Love: Today, my boyfriend and I were asleep. Evidently, he was dreaming...

By anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were asleep. Evidently, he was dreaming about being a UFC fighter, because, out of no where, he grabs the back of my head and punches me in the nose. I haven't been able to breathe right out of my nose all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30476

You deserved it

3093

Favorite

Love

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Oh, hai Mark!

Thanks for your help

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was playing Xbox live with my boyfriend. I was bored so I decided to mess around. So I put down my remote and unbuttoned his pants. Two minutes in he said, "Hurry up, we're getting killed without you. Besides you're way better at video games." FML

I agree, your life sucks

77255

You deserved it

13251

Favorite

By BillLumberg - United States

Today, I released a noxious, unforgiving fart in my cubicle not thinking anything of it. You know, one of those sulfurous clouds you get the morning after a few good beers. Moments later, my manager walks in to talk about work. It's 7:30 in the morning, no one else is around. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10562

You deserved it

24716

Favorite

By Seriouslynow - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up at 6:30 this morning, but I didn't have to be at work till 11. I walked the dog, made breakfast and read for a little bit. I then woke up again at 11:30. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11838

You deserved it

2998

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my partner and I were spending quality time with a newly single friend. She quoted some song lyrics, saying "If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, make an ugly woman your wife...". We all laughed, and then my partner said "Boy, you got THAT right." FML

I agree, your life sucks

30110

You deserved it

3873

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I found out my wife has been taking "love thy neighbour" very literally with the bloke next door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24358

You deserved it

1511

Favorite

By mugged - United States

Today, my dog had to choose between protecting me from a mugger or eating an apple. He chose the apple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40331

You deserved it

4820

Favorite

By surefeelslikelove

Today, my mum was filling out a reference for me as I work in the family business. When it came to naming two of my strengths, she asked me what to put as she couldn't think of anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28250

You deserved it

4703

Favorite

By JaneDoe - United States - Salisbury

Today, it was my friend's birthday, so I baked him a cake complete with his name written on it in homemade frosting. After I gave it to him, his mother berated me for it, saying I should have checked with her first before making a cake for her son. He's 28. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37587

You deserved it

2766

Favorite

By mbrooke - United States

Today, me and couple of friends were driving around town and saw a lady who had accidentally backed her car up onto a concrete wall. Laughing, we all turned to look as we passed and I drove straight into a parked police car at 30 that had stopped to help her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10160

You deserved it

102214

Favorite

By Mangler - Belgium

Today, my grandfather died. The last thing he said to me was "You smell awful." I work in a fish store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47125

You deserved it

5243

Favorite

By UnfortunatelyAmusing - United States - Princeton Junction

Today, I found out that my sex face is definitely amusing after the third girl in a row started laughing at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48160

You deserved it

8631

Favorite

By Ihatecleaning

Today, I found out from the doctor that I have a concussion. Was it from a wicked sports injury? No, my idiot brother decided to judo kick the door open while I was on the floor vacuuming the front carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7198

You deserved it

527

Favorite

By Mcwifi - United States - Elmhurst

Today, traffic was so bad that I was able to connect to the WiFi of a nearby McDonald's and successfully listen to a 30-minute podcast. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22790

You deserved it

1431

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend just told me the picture of "him as a baby" was really his son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2076

You deserved it

155

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my parents told me off for reading, as opposed to watching TV like the rest of the family, because it was "anti-social". FML

I agree, your life sucks

37120

You deserved it

2814

Favorite

By Haitwun - United States - El Monte

Today, my girlfriend decided to treat me out to dinner and cake for my birthday. My mom felt left out and yelled at my girlfriend in an angry tirade. My girlfriend went home. I'm spending my birthday, alone in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36169

You deserved it

2901

Favorite

By watersport - United States

Today, I woke up because I really had to pee. I got out of bed, went to the bathroom and went back to bed. Or so I thought. I did pee, but I only dreamed that I got out of bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34061

You deserved it

4296

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - Hampton

Today, at a friendly get-together, my friend's husband had too much to drink and got into a fistfight with my husband. I'm seven-and-a-half months pregnant, and the friendly get-together was my baby shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33984

You deserved it

3187

Favorite

By salope - France - Paris

Today, my boss broke off our relationship because he said it's inappropriate. I really liked him, but I accepted it and respected his integrity. A few hours later, I found out he's now dating my colleague. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27686

You deserved it

4177

Favorite

By imgonnadie - United States - Spring Hill

Today, I'm staying with my grandma and her older sister while my parents are away. It's been two hours and so far they've popped vicodins, talked about banging Alex Trebek, and had a farting contest. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39460

You deserved it

4342

Favorite

By HannaMD - Canada

Today, my cat had the bright idea of giving birth in the dryer, on top of all my new white towels. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29451

You deserved it

5913

Favorite

By anonymous

Today, my pregnant sister has apparently always loved my boyfriend's name and wants to give it to her child. She expects me to break up with my boyfriend so "it doesn't get weird." FML

I agree, your life sucks

7939

You deserved it

433

Favorite

By Brad

Today, I was on a 3-way call with my wife and the bank. The bank said we didn't qualify for school loans, which means I have to drop out. As soon as the bank hung up, my wife stayed on the line to tell me she wants a divorce and that she regrets our marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3745

You deserved it

199

Favorite

By proteinboy - United States

Today, I waited for 20 minutes to get a cab outside grand central station in New York (it was raining). Finally, to my relief, I found a cab but when I got in I let a little fart slip. Two minutes later the cabby kicked me out of his cab because I stunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11676

You deserved it

30339

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My dad was supposed to take me to get a tattoo, but instead he went to the bar, got drunk, and told me how I was the biggest mistake he and my mom have ever made. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35673

You deserved it

3961

Favorite

By lone_ranger - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend I have only one testicle. Her reaction? "Eeew, balls are gross!" I'm glad to know I'm only half as gross as other guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27289

You deserved it

3453

Favorite

By Donzai - Canada

A night to remember

Today, I was at my boss's house for a company BBQ. Earlier I had taken muscle relaxants to calm my lower back pain. After a few drinks it was clear the alcohol and medication did not mix. I woke up few hours later to find out I had stripped naked and jumped into the 4-foot cake before passing out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32462

You deserved it

81085

Favorite

By imsorry - United States - Oakland

SORRY!

Today, I found out how whipped I am when, at the climax of sex, I moaned, "I'm sorry!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

33077

You deserved it

7759

Favorite

By Jenni - 21/3/2021 23:01

Noooo, not him

Today, my mother arranged for me to meet the man she is planning to marry. Turns out, my future stepfather is also my creepy old boss, who spent 4 months hitting on me before I quit a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1066

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous

Oddly specific thief

Today, my car was broken into. What was stolen? My steering wheel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1567

You deserved it

112

Favorite

By Anonymous

Taking pictures

Today, I was teaching a high school calculus class. I wrote a complex formula on the board. As I wrote, students asked if they could take a picture of the board and circulate it. I said yes, and I was pleased as everybody seemed to be taking pictures. Soon, I realized why: my skirt was tucked into my underwear. Within a few minutes, every student in the school had an email with a picture of my ugliest pair of floral-printed panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2143

You deserved it

441

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was walking through the store when I saw a little boy point to me and say something to his mom. I was out of earshot at the time, but I got close enough just in time to hear the mom reply, "God says we have to love everyone, even if they're ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34442

You deserved it

2741

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, a fork hit me in the eye. I was holding it. I didn't even get to eat my chicken. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1350

You deserved it

520

Favorite

By Scarred4lyfe - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, my cousin got married. I was cold so I went to get my jacket from my car. While leaving I saw my cousin walking around the front of the venue. I told her she looked beautiful in her dress. She looked up and said, "Where is my beer, have you seen my beer?" and threw up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20396

You deserved it

1410

Favorite

By ccrex

Today, I put my phone on top the car while putting my daughter in her car seat. Told myself not to forget it. Then I drove away, and it flew off the top of the car on the freeway. It got ran over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

819

You deserved it

1436

Favorite

By shockedgirl - United States

Today, I spent the day studying with one of my classmates whom I've just met. While studying, she kept bragging about her boyfriend and decided to show me a picture of him. It was my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46086

You deserved it

2704

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me. She wants to try dating women. This is the second time this has happened to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45461

You deserved it

6508

Favorite

By penisgrabber - United States

Today, I came to the realization I make a living trimming the hair off dogs' privates. I've touched more dog penises than I have human ones, and sometimes the dogs get "excited" while I'm working. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36324

You deserved it

7032

Favorite

By lifesmells - Canada

Ouch

Today, I learned that when blender jars aren't locked, they fly off the blender, into the air, hit you in the head and explode all over your kitchen. Today, I also learned that after I'm attacked by a flying blender, the first thing my boyfriend asks is if I'm still gonna make him a smoothie. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49749

You deserved it

13068

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I was playing with my hedgehog and he started licking my face. I thought it was super cute, until he latched onto my eyelid with his teeth. He then created a ball of saliva and blood and coated his body in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4763

You deserved it

1007

Favorite

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Top comments

By imaweener | 0

#898153 - Saturday 27 February 2010 20:00

OP, you should dream about being in a tag rope contest and pull his dick as hard as you can. haha.

By mariahrawks | 0

#898173 - Saturday 27 February 2010 20:03

I'd like to see an FML where nobody chooses YDI. Honestly, someone explain to me how OP deserved this; it's not like OP punched him first as far as we're concerned.

COMMENTS

By phixx | 0

#898118 - Saturday 27 February 2010 19:54

first

saywaturcoco | 0

#898126 - Saturday 27 February 2010 19:56

haha

tinetine_fml | 0

#898131 - Saturday 27 February 2010 19:57

wow that sucks!
n noone cares if ur firsr

thenormalguy | 0

#898134 - Saturday 27 February 2010 19:57

lmao

keenan61194 | 4

#898147 - Saturday 27 February 2010 19:59

well, at least he can punch. maybe he has a future in UFC

asianwolf | 2

#898151 - Saturday 27 February 2010 19:59

lolololol. you just made my day!!!

PottheadSam | 0

#898158 - Saturday 27 February 2010 20:00

wanna play codmw2

OmgGuessWhatChic | 0

#898199 - Saturday 27 February 2010 20:10

I just farted

Biohazard41 | 0

#898300 - Saturday 27 February 2010 20:38

I almost died laughing

Rakayum | 0

#898304 - Saturday 27 February 2010 20:40

i'm sure you blue balled him at one point in the relationship..this is karma

TheCoolGuy3434 | 0

#898314 - Saturday 27 February 2010 20:43

haha suks for u

thatssomeBS | 9

#898386 - Saturday 27 February 2010 21:11

definitely karma...

tehchowder | 0

#898400 - Saturday 27 February 2010 21:15

he wasn't asleep or dreaming.

reyemrein | 0

#898447 - Saturday 27 February 2010 21:32

He dreams about punching you. This is a sign. Listen to it.

iSwag | 0

#898605 - Saturday 27 February 2010 22:41

better than an armbar

DemonChicken | 0

#898747 - Saturday 27 February 2010 23:32

RAMBO THAT HOE!!!

NoWFoReVeR | 0

#899214 - Sunday 28 February 2010 2:25

I would beat the shit out of that dude for hitting a woman

powermad80 | 2

#899394 - Sunday 28 February 2010 4:23

this is friggin hilarious. favorited!

shab677 | 0

#899563 - Sunday 28 February 2010 5:59

lol!

Betz | 10

#899669 - Sunday 28 February 2010 6:44

well now you know what you'll be "dreaming" about tonight as well.

ButterflyBaby | 0

#903068 - Monday 1 March 2010 5:48

break up with him. you shouldn't hit girls, intentional or not.

42billybob | 5

#904306 - Monday 1 March 2010 15:54

@151: are you retarded?

Gfrigo | 1

#1034337 - Friday 18 June 2010 1:14

tapout!!!

immazombeastxD | 0

#1097585 - Friday 16 July 2010 9:10

you didn't make him a fuckin sammich

By samantha_durano | 6

#898119 - Saturday 27 February 2010 19:54

hahah, oh my god that's horrible.

jorgebell17 | 0

#898289 - Saturday 27 February 2010 20:31

number two, you look amazing!

salic77 | 11

#898334 - Saturday 27 February 2010 20:50

your pretty.....(:

By nevsky6 | 3

#898120 - Saturday 27 February 2010 19:55

you are not the FIRST to have bloody nose!

Firesushi200 | 3

#898123 - Saturday 27 February 2010 19:55

i havent been able to breath throygh my nose since i wz born

samantha_durano | 6

#898419 - Saturday 27 February 2010 21:21

why thankyou:)
#4: how could you not breathe out of your nose since you were born?

asianwolf | 2

#898537 - Saturday 27 February 2010 22:16

I think it's called breathing through your mouth.

harryman04 | 0

#898548 - Saturday 27 February 2010 22:21

haha ya 2 you're gorgeous :)

xxxWebbxxx | 0

#898780 - Saturday 27 February 2010 23:42

I love it how people are so lonely they try to pick up girls on a random fml comment. lmao

Anonnamus | 0

#898885 - Sunday 28 February 2010 0:21

Uh...this isn't a dating website? I thought FML stood for For My Love. Fuck my life. Back to TWI for me.

xxxWebbxxx | 0

#898892 - Sunday 28 February 2010 0:24

^^^. FTW

xiFlyx | 0

#898973 - Sunday 28 February 2010 1:04

lmfaaao xDD
this is a win .

DonkeyDelight | 0

#899465 - Sunday 28 February 2010 5:04

OR, they like to inform people that they are pretty and make them feel good about themselves.

asianwolf | 2

#899494 - Sunday 28 February 2010 5:14

I like 98 idea better

im2good25 | 0

#899863 - Sunday 28 February 2010 8:41

exactly. nothing wrong with 40 year olds complimenting a youngin

By Dbag320 | 0

#898127 - Saturday 27 February 2010 19:56

Sucks.

benito_fml | 0

#898135 - Saturday 27 February 2010 19:57

that sucks

Lordlucian | 0

#898439 - Saturday 27 February 2010 21:29

U sure he was asleep? lolz

By TheFluffNut | 0

#898132 - Saturday 27 February 2010 19:57

damn

By allen20 | 0

#898137 - Saturday 27 February 2010 19:57

Dats some rough sexx huh? ;)

allen2020 | 0

#898282 - Saturday 27 February 2010 20:30

my account got banned >:(

allen2020 | 0

#898412 - Saturday 27 February 2010 21:19

my comment got deleted! >:((

By Craw25 | 0

#898139 - Saturday 27 February 2010 19:58

damn that sucks

kiss_of_death | 0

#898149 - Saturday 27 February 2010 19:59

HAHA THATS A FUKING FAIL THERE

By benen | 0

#898144 - Saturday 27 February 2010 19:58

niceee

garuru | 4

#898712 - Saturday 27 February 2010 23:23

are you dating chris brown? haha

kristen_lesli | 0

#902738 - Monday 1 March 2010 4:50

xD definately win, my friend!!! xD ^^^

By imaweener | 0

#898153 - Saturday 27 February 2010 20:00

OP, you should dream about being in a tag rope contest and pull his dick as hard as you can. haha.

By stinkytruck | 0

#898162 - Saturday 27 February 2010 20:01

yeah. that's it.....a dream....right!