Fire

Where's all the hot dudes?

By sad - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, after the firetruck and EMS came to my house for an emergency, I realized that not all firefighters looked like the ones in my calendar. This depressed me more than the emergency. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 009

You deserved it 44 234

It's PC gone mad

By Anonymous - 03/12/2023 13:00

Today, I received a written warning at work for being "unacceptably rude" to an official visitor. I guess fetching the fire hose because the building was actively on fire wasn’t a valid excuse for yelling at the dozy cow stood blocking the door to “move out the fucking way.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 154

Cursed

By Anonymous - 31/10/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I bought a Halloween fog machine to make my front yard look spooky. I didn’t realize it would set off my house's fire alarm when I tested it before putting it on the front porch. I ended up outside in full costume while firefighters checked my “haunted” house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 426

This party is lit

By Tyler_Padgett - 24/05/2009 23:52 - United States

Today, I was lighting fireworks for my cousin's birthday in my grandmother's yard. When it came time to light the "Grand Finale", I read on the outside of the box, "Face this side towards crowd for the best result". After I lit it, I realized that it was on its side. I shot 100 fireworks at my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 981

You deserved it 59 166

Cooking with Anon

By Anon - 08/11/2023 20:00 - United States

Today, after meaning to do so for a while, I began cleaning my oven. I sprayed it with the foam cleaner stuff, closed the oven for the foam to soak in, then forgot about the whole thing. Later, I preheated the oven for a pizza and triggered a smoke alarm, which brought the fire department to my door. No pizza, just shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 630

Fireworks

By adrenochrome - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Lithuania

Today, I learned that nail polish remover is, in fact, VERY flammable. And I learnt it the hard way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 968

You deserved it 43 635

Melting

By Smoke Undetected - 13/10/2022 17:00 - United States

Today, I found out that our smoke detector doesn't work when my roommate turned on the wrong burner while trying to cook. Our air fryer was on said burner, and it started to melt. It sat there for who knows how long until I noticed smoke everywhere and went to investigate. We don't have an air fryer now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 170

Panic in the streets

By Insane Guy - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at work, I jumped under my desk in fear of a nuclear missile attack when the firestation next us let out its new awareness siren. I think I'm going insane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 635

You deserved it 8 071

The Crazy World of Arthur Brown

By Anonymous - 08/03/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, at work, our new chef managed to start a grease fire. We couldn’t put it out because he managed to splash the flaming grease onto the fire extinguisher. Yes, we couldn’t put out a fire because our fire extinguisher was on fire. The fire department guys just laughed and laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 568

You deserved it 113

Lint kills

By Anonymous - 13/07/2022 00:00

Today, after I was away for a couple of days, my wife told me she’s been doing laundry while I was gone. I'd reminded her to clean out the lint catcher because it might catch fire. I came home to a new dryer and a smoke damaged house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 114

Disproportionate responses are the new black

By Anonymous - 24/10/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my son nearly burned the house down with a lighter and an aerosol. His excuse? He was killing a massive spider carrying an egg sack. My wife hates spiders so she refuses to punish him and gave him £20. But sure, dear old Dad will spend money replacing the wallpaper and curtains, no problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 96

You, your sex is on fire

By Anonymous - 26/08/2022 18:00

Today, I mixed drunkenness with sensual oils, a lot of whiskey, a massage, and scented candles, which resulted in accidentally setting my husband's back hair on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 1 188

That shirt is FIRE!

By Anonymous - 06/09/2019 04:01 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my shirt caught on fire when I was burning paper for my ancestors at the cemetery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 364

You deserved it 379

Robby Krieger rubbing salt into the wound again

By No time to wallow in the fire - 08/07/2022 16:00

Today, I had to stay at a friend's house because my dryer caught fire. My friend decided to start cleaning, so he put on his music playlist. By sheer coincidence, the first song that played was "Light My Fire." FML

I agree, your life sucks 709

You deserved it 157

Mr Rogers

By JWhite - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dad got drunk and thought it would be a great idea to clean up the yard by dumping gasoline all over the leaves and lighting our entire front yard on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 699

You deserved it 2 743

The blame game

By Anonymous - 17/01/2024 07:00 - Australia

Today, it's been two days since firefighters broke into my friend's home to get her out. She has health issues rendering her disabled and immobile. She was living amongst her own feces and urine, mould, rats eating her feet, etc. She told me about the filth three days ago, and now blames me for everything since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 144

Doofus

By Pete - 28/09/2025 03:00

Today, I tried to make popcorn in the microwave but forgot to remove the plastic wrapper. The kitchen filled with smoke, the fire alarm went off and my neighbors came knocking to see if I was alright. When they asked what caused it, I had to admit that it was “Erm… popcorn.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 421

What? Why?

By Anonymous - 16/07/2024 05:00 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I lit a used tissue on fire in my room. Eventually, the fire became kinda of large (it was a big tissue) and when I blew it out, it fell on the carpet. Now I have a burn stain on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 1 120

Major escalation

By animal cruelty - 24/06/2025 15:00 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I complained about a wasp nest in the yard. My boyfriend said he'd take care of it once the sun went down. That evening, I looked outside to see him pour gasoline on the nest and set it on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 169

This is lit

By a genius - 12/02/2009 13:28 - United States

Today, I lit a cigarette in the opposite direction of the wind. My hair blew into it, and caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 921

You deserved it 60 315

Fire hasard

By Anonymous - 26/12/2015 18:23 - United States - Ridge

Today, I had to take my son to the ER after he badly messed up trying to light his farts on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 654

You deserved it 3 074

Cooked

By Un1ucky - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend wanted to make breakfast. Since I usually do all the cooking, I said that was fine. Four hours later, my boyfriend and I were sitting on the sidewalk across the street as the firemen sprayed down the burnt remains of our kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 309

You deserved it 7 540

Testing, testing

By BubbaYoshi117 - 07/01/2020 20:00 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I was refilling my lighter. Afterwards, I gave it a test light. I must've spilled some fluid because my thumb caught on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 447

You deserved it 1 291

Teddy

By Anonymous - 03/06/2021 08:01

Today, I thought babysitting my nephew would be easy. WRONG. He put his wet teddy on the space heater to dry, and caused a fire. While I was putting the fire out, he decided to wash his burnt teddy in the sink, which blocked the plug and flooded my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 282

Pass the parcel

By KatnissEverdeen - 16/12/2021 14:01

Today, my fireplace caught fire. The landlord says renters insurance should cover it. The rental insurance says the landlord should. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 82

Thanks, Canada!

By Cough Cough - 06/06/2025 20:00 - United States - Steele

Today, just like every other day, I live in the Midwest. If you're not living in the Midwest, and you're wondering how we're doing with the Canadian wildfire smoke, I'm here to tell you that we're quite miserable. Especially if you're me, a person who already has very janky lungs. I'm afraid to leave the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 106

This old house

By Anonymous - 31/08/2022 16:00

Today, the smoke alarm went off while I was in the shower. Fearing a house fire, I jumped out and ran out, wearing just a tiny towel that barely covered my modesty, only to realize that water was coming through the ceiling and on to the smoke alarm, via a leak in the shower tray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 803

You deserved it 160

Like a house on fire

By PerturbedStudent - 09/12/2015 23:42 - United States - Keller

Today, I finally received my first love letter. Too bad it was from the boy who lit me on fire two months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 668

You deserved it 1 661

PETA has been informed

By Cat owner - 16/02/2024 15:00 - United States - Steele

Today, my cat did the same thing as in the video where a cat lights its tail on fire with a candle and just watches it nonchalantly until it stops burning… Except, instead of watching nonchalantly, he bolted all over the house while screaming his head off. Trying to extinguish him was a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 249

You deserved it 423

The little alarm that cried wolf

By Nice smoke alarm - 05/09/2023 23:00 - United States

Today, my smoke alarm has a tendency to give false alarms. Despite this, it did not go off at all when I was genuinely overcooking food and smoke was everywhere in the house, except for the room I was in. My smoke detector is plotting against me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 565

You deserved it 126

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The Top

Today, my ill-tempered cat tried to slap me in the face. She ended up sticking one of her claws as far up my nostril as it would go, and got stuck. Not only did I kinda get to experience what it feels like to be stabbed, I also got a horrible nosebleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 928

You deserved it 173

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years threatened to break up with me because when she came by my work, she saw me talking to another girl. The girl was a trainee. I'm the boss of the company, so it's my responsibility to train new people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 959

You deserved it 235

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our anniversary at the park. I was watching him play around with the wood chips on the ground and thought I saw him making a heart being romantic, so I got on top of the playground to look. Turns out it was the balls of a giant penis, complete with pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 918

You deserved it 4 142

Today, I ran into the living room when I heard the smoke alarm going off. Turns out, my friend thought it was a good idea to melt a plastic cup on my floor heater. He also thought the best way to put it out was to urinate on it. My house smells like burnt pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 389

You deserved it 2 954

Today, my youngest was recognized as a genius. My older two are now upset because they don’t think it’s fair and my husband is moaning because he thinks we’re now going to be stuck raising Sheldon Cooper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 84

Today, as I woke up, the first thing I saw was a bee on my hand. I tried not to make the slightest move, waiting for it to fly away without stinging me. The second thing I saw was my cat jumping at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 788

You deserved it 452