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Today, I was at a party, chatting up this guy while we were petting my friends dog. The dog had just been outside and was kinda wet, I assumed it was raining out. Just then someone came up and said "Um, that dog's covered in pee." Apparently someone peed off the deck onto the dog as it walked by. FML

#7093721
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21914) - you deserved it (2505)

On 01/01/2010 at 11:40pm - animals - by ninjapup (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was at the mall, when I saw an elderly lady drop her groceries, so I rushed over to help her pick them up. She took one look at me, called me a "Liberal bastard," and shouted for me to get away from her before she called the cops. FML

#19987947
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21914) - you deserved it (2217)

On 07/27/2012 at 7:55pm - misc - by WTF is all I ask (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went into Whole Foods asking if they carried a supplement called Carnosine. The girl assisting me had no idea what it was, but asked, "Is this for weight loss?" FML

#19656281
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21915) - you deserved it (4283)

On 05/21/2012 at 8:10am - health - by medosin (woman) - Austria

Today, I woke up with bruised nipples because apparently my boyfriend likes to excessively play with them while I sleep. FML

#7142367
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21912) - you deserved it (3581)

On 01/04/2010 at 6:30am - intimacy - by sore - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to the bank to get a temporary debit card since I lost my wallet a week ago. On my drive across the street from the bank to the DMV a car slammed into mine at the intersection, nearly totaling my car. The movie theater I went to last week just called and said they'd found my wallet. FML

#13957675
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21912) - you deserved it (3064)

On 11/24/2010 at 2:10am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was walking down the street, when I saw a guy in front of me trip and fall forwards, and I quickly jumped forward to steady him. Apparently he thought he was being mugged, and threw his head backwards into my face, leaving my nose a bloody mess. FML

#19793138
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21911) - you deserved it (2172)

On 06/15/2012 at 4:23pm - misc - by shalara (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML

#20537010
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21911) - you deserved it (62204)

On 03/09/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by je_regrette_tout (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was woken up to the crushing of my balls after my 5-year-old son thought it would be the best way to wake me up. FML

#21455380
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21911) - you deserved it (1889)

On 08/12/2015 at 9:44pm - kids - by jjjjjohn cena - United States (Nebraska)

Today, while I was putting up Christmas lights, my younger brother wouldn't stop pestering me. It seems he hadn't forgotten the time I gave myself an electric shock last year, and he wanted to see if I'd do it again. FML

#18419129
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21910) - you deserved it (3267)

On 12/03/2011 at 1:11pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting heated, and he started to go down on me. In excitement, I accidentally drove a knee into his face. No amount of fondling his diddlestick made him forgive me for his bloody nose and swollen eye. FML

#19289453
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21910) - you deserved it (11951)

On 03/16/2012 at 4:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland

Today, I woke up on the couch and realized I had fallen asleep while doing laundry. Ran to the laundry room, and found all my clothes gone. I really wish I hadn't been doing a load of all my pants. FML

#21449249
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21910) - you deserved it (2922)

On 07/29/2015 at 9:50pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I realized that the only food I have is four months' worth of nutrisystem food from when my parents went on the nutrisystem diet. I am not able to secure a job and buy my own food, so I have two choices: die of starvation or die of nasty nutrisystem food. FML

#7918887
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21910) - you deserved it (8493)

On 02/05/2010 at 10:19pm - health - by Henry (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my morning sickness was so bad that I threw up everywhere, just from thinking about the pretend meal that a kid had made for me. FML

#19787882
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21908) - you deserved it (2487)

On 06/14/2012 at 4:40pm - misc - by eeeee (woman) - United States



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