Today, at work, I jumped under my desk in fear of a nuclear missile attack when the firestation next us let out its new awareness siren. I think I'm going insane. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, anticipating another stressful day of work, I left my house with a cluster of thoughts in my mind. It was only when I heard my front door lock behind me, my hand still resting on the handle, that I realised I had forgotten my house keys. FML
Today, I was put on notice at work due to my "anger problem." Apparently, sighing in a meeting means you'll be labeled as someone with a short temper. However, the creepy stalker guy is on the fast track to management. FML
Today, I overheard my boss stressing out over finding a replacement for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML
Today, I came back to work after being out for a week. As I walked to the back of the store, I threw my hands up and yelled, "I'm back bitches". Right after I said it, I noticed my boss was behind me. I was then taken to the office and wrote up for foul language on my first day back. FML
Today, I found out that mishearing my boss and laughing at what I thought he said can make him think I'm high and nearly force me to submit to a drug test. FML
Today, I was told it was inconvenient for me to take lunch breaks, because someone else has to answer the phones and no one else wants to actually do any work. FML
Today, I was cold and alone at work, so I decided to try and warm myself up on the panini toaster. As I was holding the top side open and my other hand over the hot metal, I accidentally closed the door on my hand. FML
Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML
Today, I took my printer to work because the one in my office is broken. When I tried to leave, my boss stopped me and accused me of stealing it from the office. Nobody would believe me when I explained. Now my boss has a new printer. FML
Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML
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Top comments
chris274 8
Would that even help against a nuclear strike?
PlaiPie 11
Well, when there is a real nuclear attack, you'll have the practice of diving under desks already mastered. And you'll be laughing at all your co-workers with your superior desking skills
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Comments (97)
ujlia 4
Gg
JustDerpin 11
Hh
TheWetzel 5
Wow. Time was running down in your race to get first. Quick, what do you say??? Ah I know!! "Gg". An inspiring comment, that will give us hope for the future, and inspire the human race to do great things. So here's to you, "Gg" guy.
chris274 8
Would that even help against a nuclear strike?
Inheritance 10
Bomb shelter deep inside earth.
ohSNAPyall 27
Better than standing by a window.
GothickNihilist 15
Did anyone else think of duck and cover?
cliffibom 15
I think hiding in a fridge should do it.
WoNd3rK1n 3
Lmao maybe back in the 80's
docscientist 10
The 80s? Are you serious...
sens3sfailing 25
That awkward moment when you realize there are teen so stupid they think WW2 was an 80's thing...
dellarness2 2
Run for the metro system!
TheStormsFury 8
That even more awkward moment when people past their teens think WW2 was an 80s thing.
DontModMeDammit 10
that akward moment where multiple people mix up the "duck and cover" situation in the Coldwar with WW2.
Peachy2392 26
Thank you 93, I was about to say something. Can't really lecture someone when you don't know what you're talking about yourself.
xopher425 19
Nope. I was taught to do that as a military brat. I guess they feel some hope is better than none, no matter how absurd that hope is.
Link5794 18
unjustlychicken 10
No it isn't.
RaggleFrock 13
I'm in the uk and can confirm I'm alive and doing meaningless crap.
Enslaved 38
Thank god Doomsday is finally here. Now all the crazies can get back to their normal lives. Leap years ****** up that theory long ago people!
Samster2000 9
You know they took leap years into account when working out date conversion from the Mayan calendar to the Gregorian calendar. 21st December 2012 is still the end of the thirteenth baktun
StalkerChick 13
33 is right. Idk why he/she got thumbed down. It's the end of the 13th baktun. The Mayans never said anything about the world ending, though. Some American guy in the 60s said he thought that's what it meant. People took that suggestion and ran with it.
sergentkyle 12
The world isn't ending and won't. Just because the Mayans got tired of making a ******* calendar doesn't mean the world is going to end... It's just a scam to make money. Sorry, had to let it all out.
ryry013 6
The Mayans had a dedicated calendar guy, and every 250 years, a new calendar was made by a descendant of the previous calendar maker. The new guy was supposed to make a new calendar that goes a while into the future, but in 250 years the new calendar was a big deal. Calendars were a big deal for the Mayans, which is why when they stopped making them, it was taken by crazy people as a big thing. Also, living "Mayans" are laughing at us right now saying they stopped making the calendars because they got invaded. Too bad they couldn't predict their own doom first. EDIT: So no, the world is not going to "end"
Meettitan 14
65 is correct. If the Mayans predicted the Spanish invading, and the ensuing diseases they brought; I would give their calendar ending maybe an ounce of credibility. The fact that they got caught off guard negates any hypothesis of prophetical activity.
khoihuynh30 9
All you guys need to learn to take a joke
sens3sfailing 25
Okay, the Mayan calander doesn't even end. The Mayans have thousands more years mapped out and to think they thought of an apocalypse is completely demented. The Mayans believe blood for blood, life for life, and doing that keep balance in nature. They would sacrifice blood to ensure the sun rising because they believed it was required to maintain the balance. They believe that on the 21st of December 2012 that something catastrophic would happen, but also something beautiful. Never was the world ending even a prediction. So those of you thinking they just "stopped making them" you are wrong. They used cycles and didn't need to make more calanders because the ones they have (yes there are in fact many) just go back again to the beginning at the end of the cycle. There are many cycles which do not end today and map out future dates still. The Mayans still follow these cycles and did honestly expect some sort of event to happen today, who knows, maybe they got a great new lease of a village car for no cash down but found out they have a huge monthly rate...but what the **** do I know, I only slept at a holiday in express last night.
Carmstro 13
It annoys me when people say "the 21st passed in Australia so..." The Mayans were thinking of their own time zone, people (11)! That's not a good argument! Looks like the earth's going to be okay though.
slickchrome 11
Fire alarms are scary
sergentkyle 12
...Okay?
gc327072 31
1) lol no they're not. 2) It was a weather/tornado siren.
xXxIracebethxXx 14
#60 - It was a new awareness siren.
PlaiPie 11
Well, when there is a real nuclear attack, you'll have the practice of diving under desks already mastered. And you'll be laughing at all your co-workers with your superior desking skills
strawberrywine22 30
I've been meaning to get myself one of those missile-proof desks. Wonder if they have them at Target?
Stalkerloo 11
I got my bunker at Ikea, some assembly required.
yankfan89 27
The only thing with is you always have one extra part.
aJaguarinRed 9
Yeah, they are in the same aisle as the missile-proof patio furniture. Back of the store, you know the place..
sens3sfailing 25
In case of any sort of emergency, take over your nearest Walmart...you will be the leaders of the survivors, and you will have guns (hopefully this changes soon)
Pleonasm 36
Up and atom'!
pradip 26
Wrong day to do a test run. And don't bother hiding under your desk OP, you can't survive a nuclear missile attack anyways. Face the death with brave face.
strawberrywine22 30
I think it's a perfect day to do all kinds of tests and drills, to scare the crap out of everyone!
xXxSCREAMxXx 3
the power companys should just shut off all the electricity for 5 minutes and see what happens.
Enslaved 38
It's the end of the world as we know it. It's the end of the world as we know it. It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine. (except for the reported bacon shortage)
strawberrywine22 30
Here I was feeling so relieved at still being alive...and YOU had to go and mention the Bacon Shortage. There goes my happy :/
bestnameright 14
According to the Mayans it is the end of the world... Maybe the bacon shortage will become permanent :0
xXxSCREAMxXx 3
actually, no it's not. Its just the end of the long-count calender. Just like our calenders end after December, theres had to restart somewhere too.
etchsanity1 11
Lol I read an article on .... Drumroll please .... Bacon cloning a group of scientists were using porcine stem cells and growing them into bacon ... Well the equivalent anatomical part anyways. Crisis averted.
vintageemerald 10
Lol, how would your desk save you from a middle attack?
darwinism 30
A middle attack won't be that bad. Or a side one. If it's frontal then OP is not really protected by the inch of wood he hopes will protect him from a missile attack. Still, better than nothing.