Miscellaneous: Today, I left the house for a while and when I came back my husband... - FML

By Tonya - United States

Today, I left the house for a while and when I came back my husband was wearing my lacy lingerie. He looks better in it than I do. FML

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Serious times

Triage

Close quarters

By Anonymous - United States

Today, at the pool, I tried to impress the hot lifeguard by doing the perfect dive. Afterward, I realized my shorts were floating through the water. FML

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By "mynameissecretlyjeff" - United States

Today, my brother put a mac-n-cheese cup in the microwave without any water. My entire house smells like burnt cardboard. FML

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By BadBoyfriend - United States - El Paso

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for not remembering our anniversary. Our three week anniversary. FML

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By sleepy momma - United States - Altoona

Today, after buying 3 new alarm clocks, I finally decided to video tape myself all night to figure out if my alarm clock was broken or if I was oversleeping. Turns out I wake up around 4am each day and turn them off without remembering. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my manager came into the dog grooming salon I work at, lecturing about the importance of staying out of a dog's "bite zone". Right then, the dog I was working on bit me. FML

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By mmmretail - Australia - Bairnsdale

Today, I had a customer tell me how much she regretted not aborting her expected child, how much she hates the father, and described to me in immense detail what it is like to pee while pregnant. All within the 30 seconds it took me to serve her. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, my sister asked if she could look through my closet to find something to wear. She is 6 months pregnant. FML

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By bakingwomannnnnnnn - United States - Redding

Today, I was cussed out by a customer who was unhappy, and he asked to speak with my manager. When I told him I owned the store, he said that that was the problem. Apparently women are "too flaky" to run a bakery properly. FML

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By partypooper - United Kingdom

Today, my parents are on holiday, which means I have the house to myself. Wild parties? Hot girls? Loads of beer? No. Flu. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that the gap between the elevator and the 6th floor landing of my apartment building is approximately one key's width wide. FML

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By thankzbabe - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that my vagina reminds him of ham. But that's okay, because ham is his favorite food. FML

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By averagemom4days - United States - Roosevelt

Today, I spent a ridiculous amount of time working and reworking a design for a client. Eight hours and many tears later, she sends an email saying, "Let's go with the first design. I liked that one the most." FML

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By IGiveUp

Today, at work, I took a call from an angry customer. After listening to his problem and fully explaining how we could fix it, he called me a stupid girl and said I need more training as I obviously know nothing about my job. I'm the company training coordinator. FML

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By Third trimester - Canada - Toronto

Today, as I stepped into a subway car, I noticed some free seats and began walking towards them. A group of girls standing nearby looked at me, then at the seats, and made a run for them. They then high-fived, presumably as congratulations for sitting down before the pregnant lady could. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my boyfriend wouldn't kiss me because there was a picture of Superman on my shirt. FML

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By Anonymous

Sashay away!

Today, someone called out "Ma'am!" while approaching me from behind, but then said "Oops, sir!" when I turned around. I was wearing a corset and miniskirt with leggings. They were correct the first time. FML

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By JC - United States - Villa Ridge

Today, I read an article with tips on how to give girls full-body orgasms and I decided to test a few on my girlfriend. Instead of having a mind-blowing orgasm, she started cackling and said I looked like a giraffe trying to bob for apples. FML

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By the bleeder

Today, I met with a student in office hours to discuss an assignment when my nose started bleeding. I didn't know at first, so I blew my nose and an inhuman amount of blood sprayed out the side of the tissue all over my desk, the wall, and the student's paper. It looked like a murder scene. FML

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By Brian - United States - East Wenatchee

Today, while I was cuddling with my girlfriend, she looked at me and leaned in. Thinking she was going to kiss me, I leaned too. Just as we were about to kiss, she screamed "COW KISSES" and somehow managed to lick my eyeball. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Portland

Today, I lit my beard on fire while trying to light a cigarette driving to work. I got fired from work when I got there because of my appearance. FML

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By zippersaremoreimportantthansentiments - United States - Montgomery

Today, for our anniversary, I sang my boyfriend a heartfelt, self-written song. The first thing he said when I finished was "Your fly is open." FML

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By snortingspunk - South Africa

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob for the first time. He came. A lot. I doubt I'll remember it as anything other than, "The day I found out what sneezing semen feels like." FML

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By MisterSeth - United States

Today, my girlfriend sent me a naked picture of herself and I wish she hadn't. FML

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By Duchess

Today, I found out I have a yeast infection, a bladder infection, and a urinary tract infection all at the same time. Oh, and I also have the flu. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, one my friends died. All my crying gave me a headache, so I asked my boyfriend to bring me some aspirin. My headache didn't go away. Instead, I got diarrhea because my boyfriend gave me laxatives instead of aspirin as a "joke" to cheer me up. FML

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By birthdayfail

Today, it's my birthday. At my workplace, we always get a cake for whoever's birthday it is. They somehow forgot about me. I've been working there for a year, and my grandparents and my dad own the restaurant I work at. FML

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By Whoops - United States

Today, while driving with my three year old, I was showing her the different kinds of birds. I pointed out a bright red cardinal perched in a row of hedges. She squealed as it took flight, so happy to see such a brightly colored birdie fly. Until it hit my windshield. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my wife thinks I will agree to anything she says if she just pleasures me orally. I now found out, she is correct. FML

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By ohiochibi - United States

Today, I posted a note on Facebook about a weird dream I had about my ex-boyfriend, where I made out with him, then it transitioned into a vampires vs. werewolves battle. My ex private messages me and says there's a better chance of a vampires vs. werewolves battle than us ever making out again. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I was eating with a friend while walking on the sidewalk. A couple of pigeons were bothering us so I threw a fry onto the street. As a flock of pigeons were gathering around the fry, a truck drove by. Only four survived. FML

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By angela - United States

Today, I thought my face was breaking out with pimples, and I thought it was weird because I never break out. And I noticed all these "bug bites" all over my body. When I got home, I realized those weren't bug bites. I have chicken pox, and my high school graduation is tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was told by my girlfriend that in the thralls of my drunken haze last night, I tried to French-kiss her mom. FML

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By racoonface - United States

Today, it was lovely outside so I decided to tan outside. I burn pretty easily, so I put on sunscreen. I fell asleep on my side, so when I woke up, I had a massive burn on only one side of my body, with sunglass lines. Tomorrow, I have a job interview. I'm going to go in looking like a racoon. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/5/2020 14:00

Splat!

Today, I have a case of diarrhea. How did I find out? I got startled by my dog jumping up to greet me, and I shat all over the kitchen floor. FML

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By Natsert99 - United States - Deerfield

Today, I brought my best friend to the strip club as a birthday gift, as he had mentioned that he'd never been to one before. It might have been ruined by the discovery that his daughter had a new job. FML

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By lk07

Today, I got severe diarrhea in a public bathroom. I told my 6-year-old to stand directly outside the stall where I can see her shoes. She proceeded to inform everyone who came in that "Mommy has diarrhea." FML

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By YAABOIII - United States

Today, the 7 year old boy I was babysitting studied my upper lip and said "It's okay, my daddy won't let me shave yet either." I'm a girl. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, the main cause of my recent boost in anxiety is in fact the amount of debt that going to a therapist in the first place has put me in. I guess he did help me find the main cause of my emotional issues. FML

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By ohtheirony

Today, the man who hit on me in a store and asked for my number showed up on my doorstep to inquire about my couch for sale. With his wife. FML

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By O.o - Australia

Today, while trying on bras in the changing room, I wanted to see what my friend's bra looked like on her. Not wishing to leave my changing room in my underwear, I wriggled under her door. When I got through, my bra had come nearly all the way down and when I tried getting back, I got stuck. FML

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Top comments

By Yulia_fml | 0

#348762 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:13

What a sweet husband! He voluntarily took on your role when he saw you were no longer a good fit for it. He's a true keeper :)

By testing_fml | 0

#348778 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:22

So did he put out?

COMMENTS

By Brycicles | 0

#348748 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:07

first, ew.

Reply

futtgoredo | 0

#853746 - Sunday 14 February 2010 4:45

get a new hisband

Reply

pedobearsstalker | 0

#906456 - Tuesday 2 March 2010 4:21

0_~

Reply

theice | 0

#981060 - Saturday 17 April 2010 21:54

ydi for marrying a fag?

Reply

Clare420 | 0

#1004523 - Sunday 23 May 2010 23:14

F your husbands life. YDI for turning him gay!

Reply

Uncle_Moe_Lester | 3

#2243934 - Saturday 26 March 2011 11:59

ur mean :(

By CrazyAsian | 0

#348749 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:07

WAT

Reply

tranekfny | 0

#349452 - Sunday 28 June 2009 18:59

Ur ugly and yr husband wants to be a girl. FYL

By Yulia_fml | 0

#348762 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:13

What a sweet husband! He voluntarily took on your role when he saw you were no longer a good fit for it. He's a true keeper :)

Reply

Ughsucks | 0

#349311 - Sunday 28 June 2009 17:52

heh exactly.

YDI for being fat/ugly. :)

Reply

adam797 | 0

#2885545 - Wednesday 13 July 2011 22:41

good job I think we should all follow in his footsteps

Reply

MissCuteStack | 12

#2929253 - Tuesday 19 July 2011 10:08

ikr

By BrownieBoy90 | 0

#348770 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:16

Haha, #3 FTW!!

By testing_fml | 0

#348778 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:22

So did he put out?

By lendmeyourteeth | 0

#348779 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:23

how can he look better in it than you..
wouldn't he be hairy?
no tits, and a dick..
start shaving and go to the gym lol

Reply

genius_man16 | 0

#349552 - Sunday 28 June 2009 19:46

That's what I want to know. I mean either you're really hairy, or he's like me and has almost no hair at all. You'd still need to be pretty hairy for him to look better in your lingerie though.

Does this also mean he has moobs? Dayum, i really need pics for this to make sense.

Reply

nikkirl5 | 1

#1279512 - Saturday 21 August 2010 12:27

haha moobies . :p niice .

Reply

emodude44 | 0

#2056680 - Tuesday 8 February 2011 1:56

Poor girl... not sexy enough?

By catriona_cd | 0

#348785 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:32

http://www.crossdressers.com

atleast he has "walked in your shoes" kinda

By alee562 | 0

#348799 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:43

8th!!!

By gorguz14evar | 0

#348803 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:45

If you dont marry him.
Ill claim him

Reply

drayloon | 50

#5206093 - Sunday 2 December 2012 8:16

she did say "husband"

By ImAllFailure | 0

#348809 - Sunday 28 June 2009 12:50

Sexy!

Reply

the_elle_factor | 0

#392502 - Monday 13 July 2009 14:42

;]
Kinky

Reply

MrPlopper | 9

#5078902 - Thursday 25 October 2012 5:28

Smells like fetishes!!!!!!