Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got to talk to the guy I like. Thinking it would be about something pleasant. I was completely wrong. It was about the guy who sits in front of me and his masturbation problem. FML

#7728542
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23942) - you deserved it (2996)

On 01/31/2010 at 12:01am - intimacy - by Me - United States

Today, I went to my first party, hoping to maybe meet some people. I was there for 4 hours, and the person/thing that I interacted most with was a cat. FML

#19009363
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23942) - you deserved it (6750)

On 02/06/2012 at 10:32am - misc - by haileypaige123 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I came to the conclusion that I was right about thinking how much it would hurt to hit your head on a door-frame, stub your toe on a stone table leg, and then trip over your cat, who won't take it well and will probably claw your recently stubbed toe. FML

#18650624
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23941) - you deserved it (3737)

On 12/30/2011 at 2:13am - misc - by 3peeps - United States

Today, I was babysitting. As I went to leave the bathroom, someone grabbed the knob and pulled the door shut. I figured it was one of the kids and told them to knock it off. A second later, the grip let off. There was no one there and the kids were still asleep. I don't know what to think. FML

#21508063
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23941) - you deserved it (1643)

On 12/26/2015 at 11:54am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boss forced me to come into work despite having a bad cold. While waiting a table, I violently sneezed and sprayed a child's face with snot. His dad got so pissed that my boss had to pretend to fire me just to calm him down. FML

#21496603
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23940) - you deserved it (2390)

On 11/25/2015 at 8:37am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got up the courage to go to my very first voice lesson. I thought I did alright, but at the end my teacher told me, "Now don't worry about grades in this class, I grade on effort, not on talent." FML

#11698
10 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23939) - you deserved it (2923)

On 02/06/2009 at 2:25pm - misc - by Lizz (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I accidentally sprayed some perfume in my eye. After rinsing said burning eye with water for a few minutes, I half-blindly grabbed the eyedrops my sister left on the counter and used some. They were actually tea tree oil drops. Ouch. FML

#20014690
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23939) - you deserved it (5275)

On 08/11/2012 at 2:21am - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, while shopping, I stepped a bit closer to a couple that stood in front of a display. The girl then shot me a nasty look, grabbed her boyfriend and started pointedly making out with him. I was just trying to buy some butter. But thanks for reminding me how lonely I am. FML

#21486444
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23939) - you deserved it (1716)

On 10/31/2015 at 9:23am - love - by It wasnt even that close (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I had a wet dream. The problem was that I was dreaming about watching porn. I can't even get laid in my dreams. FML

#5851325
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23937) - you deserved it (4030)

On 10/16/2009 at 1:27pm - intimacy - by damnit (man) - United States (New York)

Today, we got CCTV fitted in our store. My lovely boss told me he'll be spending his free time watching the footage on his phone to know what I get up to when he's not in. FML

#21379507
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23936) - you deserved it (2773)

On 03/22/2015 at 2:19pm - work - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I had the mother of a five year old come in for parent teacher conferences. When I told her that her son was very smart, but he often made up fantastical stories about his home life, she burst into tears. She then ran out of my office crying, "I knew it! I knew he was a sociopath!" FML

#21491960
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23936) - you deserved it (1588)

On 11/13/2015 at 2:06am - work - by nothowscienceworks - United States (California)

Today, I went out with a girl I like. After a movie, we went to McDonald's. There was this couple making out. The girl I was with remarked about how lame it would be to go to McDonald's on a date. I thought we were on a date. FML

#14780343
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23935) - you deserved it (36436)

On 01/30/2011 at 10:13pm - love - by gotnogame (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I realized that my dad is more comfortable talking to the dog than sitting in the same room as me. FML

#6981473
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23935) - you deserved it (2696)

On 12/27/2009 at 10:14pm - animals - by hated (woman) - United States (Washington)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: