Today, I went to see Ghostbusters: Afterlife. A family talked through the whole movie, phones on, watching YouTube videos, totally interrupting the experience. FML
Today, my 75 year-old grandparents, who stubbornly refuse to be vaccinated, asked me to pick up their meds after they got COVID. I left work early to avoid the pharmacy line. After dropping them off, their pharmacy called: they didn't give me all of the meds, so I had to go back and wait another two hours in line. FML
Today, my mother is such a nosy, intruding busybody, she has driven away my last three boyfriends who could no longer stand her. My latest fella had even proposed, but he asked for the ring back and you can bet he blamed my mother for repeatedly involving herself in our private business. FML
Today, my mother is mad at me for deleting my Facebook account. I actually deleted the account because I'd had enough of putting up with her criticizing comments on every Facebook post I made. FML
Today, my wife is visiting her nana, which I hate because she comes home full of Catholic guilt, meaning I'll have to spend the next few months wasting my Sunday mornings in church, until her guilt wears off and her normal Sunday morning laziness resumes. FML
Today, I realised I get called “buddy” and “champ” at work more than I get called my actual name, I’m 27. FML
Today, I fucking hate Veterans Day. It's just an outpouring of artificial gratitude, because tomorrow when all the parades and free meals are all gone, my back will still hurt, my knees will still hurt, and my soul will still be tainted. No one fucking gives a shit anymore, not like yesterday, not even close. FML
Today, after having just cleaned my office at work, I sat at my desk and opened a can of Diet Coke, which then exploded all over my desk, keyboard, and everything else in its path. FML
Today, as every day for the past three weeks, I had to hear my housemate complain about an order being delayed. The last couple of orders took two months to arrive, and she decided to order yet again from that company, so she checks daily and I have to hear about it. FML
Today, my mother-in-law showed up unexpectedly, made passive aggressive comments to my kids in front of me about how we need a bigger place to live, and asked questions about our income. We're actually trying to move soon, and just hadn't told them yet so they wouldn't try to follow us. FML
Today, my dad found out that there is a free, 24-hour, 7 days a week, religious channel. Now that's all he watches. FML
Today, my cat vomited down my heater vent. It went very far down. I'm not even sure if I got all of it. FML
Today, I vented to someone about being left on read by someone else, and they left me on read as well. FML
Today, I've changed my number twice already. When I asked why the insurance agent gave my contact details away without my consent, she replied, "But he seemed so concerned about you!" I suddenly wish there was a serial killer list I can upload her personal information to. Not that I'll actually do it, but fuck you. FML
Today, here in Canada, my father-in-law talked to me about how people who are "not Canadians" are destroying the country. He called me an "import" several times within the course of an hour. I've been a citizen for over twenty years. FML
Today, I was editing sound on a recording of a live music show. The woman who hired me said she wanted less reverb. I told her that this is how the recording was and I can't magically remove acoustic reverb from something recorded in a church. FML
Today, I once again had to explain that my husband's vasectomy was because we really don't want children, and that, "but you can always adopt or try to undo the vasectomy" isn't an appropriate answer. FML
Today, my local pub has now closed so now the only bar within staggering distance of my house is an entertainment centre. So now, if I want to drink myself blotto, I can no longer do it in peace and quiet, I have to do it to the background noise of some cartoon monkey and 100 rotten kids screaming. FML
Today, my live-in mother-in-law gave away the family dog because it’s "one less mouth to feed." Last week, she "accidentally" threw away the mail, thinking it was junk mail. No matter how hard I try to convince my wife to kick her out, she tells me, "But that’s my mother, though." FML
Today, it's been four days since I told my husband how much I dislike the term "baby mama". It's also been four days since he started calling me "my baby mama". We don't even have kids. FML
Today, at work, the same manager who flagged me for being on my phone during an emergency call to my MIL, telling me my baby had an accident and busted her head open, was sitting in the office watching TikTok videos and hitting her vape pen. I guess the rules only apply to certain people. FML
Today, he’s the worst backseat driver ever: first he demands I drive more slowly, then when I swerve slightly because he startled me, he promptly admonishes me to stay in my lane. "He"? Well, he’s not actually a person. He’s my very high-tech rental car, who won’t shut up. FML
Today, I spent 5 hours working on emails for work in a desperate attempt to get back on top of my task list. Having written about 45 emails waiting in my outbox to go out first thing Monday morning, Outlook has "stopped responding". I might've just lost them all and worked through the day for nothing. FML
Today, I had a whole month off before I started my new job. On day six, I had to go to the ER because of a kidney stone and had to get a ureteral stent. In two weeks they will remove the stone, then another week until they remove the stent. I will be recovered just in time for my first day of work. FML
Today, I asked someone to work with me because I felt sorry for her. Turns out, she isn't at all helpful and refuses to work after school, just because she would miss her "beauty nap". She also made up dumb excuses for why she couldn't help me or the others. I wonder why no one wanted to be in a group with her… FML
Today, thinking I could carry it all, I stubbornly brought a load of food in with both hands. The glass jar of nacho cheese smashed on my radiator, and I had to use a toothbrush to clean between the cracks. FML
Today, I finally met a guy I was interested in, after being a single 21 year-old virgin, but my brother decided to be overprotective and drag me away. Like, literally. FML
Today, I learned that I’m being forced to go back to a position I do not want, or find a new job. I’ve been with the company for 12 years. FML
Today, I had to cancel my vacation in Norway, which I had been planning for 2 months and had cried and stressed over all that time because this was the first vacation I'd ever planned myself. Now YouTube won't stop showing me ads about visiting Norway. FML
Today, I’m down to my last, partially snapped cigarette. I carefully taped it back together, enough for at least half a smoke. I then snapped it completely while opening the door to go outside and smoke it. FML
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