The Top

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The all-time greatest FMLs

Knackered

By Anonymous - 01/10/2023 14:00 - United Kingdom - Altrincham

Today, I got home after working 14 hours completely exhausted and found my wife asleep, after not sleeping for at least 4 nights with our newborn. She woke up and couldn’t remember where she'd left the baby. After a mad panic, she remembered that he's with her mother. We are not coping very well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 178

Heavy duty

By Anonymous - 06/05/2023 22:00

Today, I bled through a tampon and pad in half an hour. When changing them, I somehow managed to streak blood across the bathroom floor, like a small creature was murdered and dragged. I have never menstruated this hard before in my life. Anyone know how to get blood out of white grout? Not asking for a friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 985

You deserved it 127

Whatever works

By dumblonde78 - 17/07/2021 14:01

Today, I noticed that to get my boyfriend to do what I want, I must bribe him with food instead of sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 312

Deez nuts

By I hate my skin - 08/08/2022 21:59 - United States

Today, I have a massive boil on my genitals. I can't move, sit, or do anything without it flaring up. It's basically a constant dull pain on my nuts that gets worse when I move. No, I do not have genital warts, I just have horrible skin problems. This isn't the first time it's happened, either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 118

Lose yourself to find yourself

By Hilda - 21/02/2022 18:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I admitted to my parents that I'm not the gold star lesbian I've always claimed to be. In fact, I went through a terrible slutty hetero period in college. My mom was disgusted, and my Dad wanted way too many details. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 677

Alexa, play "I'm Only Sleeping" by The Beatles

By Anonymous - 29/04/2022 06:00

Today, I got home and found my husband passed out, lying in the playpen with our 6 month-old climbing all over him. I don’t know how long he’d been asleep, but her nappy was overflowing and she hadn’t been fed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 166

Watch your step

By the guy that didn't get his kiss - 25/06/2021 16:01

Today, while at a football game, I had my arm around my girlfriend. We were really close and I was just about to kiss her when suddenly her phone rang. It was her dad, telling her he's watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 161

Pulled a sneaky on you

By blank sheep at work - 01/03/2022 18:00 - United States - Richland

Today, I found out that my work threw me a birthday party alongside my coworker’s birthday. Said coworker spread a rumor, telling everyone that I wanted each person to buy me flowers and cake. Everyone thought that I was a weirdo for asking for those things from them. I wasn't at work today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 101

My new friends

By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 18:01 - Germany - Dresden

Today, on a camping trip, where it’s raining, I'm suddenly popular. With whom? With slugs! I found one in my shoe, one in my bag, two in my cooking pot and the last one I grabbed – surprise! - on the backside of my coffee mug, which was inside the bag, on the bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 110

Henchman

By Office bitch - 05/02/2022 04:01

Today, someone left a comment on our company Facebook page, and my manager told me what to respond, but the VP didn’t like it. Guess who’s now suspended for a couple weeks with no pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 111

Perfect ending

By Anonymous - 29/01/2022 08:01

Today, I met the most amazing man ever, we were surrounded by a bunch of pretty women, but he picked me. He was so romantic and sweet, and when we were about 2 weeks into the relationship, I wanted to introduce him to my mom, when I woke up and it was all a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 199

Workers of the world, unionize

By Labcat - 04/12/2021 23:00 - United States - Vancouver

Today, I have a great union job and have told my friends about it. I recently received three calls from a very irate person, blaming me for, "stealing their workers by telling them about 'union BS'." I literally can't find their company anywhere, but they claim they will sue me. I don't even know who they are! FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 130

Stuck

By Anonymous - 11/04/2021 01:59 - Canada - Regina

Today, I found out that I'm not getting a new position I applied for at my company. Now, I have to continue working for my boss, who recently severely criticized my spelling in my reports, only they weren't my reports, and when I pointed this out, she simply never responded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 104

Toxic masculinity

By BigGinge - 10/07/2021 22:01

Today, I'm depressed. After trying to talk to my boss about it, twice, as it has been affecting my work, I've been told to, "Stop thinking about it" and to, "Man up." He has also told me to come to him with any problems I'm having, and to be honest with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 198

Engrossed

By Anonymous - 03/03/2022 07:59

Today, I'm pretty sure my boyfriend and I used to have a sex life, and even talked to each other before Elden Ring was released, but I can't remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 327

Splish splash, I was taking a bath

By Anonymous - 15/04/2021 19:59 - Canada

Today, my neighbour decided to get high while leaving his bathtub running, resulting in passing out and starting a flood in the hallways. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 64

Not funny, Graham

By Anonymous - 25/10/2023 22:00

Today, I was at the gym when my dad thought it would be funny to push me into the ladies' changing room. Over a dozen naked women didn’t think it was funny. I was slapped twice, police were called, I’m now banned from my favourite gym for life, and even my wife is giving me dirty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 134

WTF dad?

By Anonymous - 01/01/2022 01:59

Today, my husband ranted about how children are awful, and parents who claim they love their kids are complete liars, and if everyone admitted that we hated our kids and resented them for existing, there’d be a lot more happy childless couples. We don’t even have kids for him to hate this much. WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 247

No job for you

By Anonymous - 28/03/2021 07:59

Today, I had a virtual interview for my dream job. Prepared as f**k. One of the interviewers turned out to be my ex, who I dumped for being too dumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 539

Extreme response

By poordude - 03/04/2021 05:00

Today, my girlfriend told me that our relationship and economic situation is stressing her out so much that she’d rather end her life or marry a rich dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983

You deserved it 149

The doctor will see you… soon

By Anonymous - 09/06/2022 10:00

Today, I spent several hours sitting in the ER hyperventilating from pain and passing out, due to a herniated disc in my back. I had to watch at least 5 people go ahead of me, whose only complaints was that their stomach hurt or they felt nauseous. One of these people had a bag of snacks with them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 178

Drama Llama

By are you fucking kidding me! - 18/08/2022 18:00

Today, I got guilt-tripped into going to eat with my parents and sister. My sister bit into a spicy pepper instead of a mild one, and thought the perfect response would be to shriek, moan, cry, and throw herself to the floor gagging. No she’s not allergic, she’s just a drama queen fishing for a free meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 135

All shook up

By Anonymous - 24/07/2021 11:01

Today, I found out that my crush had a girlfriend. The way I found it out? He hugged me from behind, calling her name and saying darling, etc. When I turned around in shock, he quickly backed away and said, "Sorry , I thought you were someone else." FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 114

Sing me to sleep

By Anonymous - 19/01/2021 11:01 - Germany

Today, there are two parts to my life: The 12 hours I spend in bed each night trying to fall asleep, with limited success, and the 12 hours I'm up and trying *not* to fall asleep, also with limited success. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 141

Love in the time of Covid

By moving out now - 27/09/2023 14:00

Today, my germophobic girlfriend has tested positive for Covid, and is utterly convinced she's going to die. She's been crying in the bed for the last five hours, talking about how much she regrets her choices, and how she never should have spent her last year with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 125

Hey there little buddy

By Anonymous - 07/02/2023 00:00 - Finland

Today, I was in my bed masturbating when I felt something on my chest. I looked down to see a spider running around. I'm super scared of spiders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 253

Beggars can be choosers

By Rebecca Palermo - 14/12/2020 11:03

Today, I saw a girl asking for money on the median of an entrance to a parking lot with her dog. Later, I bought a box of dog treats for her. I drove up and handed it to her. She rolled her eyes and said, "How the hell am I supposed to carry that?" I sat there in stunned disbelief with the box she refused to take. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 237

Hang in there

By Anonymous - 13/02/2021 02:01

Today, I'm 26-year-old woman and I've never had a date for Valentine's Day, never been on a date, or received flowers. This pandemic makes me think I never will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 189

Psycho

By dating a psycho - 03/02/2022 08:00

Today, I learned that when my girlfriend was a kid, she enjoyed torturing animals for fun. Nice to know she was lying when she said the idea of harming an animal “makes her sick to her stomach.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 121

Private Catholic school?

By Anonymous - 14/03/2021 23:01

Today, I had to write an argumentative essay about the morality of homosexuality. The prompt actually uses the phrase "the dangers of homosexuality." I'm bisexual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 250

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The Top

Today, I found out that the only reason my "friend" comes over to my apartment is so that she can charge her phone using my electricity, because she's too cheap to use her own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 082

You deserved it 1 656

Today, during a sex ed lesson, we were given a lecture on pregnancy and abortion from the school nurse. Throughout the session she kept repeating, "Of course, Sophie knows ALL about this." The nurse happens to know that my dad's a gynaecologist. That's not what everyone else in the year thinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 114

You deserved it 2 897

Today, I was chatting to a nice girl at the mall, and I said if she didn't get a raise, I would write to the management. She said they have no email address, and I replied that I meant an actual letter. "Like, on paper?" she said, "Damn, how old are ya, pops?" I want a ticket off this planet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 465

You deserved it 3 696

Today, I finally sought help for my alcoholism. They told me they wouldn't help me until I'd stopped drinking. Um... what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 275

You deserved it 399

Today, my flat has turned into a pigsty. My flatmate decided to make the lounge his bedroom and it looks like a bomb has hit it. I haven’t been able to sleep, as he doesn’t sleep at night and talks to friends all night long or plays loud music. FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 114

Today, it's officially been a year since my grandma passed away. I still have the occasional dream where I go to her house and she's right there, waiting for me, after which I wake up sobbing because it will never happen again. I don't wanna be an adult anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 574

You deserved it 106