Money

Legal issues

By Robert - 27/12/2017 15:00

Today, a judge ruled against me. I filed for divorce because my wife got pregnant even though I had a vasectomy. Apparently, not informing your spouse of a vasectomy is worse than cheating in the eyes of the court. FML

agreeclassic 5 988

vote type 1 1 404

By Jason - 24/12/2017 19:00 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I found out that conducting CPR and saving a man's life means nothing if you break his ribs. He is suing me for $10,000. FML

agreeclassic 6 511

vote type 1 425

By emisara93 - 23/12/2017 19:00

Today, I chipped my tooth by biting down on my toothbrush. I don't know what hurts more: the irony or the fact I have no dental insurance until January. FML

agreeclassic 3 691

vote type 1 480

By Lindsey Taul - 22/12/2017 22:00 - United States - Granite City

Today, while driving home from work, I heard a loud crash immediately followed by the sound of wind and shifting glass over my head. My sunroof exploded for no perceptible reason 5 days before Christmas. FML

agreeclassic 4 231

vote type 1 305

By Mike - 20/12/2017 01:30

Today, I received the Christmas gift I bought for my sister in the mail. I also received a nearly $200 bill for shipping fees, taxes, etc. for a $50 blanket from Canada. FML

agreeclassic 3 937

vote type 1 1 055

Such a Jerry thing to do...

By Jerry - 19/12/2017 15:00

Today, I woke up and realized I didn't start a fire last night. I live in Alaska and our winter nights can reach -30 below zero. My fish are dead, my plasma television won't turn on, and the cat has frostbite. FML

agreeclassic 4 616

vote type 1 3 290

By SomeGuyInNY - 16/12/2017 09:00 - United States - Poughkeepsie

Today, I volunteered to tend bar at a friend's charity event. I was called incompetent and had a drink thrown at me for stirring a martini instead of shaking "like they do in James Bond". I've been tending bar for 30 years and have never had a drink thrown at me before. FML

agreeclassic 4 786

vote type 1 338

By single - 15/12/2017 10:00 - United States - San Jose

Today, my girlfriend got paid by the richest guy in our school to go to the Winter Formal with him. She took up the offer. FML

agreeclassic 5 247

vote type 1 510

The system is broke!

By ABD - 15/12/2017 01:30

Today, I found out that when I go on Medicare in January, one of my medicines will go from $45 per month to $3000 for the first month, then $425 per month for the rest of the year. I need this medicine to stay alive. FML

agreeclassic 6 509

vote type 1 358

Grab that bag

By BirdBrain - 14/12/2017 19:00

Today, I discovered that I don't have a college fund. My mother stole the money when she divorced my dad and he never bothered to tell me. Now he's offered to pay my tuition if I go to a military academy. If I don't take the offer, he wants me to move out by next Friday. FML

agreeclassic 6 051

vote type 1 417

By Bob - 13/12/2017 05:00 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, a judge gave my ex custody of my two sons, most of my money, my house, my car, and has ordered me to take anger management classes. We're getting a divorce because she shot me with a gun. FML

agreeclassic 7 503

vote type 1 679

By Buggy - 12/12/2017 18:30 - United States - Atmore

Today, my brother robbed someone. The victim spoke with me and said that if his $1500 was paid back, he wouldn’t press charges. After I gave him the money, I questioned my brother until he admitted doing it. He only took $200. FML

agreeclassic 3 200

vote type 1 5 165

By jp_boards - 12/12/2017 14:58

Today, I went to the emergency room for a broken collarbone. This wouldn’t be so bad if my parents hadn’t paid $20,000 for me to go to a snowboarding academy all winter. Today was day one. FML

agreeclassic 4 366

vote type 1 988

Asshats everywhere

By Anonymous - 08/12/2017 15:00

Today, while driving to work, an idiot pulled out of a junction without looking and wiped me out. I'm now in hospital with two broken legs, looking at employment pages because I didn't give work "enough notice" about my absence. FML

agreeclassic 5 374

vote type 1 258

So I got that goin' for me, which is nice...

By Notadrugdealer - 07/12/2017 15:00

Today, I was just browsing Facebook when my friend sent me a GoFundMe link. Someone wrote a page saying I killed myself and that we need money for funeral services. People are actually donating to it. FML

agreeclassic 4 630

vote type 1 362

Going out of business? It's a matter of life and death!

By Prepper? - 06/12/2017 01:30

Today, the accredited funeral home of my memorial plan is going out of business. Instead of delegating my policy to a different firm, they gave me the package. I now have to take home a land title for where I will be buried, my own coffin, and my headstone. FML

agreeclassic 3 895

vote type 1 321

Knackered

By Nyah Murphy - 05/12/2017 19:00

Today, I fell asleep for 20 minutes during my first final in law school. I took a $70k loan to be here. FML

agreeclassic 2 169

vote type 1 5 064

By bad_luck_chuck - 04/12/2017 15:00

Today, I got a Samsung Galaxy and opened the box to see a cracked screen. I showed the clerk and she said I must have dropped it. I hadn't moved since she handed me the box. FML

agreeclassic 3 826

vote type 1 215

By Hopper - 03/12/2017 23:00 - United States

Today, I was the only carhop at work for the last 2 hours. In that time, I waited on about 50 cars. I make server pay so I depend on tips, but none of them tipped me even a penny. I averaged under $3 an hour tonight. FML

agreeclassic 3 658

vote type 1 375

By anxious spaghetti - 03/12/2017 15:00

Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend over text. We wore each others' hats, so I gave his back and asked for mine. He “accidentally” burned it. FML

agreeclassic 3 752

vote type 1 463

By broke - 02/12/2017 15:00

Today, my work informed me that they didn't process my pay in time, so I won't get paid until the end of next month. I have less than £10 to last me until then. FML

agreeclassic 4 287

vote type 1 309

By LittleFriend - 30/11/2017 06:00

Today, I was told I will receive no Christmas or birthday presents for the next 3 years because my parents paid for my rhinoplasty. I needed it because my 12-year-old brother smashed my nose with a hammer in a fit of rage. FML

agreeclassic 6 000

vote type 1 296

By TubaAssassin - 28/11/2017 06:00

Today, I came home to find that my roommate had picked my lock and stolen my new laptop. When I tried to take it back, he called the police. They sided with him since he had also taken the receipt, which was "proof" that it was his. FML

agreeclassic 4 900

vote type 1 298

By Stella5127 - 28/11/2017 05:01 - Australia - Melbourne

Spicy

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. I was shocked and confused as we use condoms and I'm on the pill. I confided in my friend, who guiltily confessed that her daughter swapped my pills for sugar pills and pinned through the rubbers to guarantee herself 5 more years of babysitting. FML

agreeclassic 11 955

vote type 1 750

Stella5127 app_comment_confession_title

Stella5127 12

Wednesday 29 November 2017 23:40

or all those people doubting my story! this ACTUALLY happened in july of 2016. I now have a boy named Nate. I kept my pills in a pill holder in the fridge with 'mon tue wed' on it. my friends daughter would come over every night after school to look after our oldest daughter, Tilly, after kindergarten while my husband and I would finish work. She had ample opportunity and being a busy teacher id just take my tablets (both birth control and thyroxine) quickly before work. though we love our baby it was a shock. Lily( my friends daughter) went off to a reform school called "Blackwood" (real place look it up) this past July, after she was also caught with drugs in her room and skipping school. she was a troubled child and I still speak to my friend, she only just found out after over hearing her daughter and her friend and was trying to protect her.

By Now I'm Broke - 22/11/2017 15:00

Today, I took my $2,000 drone out and shot some beautiful footage of an old dam. I hid it behind a rock to explore the area further without carrying it, but when I came back it was gone. I was splitting the payments with my uncle. I work a minimum wage job. FML

agreeclassic 1 665

vote type 1 8 040

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Today, I told my fiancée I was going to the gym. She gave me a dozen "quick, easy errands" that took me over three hours to finish. When I was done, I called her and said I was going to the gym now. She yelled, "You still haven't gone? You've been out for days! What have you been doing?" FML

agreeclassic 957

vote type 1 181

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to stop by a drive-thru on the way to his place. I asked him to order a Coke for me, at which point he asked if I wanted to make it a Diet Coke. FML

agreeclassic 11 782

vote type 1 2 972

Today, even though I’m having contractions, I’m still trying to clean up the house. My husband just got pissy with me because I was rolling the vacuum behind me instead of picking it up and carrying it to the closet. FML

agreeclassic 1 997

vote type 1 251

Today, I had lower lumbar back surgery. I'm in horrible pain, my kids are wedged up my butt even though my husband is home, and I've heard nothing from friends or family, not even a check-in to see how it went. FML

agreeclassic 1 155

vote type 1 169

Today, a kid threw a rock at a beehive while my friend and I where standing next to it. It fell down, and a swarm of slightly displeased bees assumed that we were the culprit. Knowing what was about to happen, my friend and I ran for our lives. He ran fast enough to escape; I didn't. The kid, the actual culprit, didn't get attacked. FML

agreeclassic 961

vote type 1 123

Today, my girlfriend said I looked like ET and made me pose next to a full scale model of him while she took a picture. She's showing her friends the picture and they agree. FML

agreeclassic 30 294

vote type 1 3 468