167

You deserved it

29416

Tweet

Share

By noname - 22/9/2010 05:37 - Canada

Today, I discovered that if I put my ankles on my boyfriends shoulders while we are having sex, I will pee myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36346

You deserved it

13755

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/9/2009 23:09 - United States

Today, my friends and I went to the beach and we were tanning when I suddenly saw 10 roses floating in the ocean. I went around to pick up all the roses and threw the petals at my friends. Then I notice a big boat of people in black and white were looking at me with disgust. It was a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18335

You deserved it

53577

Tweet

Share

By towelwindow - 5/8/2009 14:53 - United States

Today, out of the goodness of my heart, I went to work to help out a co-worker even though my last day was last week. I parked in a garage a block away for 2 hours. I paid $20 to park, didn't get paid, am spending $400 to get my back window replaced, and I have to buy a new iPod. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46760

You deserved it

8430

Tweet

Share

By Noname - 11/2/2009 01:22 - United States

Today, I got on Facebook and realized the only two friend requests I've had in 2 months are both from my parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36257

You deserved it

5458

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/10/2013 14:04 - United States - Midlothian

Today, during parent/teacher conferences, my mom told my Chemistry teacher that I have an intense crush on him. There are still 7 months left in the school year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51690

You deserved it

5289

Tweet

Share

By Scarred - 4/4/2012 03:27 - United States - Marquette

Today, while at work, I found a dead dog in a freezer. Turns out it's been in there for over 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31143

You deserved it

2340

Tweet

Share

By ALL PRAISE TO THE NIGHT MOTHER - 29/1/2016 21:19 - United States - East Greenbush

Today, my girlfriend lost one of her rings. I found this out as I overheard her gushing to her friend about how I must have borrowed it to find out what her ring size is. I have zero interest whatsoever in the sick and utterly immoral institution of marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13142

You deserved it

27424

Tweet

Share

By eaa145 - 3/3/2009 21:40 - United States

Today, for my two-year anniversary I got my girlfriend a very expensive diamond necklace. She got me male enhancement pills. FML

I agree, your life sucks

157923

You deserved it

18164

Tweet

Share

By a - 21/5/2009 19:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks

95783

You deserved it

49503

Tweet

Share

By really - 22/5/2016 02:23 - United States - Denver

Today, I realized my boyfriend's right hand gets more action in a week than I do in a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15129

You deserved it

2823

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 31/7/2009 15:10 - Australia

Today, I discovered my wife has been smoking weed for the past 2 years before she has sex with me. She said it was the only way she could force herself to have sex with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69520

You deserved it

7127

Tweet

Share

By notacreep - 16/5/2009 08:39 - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my girlfriend's family. Her 7 year old brother told me he was feeling sad, so I tried to give him a pat on the back, but it turns out he had a bruise there. He yelled out "don't touch me there!" In the middle of the mall. Now her parents think I'm a pedophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52060

You deserved it

4045

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/7/2009 01:34 - United States

Today, my cousin told me that the stop signs outlined with a white line were optional. Later, a cop pulled me over, when I asked why he said, "You ran that stop sign back there." I explained what my cousin had told me and he looked at me funny and replied, "All stop signs have a white outline." FML

I agree, your life sucks

14827

You deserved it

111145

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 5/10/2012 02:45 - United States - Miami

Today, I saw on my 17-year-old daughter's floor her "To-Do" list. What was #1? Jump in front of a moving vehicle, in hopes that Edward Cullen will use his vampire speed to save her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34874

You deserved it

4206

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/2/2017 13:00 - United States - Houston

Today, my wedding ring came off in a Walmart bathroom and fell into the toilet. It was an automatic toilet. It flushed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7744

You deserved it

806

Tweet

Share

By Confused - 15/9/2009 09:58 - United States

Today, I told my mother that I'm pregnant. She went off screaming at me about how I shouldn't be having sex. I am 25 and have been happily married for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42613

You deserved it

2397

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/7/2009 08:16 - Australia

Today, my boss sent out an email with the subject line "Urgent". He accidentally left the body of the email blank. I replied to all staff "You're firing blanks Peter". I later heard that his wife once got drunk and told everyone that they couldn't have kids because he has a low sperm count. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42457

You deserved it

11520

Tweet

Share

By Anonyme - 17/12/2015 06:24 - France - Lyon

Today, Murphy's law didn't check out: my piece of toast didn't fall on the side containing the spread of jam. However, when I leaned against the corner of the table to pick it up, I knocked a full ashtray on top of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19646

You deserved it

6707

Tweet

Share

By RebekahBrooke - 17/9/2011 17:13 - United States

Today, I started my first day as a waitress. After getting my ass slapped, drinks and food spilled over me, and being tripped by a bratty kid, my tips were stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39036

You deserved it

2625

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 28/2/2010 11:16 - Canada

Today, a wild squirrel managed to get into my house. I can't see him but I hear him in the walls. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29044

You deserved it

2590

Tweet

Share

By teeth - 10/8/2011 17:00 - United States

Today, my aunt had to smuggle me some regular toothpaste. Why? My mom isn't letting anyone in our house use anything but "Coral Paste." There are actually lumps of coral in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40314

You deserved it

2816

Tweet

Share

By FlyingCoffeeMonster - 8/8/2016 19:12 - United States - Oreland

Today, I was having my morning coffee while getting ready for work. I grabbed clothes off the floor to throw in the hamper. I accidentally threw my full coffee instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12706

You deserved it

3024

Tweet

Share

By freakedout - 11/4/2014 02:32 - United States - Louisa

Today, my neighbor asked to come over and use my laptop. She showed up drunk, grabbed my boobs, and asked if I'd ever had a lesbian experience. We both have husbands and kids; the kids were in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57976

You deserved it

5672

Tweet

Share

By and he wonders why I'm anxious - 25/2/2016 22:41 - Netherlands

Today, after years of torment by my anxiety disorders and therapy and medication not helping, I've made the decision to try hypnosis. After doing a Google search and finding out my therapist is a man, my overly jealous fiancé insisted on joining, "because he might hypnotise you into cheating." FML

I agree, your life sucks

20069

You deserved it

2356

Tweet

Share

By botharebad - 13/3/2010 05:14 - Canada

Today, I was at my boyfriend's apartment, when I came across a lacy black thong in the laundry. When confronted, he swore it was his. I don't know what's worse, the possibility that another woman left it there, or the idea that my boyfriend owns and wears women's lingerie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31318

You deserved it

3227

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/7/2018 15:00

Today, my stepson objected to being woken up at almost dinner time. He knows I have PTSD from my 2 tours of duty, so he turned his speakers way up and blasted the sounds of gunfire through the whole house. I hyperventilated and passed out. Little bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6118

You deserved it

339

Tweet

Share

By Username - 17/8/2011 23:37 - United States

Today, I drunk texted a guy I like. We'd met at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10646

You deserved it

41663

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/12/2010 14:51 - Canada

Today, I hit a patch of black ice and totaled my car. The car is a month old. For the next 5 years I'll be paying for a car I can't drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31309

You deserved it

8617

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/12/2009 16:52 - United States

Today, is my birthday and my friends and I went to our favorite pub to celebrate. As I'm a little broke at the moment, they all offered to buy me birthday drinks. Which I later learned meant that they would order them for me and bring it to the table, but put everything on my tab. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32418

You deserved it

2901

Tweet

Share

By ScrewedForCheapBag - 14/3/2013 08:52 - United States - Sacramento

Today, my car got broken into. A small folded plastic bag and a few toothpicks I got from a restaurant were stolen. It's going to cost me a few hundred bucks to fix and clean my car over a 10 cent bag and a few free toothpicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33335

You deserved it

2591

Tweet

Share

By PictureLess - 10/1/2010 17:14 - United States

Today, I got home from a family trip to Disney World. I had taken nearly 300 photos of our trip on my new digital camera. As our car pulled into the driveway, I was using my camera to try to delete one unflattering shot of me. I accidentally deleted every picture off the memory card. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13774

You deserved it

38071

Tweet

Share

By - 27/3/2019 06:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, like everyday, I have to ignore the mould in the bathroom, cat shit stuck to the dining room floor, and dirty dishes in the kitchen courtesy of my never-cleaning sister, but today she bitched at me for being gross and unhygenic for double dipping the ice-cream tub, and everyone agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2089

You deserved it

306

Tweet

Share

By what_the_hell - 20/6/2013 08:35 - Finland - Helsinki

Today, while bagging my groceries at a store, a lady came over to me, took a good look at the food I'd bought, picked out an item and put it in her bag. When I confronted her, she called security on me and told them I wanted to steal her stuff. I got thrown out and she walked away with a smirk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54699

You deserved it

3575

Tweet

Share

By Hellasboy - 1/8/2015 16:56 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, driving to work, I stop to let an old man cross the street. The driver behind me honks their horn, so I decide to drive slow to piss them off. A few turns later, I pull into the car park and notice the other driver following me. She works in the office next to mine. We met the other day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23331

You deserved it

6668

Tweet

Share

By Speechless - 18/3/2015 08:37 - United States - San Luis Obispo

Today, during an exam, the guy next to me tried to cheat by looking at my test but was caught by the proctor. His defense was that no one would ever cheat off me. The proctor agreed and allowed him to finish the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38421

You deserved it

6273

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By AbbotsfordVandal | 14

#6684604 - Wednesday 7 September 2016 0:17

What I've found is that after a certain age you stop giving a shit and in this case, start taking shits

By Justkidding100 | 36

#6684581 - Tuesday 6 September 2016 23:59

well... did you succeed?

COMMENTS

By Justkidding100 | 36

#6684581 - Tuesday 6 September 2016 23:59

well... did you succeed?

By StormfrontX33_fml | 24

#6684589 - Wednesday 7 September 2016 0:04

We've all had those days where we had to go in a hardware store and contemplated using the display units (if not, I'm probably the only weirdo). You should cut him some slack.

By The_Avatar | 22

#6684591 - Wednesday 7 September 2016 0:05

Old age is a rough mistress. At least you love him enough to help him out.

By pjsr | 32

#6684593 - Wednesday 7 September 2016 0:06

Seems like I've seen this in a few movies and tv shows

By emeraldarcher74 | 30

#6684595 - Wednesday 7 September 2016 0:08

Happy shitting.

By AbbotsfordVandal | 14

#6684604 - Wednesday 7 September 2016 0:17

What I've found is that after a certain age you stop giving a shit and in this case, start taking shits

By Muppet_B | 3

#6684615 - Wednesday 7 September 2016 0:37

He must have got the idea from the first Jackass movie.

By RichardPencil | 28

#6684620 - Wednesday 7 September 2016 0:47

And your reward for your heroic deed: changing his crap-filled diaper.

That ain't right.

By HollyQuinn | 21

#6684622 - Wednesday 7 September 2016 0:57

He should be on Jackass.

Reply

trucker2 | 33

#6684630 - Wednesday 7 September 2016 1:38

Next... Will be Bad Grandpa and a soda machine

By mcruff | 12

#6684635 - Wednesday 7 September 2016 1:50

Donald glover can kinda relate to this