Birthday

Better luck next year

By clewie - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My dad showed up to my birthday dinner wasted, was loud and obnoxious the whole time, sexually harassed our waitress, then invited my annoying, bratty nephews to come home and spend the night with us. They're sleeping in my room. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 306

You deserved it 218

My forever home

By Anonymous - 01/05/2025 12:00 - Czechia - Prague

Today, my father gave me the best birthday gift, a piece of real estate. I got a grave, which is leased. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 68

Upset

By APersonSomewhere - 31/03/2019 18:00

Today, it’s my 21st birthday. The people I invited over spent most of the time talking about their LARP group, which I am not a part of, and so could not participate, talked over what I wanted to watch, and then it ended with an intervention by them for me because they were upset that I was upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 067

You deserved it 275

Thanks guys

By Anonymous - 05/06/2010 10:36 - United States

Today, it was my co-worker's birthday but she told me not to mention it. Feeling bad for her, I went out to buy her a card, a present, and even a small cake. It turns out that there was actually a party during our lunch break, and I was the only one in our office not invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 435

You deserved it 3 599

Plans

By not invited - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Appleton

Today, a close friend told me she had no plans for her birthday. I found out she was lying when I had to serve her and nine other mutual friends dinner at the restaurant I work at. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I wasn't invited or that none of them even remembered that I worked there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 650

You deserved it 1 690

Partied out

By kp. - 31/08/2010 12:46 - Australia

Today, it was my boyfriend's birthday. After spending a reasonable amount of cash to get us a nice hotel room to celebrate, he decides he would rather spend the night drinking with his friends. They all threw up in the bath tub before passing out on our bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 205

You deserved it 4 513

By jerdub93 - 19/11/2011 08:40 - United States

Today, I was eating cereal while absentmindedly reading the box. I was amused when I found it expires on my birthday. Then I realized it expired on my birthday two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 110

You deserved it 28 385

By sicufovoshxbsjdk - 07/08/2010 02:22 - United States

Today, my grandma bought me a cemetery plot for my birthday. If that's not weird enough, it's about a two-minute walk from where the rest of my family will be buried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 349

You deserved it 2 625

Long wait

By Candace - 27/01/2010 03:31 - United States

Today, my best friend planned a birthday party for me at the local Mexican restaurant. NO ONE showed up. We'd told the waiter there would be 18 arriving. Two hours later he brought me free ice cream. Even the non-English speaking waiters knew I was a loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 500

You deserved it 3 932

Overconfident

By Tracey - 09/08/2024 09:00 - United States - Baltimore

Today, my 10-year-old niece asked me how to spell "embarrassing." I confidently spelled it out. She giggled and said, "No, that's wrong." She was right, and to make matters a tad ironic, I'd just finished bragging about winning a spelling bee back in middle school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 480

Alexa, play "Unhappy Birthday" by The Smiths

By Anonymous - 25/04/2022 10:00 - United States - Brookline

Today, it was my birthday. Nobody said anything, not even my Facebook friends, who probably got a notification about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 182

That blows

By Anonymous - 12/09/2022 23:30

Today, it's my birthday and I was very happy. When the moment came to blow the candles, all of the decoration on the cake flew off. It had taken an hour to make and set them on the cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 788

You deserved it 215

Birthday Girl

By Anonymous - 14/05/2009 17:43 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I got just three calls all day. The first one was my fiancé, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancé for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office, to sing me a happy birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414 267

You deserved it 21 939

The gift that keeps on giving

By Katie - 29/08/2021 14:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend, since we weren't getting along. When I got home, I remembered that today is his birthday. Him and all our friends now think I'm a total bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 1 733

Gratitude

By Anonymous - 24/08/2021 02:01 - United States - Chicago

Today, it's my 35th birthday. My wife greeted me naked, and with an itemized list of what's off limits. A list of what was on the menu would've been much shorter and might have had better spelling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 213

You sure it was your birthday?

By Anonymous - 04/02/2021 04:53

Today, it was my birthday. My partner of 9 years, and father of my two children, bought me a set of headphones for him to use on the treadmill. Didn’t wrap them, didn’t say happy birthday to me, didn’t tell my kids it was my birthday and worked on the yard all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 166

You deserved it 163

Le epic bacon

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, for my birthday, instead of a cake, my friends surprised me with a castle mainly made out of bacon. I don't want to seem ungrateful, but I fucking hate bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 276

You deserved it 50 724

Where there's a will…

By Anonymous - 23/02/2023 00:00 - Australia

Today, my little Pomeranian dog got onto the kitchen bench by jumping onto the washing basket, the bookcase, and over the window sill, and ate my daughter's birthday cake while I was in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 271

Stop whining, Sybil

By Thoughtless Wife - 18/06/2017 14:00

Today, my sister-in-law announced on Facebook that I did nothing for my husband's birthday. I'd just had major surgery, and I'm not allowed to drive or do much. We had a small party - just us and the kids - but didn't invite anyone over. I guess not inviting her meant we did nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 805

You deserved it 292

Great idea

By UnluckyLatina - 22/04/2016 03:30 - Canada - Montréal

Today, I celebrated my friend's birthday. While everyone was completely wasted, a couple of friends suggested that I throw a pie in the birthday boy's face. Only seconds after doing so did I realize that the centre of the pie had still been burning hot when he screamed in agony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 679

You deserved it 12 331

Oh, by the way…

By PaulieD - 19/10/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, I received a "Happy Birthday" text from my ex. I thought maybe she missed me, but when I replied with a polite, "Thank you," they responded with "Sorry, wrong person. However, fuck you." Ouch. Happy birthday to me, indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 548

You deserved it 192

Unreasonable

By Anonymous - 20/12/2021 22:58

Today, on my 21st birthday, my dad handed me £12,000 and revealed he’d been saving my rent. When I asked what for, he told me it was to rent my first house because now I’m 21, he’s throwing my ass out. Neither me or nor my mom could talk him round, and unless I’m out by next week, he’ll start smashing my possessions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 566

You deserved it 408

Social distancing

By Noname - 15/02/2009 05:44 - United States

Today, I stood by the wall at a party while everyone else danced and ignored me. It was my birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 971

You deserved it 11 620

Me me me!

By Anonymous - 17/06/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, my mom showed up to the surprise party my sister planned for me on crutches. Car accident? Bad fall? Dog attack? Nope! She's fine, just a malignant narcissist who needed all the attention to be on her. She managed to “fall” several times suspiciously when we were posing for photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 414

You deserved it 66

Waitressing blues

By left out - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Spencer

Today, I sang "Happy Birthday" to my best friend. Sadly, it was while waitressing at work, where they were having a celebration I hadn't been invited to in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 618

You deserved it 4 290

About last night…

By missalexa - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, upon getting out of the shower, I discovered the towel I grabbed off the rack had dried poop on it. Apparently, during my sister's birthday party yesterday, we'd run out of toilet paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 151

You deserved it 4 164

Close but no cigar

By loner - 07/06/2009 12:28 - United States

Today, I was sitting in class when the most popular girl in my grade came up to me holding birthday invitation cards. I've never been invited to a birthday party, so I was so excited when she handed me a card, only to hear her say, "Mary is on your bus, will you give this to her?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 381

You deserved it 4 738

Get better locks

By Aww! You shouldn't have! ....REALLY! - 10/05/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, my friends, led by my best friend, threw me a surprise party. Bearing a cake, they all happily yelled, "SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" by suddenly barging in… through the bathroom door. I was on the toilet, in the middle of taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 535

You deserved it 72

Thanks, I guess…

By ButYTho - 06/11/2022 06:00 - Spain

Today, a friend and I celebrated our birthdays together with our mutual friends. I bought them a game from their favourite series, commissioned a sketch, and chipped with others to get them various other presents. I got a mug and a hentai t-shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 272

Make it a double feature

By Anonymous - 27/05/2026 12:00 - United States - San Bernardino

Today, my husband declared that since our youngest son happened to be born on our anniversary, we no longer needed to celebrate. He reasoned that it would be “wrong” to make his special day about us. Truth is he’s just a cheap unromantic sod. FML

I agree, your life sucks 378

You deserved it 107

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, my teacher gave me a 0% on my personal narrative in my writing class. His only comment on the whole paper was, "Too long, didn't read." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 040

You deserved it 2 570

Today, my girlfriend gave me a speech on me "not being manly enough". I started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 379

You deserved it 51 943

Today, while in the elevator with the girl from my office that I've been crushing on, but never spoken to, I said "aren't elevators awkward?" After a long silence, she got off three floors before our office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 590

You deserved it 26 652

Today, I volunteered at a nursing home. I approached a lonely, old man who had a type of nervous tick. I went over to speak to him, and not even four sentences into our conversation he says, "I'd really like to make love to you." What I thought was a tick was actually him stroking himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 596

You deserved it 4 573

Today, there’s been birds nesting in my wall since mid winter. They’ve recently started scratching at the wall as if they wanted to get through. This morning, they made their entrance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 532

You deserved it 289

Today, as usual I am allergic to onions (I fart A LOT if I eat any). It seems there were some in my breakfast sausage meal as I spent the day having major diarrhea; I'm shitting once an hour. That would be okay if I'd stayed home, but my sister asked me to pick her up at school. Guess who shit herself while driving… FML

I agree, your life sucks 426

You deserved it 112