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The all-time greatest FMLs

Egg IRL

By Anonymous - 16/11/2020 05:01 - United States

Today, I was eating out with my family. I have 2 brothers. Our waitress comes and says, "Look at those 3 handsome young men." I didn't think of it until my 5-year-old brother shouted, " She's a girl!'" FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 108

Pushover

By Anonymous - 23/10/2021 13:59 - Australia

Today, my wife always wants to spend on big items, like a new pool or home renovations; I want to save for our future. At 45 years of age, we are in heavy debt and I have no other assets as a backup. I should have stood up to her from the beginning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 628

Legalese

By Anonymous - 10/06/2022 00:00

Today, after years of telling my sister she's crazy for thinking our parents have been playing favorites all our lives, with me being the favorite, I saw in their will I got the house, both cars, and all their money. Meanwhile, all she got mom's old clothes, "if she can fit in them." FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 502

My guy

By Anonymous - 03/01/2022 01:00 - United Kingdom - Newport

Today, I realised that the only friend who talks to me consistently is a guy who used to stalk me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 167

Mean girls

By Anonymous - 30/11/2021 05:01

Today, I found out via Whatsapp status about a girl's outing of a group I'm in. I wasn't invited. I'm 35 and it's high school all over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 138

Oh, hai Mark!

By lyle - 02/04/2021 08:00

Today, I had to listen to my daughter’s explosive diarrhea while I watched TV. When she came out of the bathroom, she went white as a sheet. Apparently she thought she was alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 212

Relaxing chimes

By Anonymous - 07/12/2021 02:01 - United States

Today, my new neighbor just put up really loud wind chimes. I just got a ton of letters under my door, stating if I don't take them down, they're going to file a noise complaint with the building management. She owns her condo, I don't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 107

Crazy ex

By Anonymous - 30/06/2023 10:00

Today, my girlfriend came up to me to ask me to have access to my Google account, just so she could delete all my photos then break up with me, saying I was in the wrong. She thought it was disrespectful for me to have a life outside of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 135

Too late

By Anonymous - 16/07/2023 03:00

Today, my husband told me he'd changed his mind and no longer wants children. We already have two kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 150

I never knew you

By Anonymous - 04/09/2022 19:30

Today, I saw a YouTube video of the cutest, sweetest old dog. When I checked the channel for more videos of this dog, I discovered that he died last month. Day ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 256

Pile on

By Anonymous - 18/08/2021 21:01 - United States - Livermore

Today, I was laughingly informed that I'm an overachiever, by my doctor who thinks I have more health conditions than anyone my age should have. Guess who was just diagnosed with another? FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 117

Thanks, dad

By idk.man® - 01/01/2021 22:54

Today, I got yelled at by my dad again for being inside so much instead of outside doing stuff. We are still in a lockdown and are not allowed to leave the house unless its for work or to go to the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 123

Meddling

By Anonymous - 27/05/2023 18:00 - Australia - Taren Point

Today, I found out that my mother organized someone to feed my pets because I would be out of town overnight, even though I told her that I would be back in the morning and they would be fine. They overfed my dogs, with one of them eating over 10% of her weight, and now she may have bloat, which is often fatal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 114

Compassion

By Anonymous - 02/12/2020 11:05

Today, one of my friends got upset with me because I’m leaving our high school. The high school I have been bullied at for the past 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 102

Sorry little buddy

By Sorry kitty - 23/11/2022 16:00

Today, my cat sat on me, 30 minutes before I had to go to work. When I picked him up almost immediately after he got comfortable so I could get ready, he looked and sounded absolutely crushed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 225

50 shades of seriousness

By Anonymous - 11/10/2022 12:00 - United States

Today, I was dumped by my boyfriend because he “wasn’t ready for a serious relationship” after being in a serious relationship with me for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 125

Thrashing

By bad sleeper - 19/05/2021 08:00 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he never wants to sleepover anymore. He said he loves me, but that sleeping next to me is like sleeping next to someone reenacting the crucifixion while being mauled to death by squirrels. So much for cuddling through the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 226

Happy Birthday

By Anonymous - 06/02/2022 00:00 - United States - New York

Today, I heard my fiancé tell his friend that he's working on Sunday. Which is my birthday. The birthday I don't even get a party for because of Covid. My only plan was to be with him and my BFF. He says he didn't think to take the day off, and now there's "probably not enough time to get coverage." He's the manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 260

Hey! Teachers! Leave those kids alone!

By Anonymous - 24/09/2021 13:58

Today, while grading my kindergarteners' spelling tests, one kid spelled all the words wrong, including his name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 195

Now hiring. Please.

By Anonymous - 25/06/2021 11:01 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend's 16-year-old daughter got a job. I'm 29, have a Master’s degree in chemistry and I'm still unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 241

The secret is in the taint

By Anonymous - 20/01/2023 14:00

Today, my girlfriend wants to lick my butthole. How do I respond to that? I am genuinely confused and disgusted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 537

Toot toot

By Anonymous - 08/07/2022 12:00 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I had a dictation test. The whole classroom was silent, but I suddenly needed to fart. Not to break the silence, I wanted to fart slowly in the hope it would be silent. It didn't make the fart less obvious, it just made it longer, so that everyone noticed and started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 412

Wish you were her

By Anonymous - 11/06/2022 06:00

Today, my roommate wants me to leave for a bit so she can “have a ton of fun.” Is it horrible that I wish it was me, because I can’t remember how long it’s been since I had any “fun"? FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 264

Tense family drama

By Anonymous - 03/09/2022 10:00

Today, my parents kept overreacting over stupid stuff during dinner. I found a hair in a dish, so I removed it myself. My mom goes, "Is that a hair? Is it?! I'll get rid of it!" I told her that I'd already done it myself. Then, because I bit my nail once, my dad constantly kept asking if I was OK, even though I'd said I was. He wouldn't stop! FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 228

Our internet works fine, dumbass

By jenni - 19/09/2021 08:00

Today, I found out my son has been ditching his Zoom classes. He claims he couldn’t connect because of "technical difficulties." I can’t believe he seriously expected me to believe that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 144

Sensitive subject

By Anonymous - 28/07/2023 07:00 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I'm 55 and I've been with my 61 year-old hubs for 32 years. He has next to no sex drive. When I asked him to tell me what is attractive about me, he said I'm nice, witty, easy to talk to. I asked what physically is attractive about me. He said, "You're not gross and you're not obese." He then got mad at me when I started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 433

Young at heart

By Anonymous - 14/10/2022 12:00

Today, I found out when meeting her that my uncle has a girlfriend who is half his age. She's worse than a toddler; she started begging and crying for chocolate in the middle of a car ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 88

Depends which one

By nabru - 14/01/2022 10:01 - Brazil - Itapema

Today, I woke up at 4 a.m. to study and do homework, then worked for 8 hours, then went to the gym, and finally went home to study even more. Then I realized I'll never make as much money or be as cool as a YouTube celebrity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 310

Stars of CCTV

By Anonymous - 31/07/2023 06:00 - Australia

Today, I had a discussion with my boss. I work at a self storage, and told her that we need 8 more security cameras so that we can cover all the hallways. She decided to get 2 put into the office so she can spy on her employees instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 128

Pampered

By Pinsky - 04/08/2021 19:01 - United States - Chicago

Today, the 61 year-old Vice-President of our company complained about a blister to four landscapers working outside in the July heat, for 10 minutes. He then made me carry his lunch bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 156

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The Top

Today, whilst driving, I had the sudden urge to vomit. As I pulled over I wound my window down, stuck my head out, and emptied my stomach. At least I would have if I had wound down the driver's window instead of the back window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 554

You deserved it 956

Today, while surfing facebook I noticed someone in my network had recently shifted his relationship status from undeclared to "single." We've been dating exclusively for nine months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 581

You deserved it 2 659

Today, I was trying to exercise more, so I went for a walk. I was quickly overtaken by a middle-aged lady with cankles, carrying heavy shopping bags in each hand. I'm 19, skinny, and apparently very unfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 854

You deserved it 2 587

Today, I miss the days when I was younger and my parents used to at least try to hide all the sex they were having. Now I’m all grown up, they just yell out not to come upstairs for at least 30 minutes, and they no longer even attempt to keep the noise down either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 312

You deserved it 517

Today, I was backing out of my garage when my neighbour's collie ran behind my car. Unfortunately, I didn't see it, but I heard a thump. They were out, so I rushed him to the vet's. I was upset, and I guess I was driving too fast and didn't see that another dog was crossing the road. I killed two dogs today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 498

You deserved it 462

Today, I accidentally mistyped "one sec" as "one sex" in a group chat at work. I apologized and corrected myself immediately, but some bitch with too much free time was so offended that she reported me to HR anyway. I'm suspended while they look into it, and my girlfriend is convinced I did it on purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 584

You deserved it 108