Birthday

Suspicious minds

By Becky - 11/03/2022 10:00

Today, I was rushed to hospital with two ribs sticking out of my chest, with blood everywhere, but did I get sympathy from my sister? No, I got accused of being hit by a forklift on purpose to ruin her birthday party, then she tried to rip my bandages off to "prove I was faking the whole thing" and split my stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 445

You deserved it 107

Keep it to yourself

By Anonymous - 11/03/2022 00:01

Today, my family is still telling me to "get over" the death of my great aunt. The great aunt who always gave the most wonderful birthday gifts, and was overall one of the most pleasant people I've ever met, and I'm NOT allowed to be sad that she's gone. Did I mention she died on my birthday? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 415

You deserved it 138

Danger zone

By Anonymous - 09/03/2022 10:00 - Denmark - Fredensborg

Today, my mother bitched me out for not coming to my sister's birthday tomorrow. She's 25 and lives at home, and she, my mother, and father all have Covid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 238

You deserved it 116

Partyblocked

By story of my life - 07/03/2022 02:00

Today, it's my birthday. I'd asked my mom weeks ago if she could watch my kids, so my husband and I could go celebrate. She told me an hour before we were supposed to leave I'd have to reschedule, so she could watch my brother's kids while he goes out for fun. Gee, thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 500

You deserved it 110

Pulled a sneaky on you

By blank sheep at work - 01/03/2022 18:00 - United States - Richland

Today, I found out that my work threw me a birthday party alongside my coworker’s birthday. Said coworker spread a rumor, telling everyone that I wanted each person to buy me flowers and cake. Everyone thought that I was a weirdo for asking for those things from them. I wasn't at work today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 101

Dominance

By it’s mine too - 01/03/2022 06:00

Today, and every other birthday I've had, I shared with my cousin whose birthday is 4 days apart from mine. It would be totally fine if I had an opinion on the theme, invitees, and location. Only my cousin gets that privilege apparently. Oh and my presents, if she likes them enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 191

You deserved it 123

Lonely birthday

By anon - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Israel

Today, it's my birthday. Out of loneliness, I went to order some flowers and a cake "for a friend". The guy who delivered it to my house was the same guy from the counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 667

You deserved it 13 539

Bitchy family

By is that jealousy I detect ? - 24/02/2022 17:59

Today, I was excitedly celebrating my 21st birthday. I was heading my to my first club when my sister called and snarkly said, “Congratulations on being 21, hope you don’t get drugged, raped and murdered tonight!” She’s mad that she was pregnant on her 21st and didn’t get to go out, so she wanted to ruin mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 190

You deserved it 130

Cut you out of my heart

By Konstantine - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - New Zealand

Today, I saw photos of my boyfriend at his 25th birthday party. The one he told me was cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 356

You deserved it 3 654

Happy Birthday

By Anonymous - 06/02/2022 06:00 - United States - New York

Today, I heard my fiancé tell his friend that he's working on Sunday. Which is my birthday. The birthday I don't even get a party for because of Covid. My only plan was to be with him and my BFF. He says he didn't think to take the day off, and now there's "probably not enough time to get coverage." He's the manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 260

How can I make this about me?

By Anonymous - 04/02/2022 18:01

Today, it's my birthday. My wife took me to my favorite restaurant for dinner. She made me pay for my birthday dinner, along with hers. She also got me a gift card to HER favorite store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 182

You deserved it 170

Wild

By Anonymous - 25/01/2022 08:01

Today, I intended to get home early. Instead, I got too drunk, threw up, fell asleep on the train, and had to pay a $120 for a taxi fare. Happy 30th birthday to me, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 284

You deserved it 1 495

Good boy

By Anonymous - 23/01/2022 20:00

Today, it's my birthday, and the only male attention I've had in months is when the dog greeted me with his red rocket out and his tail wagging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 098

You deserved it 220

Little brat

By Anonymous - 20/01/2022 17:01

Today, my 14 year-old daughter is so selfish that on her sister's birthday, she found the present, assumed it must be for her, opened it, then destroyed it when she saw it was frozen Anna and Elsa dolls because she hates Frozen. Her sister loves Frozen, and hasn’t stopped crying over Anna’s severed head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 424

You deserved it 456

Pretty much

By JustAScreen - 15/01/2022 19:59 - Denmark - Aarhus

Today, I was at a family birthday, and was excitingly telling my aunt about my new career in IT Security and Data Management. Her response was, "So you just look into a screen all day?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 162

It's all too much

By Anonymous - 10/01/2022 02:01 - United States - Steele

Today, I took a day off from work for a doctor's appointment. It ended up taking a lot longer than I expected, because while I was on my way, my mom called to inform me that my great aunt passed away this morning. As a result, I showed up extremely late and was berated. And the worst part? It's my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 314

You deserved it 177

I don't wanna!

By every time seriously - 03/01/2022 08:01

Today, I told my mom for the third time that I won’t be able to attend her husband's family Christmas party because it’s on my birthday. She won’t take no for an answer, and I just don’t want to spend my whole birthday in a car for an 8-hour drive there and back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 226

You deserved it 127

Major Regina George vibes

By Partypoopermom - 23/12/2021 11:01

Today, our family dog passed away. My 16 year-old daughter had a tantrum over us cancelling her 16th birthday trip, because, “the stupid dog picked the perfect day to die.” She says she’s going on the trip “with or without us.” She actually went. With her friends. What do they see in this sociopathic brat? FML

I agree, your life sucks 547

You deserved it 1 737

Unreasonable

By Anonymous - 20/12/2021 22:58

Today, on my 21st birthday, my dad handed me £12,000 and revealed he’d been saving my rent. When I asked what for, he told me it was to rent my first house because now I’m 21, he’s throwing my ass out. Neither me or nor my mom could talk him round, and unless I’m out by next week, he’ll start smashing my possessions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 563

You deserved it 408

Gratitude

By Anonymous - 18/12/2021 23:01

Today, I'm an introvert and told my girlfriend explicitly that all I wanted for my birthday was to sit quietly and read my new Discworld book. She took this to mean invite everyone within 50 miles for a massive party, and afterwards was surprised that I was pissed as hell and not speaking to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 197

You deserved it 276

Clusterfuck

By WhyEvenBother - 16/12/2021 04:59 - Germany

Today, I just learned that instead of celebrating my birthday as a small group, my mother has invited dozens of family members from all over the Germany, amidst spiking Covid cases in my region. FML

I agree, your life sucks 965

You deserved it 198

Mr Whiskers takes priority

By Anonymous - 07/12/2021 16:58

Today, my daughter forgot my birthday. When I asked her, she said she'd remembered my birthday, but was too busy at work to acknowledge it. However, she did have time to post a message on Facebook, wishing a happy birthday to her cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 966

You deserved it 139

Drive

By Anonymous - 20/11/2021 22:59 - United States

Today, it was my birthday. Two of my best friends forgot it, and so did my grandparents. All of my friends were busy, so I spent it alone in my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 137

It's all downhill from here

By Brenna - 17/11/2021 10:59

Today, I woke up realizing my 40th birthday is on Sunday and I’ll only have about 40 more years to live after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 755

You deserved it 273

Details matter

By Anonymous - 16/11/2021 23:00 - United Kingdom - Watford

Today, after buying my girlfriend an expensive gift for her birthday, cooking her breakfast in bed, and treating her all day ending with dinner and cake at her parents, she burst into tears and said the whole day was ruined. Why? I forgot to buy her a birthday card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 455

You deserved it 135

Happy Nothing

By Cheapass - 07/11/2021 02:00

Today, it’s my birthday. My boyfriend didn’t get me a present, or do anything special for me, because, “The rent’s paid, you have a fridge full of groceries… What more do you want?” Later on, he asked me why did I, “look so sad?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 407

You deserved it 302

My way or the highway

By FeckedUpFifteen - 14/10/2021 20:00

Today, it’s my birthday. My family tradition is that whoever has the birthday chooses the dinner. I chose pizza, but my older sister had a tantrum, complete with throwing my phone at the wall, breaking it, saying she wanted Chinese instead. My parents ordered Chinese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 889

You deserved it 93

Happy Birthday…

By Anonymous - 14/10/2021 11:00

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend’s birthday is a month before mine. I'd spent my birthday savings on his, but he told me that we couldn’t do anything for mine because, “I didn’t plan or organize better.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 151

What a catch

By Anonymous - 30/09/2021 08:00 - Australia

Today, rather than get me a birthday present, my boyfriend just got angry that I got gifts from other people. Apparently, it "made him feel guilty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 216

You deserved it 110

Young at heart

By nothreat33 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it was my 24th birthday. I got a card from my sister that read, "Here's to another year of complete disregard for age-appropriate developmental milestones." She's right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 586

You deserved it 3 882

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my 11 month-old son started viciously biting whatever part of my anatomy he can sink his teeth into. He thinks it is hysterical to latch on while I scream helplessly in pain for him to let go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 784

You deserved it 6 456

Today, my dad’s best friend, who has been his business associate for the past 28 years, took me to a Star Wars store for my 18th birthday. He put on a Darth Vader helmet, and imitating his voice, said: "I am your father." I laughed. It wasn’t a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 920

You deserved it 3 497

Today, I went to get a tattoo. I decided on getting my four month daughter's name tattooed on my upper arm. I went home to show my wife. She broke down and told me that I'm most likely not the father. It's a toss-up between her co-worker, the guy who does our lawn, several strangers and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 488

You deserved it 4 982

Today, I spent three hours getting ready to go out to lunch with my boyfriend, only to find out he meant we're going to the McDonald's inside Wal-Mart so he can also pick up condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 686

You deserved it 9 986

Today, I'm dead on my feet. My flatmate's alarm went off for 20 minutes at 5 a.m., which I heard and he didn't. A car alarm went off outside my window for half an hour at 7 a.m. My building fire alarm went off twice, at 8 and 8:10 a.m. Just let me sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 312

You deserved it 170

Today, my mom walked into my room without knocking to have a whole conversation about some distant relative's birthday in 3 months time. The whole time I had my bullet vibe still up inside me, so I had to talk to my mom while trying not to react to having an orgasm in front of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 159