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Today, my 4-year-old son cut half of my hair when I was asleep because he thought I would look better that way. FML

#19990341
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25079) - you deserved it (3245)

On 07/29/2012 at 4:11am - kids - by ellieowenie - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was working with some shelter puppies transporting them to the vet's. I got all of the puppies in but one, and when I went to pull him out, I realized he had gotten car sick. Before I could stop it happening, he wagged his vomit-covered tail and hit me in the face. FML

#13123963
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25076) - you deserved it (2958)

On 09/20/2010 at 2:13am - work - by sandra - United States

Today, I was in the Cafeteria at a table near the guy I like. He was playing around with a ball with a couple of his friends. They dropped it, and it rolled over next to my foot. When I bent down to pick it up, I smashed my head against a chair. FML

#14643975
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25076) - you deserved it (4799)

On 01/19/2011 at 9:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I told my mom I was going out to hang out with some friends. She looked me dead in the eye and said, "Don't lie to me." FML

#19687214
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25075) - you deserved it (2575)

On 05/27/2012 at 4:00am - misc - by cloudberry - United States (New York)

Today, I got sexually excited thinking about what kind of donuts I wanted to get in the morning. FML

#19381776
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25075) - you deserved it (10705)

On 03/31/2012 at 11:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw the girl that I've had a crush on forever riding her horse on the side of the road. She waved, and without thinking, I honked my horn in response. Her horse bucked her off. FML

#19997037
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25073) - you deserved it (16803)

On 08/01/2012 at 7:31pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my boyfriend told me that when my nipples are hard, he thinks that they look like giant zits, and when he squeezes them, he imagines them popping pus. He then reached for my chest. FML

#6891757
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25068) - you deserved it (2638)

On 12/22/2009 at 9:34pm - intimacy - by omgboobs (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at work, nonchalantly spinning my keys around my finger when they flew off and hit a glass cabinet. Broken glass showered passing customers. I don't think I'll have a job to go to tomorrow. FML

#16359885
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25068) - you deserved it (20031)

On 05/26/2011 at 5:26pm - work - by kernewek (man) - United Kingdom (Dorset)

Today, we had a school assembly at 7:00 pm about drinking and driving. There was a cop doing a demonstration of a field sobriety test on stage. I was randomly selected to perform a breathalyzer test in front of all the students and parents. I blew 0.06. FML

#855959
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25065) - you deserved it (100133)

On 04/07/2009 at 4:44pm - health - by schoolgrlstaci (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, after a two week holiday, I'm returning to work exhausted. I had nightmares about work every single night. FML

#14444191
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25064) - you deserved it (3633)

On 01/02/2011 at 9:58pm - work - by sleepy (woman) - Norway

Today, I walked past a man handing out miniature Bibles on my way to class. He handed me one, commenting "here, you look like you need this." FML

#8842
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25064) - you deserved it (4665)

On 02/04/2009 at 8:18pm - misc - by Michigan (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was suntanning outside, when I had a bout of nausea. I rushed to the toilet, hoping at all costs to just dry-heave it away. When I lifted the lid, I was faced with two of the most rancid floaters I've ever seen, courtesy of my live-in gran. Well, my stomach's empty now. FML

#20025166
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25063) - you deserved it (1916)

On 08/16/2012 at 8:22pm - health - by rainbows? more like shitstorms (man) - United States

Today, I had to listen to my coworker complain about how working 19 hours a week leaves her with no time to go to the doctor and get her bronchitis treated. Meanwhile I work 40 hours a week, as well as doing 18 credit hours at school, and she refuses to cover her mouth. FML

#21472594
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25063) - you deserved it (1621)

On 09/25/2015 at 1:47pm - work - by sobusy (man) - United States (Illinois)



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