Love and Underwear: Nice try, though

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 274

You deserved it 2 283

Love Underwear

Hiding from the drama

Empathy lives

Batman

By footbloodfountain - 15/01/2012 10:53 - Canada

Today, I realized why buying clear pins for the wall is a bad idea. If one falls out, you won't be able to see it with your eyes, but your foot will find it just fine. I also learnt foot wounds can produce a pretty significant geyser of blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 141

You deserved it 6 701

By AV - 30/01/2016 10:30 - Bulgaria - Tsaratsovo

Today, a car backfired as I waited for my bus and I screamed, thinking I'd been shot. The only thing more humiliating than that was the pissy underwear I had to go back home to change out of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 045

You deserved it 5 973

By Anonymous - 20/11/2013 01:09 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my girlfriend tried explaining a duck flying into our living room and taking a shit everywhere as "paranormal activity". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 659

You deserved it 3 746

By Anonymous - 19/08/2012 05:51 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I got into an argument with my girlfriend over how many sides a triangle has. I actually ended up drawing her a diagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 437

You deserved it 4 340

By Anonymous - 30/12/2012 06:29 - Canada - Calgary

Today, at a restaurant, I happily watched as my boyfriend of three years got down on his knees and proposed to me. Before I could say yes and hug him, a girl flung herself at him, kissed him and shouted, "Yes!" With us still highly confused, she then ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 571

You deserved it 3 897

By Anonymous - 03/05/2009 05:35 - United States

Today, I was in the grocery store buying a few things. A sales associate came over the intercom system saying, "Attention Safeway customers. If you drive a blue Subaru, it's rolling into 18th Ave." Everyone laughed except me. I forgot to set the brake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 687

You deserved it 48 452

By Shelbs - 05/11/2011 23:35 - United States

Today, I went to get the vaccination my college requires of all students. The nurse looked at my charts and told me there was good and bad news. The good news was that I didn't need the shot. The bad news was I needed four others. Now, both of my arms are swollen enough to make Popeye proud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 335

You deserved it 3 787

Real housewives

By restraining orders are just paper - 20/03/2021 23:00

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. The constant harassment, threats and stalking by my ex-wife have finally driven her away. This is the third time this has happened. My ex physically beat the other two up, and now she’s scared away the one I wanted to marry. The courts have done nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 775

You deserved it 95

Jealousy

By JLD - 11/10/2010 04:34 - United States

Today, I came home from a four-day trip. Apparently, my cat thought I was gone for good and is now very unhappy that I'm home. I know this because she's been positioning herself between me and my husband all night, and hisses every time I try to touch him. He thinks it's hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 258

You deserved it 5 130

By Master Debater - 01/02/2013 11:05 - Australia

Today, my grandmother walked in on me watching porn on my computer. She looked at the woman on the screen and said, "I used to have tits like that, but look what having 7 kids did to them." Now I'm scarred for life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 981

You deserved it 39 996

By you'vegotmail(not) - 18/04/2014 23:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I realized that I get more mail addressed to the old tenant of my apartment than to me. He hasn't lived here in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 313

You deserved it 3 705

By Anonymous - 11/04/2009 03:40 - United States

Today, I finally decided to get a dog. I have always been wanting to get one ever since I was a child. I bought a $1,400 Golden Retriever. I went out for lunch a few hours later with a friend, so I left my dog in the backyard. I came back home to a broken fence and no dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 797

You deserved it 64 372

By Anonymous - 17/05/2012 12:00 - United States

Today, I noticed that whenever someone belches, I immediately think of my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 058

You deserved it 3 795

By FATS DOMINO - 20/10/2011 15:39 - United States

Today, my sister finally broke down and told me that our dad gambled away of all my college savings, and I would have to pay for school the best way I can. They have known for months, and when I asked why nobody told me, the reply was, "You're a college boy, we thought you would figure it out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 518

You deserved it 2 433

By Jessie - 25/12/2010 13:38 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were in our room getting hot and heavy. As he was entering me, he started making electronic whirring sounds. Once inside, he said in a robotic voice, "Initiating launch sequence in 3... 2... 1..." and began thrusting as fast as possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 535

You deserved it 9 509

What happens in the woods stays in the woods

By sulfuric_acid - 10/08/2021 06:01 - Canada

Today, on Facebook, I noticed my friend had posted a picture entitled, "Does a bear shit in the woods?" Curious, I checked it out and discovered that while on our hunting trip, my friends took a picture of me, pants around my ankles, leaned up against a tree taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 149

By booboo300 - 22/12/2018 02:00

Today, I picked up my gardisal 9 hpv update shot that my doctor prescribed and discovered that not only do I need three of them, they are $200 a piece. The guy I was dating that was the reason I needed the booster broke up with me on Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 050

You deserved it 267

By Anonymous - 19/02/2010 12:03 - United States

Today, I realized that the only things I gained from my Masters programs are more debt and the knowledge that you can use a semicolon in a list. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 688

You deserved it 5 395

By dannytriplet - 11/04/2010 06:34 - United States

Today, I got my son's phone bill (the phone I got him to call us from college). I found out he's been calling a phone sex hotline everyday. He hasn't called us once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 597

You deserved it 8 658

Perfectly reasonable

By Anonymous - 25/11/2021 20:01

Today, my wife and I had arranged a threesome with a guy, but I was late home so they “had the threesome without me.” It’s not cheating, because I obviously knew she was going to have sex with him during the threesome, but me not being there makes me mad and I can’t coherently explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 456

You deserved it 1 871

Fortnite thievery

By Anonymous - 06/08/2021 16:01

Today, my little brother decided he needed $170 worth of V-Bucks. How was he going to get it? From the credit card he took from my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 53

By ugh - 15/01/2016 16:08 - United States

Today, I told one of my teachers I have to attend a family member's funeral on a day she's passing a test. She straight up asked if I could reschedule it, and if not if I could just give it a miss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 264

You deserved it 1 432

By imahater07 - 25/12/2015 06:28

Today, my family decided to break tradition and wake up at midnight to open presents. I didn't find out until I went downstairs to get a glass of water in the middle of the night, and found wrapping paper and empty boxes everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 159

You deserved it 1 682

By xxx - 03/10/2015 13:38 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, I watched porn on my phone for the first time and it went black and shut down. In reality my phone just died. But I thought for a few seconds the government found me out. Paranoia much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 123

You deserved it 8 300

By kubbyp - 03/04/2014 21:22 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, while reading the paper I saw a picture of a guy I really like that I met online. The picture is in the obituaries. No wonder he hasn't called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 996

You deserved it 4 047

By happybirthday - 26/09/2011 17:06 - United Kingdom

Today, it's my birthday. My girlfriend gave me a Paul Frank t-shirt. It says "I'm single." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 566

You deserved it 2 850

Daddy's little girl

By Anonymous - 07/08/2021 23:01 - Canada - Port Moody

Today, I found out my boyfriend of almost 10 years was/is a Sugar Daddy to a girl I know, for the past 7 months or so. I found out through a mutual friend.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 79

Happy Birthday…

By Anonymous - 14/10/2021 11:00

Today, it's my birthday. My boyfriend’s birthday is a month before mine. I'd spent my birthday savings on his, but he told me that we couldn’t do anything for mine because, “I didn’t plan or organize better.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 117

Delayed

By Anonymous - 05/10/2021 07:59 - Australia - Baulkham Hills

Today, the psychiatrist who I've been relying on to evaluate my condition to give me some real help, who I've been waiting on my appointment with for three months, suddenly rescheduled me until February next year. Why? Because she's "not working that day". I can't afford to see anyone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 71

By willkftw - 21/09/2018 15:30

Today, I backed a van into another car at work, damaging the tailgate in the process. I work at a panel beater. The van I was driving had just had a brand new tailgate put on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 300

You deserved it 1 877

By themuffinman - 27/12/2011 15:15 - Japan

Today, my girlfriend referred to her yeast infection as "making bread." I can never look at bread the same way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 655

You deserved it 3 213

By Anonymous - 28/04/2009 20:47 - Canada

Today, my kids told me that for the FIRST time, my cooking was delicious. I made Kraft dinner that night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 154

You deserved it 8 389

By SadAndAlone - 03/12/2015 16:41 - Sweden - Nacka

Today, I got the most action I've had in months when a stranger fondled my thigh on the subway. It was a blind man, searching for empty seats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 553

You deserved it 1 963

By Mel - 27/01/2019 20:00

Today, I found out the guy I was seeing was married, with a kid, when his wife sent me a friend request on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 699

You deserved it 294

By munnyfish - 07/11/2009 07:16 - Canada

Today, as I was waking up, I let out a huge morning fart. When I open my eyes, I realized that I was crashing at a friends place with four other people. Yep, they all heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 336

You deserved it 33 494

By Anonymous - 02/09/2013 03:18 - United States - Woburn

Today, I resigned from my job in favor of a higher-paying one. After I filled out and filed the necessary papers, my boss told me that I had been nominated to replace him when he retired in a month. His job pays at least twice what I'm now making. Thanks for telling me, asshat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 293

You deserved it 15 677

Have a Coke and smile

By Cokerella - 14/08/2021 09:01 - United States - Pomona

Today, at a work function, I noticed that my boss and my girlfriend kept leaving the room at the same time. Fearing the worst, I waited outside in the hallway. As soon as they went into the bathroom, I pushed my way in. Sex? Nope. They were doing lines of coke off the bathroom counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 112

You deserved it 94

By Anonymous - 01/04/2014 02:08 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, my husband and I had some bath time to ourselves. After having sex, he decided to put bath salts in my vagina to spice things up for the next round. It's been twenty minutes out of the bath and it still feels like there are pop rocks in my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 508

You deserved it 36 893

By Anonymous - 23/12/2011 20:46 - Canada

Today, I found out that my estranged daughter has been married for five years. I wasn't told of or invited to their wedding, and the only reason I know now is because she needs money for a divorce lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 106

You deserved it 4 813

By Cherrish it - 04/09/2012 04:24 - United States - Carmichael

Today, a girl told me she stopped eating cherries ever since her father choked on one when she was a kid. She later mentioned that she doesn't like to drive. I sarcastically asked, "Did your dad choke on a car too?" Nope, her two brothers died in a car accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 582

You deserved it 58 725

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Top comments

core01 30

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Sunday 17 October 2021 5:24

Nothing says "i love you" like expecting her to buy uncomfortable, impractical lingerie designed solely for your viewing pleasure 🙄

camoMS 18

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Saturday 16 October 2021 20:24

That's a biiiiig yikes man. Even if she wasn't dating someone else.

Comments

DogeToTheMoon 4

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Saturday 16 October 2021 20:01

I’m sorry that sucks but never do this for an ex for this exact reason

camoMS 18

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Saturday 16 October 2021 20:24

That's a biiiiig yikes man. Even if she wasn't dating someone else.

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Saturday 16 October 2021 23:26

You should written her a song instead. You'd save $100 and get a free restraining order. And the knowledge that your ex and her new man are having endless laughs at your horrible song, and then lots of sex.

QueenSaru 28

Send a private message

Sunday 17 October 2021 0:34

I question what you thought was going to happen here. She's an ex. Also, you're lucky she didn't think it was creepy as all get out and escalate it.

core01 30

Send a private message

Sunday 17 October 2021 5:24

Nothing says "i love you" like expecting her to buy uncomfortable, impractical lingerie designed solely for your viewing pleasure 🙄

Silver_helmet 8

Send a private message

Sunday 17 October 2021 9:58

If you're not dating, lingerie as a gift is a no no.

Mylife 10

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Monday 18 October 2021 6:40

You're hilarious 🤣

Chazzster 22

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Monday 18 October 2021 20:34

It’s simple - Don’t buy gifts for an ex. You could send a card or a text on a birthday or something (even that’s not a great idea, but it’s less creepy than a gift for an ex). The short version is your ex has moved on. You need to do so too. Time and attention spent on an ex just takes away from the possibility of finding your next love interest. And lingerie for an ex is just creepy.

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 10

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 11

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 167

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 93