Today, I'm severely sunburned and can barely walk properly. My boyfriend keeps telling his friends that it's because of, "how hard he gave it to me last night." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML
Today, it was boiling hot so my boyfriend and I decided to sunbathe in the garden and ended up falling asleep for a few hours. Not only is my back so burnt that I can't lie down, I also have a white hand print on my upper back where my boyfriend had left his arm while we slept. FML
Today, I was badly sunburnt even after making it a point to apply a lot of sunscreen. My coworkers thought it amusing to slap me every chance they get. FML
Today, I was tanning by the pool. My friend put his arms under my back and knees and picked me up. He threw me across the kiddy pool to my boyfriend, shouting "Catch!" My boyfriend didn't catch me. Instead of a tan, I have a huge bruise. FML
Today, I went on a camping trip with my friends, but forgot to bring sunscreen. I spent the entire day outside and ended up with a severe sunburn all over my body. The pain is unbearable and I can't even move without yelping as if I was slowly being cooked in an air fryer. FML
Today, I was called a wimp for getting a sunburn. FML
Today, I wanted my boyfriend to come over for a backyard wiener roast. Because it was so hot outside, he told me he didn't want to. Eventually, I talked him into it telling him it would be fine. He's now still asleep on the couch with heat stroke. FML
Today, after a heavy make-out session, my boyfriend and I discovered his lips bruise really easily. This wouldn't be a problem except he's been telling people I hit him. He thinks it's hilarious. FML
Today, I went to the beach with my friends to show off my engagement ring. I fell asleep in the sun and woke up extremely sunburnt to a text from my boyfriend confessing that he's been cheating on me. I gave him the ring back. Now I have its tan line on my finger. FML
Today, I got a second degree sunburn everywhere above my waist, for which I've been using a medicated lotion. My roommate "pranked" me by switching the lotion with a similarly colored, very caustic acne wash. My chest feels like it's roasting in hell and is oozing pus and oil now. FML
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Top comments
Wizardo 34
He's just trying to make light of the situation, no need to be so burned up about it OP. P.S. Get some aloe and put it in a ice cube tray and stick it in the freezer. Once done take out and rub over body - instant relief.
juststephhere 23
So hard you became completely red! Haha sounds fun!
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Comments (87)
juststephhere 23
So hard you became completely red! Haha sounds fun!
science-teacher 15
Maybe the people that believe him are colorblind
Dracoboxer357 36
"I'm giving you the D whether you want it or not, bitch." Signed, the Sun. ;p
kurodansei 16
Today I learned Vitamin D comes from the sun!
heyyoitskiraaa 10
No one like or dislike #32..... Perfect number
Dracoboxer357 36
67- Should I be flattered or weirded out that you like seeing me at a 69? ;P
Wizardo 34
He's just trying to make light of the situation, no need to be so burned up about it OP. P.S. Get some aloe and put it in a ice cube tray and stick it in the freezer. Once done take out and rub over body - instant relief.
Sports_guy3 28
Just agree with what he says.
misspulkadot24 17
Why, because he claims to be a wizard?! I'm not falling for that trick ever again...
friedpwnadge 25
Guess you got burned on that deal. Next time he wants to play soccer in between your goal posts, tell him you're too sore from the last time.
hugozac88 22
Just go with it shesh
thatkid00117 16
As a ginger, I understand your pain
iLike2Teabag 27
So your boyfriend is telling everybody he gave it to you so hard your hair turned red? Haha.
falon142012 22
I'm sure they mean because they have pale skin and sunburn easily. I do too, and never tan. I freckle. But the hair turning red thing is funny!
nickn426 14
That's a dick move OP. Straighten him out.
CelticReverie 5
Don't exactly know why you got down voted. It's quite offensive to have your SO tell lies about you to boost their rep and ego, especially in front of you. Even if he was just trying to make light of the situation, it sounds more like he was using her to take advantage of it instead. Plus...it's very immature to relay your sex life with your SO to your friends...that counts for bragging about it too. So I agree, it was a dick move and she should indeed 'straighten him out' aka tell him she doesn't appreciate his ill-placed humor. (Because she posted it on fml for a reason right?)
gc327072 31
Holy ****, 56, lighten up. As for 5, I believe he got buried because he attempted to make a pun that didn't come off as very clever.
nickn426 14
To #57: I didn't intend for that to be a pun at all.
epierce13 8
Walk it off
darwinism 30
And you corroborate his story right? "Yeah, he kept missing with his little dick and continued kneeing me in the thighs. I wish he knew how to use it because size does not really matter".
str1kepa1n 16
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Legend!
Dracoboxer357 36
Urban Myth at best. :p
jarrettd 27
Possible rumor you whisper to your friends at the bar?
phatdaddy62 23
Strange thought briefly passing through your head.
illegalbeagle69 23
wait for it...... ARY!! LEGENDARY!! -- Barney
V_for_Vendetta_ 3
You have to give him credit for his quick thinking though...
ThorPowaa 19
I understand your pain OP. I hope you get better soon! Apply some Aloe to that burn