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Today, I managed to take an entire shower without realizing my socks were on. I washed my feet. FML

by comfort_ / 03/26/2015 at 11:28pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out my son was never accepted into the local university 2 years ago. He actually went out and got a job, and only lied about it so he could keep living in my house rent-free. The conniving bastard makes more than I do at my minimum-wage job. FML

by Suckered / 12/04/2015 at 4:47pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I received a notice that my boyfriend had given me a rose via Happy Aquarium on Facebook. It came with a date cancellation so that he and his friends could play BioShock. FML

by Fv-day / 02/14/2010 at 11:32am / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I, along with two cops and another paramedic, had to fight to pin down some total scumsucker. He was high out of his mind on god knows what, in his underwear, screaming like a maniac outside someone else's house at 2 in the morning. I don't get paid nearly enough for this shit. FML

by hook me up with some smack, Jack / 08/01/2015 at 2:18am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work

Today, I fell in love with a girl who used to love me. She doesn't anymore. FML

by Faxshadow / 01/07/2009 at 12:00pm / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Love

Today, I made some brownies to take over to my dad's place for his party. He started yelling at me when I told him I'd added a special ingredient for taste, demanding to know what I had slipped them. Cinnamon. It was cinnamon. FML

by WolfAvenge / 09/30/2015 at 2:49am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boss quit, leaving me as the only structural engineer at my company. I'm fresh out of college and will have to finish the projects on my own. Hope Google can teach me how to do this. FML

by ImAnEngineer / 09/23/2015 at 1:09pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, while out hiking with my girlfriend, she thought it would be funny to push me down a small hill. It turned out there was a 16 foot drop at the end of it, and now my leg is in a cast. FML

by sparkus / 12/15/2015 at 10:15am / Health

Today, I turned up 5 minutes late to what would have been a 5 minute breast check. After waiting for ages, a nurse asked me what I was doing there. Turns out because I was late, they had put me in the no-show pile, but forgot to tell me when I checked in. FML

Today, I went to have dinner with my girlfriend and her family. It got silent, so, noticing her legs were darker than they were a few hours ago, I wanted to ask her if she used tanning lotion. I ended up asking her if her legs were fake. Her dad has prosthetic legs. FML

by ooops / 08/04/2012 at 12:06pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I drove across two states to see my brother, who's had a history of heart problems. My mother had sent me a long e-mail saying he was on his death bed and wanted to talk to me to "get his affairs in order." When I arrived worriedly, he was fine. My mother guilt-tripped me to come visit. FML

by Anonymous / 09/09/2015 at 2:54pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working at the mall as the girl that stands around giving out samples of the foods. This guy came up to me and we were flirting for at least 30 mins. With the tray in one hand, I gave him my cell to put his number in it. He ran away with my phone. FML

by joybirdnot_13 / 07/08/2009 at 8:08am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I was extremely constipated. This is a side effect of the medication I take to alleviate my stomach condition. Due to this same condition I can't eat much roughage. We have no laxatives or stool softeners, and I have been shitting bricks for three days. FML

by Anonymous / 12/07/2010 at 9:38pm / United States (Michigan) / Health