Sports: How could you? - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 347

You deserved it 91

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 1 237

How could you?

By Anonymous - 11/01/2021 02:30

Today, I saw the Steelers throw the game to the Browns. I get it, you don't want to go to the Superbowl, but could you try being more realistic than staged wrestling? FML

I agree, your life sucks 270

You deserved it 668

Broken heart

BO Central

Creepy

13/02/2013 05:07

Today, my boyfriend and I were visiting his parents. I'm nervous around them so he encouraged me to drink so I'd loosen up. I got so drunk I tore up all the things in his old room I thought were from ex-girlfriends and accidentally flashed his dad my crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 541

You deserved it 56 594

Bored

By Anonymous - 22/01/2012 11:44

Spicy

Today, I caught myself thinking about what to cook for dinner tonight. During sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 278

You deserved it 7 232

29/03/2013 21:36

Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 608

You deserved it 9 242

28/02/2010 13:44

Today, while I was standing in the elevator with a few people I just met when I moved in yesterday, I felt something fall on my hair and dusted it off. It was a cockroach. None of them will come within a 1m distance to me now, because they all think I've got lice. Welcome to the building! FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 023

You deserved it 2 399

26/02/2009 15:30

Today, I was a TA for a history class and the class was taking a test. About halfway through, I noticed one kid had a small piece of paper in his hand. I ran up the row, grabbed his test, and ripped it into four pieces. Then I took the note from him. It said "I believe in you, -Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 929

You deserved it 475 084

08/03/2013 03:18

Today, in my architecture class, my professor's lecture consisted of a list of movies and books which feature characters who are architects. I couldn't leave because I needed the attendance points, and it lasted 45 minutes. I paid out of state tuition for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 437

You deserved it 4 080

14/10/2017 06:00

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my phone rang. We continued to have sex while I took the call. It was my gyno calling to tell me that I tested positive for chlamydia and that I needed to tell my partner. Yeah, sex ended real quick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 882

You deserved it 9 131

12/01/2010 05:11

Today, we got our family pictures back from the printers. I complained to my mom about the ones she picked. "Oh don't worry," she said. "I had them photoshop out your gut." I was talking about my smile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 057

You deserved it 3 655

20/11/2010 05:21

Today, I got an electric razor and a lesson from my dad on how to shave my mustache and chin. I also got my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 819

You deserved it 4 493

19/12/2010 05:41

Today, I put my old kitchen table at the end of my driveway with a free sign on it. Later, I saw my neighbor drag it to his yard with a $50 for sale sign on it. It's now gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 835

You deserved it 36 518

05/08/2015 06:13

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he wasn't feeling our two-month relationship was up to par with his parents' 30-year marriage, and, furthermore, I wasn't similar enough to his mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 085

You deserved it 2 115

26/06/2017 00:00

Today, a water snake slithered into our pool. He can have it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 471

You deserved it 502

04/03/2010 17:15

Today, I stole a bite of my boyfriend's hamburger. He threw a fit, saying I took too big a bite and I had to replace it with a new, more expensive one. Afterwards, he said how lucky I was he didn't break up with me then and there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 476

You deserved it 10 403

Asshole

By Anonymous - 21/06/2013 20:38

Today, my drunk dad decided to wake me up by lobbing our cat directly into my now-mauled face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 079

You deserved it 3 223

08/08/2009 09:42

Today, I flew my girlfriend to Paris for our one year anniversary. Little did I know that instead of going up the Eiffel Tower and over looking the most romantic city she would rather spend it in bed with a French man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 188

You deserved it 4 920

07/02/2009 21:16

Spicy

Today, I went looking for a childhood doll - I remembered that my mum kept her in her bedside cabinet. I could see the doll at the back, but there was stuff in the way, so I reached in and took some of it out, only to find I was holding one of my mum's toys... a big black rubber cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 056

You deserved it 6 851

24/04/2016 01:25

Today, my roommate's shopping addiction reached a whole new level. He bought a box of tampons just because they were 40% off. Yes, he. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 359

You deserved it 1 294

18/06/2015 16:56

Today, I was in a hot tub at a public sauna. After chatting with a friendly couple, I decided to go get some lunch. I was halfway out of the water when the man started laughing and said he'd thought I was a woman. I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 911

You deserved it 2 312

Strange things are afoot…

By proudestmonkey - 24/03/2009 05:44

Spicy

Today, I had my car stolen. When the police found it, pretty much everything inside was missing. For some reason, I had left 6 pairs of shoes in my back seat. Whoever stole my car thought it would be funny to take one shoe from each pair. I now own 6 unmatched shoes and my car smells like sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 051

You deserved it 6 514

08/08/2009 04:06

Today, was my 22nd birthday. The only person who remembered was the dentist who sent me a postcard in the mail. I stopped going to him four years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 888

You deserved it 2 885

18/08/2009 11:47

Today, my nose was itchy. As I reached towards it to itch it, I sneezed ridiculously hard. I punched myself in the eye and now it's all purple and puffy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 666

You deserved it 9 778

Festival spirit

By Festivalgal - 01/08/2021 20:01

Today, I went to a music festival with my boyfriend and ran into his female bestie. She refused to say “Hello”, looked at me up and down, and made passive-aggressive remarks under her breath. After a while of us three hanging out, she stormed off and told him, "We’ll talk about this later, call me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 295

You deserved it 90

Separation anxiety

By Anonymous - 21/07/2021 02:01

Today, I’m glad that my friend’s grumpy old cat, who I’m watching in her absence, actually seems to like me. In fact, she likes me so much that she wakes me up at 4 a.m. to not only demand food, but demand my company while eating it. How very flattering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 128

Metal music

By Oopsydaisy31 - 03/01/2020 03:00

Today, my date and I were getting to know each other, and we talked about our favorite music. He's into metal. Trying to impress him, I mention I like metal too. He said his favorite band is “The Gonzorks” and I mentioned that's my favorite too. He looked at me dead and cold and said “Um, actually that band doesn't exist.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 4 491

11/07/2011 15:37

Today, I spent the entire day in my room trying to figure out how to get rid of my psycho boyfriend without dying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 698

You deserved it 6 676

Smile!

By Anonymous - 21/11/2017 15:00

Today, some official photographs went live on our company website. As I took a closer look, I realised I was in the background of one photo unloading boxes from a van. My trousers were halfway down my ass, flashing my butt crack for the whole internet to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 835

You deserved it 1 403

26/10/2013 03:03

Today, someone popped my birthday balloon at school. Her reasoning was that she "didn't want people to know we have the same birthday." Who popped it? My identical twin sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 247

You deserved it 3 681

09/06/2016 19:07

Today, my "friends" and I were supposed to go out to eat to celebrate finishing the last day of school, but with a full day of work first, I decided to go buy them donuts. They decided to ditch me while I was gone, and go early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 890

You deserved it 905

Congrats!

By sodonewiththis89 - 10/02/2021 13:59

Today, I found out my husband is having a baby. Too bad I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 249

You deserved it 63

Scratch that

By ouch - 15/09/2019 00:01

Today, after 4 days of using anti-itch cream for what pharmacists and nurses have called “an allergic reaction”, I was diagnosed with shingles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 584

You deserved it 100

01/03/2015 06:05

Today, I was checking the family's computer history, and found that "Shrek Porn" had been searched multiple times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 099

You deserved it 3 578

27/12/2011 05:26

Today, my boyfriend and I were at dinner with his parents when he discreetly slid his hand up my skirt and tickled me. This caused me to kick his dad's recently broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 796

You deserved it 4 944

23/06/2019 12:30

Today, my new roommate, who seemed to get along with me just fine up until now, has requested to switch to a different room. Apparently, I was making racist comments in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 189

You deserved it 341

20/06/2009 05:47

Today, I had a big craving for a popsicle so I went to a convenience store and bought one. On my first bite, my upper lip got stuck to it. I ripped it off and spent the next 10 minutes trying to stop the bleeding from the giant cut I'd put in my lip. It hurt too much to finish the popsicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 348

You deserved it 13 404

10/09/2018 20:30

Today, I got on the Megabus for a 6-hour journey from London to Plymouth. I then realised I'd forgotten to fill up my water bottle and charge my iPod. It's a fully packed, sweaty hot loud coach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 288

You deserved it 1 288

04/09/2009 23:43

Today, I was walking home from work going over a railway-bridge, when a 12 year old boy standing at the bottom asks if I could help him carry his bike up, as he couldn't lift it. I did it for him, and was greeted on the other side by his father - who thought I was stealing it and hit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 170

You deserved it 2 460

31/07/2010 23:24

Spicy

Today, I met a man at the bar, and he asked me to go home with him. The problem? He's 80. I'm 29. The bigger problem? I considered it. It's been that long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 766

You deserved it 17 793

16/08/2011 16:16

Today, I found out that if I don't get fillings in at least ten of my teeth within the next year, I could lose them all. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 416

You deserved it 42 966

01/06/2013 23:31

Today, I found out that my parents were artists when they met. My mom said that I was one of their best projects yet. My sister, hearing what my mother said, broke my week-old PS3 in a rage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 964

You deserved it 3 829

12/07/2019 12:28

Today, my newborn son is only four days old. My in-laws have been over five times already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 678

You deserved it 243

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Top comments

Kraths 16

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Monday 11 January 2021 10:29

The only time the Browns will make it to the Superbowl is if I take them there.

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Tuesday 12 January 2021 0:09

Maybe they just suck? I mean they did get 37 pts so I'm not sure how that's "throwing the game". I dunno, I'm rooting for the Bills this year.

Comments

Kraths 16

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Monday 11 January 2021 10:29

The only time the Browns will make it to the Superbowl is if I take them there.

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Tuesday 12 January 2021 0:09

Maybe they just suck? I mean they did get 37 pts so I'm not sure how that's "throwing the game". I dunno, I'm rooting for the Bills this year.

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Tuesday 12 January 2021 6:12

Waah Waah. Steelers threw the game? You think you know something about not being serious about winning? This is the first playoff win for the Browns (or Bengals) since 1994. But Steelers fans are the victims of an unjust conspiracy.

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Tuesday 12 January 2021 6:45

your an idiot obviously no nothing about football. Browns d was ready

seductivesoup2 5

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Tuesday 12 January 2021 19:25

They were 11-0 until they lost 6 games in a row, 2 of which were back to back losses to Cleveland. I assume the regular season game where they lost to the Browns was rigged, too?

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Wednesday 13 January 2021 6:12

Wait... the Superbowl is going ahead? Talk about a super spreader event.

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Thursday 14 January 2021 12:42

I felt bad when Ben cried. He's just getting old. I've been there. Go Packers

dasin 17

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Saturday 16 January 2021 15:11

its all garbo till the modern coloseum bring back the swords XD

PenguinPal3017 19

Tuesday 19 January 2021 19:51

Someone lost all their money on a "sure thing", and now won't admit it's their fault.