Today, my dad wrecked yet another car by driving drunk. He's now in jail and has a broken arm. I've begged my family to help him get sober, but they just say, "Stop your americanized bullshit, he's fine, this is how we do in the old country." I'm scared he's gonna get someone killed. FML
Today, I continue to suffer from chronic vertigo, which affects my daily life, including but not limited to dizziness, not being able to drive some days, nausea and vomiting, not able to hold my children without falling, and this morning I fell to the floor temporarily blind because of it. Eighteen years of this. FML
Today, I learned that our evil fascist pedophile rapist "President" will start seizing property of people behind on their student loans next month. What property? I have an old crappy car and a dumpy apartment, and I work 2 jobs just to tread water. Take my fucking organs, I guess, they're all I've got. FML
Today, I was threatened with arrest for refusing to accept a citation for having a dog off leash in a park. It wasn’t my fucking dog! It was a very friendly stray that started following me on my morning walk. I tried to explain myself but the dog wouldn’t leave my side or stop barking at the cop. FML
Today, the most obnoxious customer came into my job. She surprisingly scrutinized everything I did. She even mentioned I didn’t offer our store credit card (I honestly forgot due to being overwhelmed by her rude attitude). Turns out she was a secret shopper. Apparently, I failed her little tests. I was fired. FML
Today, my parents disowned me because I threw out my wife and son after I found out that the kid wasn't mine. According to them, I'm a "heartless asshole." FML
Today, my stepdaughter unexpectedly got her first period during a visit. I explained everything to her, then took her to the store to buy supplies and snacks. Her mother called and cussed me out for “stealing” this experience from her. Yeah I totally planned it to happen this way. FML
Today, I was met with a flurry of complaints after my “disgusting” speech during my child’s career day at school. I’m a labor and delivery nurse, and my use of words like “fetus, breast, cesarean, etc.” was too much for the kids. I never even mentioned sex or genitals, and they’re in the 6th grade. FML
Today, my husband and I had a huge fight and he stormed out, all because I told him that now that as he's no longer in the military and we're not moving around anymore, I want to stop homeschooling our kids and put them in regular school. He refused. FML
Today, my wife walked into the bedroom in a vest top, a mini skirt, tights, and fuck-me heels. I thought I was gonna get some for the first time in months, until she came out with the dreaded statement, “I’m off out with the girls, can you stay awake? I might need a ride home later.” FML
Today, when my date realised he wasn’t getting sex, even though it was the mythical third date when sex is supposedly guaranteed, he asked for the bill while I was still halfway through my main course, paid his share to the penny, and left. He'd driven me there, so I had to get a bus home. FML
Today, I had to make the heartbreaking decision to end my engagement after my fiancé agreed to let several of his obnoxious family members move in without even asking me. He says 'family over everything' but what does that make me? To make matters harder, I just found out I’m pregnant. FML
Today, my siblings canceled my birthday LUNCH that THEY planned FOR ME while MID-LUNCH at a different place WITHOUT ME. They decided that my birthday should just be done two weeks later ON MY DAUGHTER'S BIRTHDAY. I feel discarded. FML
Today, my boyfriend proposed! I wanted to get a jump on things so I started looking at photographers, and he mentioned he already knew a good one. I went to check out the photographer’s Instagram and found a picture of my boyfriend… and his wife. FML
Today, I caught my sister red-handed trying to frame my husband for cheating. She's always been jealous that I'm in a happy marriage and she's only 31 and has already been divorced five times. I can't go no contact with her because she has two boys who I absolutely adore. FML
Today, my mother-in-law 'corrected' me while I was trying to help her father with his Parkinson's medication. She went on and on about how she read on the internet about it. I'm a neurologist, but no, she knows better after a Google search. FML
Today, I asked my foster parents to adopt me. They said no because my dad's getting out of prison soon. FML
Today, my right arm was broken preventing a woman being hit by a van speeding through a zebra crossing. One of my eyes is also swollen shut from where she kicked me in the face as I was on the ground, for “grabbing her boob”. Stupid ungrateful bitch. FML
Today, my parents swore up and down for the umpteenth time that I'm their biological child, even though they're both white and I'm very obviously Hispanic. I know I'm adopted and I even got proof, but they dismiss it as AI. They keep insisting that "genetics are weird." I just want them to be honest with me. FML
Today, I drove 15 hours to drop my son off at my parents' for their vacation, just for them to tell me that they changed their minds and they're taking my sister's kids instead. FML
Today, our boss announced several new training courses. For some reason, the guy next to me whispered in my ear that the only course he’s interested in is intercourse, with the boss’s daughter. The boss heard him but for some reason is convinced I said it. Suspended without pay, and possibly sacked. FML
Today, my son told me he liked a girl, so I asked if they were friends. He said no, he's never spoken to her, but he watches her in class and follows her around. When I told him that was fucking creepy, my wife yelled at me. My kid is a stalker and my wife thinks it's cute. God help me. FML
Today, I'm sick of my wife’s attitude. Apparently, when she has the kids by herself it’s "parenting", but when I have the kids it’s “babysitting” or “helping out” or my new favourite “the least you can do, you lazy asshole.” When added up, I parent the kids by myself more hours than she does. FML
Today, our desks were rearranged. I was seated next to a coworker who spends the entire day on the phone, chatting loudly with his relatives in another country while he works. I complained that it was distracting. Management won't do anything about it and warned me that "my complaints reek of racism." FML
Today, my foster son’s adoption is once again being delayed thanks to his crackhead birth mom. Every time she gets a notice that we’re moving forward, she has some rando come forward pretending to be the bio dad, then we have to go through months of court and DNA tests. She’s done this 12 times. FML
Today, I heard a gunshot not too far from the house. This is not unusual, as I live way out in the boonies and hunters tend to roam the woods. What isn't normal is a stray bullet hitting my above-ground pool, which promptly split open and released a torrent of water that flooded my basement. FML
Today, when I was 14, all I could think about was girls. My son, however, would rather be a "furry", meaning he wears cat ears everywhere, meows and hisses in conversation, and keeps licking his hands and wiping them on his face. FML
Today, my wife and I have been fighting and she's accusing me of being too controlling because I absolutely forbid her from putting pictures of our kids on social media. FML
Today, my wife did the 'flash me naked' thing while I was on Zoom with my boss and three board members. She then got mad I didn’t immediately make an excuse to end the call because, hello, board members, and even when I was done she didn’t want sex anymore because clearly I value work more than her. FML
Today, my husband allowed his 16-year-old daughter to get married. Every single objection and concern I had, they ignored. FML
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