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Today, my parents were awake while I was still in bed on my iPod touch. I decided to play The Smurfs Village. One of its minigames involves shaking the iPod, so I was breathing heavily. Later, my parents sat me down for a little "talk". FML

by Anonymous / 06/23/2012 at 9:11am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML

by Anonymous / 08/05/2015 at 10:06am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was standing in the bathroom and farted. It felt like someone stabbed me in the butt. I jumped out of shock, and my head slammed into the mirror. My glasses fell onto the floor and broke. I now need new glasses, a new mirror, and an ice pack for my head. All because I farted. FML

by Rachal / 01/29/2012 at 8:27pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, I quit smoking. My son came home with an ashtray he made in arts and crafts class. FML

by Anonymous / 03/21/2012 at 8:21am / United States / Kids

Today, I started my new job, and was introduced to my colleague. She seemed old and quite experienced, so I thought she was going to teach me. I was wrong. It turns out I'm a replacement for her daughter, who used to secretly do all of her work for her because she has no idea how to do it herself. FML

by Frustation / 07/30/2012 at 9:00am / United States / Work

Today, I freaked out because of the smell of rotting eggs lingering in my apartment. I soon discovered it was my boyfriend's feet. FML

by Kayla / 04/12/2012 at 1:30am / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, my friends and I planned to go to a waterpark together. However, due to a "miscommunication," I, and only I, was given both the wrong time and the wrong meeting place. I spent three hours sitting in a parking lot in little more than my swimming suit. FML

by crissy becks / 08/05/2012 at 6:05pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, after 2 months of searching, I finally found a good, stable job. How does the universe reward me upon waking up on my very first day? With a burning yeast infection. FML

by rhcpgurl / 07/23/2015 at 11:07am / United States (California) / Health

Today, I was with a friend at the mall and I made eye contact and smiled at the worker at a smoothie stand that I went on a date with last year. He saw me, and then ducked down behind the register, where he remained while his coworker awkwardly leaned over him to take my order and money. FML

by ouch / 04/28/2012 at 2:54am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to an angry text from my roommate asking me to please let her know next time I'm going to have a friend crashing on the couch. I have no idea who she's talking about. FML

by Anonymous / 08/23/2012 at 10:00pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on a blind date with a friend of a friend. It went okay, so we exchanged numbers. An hour later, he started messaging me, asking for pictures of my poop. What.. the... hell? FML

by Anonymous / 08/25/2015 at 2:31pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother followed me to work to see what I got up to. I'm a fitness instructor in a ground floor gym that has big windows overlooking the street. She stood outside and waved at me for half an hour, while I tried to concentrate on teaching a visibly amused class. FML

by Username / 09/26/2011 at 12:28am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, my boyfriend drove to my house to break up with me. He only did so after I'd vacuumed the whole house to compensate for his cat allergies. I thought he was just coming to dinner. FML

by Ima in Hungary / 03/22/2012 at 8:06am / United States (Texas) / Love