Work, Sports and Relatable: Phoneless in Seattle

Phoneless in Seattle

By Anonymous - 19/11/2021 23:00

Today, in a rush to get to the gym after work for a class, I left my phone in the office. It's Friday and the building will be locked until Monday morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 326

Work Sports Relatable

Walk the line

Broken heart

Own it

By grosssss - 01/01/2010 13:03 - Australia

Today, while I was trying to get to sleep, I heard a strange noise coming from the bunk bed above mine. I looked up to see what it was and my cat vomited over the edge, onto my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 670

You deserved it 3 408

Understanding

By Anonymous - 02/09/2020 05:56 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, it was my dad's 60th. I was planning on calling him early, but due to a client (I'm a social worker) ending up in hospital because her husband beat her up, I couldn't call him until 2:30. My mum phoned me in tears, yelling that I was a bad daughter and obviously didn't care about my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 845

You deserved it 710

By Anonymous - 01/07/2019 04:14

Today, I realised I can tell which family member has just left the bathroom from the smell alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 606

You deserved it 157

By Lewis - 04/09/2010 11:02 - Australia

Today, I walked in the door and heard my husband calling me to the bedroom. I got a little excited, took my clothes off, and walked into the bedroom. I forgot our mortgagor was inspecting our house today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 199

You deserved it 34 325

By Terry - 13/07/2009 04:28 - United States

Today, my friend called to say my boyfriend was at a diner with another woman. I immediately went and caught them in a deep conversation. I slapped him and yelled "Who's this bitch!?" It turns out she's his half sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 591

You deserved it 88 731

By Jack00412 - 08/07/2014 19:55 - United States - Montague

Today, I walked outside to find my 3 year old daughter and her pet fish playing together on the swings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 217

You deserved it 5 515

By hbt51 - 17/08/2015 19:56 - United States - Blue Ridge

Today, while out jogging, I was suddenly hit with unbelievable gastric distress. I wasn't wearing brown pants when I set out on that jog, but I sure was when I made it back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 943

You deserved it 1 935

By no, YOU raised him - 03/04/2015 21:15 - United States - Concord

Today, I asked my 5-year-old son how school went today. He sighed and said "Fuck off, dad." I thought kids only became such colossal douchebags in their teens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 988

You deserved it 6 474

By Anonymous - 22/02/2012 05:42 - United States

Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "the Fuckinator." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 651

You deserved it 5 579

By short&stout - 26/08/2017 20:00

Today, I took the kids to the pool. I'm short and 20lbs overweight but they talked me into it and I put on a swimsuit for the first time in 10 years. As soon as we got there, a girl my height but a good 150lbs heavier said, "It's so nice to see another big girl in a two-piece!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 187

You deserved it 693

By sleepwalker - 14/09/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in my math class. Turns out I sleep walk. I woke up at the front of the room with chalk in my hand, scribbles on the board behind me, and the whole class laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 551

You deserved it 8 359

By ww2freak - 14/06/2012 01:17 - United States - Centreville

Today, I found out that if you whistle Christmas carols while shitting in a public bathroom, a little boy might just look under the stall to see if Santa is pooping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 905

You deserved it 27 278

Hyperviolence

By julieseattle - 28/10/2019 18:00

Today, I was at a restaurant waiting for a table. Some lady walked by, smelling like BO and patchouli oil. I attempted to cover my nose with my sweatshirt, but I thumped a small girl in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 276

You deserved it 308

By tylerlove361 - 11/02/2009 05:30 - United States

Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 037

You deserved it 33 965

By Noname - 15/02/2009 05:44 - United States

Today, I stood by the wall at a party while everyone else danced and ignored me. It was my birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 879

You deserved it 11 566

By the attention seeker - 17/04/2013 21:57 - United States - North Miami Beach

Today my mother met my in-laws for the first time. She had been an alcoholic and had us sent to foster care 15 years ago. My husband told his parents this behind my back a while ago. When they asked her about it, she denied everything. His entire family now thinks I lie for attention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 857

You deserved it 4 293

By straightasaneedle - 02/02/2011 17:11 - Germany

Today, after three weeks of putting it off, I decided to ask out the girl I've had a major crush on since third grade. When I told her, she smiled, but then quickly said, "But aren't you gay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 504

You deserved it 4 848

By NeedToBeMessier - 17/10/2015 21:32 - United States - Hardwick

Today, the couple I've been housesitting for returned. Apparently, I kept the place too clean, and they don't believe that I actually stayed here. They're refusing to pay me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 516

You deserved it 1 631

By xharmonyx - 24/04/2012 08:29 - United States

Today, I paid for someone else's pee so that I could pass my drug test. I didn't pass the drug test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 743

You deserved it 70 927

By Anonymous - 05/12/2012 10:52 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my pregnant girlfriend gave me back the ring I'd used to propose with a week ago. Her reason? She only said yes because she was worried the real father of the baby wasn't going to stick around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 876

You deserved it 2 859

By Angry and Confused - 29/06/2013 09:55 - United States - Reno

Today, my house was broken into. The burglar didn't steal my brand new laptop, iPad or TV. They instead made off with every single item of clothing I own. When I went to turn on my TV to try and distract myself from this, I found all of the cables in back missing. The police don't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 049

You deserved it 2 942

I was bored before I even began

By Anonymous - 18/02/2021 23:01 - Germany - Zittau

Today, my ex started our conversation with, "How are you?" I asked whether this was just a way of greeting me, or if he genuinely wanted to know. He affirmed that he really wanted to know, then proceeded to talk about his work for the next two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 727

You deserved it 180

By lightblue - 10/10/2010 04:33 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend is an active member of the suicide forum. He told me I should make an account too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 602

You deserved it 3 256

By sarika - 24/07/2015 00:12 - United States - Appleton

Today, I had to explain to my boss that I was late to work because somehow my hand slipped when I was brushing my teeth, and I hit myself in the eye with the brush. I had to remove my contacts, wash my eye, and find my glasses. He didn't believe me, but at least my eye is minty fresh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 911

You deserved it 2 349

By "BunnysKitty" - 10/07/2017 22:30 - United States - Columbia City

Today, I wanted to pack my lunch with some of my homemade meatloaf leftover from last night's dinner, but I couldn't find it anywhere in my fridge. Later in the evening, my boyfriend's parents invited us over for dinner. They served meatloaf. The meatloaf they stole from my fridge last night when they visited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 728

You deserved it 339

By Brook363 - 27/05/2009 15:39 - United States

Today, I witnessed the homeless man that visits my neighborhood placing bags containing his own poop in my trash cans. I later received a notice stating that the garbage company will not provide my residence with garbage service until I “refrain from placing bags of my own feces in the trash.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 689

You deserved it 3 091

By myBFsucks - 05/10/2011 04:16 - Canada

Today, I went to the movies on a date. I went to pay for the tickets when I realized that I didn't have my wallet. Instead of my boyfriend paying, he laughed and paid for his own ticket. Then he went ahead and saw the movie without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 246

You deserved it 7 513

By peter - 11/09/2009 04:33 - Indonesia

Today, it's my birthday. I'm a pastry chef by profession. Not only did my family buy a cake from my bakery, I had to make it myself and inscribe it with 'Happy Birthday Dad'. The worst part is, they asked money from me to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 674

You deserved it 2 974

Street art

By squidwardpotatoes - 14/11/2009 11:08 - United States

Today, I went to the movies. Not only did the movie end up being awful, but I came to my car to find out someone drew Squidward from SpongeBob, with large letters spelling, "I LIKE POTATOES!" on my windshield. In permanent marker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 215

You deserved it 3 245

By Ihatemyjob - 24/04/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, my boss told me that he didn’t want to promote me because my, “scores were too good.” He then told me that I would be getting twice as much work to do than my coworkers, without a raise. I work minimum wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 364

You deserved it 166

By WorkerBee - 17/03/2019 02:00

Today, I found out I didn't get accepted into a program I was nominated to attend at work that all other applicants with less experience than myself did. I found out when they asked if I had gotten the acceptance email. They didn't even bother telling me I was rejected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 973

You deserved it 155

Marriage story

By collegekid - 17/05/2020 14:00

Today, after 25 years of marriage, my parents decided to get a very nasty and extremely expensive divorce. Using my college tuition to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 897

You deserved it 147

All out in the open

By Anonymous - 03/06/2020 08:00

Today, my 18-year-old boyfriend took some extremely strong painkillers that unfortunately gave him a giddy sense of euphoria. He then stripped naked in his parents' lounge room and yelled, "You've all seen it before!" His really religious parents didn't know this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 517

You deserved it 165

Stuck

By Anonymous - 23/12/2020 06:57 - United Kingdom - Boston

Today, I found out that the badly-parked car without MOT, that I chose not to report, has been moved and now blocking my car in. I need to get to the shops and have no idea who the driver is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 131

By Anonymous - 11/03/2018 19:00

Today, on my way back from a family trip, my fiancé informed me via text that he'd been cheating on me for years and that he'd moved out of our house and left the state. He blocked me before I could respond. We were together for 7 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 459

You deserved it 324

By insomniac - 19/06/2009 06:41 - United States

Today, I was finally going to fall asleep at a decent hour. Having insomnia, I generally get about 2 hours of sleep. Right as I'm about to fall asleep, 5 firetrucks decide to drive right in front of my house with the sirens/lights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 245

You deserved it 4 724

By stephanie - 28/09/2018 03:00

Today, my husband tried to use his "grief" over his grandmother's death to manipulate me into giving him a blowjob. In the toilets. During the funeral. With his family only a few yards down the hall crying their eyes out. What an asshole I married. An absolute asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 491

You deserved it 943

By Anonymous - 22/02/2018 15:00

Today, I came out as transgender to my extremely accepting and religious family over Facebook. My feed is currently flooded with plans for my exorcism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 546

You deserved it 1 492

By oops - 19/04/2011 15:37 - United States

Today, as I was out walking, one homeless man sitting with two others asked me for something to eat. Trying to do a good deed, I bought the three men a bag of apples. They then fought viciously over them before the first man chased me for handing them to "the wrong one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 142

You deserved it 4 504

Facebook's moderation sucks

By Anonymous - 06/03/2021 07:01 - United States - Afton

Today, I got put in Facebook jail for telling a guy fat shaming a girl he was a "s*x*st b*st*rd." Immediately after, FB informed me that a person I reported for threats didn't violate community standards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 296

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Top comments

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Saturday 20 November 2021 1:24

You should call it to see if it's ok.

1known 29

Send a private message

Saturday 20 November 2021 0:38

There is a high chance you can live two days without your mobile. Enjoy your two days there is so many things to do.

Comments

1known 29

Send a private message

Saturday 20 November 2021 0:38

There is a high chance you can live two days without your mobile. Enjoy your two days there is so many things to do.

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Saturday 20 November 2021 1:24

You should call it to see if it's ok.

Glitterbaby2613 20

Send a private message

Sunday 21 November 2021 8:28

call police

wysegirl 21

Sunday 21 November 2021 13:23

I've done that. Nice peaceful weekend.

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 39

Spicy

Today, I had a horrible date with this guy I’ve been seeing. He wanted me to give it up, but I wasn’t ready, so he dumped me on the spot. I went home crying to my mother and her response was, “Stop being such a prude! What are you? Ten? Grow the fuck up!” Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 662

You deserved it 129

Today, my wife and I had arranged a threesome with a guy, but I was late home so they “had the threesome without me.” It’s not cheating, because I obviously knew she was going to have sex with him during the threesome, but me not being there makes me mad and I can’t coherently explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 813