Today, I left the house for a while and when I came back my husband... - FML

By Tonya - 28/6/2009 03:01 - United States

Today, I left the house for a while and when I came back my husband was wearing my lacy lingerie. He looks better in it than I do. FML

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Family values

Territorial pissings

Great speech, thanks!

By merrymary - 7/1/2012 11:11 - United States

Today, I moved in with my new roommate. She's a vegetarian, and won't let me put my meat in the fridge because it will "contaminate her food". FML

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By soapgirl - 13/8/2009 16:07 - Philippines

Today, my mom was gifted with a toiletry basket. I grabbed the lotion and used it without asking. When I went out, it began raining hard. I got wet and noticed my skin got very sticky. Turns out the lotion was actually body wash. People were wondering why soap bubbles were coming from my skin. FML

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By orely44 - 8/3/2013 14:13 - France - Rez

Today, after about fifteen minutes of my cat bullying me into letting him get onto my lap, I finally caved. He clambered on, turned around, farted in my direction and got off as fast as he got on. FML

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By Kate - 4/7/2011 19:06 - United States

Today, my mom said we are having a party for the 4th of July. Her definition of a party is my grandma coming over. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2009 20:52 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend was complaining that we don't have "a song". Irritated, I told her that I'd put on the radio, and whatever song was playing was our song from now on. I switched on the radio, and "It's Not Fair" by Lily Allen was playing. Our song is about premature ejaculation. FML

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By wasted time - 19/12/2013 09:09 - United States

Today, I learned, 90 horrifying minutes into a college exam, that my 85-year-old calculus teacher had spent the last three weeks teaching us the wrong chapter. FML

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By hazeblaze - 6/10/2017 23:15

Today, I noticed that my dad's Whatsapp profile picture was a very close up shot of his new wife's boob. None of us know how long he had this online. FML

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By Dan223 - 1/10/2015 13:26 - United States

Today, I saw my dad for the first time in almost five years, at his funeral. FML

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By nope - 29/3/2020 14:00

Influencers know no bounds

Today, my wife and I got into a massive argument after she started a YouTube channel for our young daughter. I explained that I’m not comfortable with god knows who looking at our kid. Apparently, I’m just being paranoid. She’s already recorded our entire house, including my daughter's bedroom. FML

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By Toomuchisoutofcontrol - 21/1/2017 08:00

Today, I was going down on my boyfriend. I'm usually in control and do my own thing. He tried taking control and I ended throwing up on him. FML

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By arrow - 30/7/2018 19:00

Today, my math teacher decided to give everyone in the class candy. He skipped me, and when another student pointed it out, his response was "I don’t like her." FML

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By Carlah - 17/3/2020 20:30

Deception

Today, I found out that the 19-year-old I've been seeing is really 26, with two kids and a pregnant fiancée. I'm only 17. FML

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By StickyWicket - 14/5/2019 18:00

Today, at work where I'm a physiotherapist, I was helping a patient with lower back pain. While I was massaging him, he shat himself. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/2/2011 15:08 - Australia

Today, I went to a haunted show restaurant. I needed the toilet badly, but they were inside the building, which could only be gotten to via a ghost train. The footage of me peeing myself in terror on the train was played on a big screen inside, in front of a crowd of onlookers. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/9/2009 10:40 - Australia

Today, I finally worked up the courage to ask a cute guy for his number. Once he had given me his, he asked for mine. My initial happiness was deflated when he said "Ok, now I can just block every message from you." And walked away from me. FML

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By RiceCrispyTreats - 1/9/2015 16:46 - United States - Pelham

Today, I left my phone outside on the grass while I went inside to get a drink. I didn't expect my dad to run over it with the lawn mower. FML

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By anonymous - 20/8/2013 07:08 - United States

Today, I got a steering wheel cover to stop my obsessive steering wheel picking. After putting it on, I realized it was crooked, causing me to have OCD fits every time I drive. I can still pick at the steering wheel around the cover. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/12/2011 17:06 - United States

Today, my mom bought me pepper spray in case anyone tried to "mess" with me. I put it in my purse. Later, a guy snatched my purse before I even had the chance to take out the pepper spray. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/2/2011 20:13 - United States

Today, while stocking shelves with canned goods, a kid no older than ten ran down the aisle, knocking down everything in his path. He was followed by his mother who was laughing hysterically. FML

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By Nutty - 16/11/2018 22:00

Today, I finally spent the night with a new guy after recently ending a 3-year toxic relationship. The new guy disappeared for 2 hours in the middle of the night, then came back to bed. Turns out he was busy snogging my housemate. I really choose them well. FML

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By SheenaL - 27/6/2011 06:26 - United States

Today, my son is going through a rebellious phase. He's taken to wearing leather and chains, listening to death metal music all day in his room alone, and screaming at me in public places. He was fired from his part-time job for swearing at customers. My son is 29 years old. FML

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By J - 30/8/2016 17:20 - United States - Englewood

Today, I heard from multiple people that my girlfriend called me a dumbass because I apparently sent her "Good Morning" twice. We aren't even three full days into the relationship. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/5/2012 11:35 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he would still love me if I became a vegetable. His response: "Well, the sex wouldn't be any different." FML

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By mindlost - 7/1/2010 02:58 - United States

Today, I had an argument over whether or not I should buy some flowers. With myself. Out loud. FML

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By scarred - 17/9/2018 15:30

Today, I saw a naked woman for the first time. Too bad it was my 73-year-old grandmother, who was doing gymnastics in the nude. I can’t unsee this. FML

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By bubblewrap - 20/10/2015 10:13 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I noticed a guy checking out my ass in the mirror behind the bar where I work. He was cute, so I thought I'd put on a little show. I bent over to reach for something near the floor, which caused me to let rip a series of uncontrollable farts, like popping bubble wrap. He quickly left. FML

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By lonely-mind - 17/9/2018 06:30 - United States - Jackson

Today, my thighs started chafing 3 hours before the end of my work shift. Now they burn no matter what I do. I still have an 8-hour shift tomorrow and I can barely walk. To make it worse, my mom's only words of advice involved me losing weight so it "doesn't happen again". FML

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By ijustwantpizza - 7/1/2015 12:11 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I was having a cheat meal after 2 weeks of strict dieting. When I opened the pizza box, I saw a cockroach. It'd been baked into the cheese. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/3/2017 08:00 - United States - Voorheesville

Today, my son's obsession with memes hit a new low when he got suspended from school for running into other students yelling, "Allahu akbar." He's 15 and doesn't understand why he got in trouble. FML

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By DormHater - 23/8/2010 23:09 - United States

Today, I helped move my current boyfriend into his new dorm room. This would've been fine if I didn't have to do this while avoiding eye contact with my ex-boyfriend, who just happens to be my boyfriend's new roommate. FML

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By icecreamer - 6/7/2009 04:03 - United States

Today, I went over to get some ice cream. I found a rare parking spot in front of the store, and even had change in my pocket. After feeding the meter, A lady comes up to me and tells me that the meter was free after 8 o'clock. I paid 50 cents for it. I was 50 cents short for my ice cream. FML

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By magicmaster19 - 20/6/2019 14:30

Today, my mom complained that I never do anything nice for her, so while out shopping I bought her favorite chocolate bar. When I got home, she screamed at me because she’s on a diet. FML

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By JGarz - 10/10/2015 07:21 - United States - Tucson

Today, I walked in on my teenage son passionately making out with one of his sister's Barbie dolls. FML

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By SonofMnemosyne - 19/11/2018 07:30 - United States

Today, I have been on the toilet all day due to chocolate laxatives from trick-or-treating. Today, it is my birthday. FML

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By jake - 12/8/2012 15:49 - United States - Bend

Today, I invited my girlfriend over to a family lunch, planning to propose to her at just the right moment. My family was in on it, including my apparently disapproving mom, who kept causing a scene to grab my girlfriend's attention every time I went to pull out the ring. FML

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By fmeplease - 31/5/2009 21:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I was cleaning out my bedside table when I came across some condoms I bought on my 18th birthday, to use the first time I had sex. They expired five years ago. I'm still waiting for my first time. FML

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By helpme - 3/5/2017 02:00

Today, my gay best friend slept over, as he has many times during the past three years of our friendship. This time, however, he confessed to me that he's only pretended to be gay to get closer to me because he's in love with me. I've allowed my stalker to sleep in my house and in my bed for three years. FML

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By psycho ex - 3/5/2013 00:16 - Brazil

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for cheating on her. Her "proof" was an image of me making out with a girl. Pretty damning, except she loaded it up in Photoshop, where I saw the image layers she'd used to fake the whole thing. I'm not sure what the hell she was thinking either. FML

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By mikki bee - 30/12/2015 17:24 - United States - Reno

Today, I decided to start jogging and exercising, so I had a wonderful workout before work. Then I broke my foot at work. Goodbye exercising. FML

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By urinetrouble - 4/5/2017 06:00 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, while checking the men's bathroom at work, I noticed one of the air fresheners had fallen from the top of the paper towel holder into the garbage. It wasn't until I picked it up and examined it that I realized I was actually holding used urinal fresheners. FML

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Top comments

By Yulia_fml | 0

#348762 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:13

What a sweet husband! He voluntarily took on your role when he saw you were no longer a good fit for it. He's a true keeper :)

By testing_fml | 0

#348778 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:22

So did he put out?

COMMENTS

By Brycicles | 0

#348748 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:07

first, ew.

Reply

futtgoredo | 0

#853746 - Sunday 14 February 2010 4:45

get a new hisband

Reply

pedobearsstalker | 0

#906456 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 4:21

0_~

Reply

theice | 0

#981060 - Saturday 17 April 2010 21:54

ydi for marrying a fag?

Reply

Clare420 | 0

#1004523 - Sunday 23 May 2010 23:14

F your husbands life. YDI for turning him gay!

Reply

Uncle_Moe_Lester | 3

#2243934 - Saturday 26 March 2011 11:59

ur mean :(

By CrazyAsian | 0

#348749 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:07

WAT

Reply

tranekfny | 0

#349452 - Sunday 28 June 2009 18:59

Ur ugly and yr husband wants to be a girl. FYL

By Yulia_fml | 0

#348762 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:13

What a sweet husband! He voluntarily took on your role when he saw you were no longer a good fit for it. He's a true keeper :)

Reply

Ughsucks | 0

#349311 - Sunday 28 June 2009 17:52

heh exactly.

YDI for being fat/ugly. :)

Reply

adam797 | 0

#2885545 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 22:41

good job I think we should all follow in his footsteps

Reply

MissCuteStack | 12

#2929253 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 10:08

ikr

By BrownieBoy90 | 0

#348770 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:16

Haha, #3 FTW!!

By testing_fml | 0

#348778 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:22

So did he put out?

By lendmeyourteeth | 0

#348779 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:23

how can he look better in it than you..
wouldn't he be hairy?
no tits, and a dick..
start shaving and go to the gym lol

Reply

genius_man16 | 0

#349552 - Sunday 28 June 2009 19:46

That's what I want to know. I mean either you're really hairy, or he's like me and has almost no hair at all. You'd still need to be pretty hairy for him to look better in your lingerie though.

Does this also mean he has moobs? Dayum, i really need pics for this to make sense.

Reply

nikkirl5 | 1

#1279512 - Saturday 21 August 2010 12:27

haha moobies . :p niice .

Reply

emodude44 | 0

#2056680 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 1:56

Poor girl... not sexy enough?

By catriona_cd | 0

#348785 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:32

http://www.crossdressers.com

atleast he has "walked in your shoes" kinda

By alee562 | 0

#348799 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:43

8th!!!

By gorguz14evar | 0

#348803 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:45

If you dont marry him.
Ill claim him

Reply

drayloon | 50

#5206093 - Sunday 2 December 2012 8:16

she did say "husband"

By ImAllFailure | 0

#348809 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:50

Sexy!

Reply

the_elle_factor | 0

#392502 - Monday 13 July 2009 14:42

;]
Kinky

Reply

MrPlopper | 9

#5078902 - Thursday 25 October 2012 5:28

Smells like fetishes!!!!!!