Love: Today, my boyfriend and I were asleep. Evidently, he was dreaming...

By anonymous - 27/02/2010 16:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were asleep. Evidently, he was dreaming about being a UFC fighter, because, out of no where, he grabs the back of my head and punches me in the nose. I haven't been able to breathe right out of my nose all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 502

You deserved it 3 093

Love

You're my mommy now

What's more embarrassing?

Panic

By yup okay - 19/08/2010 15:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he finds his car more attractive than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 908

You deserved it 6 858

Live through this

By Artist man - 08/01/2021 07:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend walked out on me because she realised she doesn’t love me enough to go through a second lockdown with me and our 2-year-old daughter FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 074

You deserved it 87

By Anonymous - 19/08/2009 20:29 - United States

Today, my "best friend" invited me to drink with her and a couple other friends. She told me to "just bring a few bucks for beer". When I got there, no one else had brought money, including her. They only invited me because I'm the only one with a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 634

You deserved it 4 283

By md - 25/11/2009 04:08 - Canada

Today, I got an alarm installed in my car, and was having problems with it not going off when the car was hit. To demonstrate this to the installers, I bumped my car with my hip, which left a dent, and set the alarm off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 515

You deserved it 28 302

By leprechaun23 - 23/04/2012 04:21 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I taught my friend how to use a staple gun. She taught me how to get staples out of my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 234

You deserved it 4 297

By Innocent - 28/01/2012 13:40

Today, I came home to a furious wife and an answering machine message from a woman neither of us know claiming I got her pregnant. My wife won't believe she got the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 371

You deserved it 3 019

By Anonymous - 03/07/2014 16:42 - France - Beausoleil

Today, I came home from vacation, only to find my neighbours relaxing on my patio, and their kids swimming in my pool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 468

You deserved it 4 621

By Anonymous - 03/06/2012 17:43 - Spain - Tordesillas

Today, I woke up after a night of partying and heavy drinking. Apparently word travels quickly, because everyone now knows that I spent hours lying in an empty bathtub, rubbing shampoo over my body with the expectation that it'd increase my penis size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 006

You deserved it 34 752

By poor baby - 12/06/2015 16:51 - Germany

Today, my boyfriend forgot to pick our son up from daycare. His excuse? Fighting in a battle in World of Warcraft was far more important and he had to stay absolutely focused. Our son had to wait for two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 010

You deserved it 5 125

By wookieewhosshe - 22/07/2019 06:43

Today, I was informed that my flatmate had not handed his documents in to the new landlord like he'd told me. We are due to move to a new area tomorrow for the new job that I start in 4 days. Now we can't move for another week. Anyone have a spare couch? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 500

You deserved it 131

By mariah_1_11 - 06/03/2010 05:14 - United States

Today, I was supposed to go on a date with a guy I really like. My friends convinced me that he was going to stand me up and that I should just stay home to avoid being hurt. He showed up; I didn't. My friends laughed at my gullible nature. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 228

You deserved it 41 196

By Anonymous - 28/02/2010 19:17 - United States

Today, I reached a new low and embarrased my entire family. While in the frozen section of Walmart, I dropped to my knees and let out a horrific, agonizing scream, when I found out they were out of Strawberry Toaster Strudels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 166

You deserved it 61 304

By Me - 27/10/2011 06:40 - United States

Today, I got a boner at the dentist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 889

You deserved it 8 831

By abigiggles - 26/08/2018 22:00

Today, a spider came down from its web in front of my face. This would have been fine and I could have killed it easily if I wasn't in my car. Driving on the highway. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 353

You deserved it 299

Pissed

By Anonymous - 23/06/2021 04:01

Today, I discovered that my cat will not use a litter box if it has a lid. How did I discover this? The two weeks of crystallized cat pee coating the floor under my 19th century grand piano. FML

I agree, your life sucks 636

You deserved it 304

By 123_omg - 15/01/2019 14:00

Today, I got a surround sound system from my best friend. I didn't even have it hooked up when the sub woofer fell to the floor and smashed. I don't know if it can be fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 867

You deserved it 359

By Anon - 24/03/2012 02:42 - United States

Today, while hiking and wearing sandals, I stubbed my toe. This wouldn't have been so bad had it not been into a cactus with 3 inch thorns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 371

You deserved it 32 191

By Frostbitten - 27/02/2013 03:00 - United States - Freeport

Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 135

You deserved it 6 083

By unloved - 01/10/2009 14:25 - United States

Today, during an argument with my daughter she screamed "everyone hates you!" and stormed off. I flopped down on the couch in frustration where the cat jumped on my lap. "You love me, don't you?" I asked the cat. She crapped on my leg and went to my daughter's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 287

You deserved it 6 825

By annoymous - 07/02/2017 06:00 - Australia - Glenroy

Today, it was the first time I was meeting my guy's parents. Turns out he forgot it was his mum's birthday and I ended up having to meet his whole family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 610

You deserved it 716

By Anonymous - 02/08/2014 00:20 - Canada - Gatineau

Today, my dad was doing FaceTime with a friend. He turned his iPhone towards my sister and said "There's my daughter..." He then turned it to me and said "...and there's my ugly son", then walked away. I'm still not sure if it's a joke or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 255

You deserved it 3 870

By Anonymous - 16/09/2010 00:40 - United States

Today, I got lost trying to find the hospital my sister was giving birth in. I stopped at a store to call my mom for directions. A cop pulled up beside me and knocked loudly on my window asking me to get out. The store had been robbed and I am now a suspect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 816

You deserved it 2 522

By aerythia - 08/12/2012 16:12 - United States - Nashville

Today, it's my birthday and my ex husband texted me at midnight to tell happy birthday. Too bad he couldn't have texted my new husband to remind him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 587

You deserved it 5 486

By msjustine - 06/05/2011 19:27 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, the one who does all the cooking in the house, doesn't wash his hands after using the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 883

You deserved it 13 339

By Anonymous - 02/07/2019 16:00

Today, after barely sleeping all week, I tried some ASMR videos to help me fall asleep. Both my dogs and my husband are out cold, snoring so loud I can't even hear the ASMR. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 411

You deserved it 158

Choosing Beggars

By Miserable person - 10/09/2019 18:00

Today, after spending 5+ hours of my life painting a portrait of someone's cat for them, I finally finished it, perfect condition, no mistakes. I was supposed to be paid 300 bucks for it. Got 50 bucks because it was too "vibrant." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 689

You deserved it 212

By Anonymous - 17/01/2011 02:43 - United States

Today, I went to get a tattoo. I decided on getting my four month daughter's name tattooed on my upper arm. I went home to show my wife. She broke down and told me that I'm most likely not the father. It's a toss-up between her co-worker, the guy who does our lawn, several strangers and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 236

You deserved it 4 923

By K3you - 04/07/2011 23:42 - United States

Today, my fiancé broke off our engagement after he saw one of my baby pictures. He said our future kids just wouldn't look right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 721

You deserved it 3 576

By owwie - 13/02/2010 20:11 - United States

Today, it snowed in South Carolina for the first time in 10 years. It snowed eight whole inches! I was so excited, I yelled for my kids and ran outside to build a snowman. I ran out to the steps and slipped on ice. I woke up in the hospital with a bad concussion. The snow had all melted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 515

You deserved it 6 060

The cake was not a lie.

By Alex Knight - 07/11/2017 19:00

Today, I bought a cake. I then immediately forgot what I was carrying, opened the door to my car, and tossed the bag into the back seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 849

You deserved it 4 040

By Anonymous - 20/09/2013 21:04 - United States - Carpentersville

Today, I caught my roommate trying to use my flashlight as a dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 162

You deserved it 4 458

By Anonymous - 23/07/2014 23:16 - United States - Salem

Today, I asked my class of fifth graders to write down a list of all the compound words they knew. At least four of them put down 'motherfucker'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 262

You deserved it 5 318

By flustered - 06/05/2012 14:57 - United States - Rapid City

Today, my son tried to swat a fly with a hammer. Our apartment walls are now littered with dents and holes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 517

You deserved it 4 745

By johncabbot25 - 23/12/2011 10:53 - Canada

Today, I had my first kiss with the woman I've been in love with for two years. Right as I kissed her, some guys drove by in a car and threw some soggy spaghetti at me, yelling, "Noob!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 937

You deserved it 3 480

By Lily - 08/01/2011 16:01 - United States

Today, during a dinner party, some friends brought up how sweet, innocent and caring they thought I was. I had to sit there as my drunk boyfriend cut them off and loudly argue that I was neither sweet nor innocent, and really nothing that special at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 880

You deserved it 4 550

By Anonymous - 29/10/2012 17:59 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I was at the mall and I noticed this guy staring at me from across the food court. He smiled and waved at me so I walked over there and tried to talk to him. He was looking at his girlfriend the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 455

You deserved it 5 052

By OnlyMee - 09/07/2011 04:32 - United States

Today, at my ex's wedding, I had to listen to his joyful recounting of how he met his bride and how they fell instantly in love and he knew she was perfect for him. All this happened while we were still dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 810

You deserved it 9 939

By Anonymous - 14/10/2012 17:03 - Estonia

Today, after weeks of coming home to find my furniture all tipped over, thinking the place was haunted, and accepting my boyfriend's offers to come over and "comfort" me, I came home from work early. I found my boyfriend in the kitchen, kicking over all the chairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 689

You deserved it 8 636

By Anonymous - 14/08/2013 19:47 - United States

Today, a guest of the private beach club I work at asked if I could do something about the water temperature in the ocean. I laughed, thinking it was a joke. She was serious and complained to my boss, saying I was absolutely no help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 614

You deserved it 2 973

By N1ch0la1 - 08/08/2009 09:35 - South Africa

Today, while in the shower, my roomates thought it would be really funny if they threw my cat in with me. The doctor who gave me the stitches also thought so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 123

You deserved it 2 961

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Top comments

imaweener 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 20:00

OP, you should dream about being in a tag rope contest and pull his dick as hard as you can. haha.

mariahrawks 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 20:03

I'd like to see an FML where nobody chooses YDI. Honestly, someone explain to me how OP deserved this; it's not like OP punched him first as far as we're concerned.

phixx 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 19:54

first

saywaturcoco 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 19:56

haha

tinetine_fml 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 19:57

wow that sucks! n noone cares if ur firsr

thenormalguy 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 19:57

lmao

keenan61194 4

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Saturday 27 February 2010 19:59

well, at least he can punch. maybe he has a future in UFC

asianwolf 2

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Saturday 27 February 2010 19:59

lolololol. you just made my day!!!

PottheadSam 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 20:00

wanna play codmw2

OmgGuessWhatChic 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 20:10

I just farted

Biohazard41 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 20:38

I almost died laughing

Rakayum 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 20:40

i'm sure you blue balled him at one point in the relationship..this is karma

TheCoolGuy3434 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 20:43

haha suks for u

thatssomeBS 9

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Saturday 27 February 2010 21:11

definitely karma...

tehchowder 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 21:15

he wasn't asleep or dreaming.

reyemrein 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 21:32

He dreams about punching you. This is a sign. Listen to it.

iSwag 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 22:41

better than an armbar

DemonChicken 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 23:32

RAMBO THAT HOE!!!

NoWFoReVeR 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 2:25

I would beat the shit out of that dude for hitting a woman

powermad80 2

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Sunday 28 February 2010 4:23

this is friggin hilarious. favorited!

shab677 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 5:59

lol!

Betz 10

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Sunday 28 February 2010 6:44

well now you know what you'll be "dreaming" about tonight as well.

ButterflyBaby 0

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Monday 1 March 2010 5:48

break up with him. you shouldn't hit girls, intentional or not.

42billybob 5

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Monday 1 March 2010 15:54

@151: are you retarded?

Gfrigo 1

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Friday 18 June 2010 1:14

tapout!!!

immazombeastxD 0

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Friday 16 July 2010 9:10

you didn't make him a fuckin sammich

samantha_durano 6

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Saturday 27 February 2010 19:54

hahah, oh my god that's horrible.

jorgebell17 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 20:31

number two, you look amazing!

salic77 11

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Saturday 27 February 2010 20:50

your pretty.....(:

nevsky6 3

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Saturday 27 February 2010 19:55

you are not the FIRST to have bloody nose!

Firesushi200 3

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Saturday 27 February 2010 19:55

i havent been able to breath throygh my nose since i wz born

samantha_durano 6

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Saturday 27 February 2010 21:21

why thankyou:) #4: how could you not breathe out of your nose since you were born?

asianwolf 2

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Saturday 27 February 2010 22:16

I think it's called breathing through your mouth.

harryman04 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 22:21

haha ya 2 you're gorgeous :)

xxxWebbxxx 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 23:42

I love it how people are so lonely they try to pick up girls on a random fml comment. lmao

Anonnamus 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 0:21

Uh...this isn't a dating website? I thought FML stood for For My Love. Fuck my life. Back to TWI for me.

xxxWebbxxx 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 0:24

^^^. FTW

xiFlyx 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 1:04

lmfaaao xDD this is a win .

DonkeyDelight 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 5:04

OR, they like to inform people that they are pretty and make them feel good about themselves.

asianwolf 2

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Sunday 28 February 2010 5:14

I like 98 idea better

im2good25 0

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Sunday 28 February 2010 8:41

exactly. nothing wrong with 40 year olds complimenting a youngin

Dbag320 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 19:56

Sucks.

benito_fml 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 19:57

that sucks

Lordlucian 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 21:29

U sure he was asleep? lolz

TheFluffNut 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 19:57

damn

allen20 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 19:57

Dats some rough sexx huh? ;)

allen2020 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 20:30

my account got banned >:(

allen2020 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 21:19

my comment got deleted! >:((

Craw25 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 19:58

damn that sucks

kiss_of_death 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 19:59

HAHA THATS A FUKING FAIL THERE

benen 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 19:58

niceee

garuru 4

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Saturday 27 February 2010 23:23

are you dating chris brown? haha

kristen_lesli 0

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Monday 1 March 2010 4:50

xD definately win, my friend!!! xD ^^^

imaweener 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 20:00

OP, you should dream about being in a tag rope contest and pull his dick as hard as you can. haha.

stinkytruck 0

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Saturday 27 February 2010 20:01

yeah. that's it.....a dream....right!

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 22

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 20

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 578

You deserved it 163

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 245

Live through this

Pissed

Choosing Beggars

The cake was not a lie.

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