All the FMLs

F is for Family

By pissed - 12/10/2020 04:59

Today, I came home to find my husband’s disgusting pig of a sister let herself in while we were at work and decided to take a nap in our bed. Not only did she not ask to visit, she left a huge smelly period stain on my favorite sheets. No apology, no attempt to clean up. I didn’t give her a key. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 797

You deserved it 97

Pants on fire

By Bun - 11/10/2020 23:01 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I found out that while I was attending AA meetings to help understand how to help my boyfriend of 7 years when he got back from rehab, that he was not in rehab at all. He was on vacation. With his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 625

You deserved it 183

Hello from the other side

By losthusband - 11/10/2020 20:01 - United States

Today, my pregnant wife and I got separated while out shopping. She ended up having meltdown and crying so hard the manager had to call me over the PA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 215

You deserved it 217

Tourism

By Jaymail - 11/10/2020 10:01 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was stuck in backed up traffic because of construction for so long that my phone actually listed where I was stuck in traffic as a place I visited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 129

You deserved it 100

Hit and miss

By KitCatAttack - 11/10/2020 10:06

Today, I told my close friend that I have a thing for him. His reaction? "Oh, fuck." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 075

You deserved it 182

Pull your shit together, Bezos

By SadAndCold - 11/10/2020 07:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my Amazon delivery was delayed. I just moved to a new place and that delivery had my pillow and blanket. I can't go buy them in person since I'm self-isolating and the heating isn't working either. Guess I'm sleeping in the freezing cold on the bare mattress one more night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 242

You deserved it 287

Blabbermouth

By betray the betrayer - 10/10/2020 17:02 - United States

Today, after a lifetime of my mom being a huge gossip, even about her own kids, and lying about being the one spreading it around, my siblings and I have decided to stop telling my mom things. Now she lays these huge guilt trips on us, just because we don’t want the world to know our business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 374

You deserved it 104

Surrounded

By Alyce - 10/10/2020 17:01 - United States - Lewistown

Today, my significant other woke at 4:30 a.m. to me crying about a spider in the bathroom. I have an intense fear of spiders; he was super nice and took care of it for me. He even walked me out to my car. I started to calm down driving to work, but when I got there what do I see on the door handle but a spider. I'm still shaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 459

Give me my drugs!

By Anonymous - 10/10/2020 14:02 - United States - Palm Bay

Today, my doctor's office called to reschedule. I hate sacrificing work time at all, but I have to have my contraceptive. The appointment had been set back once already due to insurance issues, and having to wait until November means I'm going to run out… so now I sound like a drug addict. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 000

You deserved it 200

Man's best friend

By Theresa - 10/10/2020 17:01

Today, at my daughter's soccer game, my nephew's dog helped herself to the Snowball I was eating, leaving fur on the side she didn't lick and left it unsalvageable. She peed on the blanket I was sitting on, tried to bite another kid, and went on to pop my kid's soccer ball that she'd used twice since I purchased it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 023

You deserved it 324

Mix and match

By Anonymous - 10/10/2020 14:01

Today, as I was getting ready for church, I couldn't decide between my black or white shoes. I put one of each on, then my son started crying. Fast forward, I'm at church, I look down and I'm wearing one white shoe and one black shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 385

Toxic people

By Armando de Carvalho - 10/10/2020 07:57

Today, I moved back with my mom, sister and niece after 10 years on my own. My niece is 11, we talked about life and she agrees my mom and my sister are toxic and that I should move out. She'll do it as soon as she's 18. I'm 29. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 129

You deserved it 206

Messed up

By mee - 10/10/2020 05:01

Today, I started new meds because I’ve been emotionally numb since I was 14. I never learned how to manage real feelings and I’m on a rollercoaster that involves crying over nothing, feeling jealous of my husband’s Xbox, and getting angry at inanimate objects. Is there a return policy on this? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 060

You deserved it 348

Not gonna happen

By how bout no! - 09/10/2020 17:01 - United States - Hesperia

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years said that he wants to marry and spend his life with me. But first he wants to go be wild and single for a few years before settling down. Not only does he not see a problem with this, he expects me to wait and be faithful to him while he “gets it out of his system”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 803

You deserved it 153

Spread the news

By kryssa - 09/10/2020 23:01

Today, my boyfriend of six years is in the hospital after having a stroke. While being transferred to another hospital, I came to our home to get his phone to call his family, but instead was treated to text messages and voicemails from his other girlfriends. At least 4 of them so far. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 784

You deserved it 122

All that time I'm never getting back

By Anonymous - 09/10/2020 11:02 - United States - York

Today, I ended up being wasting an entire week on a very important scholarship essay because I thought the requirements said “3500 words” when in reality, they said “3500 characters.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 716

You deserved it 944

Never flip flop and drive

By Alyce - 09/10/2020 08:10 - United States - Lewistown

Today, I was supposed to deliver my S/O's keys to the garage, where he got his car fixed after a minor accident. I pulled out of my alley, only to have my flip flop catch on my accelerator, causing me to hit another car passing by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 1 583

Sounds wholesome…

By Anonymous - 09/10/2020 08:04

Today, my grandmother told me that my grandfather was a great man, and that he did a lot for the state of Ohio. When I got home, I googled him. He was the leader of one of the biggest KKK groups in America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 607

You deserved it 139

Alas, poor Doggo

By suchatwat - 09/10/2020 05:02

Today, I accidentally hit my dad in the eye with our dead dog's squeaky toy. He cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 267

Passionate

By Anonymous - 09/10/2020 02:00

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate in an alley. He pushed me up against a wall and started kissing me, but he pushed me so hard I cut open my head and needed 10 stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 159

You deserved it 483

OK, bye then

By Anonymous - 08/10/2020 23:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years sprung the news that he had gotten a new job across the country and would be moving immediately. With his wife and children. First I'm hearing about them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 658

You deserved it 196

A mother's love…

By Anonymous - 08/10/2020 14:01 - United States - Allentown

Today, I crawled into my mom's room to tell her my stomach was in massive pain. She ended up throwing me out of the room while spraying me with Lysol. My appendix was about to burst and I needed surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 877

You deserved it 118

Do not want

By Anonymous - 08/10/2020 08:01 - Europe

Today, I had a chat with a one-night stand and she's decided to keep the child. My life is basically over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 2 736

Pull!

By Anonymous - 08/10/2020 11:01

Today, my tie-rod snapped, forcing me into a parked car. The wheel literally flew off my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 93

What a headache

By heckinfrick - 08/10/2020 08:01

Today, it was the day of the doctor's appointment that I've been waiting for for eight months. I woke up with a fever and had to reschedule. The next appointment is next year. Guess I have to put up with my daily migraines until 2021. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 306

You deserved it 261

Thanks Felicia

By Aric - 08/10/2020 05:01

Today, I arrived at the airport two and a half hours early because I was expecting it to be busy. The line was long but I had plenty of time, until a woman complained about a fee for checked bags. I was next in line, and still managed to miss my flight because the woman caused such a big scene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 560

You deserved it 118

Fair analysis

By Avnirvana - 07/10/2020 23:01 - United States

Today, I seriously considered writing in SCP-106 for president. I hate both candidates so much, I would willingly take President Radical Larry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 797

Bustin' my ass

By Anonymous - 07/10/2020 20:01

Today, I went in for an interview. While I was waiting to be called, I used the restroom. When I stood up to wipe, I slipped on the floor and fell ass first into the unflushed toilet. I was found an hour later, covered in my own shit and too injured to move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 448

You deserved it 202

On yer bike

By E-fail - 07/10/2020 08:53 - Canada - Bathurst

Today, I received my new e-bike. I could barely afford it but I desperately needed a method of transportation. On my second ride, I splashed through a fresh sidewalk. There was sidewalk in the chain, in the brakes, everywhere. There goes my brand new bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 582

You deserved it 1 382

Jonah begs to differ

By JOTA - 07/10/2020 04:02 - New Zealand

Today, my girlfriend told me she was worried about being eaten by a whale while out kayaking on our holiday tour. I told her that she was way larger than whale food, and that it wouldn’t be interested in her. Now she is accusing me of trying to tell her "nicely" that she's fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 218

You deserved it 379

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 190

You deserved it 2 785

Today, I found out my boyfriend cheated on me, years after it happened. I live with him and have been paying his rent, and have been completely oblivious of the fact all this time. Of course, it was also with the girl he told me not to worry about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 036

You deserved it 185

Today, my brother decided to join me on my first date. Not only did he answer the door with a bat, he also got inside the car and sat next to my date, pushing me to the back. He stayed the entire time, and walked me back to the house. My mom laughed and gave him $20. It was a dare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 643

You deserved it 2 705

Today, my fiancé had to perform his first prostate exam. He told me he was quite nervous about it, so I reminded him that he did fine on his first pelvic exam last month. His response: "Yeah, but I've had my hands up plenty of vaginas already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 741

You deserved it 6 196

Today, I was pouring milk into my coffee and, as it plooped into my mug, I noticed the expiration date on the jug passed 2 weeks ago. Nobody here drinks milk very often and I ran out of creamer so I've been unknowingly drinking my coffee with curdled milk for the past 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 336

You deserved it 2 342

Today, a guy asked me out. I accepted and gave him my rates for a night, as well as my cash apps. He immediately freaked out and said, “I meant on a date, you fucking weirdo.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 818