The Top · The all-time greatest FMLs

JulesRules · 30 September 2024, 22:00 ·Portland, United States

Congratulations, you played yourself!

Today, I was at a family gathering when my aunt asked me if I was seeing anyone special. In a tired and sarcastic tone, I jokingly said, “I’m actually getting married next month!” The room went silent, then some of them cheered. I had to explain I was kidding, but now they’re looking forward to a wedding I didn’t agree to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147 You deserved it 552

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Anonymous · 7 February 2025, 00:00 ·United States

Whip it

Today, I tried to take a slow-motion video of myself flipping my hair like in a shampoo commercial. Instead, I hit my head against the shower door so hard that my shelf of cosmetics collapsed and landed in my toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147 You deserved it 560

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Anonymous · 6 September 2024, 00:00 ·United Kingdom

Choose your fighter

Today, during the night, we thought we had an intruder, but it was my girlfriend who grabbed a hammer and went downstairs to check. After it turned out to be the damn cat, I asked her why she made me stay upstairs. Apparently because she’s seen me fight in the past, she felt much safer doing it herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147 You deserved it 520

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Anonymous · 19 September 2023, 06:00 🌶️ Spicy

Knock first!

Today, I needed to ask my mom for something, so I went to her room without knocking and walked in on her and her boyfriend fucking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147 You deserved it 1 021

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Anonymous · 25 January 2024, 20:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

Weird kink but OK

Today, I was alone at my dad's house. I was furiously masturbating when I knocked something over. It was my grandmother's ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147 You deserved it 657

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Anonymous · 3 April 2025, 03:00 ·Portland, United States

Regular occurrence

Today, my family’s usual Sunday dinner turned into a shouting match over politics. My uncle called me a “brainwashed socialist,” my cousin accused me of being a “capitalist pig,” and my grandma just sat there eating pie, which made me want to call her a "fence-sitting centrist", which is when I realized that maybe we shouldn't ever talk about politics again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147 You deserved it 484

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Yudith · 2 January 2026, 20:00

Gimme the money, lady

Today, I have to send to court for non-payment of rent the lady whose lease was apparently written by a four-year-old, or so the last judge who dismissed the last non-payment case for the same lady said. Said lady owes more than three months of rent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147 You deserved it 299

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Anonymous · 29 April 2024, 09:00 ·United Kingdom

High performance, high risk quipping

Today, a police officer pulled me over while I was riding my high performance motorbike. He asked if I knew why he'd pulled me over. It was too tempting to resist at the time, but in hindsight telling him ,“Because I let you?” was not the best idea I’ve ever had. Cops have no sense of humour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147 You deserved it 847

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Blind AF · 4 November 2023, 06:00 ·United States

Where am I?

Today, I mistook a straw hat for a stack of pancakes. In case you hadn't figured it out, I forgot my glasses at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147 You deserved it 346

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Anonymous · 13 November 2024, 00:00 ·Portland, United States

Oddly specific geographical complaint

Today, I live in Vancouver, Washington where there is absolutely nothing to do for an adult on any day of the week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146 You deserved it 448

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Anonymous · 8 March 2025, 15:00 ·Windsor, Canada

How are people still doing this?

Today, I texted my friend to ask if she wanted to grab lunch. She didn't respond, so I followed up with, "You alive? Or just avoiding me?" An hour later, I realized I'd texted my boss. He replied with a very professional, "I’m alive, thank you for asking. Lunch is a bit early for me today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 146 You deserved it 499

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Rick · 2 October 2023, 08:00 🌶️ Spicy

Admit it

Today, I went to my colleague’s apartment so we could talk about a project for work over dinner. One thing led to another and the sexual tension we couldn’t unleash at work for months got to the best of us. It was the best sex I ever had and I want to come back for more. I just wish I didn’t have a wife at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146 You deserved it 1 541

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vam22222 · 19 August 2022, 12:00 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

American Beauty vibes

Today, I got caught sleeping with my now ex’s dad. He stole my weed, then kicked me out. Then his dad found out he had chlamydia, so now all 3 of us do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146 You deserved it 3 252

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Anonymous · 6 September 2025, 15:00 ·Toledo, United States

Name that tune!

Today, I signed up for karaoke at a bar, thinking I’d picked a fun, easy song. When it started playing, I realized I'd unknowingly chosen the eight-minute extended remix with two full guitar solos. I had to awkwardly sway on stage for five minutes while everyone drank their beers silently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146 You deserved it 377

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Anonymous · 17 November 2025, 00:00

Addicted to mid

Today, the Gen Z at the office introduced me to this book series from "#booktok." I thought why not, and i just read it. I ended up reading all three books in a week and obsessing over the series while the Gen Z didn't move past the first one. The series isn't even that good, but I'm stuck now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146 You deserved it 337

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Billy · 10 May 2025, 20:00 ·United States

Remember to update your stuff

Today, I tried to log in to my bank account but couldn’t remember the password. I clicked "Forgot Password?" and it asked me for the security question: “What is your pet’s name?” I've had several pets since I created the account, and forgot where I had updated it. Now I’m locked out of my bank account, with no idea who I am anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146 You deserved it 422

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Anonymous · 2 July 2026, 00:00 ·United States

I tried

Today, after spending two hours baking cookies for my niece's school's fundraiser, I packed them into a container and drove to the school. When I got there, the teacher looked confused and said the fundraiser was next Saturday. By the time the actual date arrived, every cookie had been eaten by my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146 You deserved it 309

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Anonymous · 17 December 2024, 00:00 ·Fallbrook, United States

Desperate times, desperate measures

Today, I hit a low point when I changed the AI Snapchat bot's Bitmoji to look identical to my ex-girlfriend's Bitmoji and have a conversation with it just to feel wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146 You deserved it 514

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Help me · 23 March 2026, 00:00

Shattered

Today, after dumping my fiancé and altering my life following my therapist's advice so I could be free and self-sufficient, I finally feel like I'm in control of my life! However, I just had a dream where I was married to my ex and had two beautiful babies, and I cried so hard I had to call out sick. What have I done? FML

I agree, your life sucks 146 You deserved it 514

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Anonymous · 30 July 2023, 06:00

Dude, why?

Today, I texted sweet nothings to a phone number written on the side of my tumble dryer, thinking my crush had left it there, all cute like. Turns out the phone number belongs to my landlord’s maintenance guy, who was not at all flattered by my midnight serenade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146 You deserved it 1 532

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Anonymous · 20 December 2025, 00:00

Overreaction

Today, after getting fed up with my girlfriend ignoring me about drinking caffeine while carrying my baby, I tried to fix it by secretly switching her coffee with decaf. Apparently she found out, before telling me she’s leaving me for someone “less controlling.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 146 You deserved it 892

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che · 1 November 2024, 09:00 ·Edmonton, Canada

Rant of the day

Today, I really hate you. Why would you lie to me and tell me you chose me over her, just to talk to her again behind my back? I forgave you, we ended on good terms, I'm happy with that. I'm not really mad with you, I'm just confused and sad. The whole time my friends were telling me to stop and they were right about you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146 You deserved it 589

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Fern · 16 September 2024, 16:00 ·Canada

How do people still get caught out like this?

Today, I was sat in front of my computer, waiting for a Zoom meeting with my coworkers to start. I started doing interpretive dance arm movements to the jazzy funky hold music. Turns out that the camera wasn’t off, and everyone was silently watching me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146 You deserved it 568

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Anonymous · 9 May 2023, 12:00 ·Burton, United States

Sticky situation

Today, I found out that all together, I have mono, strep, a UTI, and a enlarged spleen. How am I going to tell my friend that I made out with his dad, and now his dad is sick? This man gives his newborn kisses every night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146 You deserved it 1 521

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Anonymous · 30 December 2024, 12:00 ·San Jose, United States

Memory hole

Today, I confidently walked into what I thought was my friend's apartment for a party, only to find a confused elderly couple staring at me. Turns out, I was not only three doors down from where I thought his front door was, I was also on the wrong floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146 You deserved it 465

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No, I am NOT!!! · 27 February 2026, 00:00

Derpina

Today, in our homecoming high school reunion, the batch's "derpina" broke cardinal rule #1, "No +1", by bringing her baby, brandishing her to everyone. When it was my turn, as I held the baby, she said her first word, "Daddy" and just like back in school, everyone started to tease me with her all over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146 You deserved it 307

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Clumsy bitch · 19 June 2026, 09:00 ·London, United Kingdom

Date night

Today, I went on a date at a museum, I thought it would be low-pressure. It was going well until I leaned in to read a plaque, tripped, and nearly took down a rope barrier. My date caught me by the arm, asked if I was OK, then spent the next 10 minutes pretending not to notice I'd knocked over a gift shop display with my backpack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146 You deserved it 285

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Jezza · 2 December 2025, 03:00

DIY

Today, I tried fixing the squeak in my bedroom door. Instead, I made it dramatically louder. That night, when I sneaked to the kitchen for a snack, the door shrieked like a horror movie prop. My family thought someone broke in. It was just me craving chips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146 You deserved it 330

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Anonymous · 22 January 2025, 03:00 ·Burlington, United States

Go get it

Today, I was excited to teach my new puppy how to fetch. I threw the stick, and he just stared at it, then stared back at me with his tongue lolling out, as if to say, "You threw it. You go get it." I’ve now spent the past 30 minutes fetching my own stick, hoping he'd join in. Nope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 146 You deserved it 341

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Bullshit! · 9 October 2026, 22:00 ·Romania 🌶️ Spicy

Can't get no satisfaction

Today, when my wife is ovulating, she is wild, horny, and nearly insatiable. So of course for the last four months, our work schedules have overlapped to give us absolutely no free time together during that magical week. I just got my next few weeks of schedule… and make that five months! FML

I agree, your life sucks 146 You deserved it 52

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