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The all-time greatest FMLs

Private Catholic school?

By Anonymous - 14/03/2021 23:01

Today, I had to write an argumentative essay about the morality of homosexuality. The prompt actually uses the phrase "the dangers of homosexuality." I'm bisexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 250

Hang in there

By Anonymous - 22/02/2022 02:00

Today, I have a massive paradox on my hands. My doctor told me to stop drinking so much tea to combat my sleeplessness, and it worked. Until now. I went to the doctor again to figure out why it suddenly stopped working, and she told me the reason I can't sleep now is because I have caffeine withdrawal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 200

Separation anxiety

By Anonymous - 21/07/2021 02:01 - Germany

Today, I’m glad that my friend’s grumpy old cat, who I’m watching in her absence, actually seems to like me. In fact, she likes me so much that she wakes me up at 4 a.m. to not only demand food, but demand my company while eating it. How very flattering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 178

The arrogance of youth

By reese - 11/06/2020 05:03

Today, as always, I had to have my dad help me with my computer issues. Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 569

Time flies by

By Anonymous - 18/02/2021 16:59

Today, long after ten years ago when I answered the door to someone asking if my mummy and daddy were home, and I was 24 and it was my house, I just now got asked if my 30 year-old sister was my daughter. Time has not been kind to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 141

Painful romance

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 10:00

Today, while my spouse and I were 'doing the do' we went to change positions… but instead we changed the location of their shoulder joint. Fully dislocated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 210

Accidentally?

By Anonymous - 24/06/2021 14:00

Today, my brother sprayed the entire kitchen, including all the dishes, with industrial strength spray adhesive, thinking it was disinfectant. I'm the one who got to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 81

Shitshow

By Cassy - 14/02/2023 06:00 - Australia - Rockingham

Today, my 4 year-old son got a hole in his head from doing a twirl jump off bricks out the back. After being in hospital for 8 hours, my car battery was flat from me leaving the lights on. My husband went to get a new battery and lost his wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 142

Shedding

By Anonymous - 30/11/2020 13:58

Today, I found out, after having my third and last child, that I'm balding. I'm only 23 and quite frankly It's very much noticeable. How did I find out? My four-year-old daughter pointed it out to me, saying, "Mommy, why you shed like the dog?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 259

TLC FML

By Anonymous - 11/04/2022 22:00

Today, the person I was seeing dumped me over text because I “cared too much” and it gave them anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 131

Sounds delightful

By Anonymous - 23/01/2023 23:30 - Australia

Today, a client came in to pay for her storage unit, and like every other time she comes in, she lifted up her shirt and practically showed me her boobs. This lady is in her 70s and is morbidly obese. Oh, and she also told me that the Nazis had the right idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 120

Stolen valour

By Anonymous - 25/11/2022 02:00

Today, after my husband refused to donate to Children in Need because it’s a "waste of money", he came home with swords and shields so he and our son could "wage war in the garden like knights". I wanted to donate £20, the swords and shields cost £500 at least, but I’m the one wasting money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 339

Workers rise up!

By Anonymous - 29/07/2021 14:01 - Canada - Oshawa

Today, I found out that, despite working 4 part-time jobs, that I will not qualify for maternity leave by my due date with the mandatory 600 hours. I can't get full-time work and I'm 8 months pregnant now. This'll be fun! FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 200

Mystery

By Sharriff Rahman - 05/08/2021 00:01

Today, I found out that my wife of ten years is still deeply in love with her first crush from before she met me. Now I'm starting to wonder whether her first time was really with me, as mine was with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 228

Recruitment hell

By Frustrated Worker - 16/07/2022 12:00

Today, I was let go by a job for the second time in less than a month, for the same reason - they couldn’t be bothered to give me any training or feedback. They even said I worked hard and had drive, but the wrong “skill set.” This could have been brought to my attention at the interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 126

It's the most wonderful time of the year

By Demona666 - 06/12/2021 08:01

Today, I was in a car accident while driving to my brother's school to drop off some documents that he had to bring in, and forgot at home. While not even driving at 20 km/h, I started drifting on an icy spot. I hit a road sign and my car fell into a ditch. I probably have a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 121

Don't move

By Anonymous - 12/07/2021 06:01 - United States

Today, I developed a serious case of diarrhea. This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't suffering from a severe cough as well. I'm terrified to cough again, because I'm running out of clean underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 91

Life choices

By Anonymous - 08/04/2023 22:00 - Ireland - Waterford

Today, I’m 27 with no friends and I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’m socially awkward, and the idea of meeting people even in passing gives me panic attacks. I’ve been in treatment for years and no luck. All I can manage to do is work and sleep. I think it’s time to give up completely and just adopt a bunch of dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 213

Be prepared

By Anonymous - 30/10/2020 19:58

Today, I'm in Ibiza. My period came early and had nothing but face masks to use as sanitary towels. Then, the closest thing to period knickers I could find was in a souvenir shop, which on the arse reads, "What happens in Ibiza belongs in Ibiza." FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 330

Peace and quiet

By Anonymous - 06/04/2023 18:00

Today, after a long and stressful week, all I wanted was some time to myself with a few beers and a good video game. My girlfriend apparently disliked this, because she started blasting Cardi B, ran the vacuum behind me, and poured my beer down the sink when I used the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 229

Time to get over it too

By Anonymous - 03/05/2021 20:01

Today, I pretended to be sleeping when my dad came to check on me. I’m not talking to him. Why? Because my mom died in January and he already has a girlfriend he says he wants to marry, she's going to be my step-mom. I’m 31. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 420

Stealth move

By Anonymous - 05/03/2023 03:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was waiting to surprise my partner with a romantic dinner, only to find out after about two hours they had moved out without telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 169

Capitalists gonna capital

By sick-and-tired - 06/08/2022 22:00 - United States - Lincoln

Today, I’m fighting a Lyme disease infection. A tick bit me while I was sleeping in bed, gifting me it. I lost 15 lbs in 6 days, and can't work while treating it. I asked for pest control. My slumlord dad owns the place, refuses to fix it up, and told me no. I have no money and now my wife is sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 120

Keep your enemies closer

By Anonymous - 12/12/2020 01:58 - Canada - Markham

Today, the night before an exam, I found out my boyfriend of one and a half years was cheating on me with a girl who has the same name as me. Not only that, I ended up consoling her for hours as she cried over him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 234

Skinny love

By maryann - 13/01/2021 08:01

Today, despite begging my parents to get food other than diet and weight loss stuff, they refused. I'm bullied for being skinny on a daily basis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 981

You deserved it 244

The struggle is real

By Anonymous - 11/07/2022 02:00

Today, after struggling to get up on time all week at 5 a.m., it's finally my day off, and boom, I'm up exactly at 5 a.m., naturally. No alarm, no struggle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 132

Laissez-faire capitalism

By Anonymous - 17/04/2021 17:01 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my Facebook account is deactivated and I don't think they are going to give me my account balance of $855 on Marketplace. So, I'm out my items, shipping costs and the profit I would have made. Facebook Marketplace is a scam. I'm so depressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 234

Bambi 2: Electric Boogaloo

By Anonymous - 16/11/2020 02:03

Today, I came downstairs to find that our dog's six puppies, who have their own puppy-door to go outside whenever they want, had peed and pooped all over the floor, walked through the pee, and were now happily chewing on a half-rotten deer's head which they had dragged inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 339

I guess that's why they call it an intravitreal injection

By Anonymous - 13/02/2021 08:02

Today, the eye doctor told me I only had 90% vision on my left eye, and asked if I wanted treatment. Not being terribly bothered by it, I asked what the treatment would consist of. "We'll stick a large needle in your eye, and pump in some medicine." I quickly wished him a pleasant day and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 217

Fundies and the truth

By Kyle - 20/04/2021 02:00 - United States - Westborough

Today, I was told by both my parents that I was going to hell and had a “terrorist mentality” because I said our archdiocese deserves to go bankrupt from all their abuse cases. FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 130

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The Top

Today, the dog went nuts at 3am. I searched the yard with a spotlight and machete. Nothing. He may actually just be an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 272

You deserved it 6 292

Today, my mom took away my medication. She's afraid I'll get "hooked". The medication is anti-anxiety pills. I have horrible anxiety attacks that sometimes cause me to scratch my arms until they bleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 215

You deserved it 4 537

Today, I was bored at work, so I started doodling a big muscly arm on my notepad, including bulging veins. After I returned from lunch, my boss called me into his office. Apparently the mail clerk saw and was offended. I was asked to explain why I was drawing a person's 'private area'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 498

You deserved it 7 761

Today, my fiancé's mother made him pack his stuff and move to Montana while I was at work. I came home to a half-written note because she wouldn’t let him finish. We own a house together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 509

You deserved it 471

Today, I found out that if you put tea bags into a cup of hot water, the tea bags will melt. The result: You get to drink and chew tea leaves at the same time, with little bits of actual tea to help make them go down. 0/10, do not recommend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 505

Today, my husband sent me a dick pic, then sent a follow up text saying, “Sorry, not meant for you, delete pls”, followed by, “Ignore that, obviously it was meant for you. Love you.” If he’s sending pics to other women, I’m gonna spread his cheeks and jam every golf ball he owns up there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 158