Forever Alone

By cacheson - 02/03/2020 12:07

Today, I finally felt the inspiration to write creatively again. I worked for an hour on a character concept before I realized I'd actually created an imaginary sister/best friend for myself because I’m so lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 380

You deserved it 186

The smell detective is on the case

You tried

Preemptive strike time

Hey y'all!

By Anonymous - 01/05/2021 00:56 - United States - Schertz

Today, a friend was over at my house. My dad walks over and talks to me; I respond. He then goes back in his room. My friend then says, "Don’t get self-conscious, but when you talk to your dad, your southern accent gets REALLY strong." Guess who's now self-conscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 686

You deserved it 118

By donkeyd - 05/02/2010 16:29 - United States

Today, I woke up and had a voicemail from my boyfriend. I just thought nothing of it because it was a pocket dial. I decided to listen to it carefully and realized it was him having sex with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 705

You deserved it 2 446

Heist

By Pedro the Basuraman - 11/05/2018 20:30

Today, after 27 years of dedicated and loyal service, it finally happened, I was robbed at gunpoint at work. The whole heist only took about 30 seconds and the perpetrator took off without taking anything from me. I still don't get it. What kind of screwball would hijack a garbage truck? FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 302

You deserved it 188

By KittyKat - 03/11/2013 14:22 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 880

You deserved it 7 052

Cheers!

By imamonster1992 - 24/12/2009 23:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend got rejected by his dream college. In an effort to comfort him, I told him that he is incredibly smart and that it's their loss. He replied, "Of course you think so, you're an idiot!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 888

You deserved it 4 958

By Anonymous - 28/10/2011 17:07 - United States

Today, I was yelled at by a customer because we didn't have any ketchup packets. I work in a coffee shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 916

You deserved it 2 444

Maybe it's by accident?

By Anonymous - 20/04/2021 21:30

Today, I've been binge-watching a certain Twitch/YouTube streamer. I love his political insights, but I've noticed he keeps saying, "On accident." It grinds my gears so much, I had to go outside and listen to birds chirping instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 473

You deserved it 473

By Anonymous - 03/05/2019 02:00

Today, I went to the hairdresser on a spur of the moment decision to get a quick wash and cut. 45 painful minutes and $180 later, I honestly don't know if anything was actually done to my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 547

You deserved it 466

By team hit bella with a car - 20/10/2014 02:20 - United States - Odenton

Today, after waiting for years for my oldest daughter to grow out of Twilight, my younger daughter discovered it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 446

You deserved it 3 707

By Nebraskawreck - 22/11/2018 13:30

Today, my husband left our untrained puppy out of its kennel when he left for work. I got home and all of the baby books my parents just bought for us that were on the coffee table in a backpack were completely destroyed, along with the bag and parts of our wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 563

You deserved it 369

By dillon - 01/07/2014 04:12 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I watched a Youtube video about artists who ripped off other artist's songs. All of the bands that were accused of stealing were all bands that I really enjoy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 273

You deserved it 11 020

Recognize this?

By Anonymous - 06/10/2014 02:42 - United States - Rock Island

Today, I sent my boyfriend a picture of my vagina. He replied, "What's that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 324

You deserved it 19 733

By Photagrapher - 18/08/2010 04:09 - France

Today, my girlfriend asked for a picture of my penis, so I sent her one. Then later on, she asked for one when I was hard, the first one I sent I was hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 471

You deserved it 17 736

Stay safe, despite capitalism

By Anonymous - 23/09/2021 19:59

Today, despite both of us being vaccinated, my wife recently tested positive for Covid and now I'm showing symptoms. Neither my state or job offers any kind of financial support for Covid leave, so my options are infecting others or starving under a bridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 182

By EmmaG123 - 28/02/2009 05:54 - United States

Today, I sent my mom an email with "Bad news" for the subject. At the end of her reply, she said, "And don't scare me! I thought you were going to tell me you're pregnant!" I AM pregnant, and wanted to surprise her on her birthday. Guess I should get her something less disappointing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 930

You deserved it 5 078

By kitkat - 17/09/2014 19:48 - United States

Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend. He said it was because he lived 2 hours away, but I think the ultrasound photos his other girlfriend posted proudly on his Facebook wall are the real reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 295

You deserved it 4 435

By daddyowl - 25/05/2012 04:32 - Canada - Montreal

Today, after 5 months of unemployment and hardcore job searching, I got hired for my dream job. I called my mum to tell her all about it, to which she responded, "Great honey! Now all you need to do is lose all that weight". She allowed me all of 4 minutes of feeling good about myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 887

You deserved it 2 993

By 6u174r_d00d - 10/08/2011 21:10 - United States

Today, I saw a cute girl working register at my regular coffee shop and politely asked the her for her number. I was brutally rejected. A few minutes later, a douchebag with a popped collar approached her with a cheesy pickup line and left with not only her number, but a free frappe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 980

You deserved it 6 075

Timing is key

By Anonymous - 17/09/2021 08:04

Today, we live in a society where an Uber Eats order arrives a lot faster than the authorities. To make things worse, the Uber Eats order arrives screwed up as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 103

By malloreigh - 28/02/2012 05:19 - Australia

Today, I was eating a meatball sub when a meatball fell out and rolled into my hair and all down my shirt. I couldn't find the missing meatball anywhere. I found it later, in my handbag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 689

You deserved it 4 494

By Anonymous - 26/07/2013 14:26 - United States - Campbellsville

Today, I was at a pool party with some friends. We decided to play chicken and I was on the shoulders of the guy I like. Right as we started playing, for some unearthly reason my body decided to let out a little pee. I thought he wouldn't notice since we were already wet. He did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 489

You deserved it 18 703

By Anonymous - 22/09/2010 19:04 - United Kingdom

Today, I put an anonymous note under my neighbour's door asking them to not have sex so loudly during the day. Since then, I haven't heard any sex. Unfortunately, I have heard a woman crying loudly because she just found out about her husband's affair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 421

You deserved it 10 741

By Anonymous - 06/02/2010 12:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I received our gas bill for about £200. My flatmate felt that this was extortionate and therefore phoned up our gas company and angrily told them to recalculate the bill. They did. We now owe £300. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 457

You deserved it 5 048

By FckMyLife - 24/03/2011 14:46 - United States

Today, while at the mall I opened a bathroom stall thinking nobody was in there. The door just didn't close properly. I hit an elderly woman in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 721

You deserved it 10 053

Awks

By Anonymous - 02/09/2013 21:23 - United States - Plaquemine

Today, I showed up at my brother's house for a visit. Little did I know, there was a family gathering. My best friend was invited and I wasn't. She's "more fun and less awkward" than I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 910

You deserved it 3 496

By emkaycutie - 29/03/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, I was giving a lecture to my class I heard a phone go off. Aggravated and exhausted, I asked everyone to turn their phones off. Then the phone rang again. I lost my shit and spent the next half hour calling my students a bunch of "technology whores". Then I realized the phone was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 183

You deserved it 199 807

By TooShort - 03/05/2009 14:06 - United States

Today, I walked into a restaurant with my parents to celebrate my Mom's birthday. They immediately got a kid's menu and crayons out for me. I'm 15. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 314

You deserved it 8 600

Where's my dog?

By Anonymous - 13/04/2021 02:00 - United States

Today, I went to pick up my dog from the dog sitter I'd left him with while I was on vacation. When I arrived at her house to pick him up, she said, "I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about." and threatened to call the cops if I didn’t "leave her premises for trespassing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 579

You deserved it 97

By angelisa - 21/11/2015 14:54 - United States - Yuba City

Today, I finally felt ready to lose my virginity with my boyfriend. Unfortunately he was too embarrassed to go and buy some condoms, and suggested in all seriousness that we use a sandwich bag instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 574

You deserved it 3 898

By Humpday - 29/05/2016 21:36 - United States

Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating on him, all because I shaved my legs on a Wednesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 078

You deserved it 1 260

By crystalpistol - 16/08/2010 02:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, right after I turned down an amazing job opportunity in another location, just so I could be with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 825

You deserved it 16 269

By EdwinOEF - 31/12/2011 22:36 - United Arab Emirates

Today, I flew to Dubai, en route to my new job in Afghanistan. Both of my bags were lost, my debit card was frozen in London, the next flight was cancelled, and I can't get a hotel room. I'm in the richest city in world with no money and no room. Happy New Year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 605

You deserved it 3 024

By Pokerking98 - 16/05/2009 18:44 - United States

Today, while biking, I got into a major crash with two cars. The cars were parked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 252

You deserved it 56 620

By theropod - 15/11/2009 19:45 - United States

Today, at 2 in the morning, a noisy work crew started up in the parking lot next to my apartment. What were they doing at that ungodly hour? Installing a light that now shines right into my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 507

You deserved it 2 048

By Anonymous - 24/07/2019 22:00

Today, I found out that I'm not my girlfriend's only boyfriend. The other guy sells shoes on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 515

You deserved it 111

By smoochie - 01/08/2009 21:37

Today, I was holding my baby daughter during a checkup. To reassure her, I was kissing the back of her head while the Dr. was checking her hearing. After a few minutes, I realized the Dr. had put his hand to steady her head. I was kissing his hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 931

You deserved it 23 265

By dramaqueen15 - 16/10/2015 02:38

Today, I was working out in the gym when a fitness trainer came up to me and said it wasn't safe to be exercising while this far along in a pregnancy. I was too ashamed to tell them that I'm not pregnant, so I went along with it. Time to find a new gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 133

You deserved it 4 177

By RestlessDiesel - 18/04/2016 14:40 - United States - Hudson

Today, I pulled off the road to help a turtle cross it. Before I could get out of my car a dump truck ran over the turtle, splattering my car with turtle guts and bits of shell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 001

You deserved it 1 823

By Blie - 04/09/2018 20:30

Today, I was so drunk that I pissed myself in a hotel hallway while wearing a dress. My shoes squished all the way back to the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 025

You deserved it 4 045

By Anonymous - 07/03/2015 04:26 - United States

Today, I tried shaving my bikini area for the first time. I ended up cutting myself several times. I now have impressive razor burn, and it's incredibly painful to even wear pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 925

You deserved it 6 315

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Top comments

P DarklyKira 14

Monday 2 March 2020 12:19

I know. I created an imaginary best friend for 6 years now. It sucks but I somehow I feel less lonely until I realise he is imaginary

kthulu 1

Send a private message

Monday 2 March 2020 22:36

all good art comes from suffering, you got a head start, use it! (I've written 3 books I suffer a lot)

Comments

P DarklyKira 14

Monday 2 March 2020 12:19

I know. I created an imaginary best friend for 6 years now. It sucks but I somehow I feel less lonely until I realise he is imaginary

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Monday 2 March 2020 17:50

Get a dog. They are real and want to be your friend...with benefits. And in this case, "benefits" means food and shelter.

Gubbon 8

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 March 2020 18:30

The dog gives him shelter?

kthulu 1

Send a private message

Monday 2 March 2020 22:36

all good art comes from suffering, you got a head start, use it! (I've written 3 books I suffer a lot)

WistayShlaio82 13

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 March 2020 4:01

Things sure have changed since I was a kid

distortedcognition 17

Send a private message

Tuesday 3 March 2020 20:10

I’ll be your friend. Hit me up

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 6

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 299

You deserved it 804

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 767

You deserved it 1 044