Today, I bought some roller skates to go with the set my daughter got for her birthday. I haven’t skated since I was a kid, but I figured it was like riding a bike and I couldn’t have forgotten altogether. My broken coccyx disagrees. FML
Today, after my wife set a new rule to improve my health, one sex session for every three visits to the gym, which has greatly improved our sex life for two months, and I've never been fitter, but now she complains I'm not keeping her company on the couch anymore. FML
Today, after almost four years of friendship. My "good friend" blocked me on Facebook, after I joked with him about his team losing. I'm a huge fan of the winning team. FML
Today, I got proof that martial arts don’t really work, I’ve supposedly worked my way up to my black belt, and I challenged my brother to a match. He floored me with one punch before I could do anything, and he only weight lifts to keep in shape, he’s never done martial arts in his life. FML
Today, I was jogging around the neighborhood when I saw an old man on his porch. Being friendly, I waved at him as I ran by. Apparently, his idea of greeting someone is pelting them with stones. FML
Today, in a rush to get to the gym after work for a class, I left my phone in the office. It's Friday and the building will be locked until Monday morning. FML
Today, at the gym, a very attractive lady was working out in front of me, wearing tiny shorts that left zero to the imagination. I kept trying to avert my gaze, until her extremely buff boyfriend came over and threatened me. My crime? I wasn’t checking out his girl enough. FML
Today, I went to a baseball game with my wife. During intermission, the kiss cam chose my wife and me. So, what do you expect, I kissed her, but she decided to slap me and pretend she didn't know me. FML
Today, I had to ban a mom from practice, which sadly meant the kid had to leave too. Several times the mom had been loud, disruptive and even rushed onto the mat because I wasn’t teaching her son the "right way". I’m a third degree black belt and I teach 5-6 year olds on my days off. FML
Today, I went to a yoga class, thinking it would be good for my stiff calf from running. I pulled my back out doing the downward dog. Now can't get out of bed. FML
Today, I've recently been able to enjoy my life after a long depressing quarantine. I've been able to go to the gym and train in my favorite activity, boxing. Now I can't train for 2 weeks after having surgery on both my Achilles heel and PRP therapy. Hello again, misery. FML
cuz803 tells us more.
cuz803 46
OP here. Most of y'all know me. This is my 3rd FML posted this year so I got a little streak going. Update: the doctor who performed surgery on me has been hospitalized. I'm not sure why yet. I need a follow-up appointment to get my stitches removed. That being said, my delay may be longer than expected before I can lace the gloves again.
Today, life gave me lemons, delivering them straight to my nuts via my neighbor's tennis ball shooter. FML
Today, while watching the Olympics, my father found it completely necessary to make a farting sound every single time an athlete jumps or bends over. This will be a very long few weeks. FML
Today, my dad went on a rant about the US Olympics gymnastics team, claiming that it was a disgrace that someone dropped out, and that it was disrespecting "our flag". He's never watched the Olympic games ever, not to mention any gymnastics. FML
Today, I had a crucial volleyball playoff game. My dad came to watch. While in a set, my friend pointed over to the bench where my dad was sitting. I turned to see my dad snoring loudly as a result of him falling asleep. He achieved this with loudly cheering people all around him. FML
Today, I was walking home from the gym. An old man in his car rolled down the window and drove slowly next to me. He pulled out a camera, took a picture of me and said, "It's gonna be a fun night!" and then drove off. FML
Today, my wife is a tennis fan and is watching Wimbledon. I hate tennis, but she gets in a mood if I suggest we watch anything else. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got put on the Kiss cam at a baseball game. Instead of kissing me, he grabbed my boobs and got the biggest round of applause I have heard in my life. FML
Today, I walked into my house with my friend, only to discover my husband, half-naked, and yelling at the TV screen while watching a soccer game. By half-naked, I mean he was only wearing a shirt. FML
Today, I felt like working out again since it’s been a while. When I was done and talking to my wife about how good I felt afterwards, my 3 year-old came and patted my stomach and said, "Baby in there, baby in there." Yes, I feel so good. FML
Today, while at a football game, I had my arm around my girlfriend. We were really close and I was just about to kiss her when suddenly her phone rang. It was her dad, telling her he's watching. FML
Today, I sprained an arm muscle while pretending to lift weights. FML
Today, three days after receiving the vaccine, I was finally able to lift weights again. At the beginning of the workout, I broke my finger. Lifting weights is the one thing that keeps me from being depressed. FML
Today, I found out I need surgery for a hernia that blew up after working out. I’ve been working out constantly to keep my mind off of my ex, who was the right person at the wrong time, and now I can’t even do that. FML
Today, I was trying to exercise to lose weight but I got terrible bloating. Turns out that’s a common response, because the body thinks it’s being stressed. This is right after being diagnosed with allergies to some vegetables. I’m trying to be healthy, I swear. My body won’t let me. FML
Today, I tried out for cheerleading. The judges, two head cheerleaders, sized me up, burst out laughing and made fat jokes towards me. I fought back and called them, "twiggy fucking sluts." At that moment, the coach walked in and saw and reported me to the principal. The judges got off scott free. FML
Today, I had a talk with my orthopedist about getting back to fitness training. However, according to her, all my favorite exercises, although taught to me by professionals, are "things one should never do" and "very very bad". FML
Today, my doctor told me that I have severely and permanently injured my shoulder. Last week, I attempted to lift more weight than I normally do in an effort to impress my boyfriend. He was not impressed. In fact he said that most kids can lift more than that. FML
Today, even after months of vigorous exercise and diet in an attempt to gain muscle, I have not gained any muscle. Instead, my body is putting fat into the one part of my body I can’t work out: my face. FML
Today, after noticing weight gain, I purchased an ab belt. Despite no gym for around a year now, I assumed I could easily sustain an advanced level workout and put the belt on maximum strength. The first shock catapulted me off my feet and smacked my head into the wall, leaving a noticeable dent. FML
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