Lowered expectations

By dac5 - 12/04/2020 05:00

Today, I was told that couldn’t become assistant manager of my job anymore. I already told my family I was going to be one, and they'd all said how proud of me they were. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 447

You deserved it 341

Judge and jury

Compassionate management

Wrong place, wrong time

By Ouchies - 09/02/2012 17:28 - United States

Today, I took my first shower in weeks after having had spinal surgery. My sister flushed a toilet. I couldn't reach the nozzle or my cane to get off the shower bench, and all I could do was sit there as scalding hot water sprayed all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 312

You deserved it 2 245

By Jenbearish - 16/08/2016 04:58

Today, the laziest person in my department came and complained to me, while I was working, that they didn't know why we were so far behind today. Then they went to chat to their friend for 45 minutes. I know why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 759

You deserved it 1 056

By wilsmith - 01/02/2010 12:36 - China

Today, while in the elevator with the girl from my office that I've been crushing on, but never spoken to, I said "aren't elevators awkward?" After a long silence, she got off three floors before our office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 534

You deserved it 26 543

By Anonymous - 18/02/2017 15:00 - United States - Pasadena

Today, after having to call in a noise complaint about my downstairs neighbors talking loud past midnight, the managers fixed the problem. Now all I can hear is two little girls who like to throw a basketball at the building for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 130

You deserved it 914

By Bluetooth Connection - 01/10/2018 03:00

Today, I sat in the bathroom on my phone to rub one out after a long day. Wanting to hear the action, I upped the volume until the sound was low enough for me to hear, despite the volume being near max. I continued until I realized my phone was connected to my headset outside near my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 514

You deserved it 4 308

By Anonymous - 11/02/2018 15:00

Today, I spent a nice night with the guy I’ve been madly crushing on for the past year. When he went to the bathroom and left his phone unlocked, I looked at his photo album and saw photos of my house, my room, me sleeping, and my naked body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 654

You deserved it 1 238

By bf - 19/12/2013 02:59 - Canada - London

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Dinner was going well until her dad secretly fed the asparagus to the dog under the table, and then "discovered" what a childish thing I had done. My girlfriend believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 131

You deserved it 2 986

By Anonymous - 15/03/2014 21:02 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, four days after making a $100 bet with my balding, pedo-stache wearing dad over who could get a girlfriend first, he came home and introduced me to his new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 854

You deserved it 11 608

By hanzastfu - 26/10/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, I was spending time with my boyfriend for the first time in two weeks. I started tearing up and telling him that I feel like he never has time for me anymore. He responded with, "I'm hungry." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 720

You deserved it 9 293

By rawkdinosawr - 09/05/2009 15:48 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a massive argument with my boyfriend in which he called me stupid repeatedly. I stomped out of his house and sent a very angry text to my best friend about him. She didn't text back. Then my boyfriend texted. 'My girlfriend is so stupid she can't even text the right number.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 994

You deserved it 76 919

By Anonymous - 07/03/2015 04:26 - United States

Today, I tried shaving my bikini area for the first time. I ended up cutting myself several times. I now have impressive razor burn, and it's incredibly painful to even wear pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 919

You deserved it 6 315

By theseguysarewhipped... - 06/10/2014 15:05 - Canada - London

Today, as a limo driver, I had to drive 8 guys for a night-out from their wives. I put the Michigan/Rutgers game on the radio, thinking they would appreciate that. Apparently, they wanted to listen to their "pump-up" songs instead, which were mostly Katy Perry songs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 620

You deserved it 5 215

By GamingWolfy5 - 27/06/2019 06:36

Today, I got angry at my computer, and instead of bashing my keyboard with my fists, I bashed my face on the keyboard. It REALLY hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 487

You deserved it 2 788

By depressed - 22/02/2010 07:23 - United States

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 772

You deserved it 26 256

By electricpuddle - 25/04/2011 01:11

Today, while letting horses out to switch pasture, one ran at me, sending me through the electric fence and into a mud puddle. Wrapped in electric fence, I sat in that electric mud puddle, screaming every time it shocked me. Help arrived, once they'd had a good long laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 756

You deserved it 4 023

By Laura_2118 - 12/12/2009 07:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me my first compliment in months. Apparently my body spray makes me smell like a stripper. He then asked me if he could "park the beef bus in tuna town". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 837

You deserved it 4 310

By thanksgrandpa - 08/03/2016 20:08 - Canada - Concord

Today, an attractive woman sat beside me at the doctor's office. Unfortunately, on my other side was my senile old uncle who can't control his bowels, and after a few uncontrollable farts, she was on the other side of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 861

You deserved it 1 609

No joking please

By Anonymous - 18/01/2011 02:08 - United States

Today, I went to the ER after a fall. Before the nurse did an X-Ray, she gave me a pregnancy test. It came back negative. I joked, "No martians have crawled into my uterus, then?" She didn't get it, and I had my head scanned for brain trauma. Never crack a joke in a hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 911

You deserved it 7 682

By college parking sucks - 30/09/2015 17:16 - United States - Deltona

Today, for the first time this semester, I was able to get parking in time for my Wednesday class. The professor was sick and class was cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 397

You deserved it 2 141

By ForeverAlone - 09/05/2015 15:53 - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, I emotionally confessed to the guy I like. His English isn't that good, so he asked me to repeat it several times. He ended up telling me no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 860

You deserved it 3 060

She'll come around

By Anonymous - 05/05/2021 22:05

Today, my only friend confessed she loved me, but I’m not a lesbian so I had to let her down. Apparently she thought I was a lesbian too, so she ran away mortified. I just got a text that she can’t see me anymore, because it’s too painful. I have no relatives and now no friends. I’m totally alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 210

You deserved it 86

By jabba - 05/10/2010 21:01 - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on my new roommate's cheek, so I told her to stand still so that I could flick it off. Several long seconds of flicking made me realize that it wasn't a spider at all. I had been flicking her hairy mole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 659

You deserved it 34 728

By Anonymous - 06/01/2012 07:47 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife of 5 years has decided to change everything: job, clothes, hair style, car, and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 172

You deserved it 3 045

By hello to you too - 30/08/2018 12:30 - United States - New York

Today, I met my new 7ft tall and heavily muscular neighbor. Before I could say anything, he greeted me in his really deep voice with, "Excuse me, but is this yours?" He was holding my muddy 3-year-old son, who he'd found in his backyard, by his jumpers like a stuffed cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 852

You deserved it 849

OCD FML

By Anonymous - 25/08/2021 06:01 - Germany

Today, my teeth feel dirty. Just go brush them, right? Actually, I just did. Thoroughly and meticulously, for several minutes, until both my arm and my gums hurt. Yep, still feel dirty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 617

You deserved it 195

By princess - 12/04/2014 21:01 - United States - San Marcos

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting frisky, and I whispered that I love him. He immediately lost his boner, and a few minutes later "remembered" he had to be somewhere else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 447

You deserved it 7 130

By Anonymous - 07/01/2013 00:24 - United States - Boise

Today, while out hiking, my phone slipped out of my pocket. I caught it and gave it to my little cousin, giving her a "special mission" to keep it safe. When we got back to our cars later, I asked her for my phone back. Turns out she left it under a shrub back in the hills so it'd be "safe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 310

You deserved it 38 410

By GoodbyeNewJob - 17/11/2016 18:00

Today, I accidentally said, "Hell yes!" in front of a potential employer and a group of kids before an interview at a daycare center. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 913

You deserved it 3 684

By DEAD inside - 15/11/2018 08:30 - United States - Pomona

Today, I woke up and brushed my teeth as usual. My brother had decided it would be a good time to prank me and rubbed a ton of salt into my toothbrush. A while later, he stood outside the bathroom door repeatedly saying sorry. It was Epsom salt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 593

You deserved it 147

No kink-shaming

By Cybertronianchic - 05/09/2020 09:58 - United Kindom - Birmingham

Today, I realised I'm so much more sexually attracted to Transformers than anyone I've ever met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 557

Baywatch music starts

By Anonymous - 01/05/2019 12:00

Today, I nearly drowned. I was at a wave pool for the first time and stupidly swam out to the deep end. When the waves turned on, I discovered I can't swim in rough water. Despite my yelling, "Help!" and flailing around, the lifeguard paid me no attention. My friend had to save me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 978

You deserved it 524

By Umidknickname - 17/06/2017 16:00

Today, my boyfriend told me he was going away for the weekend to go clubbing with his mates. I would be fine with it, except the mates he's going with already tried to get him to cheat on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 832

You deserved it 475

By Greymoya - 24/02/2010 14:18 - United States

Today, I was very sick, and my boyfriend was taking care of me at his parents' house. I was laying on the couch, innocently watching a movie while he rubbed my feet, when his stepmother came home from work. She freaked out, accused us of having it off on her couch, and kicked me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 544

You deserved it 2 573

By ChevRooon - 27/01/2012 04:46 - United States

Today, I went to the gas station, paid the clerk, and drove off without pumping any gas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 126

You deserved it 38 950

Gamers care

By Anonymous - 18/08/2021 04:01

Today, I was interacting with someone on a video game, and the topic somehow got switched to mental illness. When I told him about my problems, he was very sympathetic and understanding. A complete stranger cares more about me than my actual family. I'm not sure if I should be happy or crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 023

You deserved it 98

By claustrophobic - 04/05/2016 19:03 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I have been in my "office" for 6 weeks. It is literally a closet. I was reminded of this fact when a janitor walked in without knocking, carrying empty boxes he intended to store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 286

You deserved it 889

Priorities

By Brodam - 17/09/2020 14:01 - United States - Scotch Plains

Today, we began our honeymoon with a Yellowstone Park hike. Wildfires took hold at both ends of the park. We lost all cell service. Her parents and my mom worried, texted and called. My dad just logged into my Fantasy Football team to pick up a running back in this week's waiver wire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 168

By anonymous - 07/12/2015 13:28 - United States - Mandeville

Today, my dad read that if you pass gas from both ends at the same time it will create a vacuum inside your body and you'll implode. I can't convince him otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 306

You deserved it 1 670

By silent one - 12/09/2011 05:30 - United States

Today, I had to stifle a fart so my upstairs neighbors wouldn't hear it. I know this because I frequently hear theirs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 216

You deserved it 3 002

I'm a mess

By Anonymous - 02/10/2020 23:01

Today, I went in to return a pack of socks. The cashier told me I couldn't return them. Then, I thought that she hadn't given the unreturnable socks back to me, even though she had, so I ended up getting all hormonal and angry over their return policy. When I got home, my mom got on my case too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 1 229

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Top comments

Jillian Cosby-Kelly 15

Sunday 12 April 2020 21:26

Really sucks OP. Valuable lesson to be learned here though, only tell one or two very close people until something is set in stone.

Yudith 20

Send a private message

Monday 13 April 2020 12:51

Now you can tell all of your family that you didn't make it after all and they will all commiserate with you.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Sunday 12 April 2020 6:50

Just keep living the lie, and if you eventually get the promotion, tell them you made "senior assistant manager."

Jillian Cosby-Kelly 15

Sunday 12 April 2020 21:26

Really sucks OP. Valuable lesson to be learned here though, only tell one or two very close people until something is set in stone.

AmbrosiaFan 18

Send a private message

Sunday 12 April 2020 23:23

I'd just tell a spouse or significant other and not tell everybody until I got the job... YDI... and sorry to hear that.

Yudith 20

Send a private message

Monday 13 April 2020 12:51

Now you can tell all of your family that you didn't make it after all and they will all commiserate with you.

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 47

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49

You deserved it 26

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 510

You deserved it 136

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 46