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Today, the girl I dumped three years ago because she wouldn't take my band seriously is now a successful and rich environmental scientist. Meanwhile, I'm still unemployed, living with my parents, and can barely remember how to play a guitar. FML

#20407310
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9946) - you deserved it (70471)

On 12/19/2012 at 10:26am - love - by rightinthekarma (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while driving, I witnessed the neighbors dog viciously shaking a black cat. So I slammed on the brakes and jumped out of the car, frantically chasing around the huge dog screaming "Help, someone please help!" I finally managed to tackle him and release the cat. It was a stuffed animal. FML

#6659884
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9942) - you deserved it (27200)

On 12/08/2009 at 1:26am - animals - by damncat (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I cleaned my house after a big party. Everything was great when my parents came home. Except for the bottle of hot and spicy mustard next to the shampoo in the shower. No one knows how it got there. I'm busted because of mustard. FML

#4155760
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9930) - you deserved it (34020)

On 07/30/2009 at 6:38am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I finished a very important but annoying presentation that took four hours to complete. Only after writing a paragraph to explain the presentation and sending it to my boss did I realize that I saved the document as "Shit I have to do to get a promotion." FML

#18231005
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9927) - you deserved it (37093)

On 11/12/2011 at 7:36pm - work - by TTR (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I ordered Chinese food. As I approached the restaurant to pick it up, I took out my keys and tried to unlock the front door. By the time I realized my mistake, everyone inside the restaurant had noticed and started laughing at me. FML

#19175931
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9926) - you deserved it (19566)

On 02/27/2012 at 4:58pm - misc - by Eric - United States

Today, I ordered take out, and paid with a credit card. The cute cashier gave me the receipt to sign, and under 'tip' I gave a couple of dollars. I realized that I had given too much, crossed it out, and changed it. Unaware she was watching, She then responded, "Did you just lower the tip by $1?" FML

#1106901
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9925) - you deserved it (67003)

On 04/19/2009 at 1:03am - money - by imanidiot (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to a very nice reception at a hotel. I glanced inside the ballroom and saw that no one else was in there and, not wanting to be the first one there, I walked past and into the stairway. Turns out, I had walked into the emergency exit stairs and had to set off the alarm to get out. FML

#830447
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9925) - you deserved it (43086)

On 04/06/2009 at 2:16am - misc - by rmo1776 (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I learned that you should never, ever, under any circumstance, take a laxative and a sleeping pill on the same night. FML

#11281809
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9922) - you deserved it (48440)

On 06/18/2010 at 1:42am - health - by emilygreeny - United States

Today, I saw a girl texting at school. I told her she might want to put her phone away before she got a detention. She turned around and I saw she was changing her insulin level on her pump. She has diabetes. FML

#112568
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9921) - you deserved it (48564)

On 02/23/2009 at 9:41am - health - by kcd (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I accidentally emailed the entire company everyone's salary, sales history, and the names of four people I intended to fire. FML

#7709427
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9921) - you deserved it (39024)

On 01/30/2010 at 2:21pm - work - by Whoopsx99 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boss replied-to-all to a memo I sent, wherein he states that "Filipino" should be spelled with a double P. He spells his nationality with a double R. He's from Morocco. FML

#2247
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9918) - you deserved it (1562)

On 01/22/2009 at 6:26pm - misc - by moronicmoroccan - Philippines (Rizal)

Today, while trying on an outfit in the dressing room at the mall, I got locked in. I decided to take 5 minutes to try and get out by crawling under the door. After I got out, I realized I left my cell phone, my purse and my pants inside. FML

#15900752
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9910) - you deserved it (28481)

On 04/23/2011 at 7:56pm - misc - by Niquesha (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I paid $80 to change my cell number because my ex-girlfriend had been stalking me. To inform all of my friends of the change, I sent a mass text message to everyone in my phonebook. Including my ex. FML

#3642198
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9908) - you deserved it (70614)

On 07/10/2009 at 3:15pm - love - by Blackberry (man) - Canada (British Columbia)



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