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Today, while swimming in my neighborhood pool, I noticed what looked like several cigarettes resting at the bottom and decided to investigate. Turns out it was actually just a used, bloody tampon that had spent enough time underwater to be broken into multiple pieces, and spread across the pool. FML

by Anonymous / 07/02/2015 at 6:31pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, it's my birthday. What did I get? A 12-hour work shift, after spending an almost sleepless night in a computer chair because my bed is infested with bed bugs. FML

by Anonymous / 07/10/2015 at 6:00pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I received a compliment for the first time from a girl. She told me she admires my courage to go out in public since most ugly people don't like to. FML

by IHateMyLife / 09/22/2012 at 2:59am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to vacuum to surprise my mom with a clean house. The vacuum started shorting out, sparked, and then burst into flames mid living room. FML

by fire starter / 08/16/2015 at 12:10am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my one year anniversary with my boyfriend. We had dinner reservations to an expensive restaurant and planned to see a movie after. At least, we did, until he called to tell me he'd volunteered to work tonight. He won't get off until 2am. FML

by Anonymous / 03/04/2010 at 3:00pm / United States (Nevada) / Love

Today, I was feeling sick, so I called my boyfriend who lives down the street to come and keep me company. He replied with, "no, I can't come over, I'm busy, I'm playing xbox." FML

by vidzgrl / 01/28/2009 at 2:51pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I went on a date with my really attractive neighbor, and at the end, when I leaned in to make out with her, she shook my hand. FML

by anonymous neighbor / 01/30/2009 at 9:42am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was eating lunch naked at my home watching porn on the big screen. I heard the garage door opening meaning my roommate was coming home. In my haste to get dressed, I fell back in the barstool I was sitting in and knocked myself out. I woke up still naked and with lettuce all over me. FML

by HansonLUVR / 03/11/2009 at 8:26pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I got a super short pixie cut. All my boyfriend could do was stare at me, speechless. I thought he was taken aback by how cute it was until he told me that I look exactly like my fifteen year old brother. FML

Today, I got a text from the guy I've been in love with for 3 years, saying: "So um, I've been wondering. Did you used to be a man?" FML

by butchapparently / 08/10/2015 at 11:35am / Love

Today, I was watching 'Caillou'. It was a Christmas special for pre-schoolers. I was quite enjoying myself, when it hit me that my kid had been in bed for an hour. I forget what adult TV is. FML

by Jen / 12/27/2009 at 8:36pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I had to have a long and awkward meeting with my boss. It wouldn't have been too awkward though, if I didn't have to avoid staring at her exposed breast whilst she fed her 8 week old baby. FML

Today, I went on a long flight. I was fortunate enough to sit next to a great girl. However, she must have thought I was not so great, because she moved to the empty seat across the aisle. Next to my dad. Who then told stories about how I always get motion sickness on airplanes. I then threw up. FML

by Anonymous / 06/22/2012 at 10:11am / United States / Transportation