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    : 320



    I’ve lost enough IQ points that I think IQ is real

    My friend is not Einstein - 13/03/2024 18:00 - United States

    Today, I was talking with a friend and somehow the topic of Albert Einstein popped up. He started referring to Einstein as American and I laughed. I then realized he was serious. My IQ has dropped even further from Einstein's as a result of this. FML
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    Don't worry, we don't snitch here!

    Anonymous - 22/08/2025 21:00 - Singapore - Singapore

    Today, my so-called friend snitched to the teachers that I was the admin of the school confessions page and I got scolded after school. FML
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    Burn or drown?

    Xenocide - 25/12/2025 03:00

    Today, I almost burned down my speakers. How, you ask? Well, some asshole at the party (I was the DJ) decided to trip me as I walked to the stage, causing me to knock my speakers into the pool. FML
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    Cashflow not flowing

    Zxry123 - 26/01/2023 03:30 - Singapore - Singapore

    Today, I went to eat at a restaurant in Singapore with a friend of mine. I checked my wallet and I had a bit of cash, so I went in to have a large dinner. The most awkward moment that I had was when I took out my money and realized that it wasn't Singapore dollars. It was all in Malaysian ringgits. FML
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    Astronomical

    Anonymous - 26/07/2024 12:00 - Australia

    Today, my phone alarm went off at 3 AM. I don't remember setting it, but it turns out I'd somehow activated an old "Wake up for a meteor shower" reminder. Despite it being the wrong day by months, I got up, looked outside, and only then did my brain kick into gear and I realized it was set for the wrong date. FML
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    Hangry boi

    Anonymous - 03/08/2024 09:00 - United States

    Today, I had a massive craving for peanut butter and jelly. While making a sandwich, the jar slipped from my hands, bounced off the counter, and exploded all over my kitchen. Now I have peanut butter and jelly in places I didn't even know existed. FML
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    Hotkey

    Anonymous - 02/03/2023 22:00

    Today, I was screen-sharing during a virtual meeting when my cat jumped up and walked across my keyboard, and revealed my embarrassing search history. FML
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    Marked

    Anonymous - 29/10/2025 03:00

    Today, I learned that bunnies mark for territory. And when I say mark, they do a 360 no scope piss and spray everything all over the walls. The smell is horrendous. FML
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    Seasonal depression

    - 27/12/2025 20:00

    Today, I was speaking with my therapist about future romantic endeavors. I'm currently separating from my husband of three years. I feel it's unlikely I will ever date again, and I've developed a phobia of sex over the past year. It's so severe that I cannot even masturbate. Destined to die alone. FML
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    Accelerated obsolescence

    Anonymous - 17/04/2025 16:00 - United States - Warren

    Today, my cellphone charger suddenly stopped working. I had it for less than 6 months and I don't do anything crazier than unplug the phone when I want to go out and plug it back in. The phone and outlet work perfectly, the inputs are clean, and the charger had excellent ratings from over 2,000 people on Amazon. FML
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    Date night

    Anonymous - 19/01/2025 03:00

    Today, I sneezed while eating a bowl of soup. As I did, a glob of carrot shot out of my nose like a missile, and I couldn’t stop laughing. My boyfriend, who was sitting across from me, wasn’t so amused when the glob splashed all over his white shirt. He’s now mad at me for “ruining his only smart shirt.” FML
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    The opposite of Stars Hollow

    Anonymous - 01/03/2025 13:00 - United States

    Today, I recently moved to a new place. People around me here have been ignoring me from day one. It feels awkward and embarrassing to not get response when i talk to them. I'm an extrovert but still I can't cope up with this behavior. It's like they are observing my moves, and it's kind of creepy too. FML
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    Kids hear EVERYTHING

    Anonymous - 03/05/2021 13:01 - Canada - Westbridge

    Today, I was listening to an inappropriate song while driving around when I heard my 3 year-old in the back seat say the n-word. If you hear kids screaming, "LEGOS, LEGOS!" out of the windows as I drive by, that's my pathetic attempt at reversing the language they heard. FML
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    Oh no…

    Anonymous - 04/10/2025 03:00

    Today, my daughter announced that she's pregnant. I'm going to be a 37 year-old grandmother. FML
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    Two speeds

    Anonymous - 13/09/2024 17:00 - United States - LaRue

    Today, a waitress kept calling me "Mom" and my dad "Dad". My dad (69) and I (38f) hang out a lot, and very often go out to eat, just the two of us. Either I look really old, or people think he's got it going on. Why? They ask me, "Is that your dad or grandpa?" Then ask him, "Is that your wife or daughter?" FML
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    Bad boy

    Anonymous - 17/06/2024 12:00 - Australia

    Today, I came home to find my dog had not only shredded my favorite couch cushion but had also attempted to eat the TV remote. I have no idea how to change the channel manually. It looks like I'll be watching Animal Planet forever. FML
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    Brainrot

    Tired mom - 18/10/2025 00:00

    Today, I came home from work to a shouting match between my husband and my teenage son. What were they so riled up about? I'm still not quite sure. Something about the podcaster who was shot recently, and whether his wife is now "grifting" or not. I actually used the phrase, "Go outside and touch grass." FML
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    Dopamine

    Kaya Marley Ramsey - 05/10/2021 06:00

    Today, Facebook stopped working and I realized how emotionally dependent I am on social media. FML
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    Spooked

    Anonymous - 20/10/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

    Today, I was trying to sleep when I saw a head looming from the darkness with no eyes and a mouth open like a silent scream. I just froze and pissed myself. It was my daughter wanting to cuddle with us. Alas, the bed was wet, so she got put back in her bed, while we had to share the sofa downstairs. FML
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    Soda Pop

    Anonymous - 28/08/2025 23:00 - United Kingdom

    Today, it's 1:30 in the goddamn morning and I can’t sleep because my boyfriend is so obsessed with KPop Demon Hunters that he's in bed next to me listening to the songs with his headphones at full volume. He might actually be addicted, as he says he physically can’t make himself stop listening. FML
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    Bad start, bad end

    Sarah - 02/01/2026 00:00

    Today, I was on holiday over the Christmas period and ended up with food poisoning. I spent most of the time on the toilet. I think I’ll stay home next time. FML
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    Get it off me!

    Katieeee - 04/11/2023 22:00 - United States - Austin

    Today, I went to the doctor for what I thought was a persistent bug bite. Turns out it was a mole I'd never noticed. I had been scratching it then applying anti-itch cream for weeks. FML
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    Failed the vibe check

    akvan - 23/08/2022 08:00 - Canada - Toronto

    Today, I realized I don't know anything about driving if the instructor isn't sitting beside me. I realized it two minutes into my driving test, which I failed miserably. FML
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    Self rated

    Anonymous - 09/01/2024 13:00 - United States

    Today, I realized my success rates for sex in my committed relationship were really, really low, so I've decided to stop trying for a while. I also recently have learned Excel. I made a pretty complex tracker if I ever decide to try again to monitor failures. FML
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    Hey dude!

    Creepy stranger danger - 11/08/2025 09:00 - United States

    Today, I was picking up my nephew from school. I waved when I saw him coming, shouted, “Hey dude!” The kid stared at me, confused. That’s when I realized it wasn’t my nephew, just a child who looked vaguely similar but who was now terrified. His actual mom gave me a look like she was deciding whether to call security. FML
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    Babe

    Anonymous - 13/11/2025 09:00

    Today, after I had third date sex with a guy I really like, he ended up sleeping over. This morning we woke up, showered together, had breakfast, and he admitted to me he couldn’t remember my name because he currently has four women on the go and forgot which one I am. FML
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    Thank you for being a friend

    Love Stanks - 11/10/2023 12:30

    Today, the guy I like, who told me he “is trying to heal from his divorce,” just got a girlfriend. He calls her “the one that made me believe in love again.” I spent almost a year being a friend, supporting his every need, and hopelessly holding it down for him. Good to know I’m not good enough and never will be. FML
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    The only way to have a decent conversation

    Anonymous - 18/07/2022 22:00

    Today, I realised I'm one of those people who can talk without caring if anyone is listening. I was telling my husband about something, and noticed he was asleep. I checked our living room camera. He was asleep when I got home and I just started talking, for 20 minutes, without realising he was asleep. FML
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    Selfie Privilege = Revoked

    FML Approved - 06/09/2017 03:28

    Tsk tsk tsk...
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    Overenthusiastic

    Jeremy - 25/08/2025 03:00 - United States - Los Angeles

    Today, I was at the gym trying out the rowing machine. On my first pull, I leaned too far back, lost my balance, and launched myself straight off the seat. I landed on the mat behind me while people around me pretended not to laugh. FML
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    Today, I went on a blind date. As soon as my date saw me walking towards him, he checked his watch and said, "Oops, wrong place." Then walked right past me. FML
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    Today, I was looking at the page of a girl I've had this big crush on for a long time. After getting a date with her and taking her horse back riding and having a picture taken of the two of us I find that she paint shopped me out of the picture before posting it. FML
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    Today, my toilet broke. Yesterday, the shower filled up with sludge. I have ten people coming over for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. FML
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    Today, my boyfriend, and best friend, had baked a cake, and wouldnt tell anyone who it was for. When I asked he said I'd know soon. He met me after class to break up with me and offered me the cake to make me feel better. FML
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    Today, my cat kept sneezing all morning so I took her to the vet. $150 later and the vet says she's fine. I get home and the noise starts up again. My automatic air freshener spray sounds just like my cat sneezing. FML
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    Today, I learned that shaving my unibrow while drunk/high was a terrible idea. I also learned that one brow looks better than no brow. FML
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