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The all-time greatest FMLs

Bills bills bills

By Anonymous - 24/05/2022 12:00

Today, my dad snooped at my payslip and now he keeps calling me a tight cunt who should contribute more. This from the man who smokes 50 a day but hasn’t had full-time employment since 2009. Plus I pay rent, and the gas and electric when he can’t afford to, which is every month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 106

The road to Hell…

By Anonymous - 03/12/2022 04:00 - Venezuela

Today, I went out of my way to get my significant other some medicine for his mom. Said medicine is very expensive, and since I didn't have the cash, I agreed to work every major holiday in December in exchange for the medicine. My SO didn't even bother to say thanks, and ghosted me after I gave the meds to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 169

Mummy's boy

By Anonymous - 22/03/2021 17:01

Today, my boyfriend's mum said she won't stop us from seeing each other, yet she'll only allow me to see him for 30 minutes a day, for 2 days a week, and gets mad if he sees me for any longer, because "mother knows best." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 140

Live through this

By IceBreaker - 17/12/2022 18:00

Today, while on my way to a meeting and the following job interview I had lined up, I slipped on ice crossing the road, landing on my dominant arm. The pain was awful but I persisted and attended both. Later, it turned out I'd shattered my elbow and fractured my radius. I really hope I get that job now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 113

Alexa, play "Boredom" by Buzzcocks

By Anonymous - 23/10/2020 05:03 - United States

Today, I started the internship of my dreams. The company has nothing for me to do, so I sit and stare at the clock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 119

Sweet home…

By Redneck - 07/09/2022 07:30

Today, my coworkers won't believe I'm from Alabama. Apparently, "You're too smart and not racist enough… plus you have all your teeth, and you're not dating your cousin." Fuck these people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 330

Hackerman

By Anonymous - 27/12/2021 04:59

Today, someone hacked my Facebook and is posting countless pictures of poop, saying it’s mine. I'm beyond embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 166

Chill out, Judy

By Anonymous - 11/07/2021 08:01

Today, my mom found out about my brother smoking. She calmly discussed smoking with him. On the other hand, I got yelled at and made to do chores all day despite having a university exam, just because I knew about it but I didn't tell her, because I knew that I would get the short end of the stick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 116

The 5%

By Anonymous - 20/05/2022 10:00

Today, my office has decided to make our working from home a permanent thing for 95% of our staff so they can rent a much smaller office space. Guess who’s one of the 5% who has to drag himself out of bed, just to be a warm body at the office in case something comes up requiring a man on site… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 145

Bad omen

By DefiantBaka - 21/05/2022 16:00 - Canada - Stony Plain

Today, I found out the man I have a date with next week is married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 123

Customers from hell, part 374

By JuiceBoy - 05/07/2022 12:00

Today, at my supermarket job, I told an elderly woman that we no longer sell her favorite juice due to supply chain issues. She got so upset that she peed on the floor. I had to clean it up. I don’t get paid enough for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 70

Gotta start somewhere

By Anonymous - 04/12/2020 05:02

Today, I found out my parents paid my "best friend" to be my friend for the past 7 years. She's my only friend too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 123

Tantrum

By SmackAB - 19/04/2022 22:00

Today, I had a great idea for a group project at work, so I shared it with my team and my supervisor. They seemed to like it very much, except one guy in our group, who outranks me and who threw a massive temper tantrum because, “I didn't consult him first before sharing it.” This big baby makes 3 times my income. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 101

Thanks for the support

By Anonymous - 05/01/2022 10:59

Today, my dad completely disregards my mental health, insists mental disorders are just excuses for laziness in my generation, so even though I have crippling depression, at times he has no sympathy and will mercilessly bully me into “snapping out of it” and to "get a damn job already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 491

Brothers in arms

By Anonymous - 30/07/2022 06:00 - South Africa - Grahamstown

Today, I was scrolling through my phone and saw a post from my nephew's mother, my brother's girlfriend. She has a swollen eye that my brother gave her. I've been telling him for months to get his temper in control, and now he's facing possible charges, and she's utterly traumatized. I wish I could cut off relations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 134

See ya!

By inefficiencies - 02/02/2021 05:10

Today, I was supposed to have a hospital appointment I've been waiting three months for, but they changed it to a phone call. The call consisted of the consultant asking questions and saying, "Yes, I see that in your notes", before concluding I need to a physical appointment and booking one… for three months' time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 68

Take it easy

By Anonymous - 16/09/2021 17:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, despite my muscles being just fine, my genetic collagen deformity has caused insane amounts of pain over things like 'walking' or 'sweeping the floor'. I used to be able to hike up mountains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 93

Is that how it works?

By SecondTimesACharm - 28/02/2021 23:01 - United States - Woodstock

Today, I tested positive for COVID… again. This pandemic has been going on for so long that after 11 months, my natural immunity has apparently worn off. I'm in the next group for the vaccine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 203

I'm outta here

By VHgolf1989 - 01/06/2022 02:00

Today, I found out that after moving in with my mother and her boyfriend into his place two months ago, she's breaking up with him, and leaving me stuck with him. Awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 146

Roommates from hell, part 47757

By Sofvcked - 29/06/2022 10:00

Today, I found out when my new roommate said she was self-employed, she really meant unemployed. She insists that I let her stay for free or she will file a sexual assault case against me. Rent is due on the 10th. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 160

Roommate from hell

By Anonymous - 13/10/2020 16:57 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, after I had the place to myself for a while and it was easy to clean, my roommate returned and I woke up to trash piling up, dishes everywhere, and luggage full of sweaty laundry. Oh, and it smells like poo again, because he doesn't regularly shower. I want to scream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 174

Golden child

By Anonymous - 26/09/2022 02:00 - United Kingdom - Aldershot

Today, my mom, dad, and little brother all adore my boyfriend, and treat him like a son. When he’s here, he gets more family love than I do. I’ve wanted to dump him for weeks because we’re really not working out, but I know that if I do my entire family will pitch a fit, and bug me to take him back FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 238

Peachy keen

By Justpeachy - 11/10/2022 02:00

Today, I was working at the hospital receptionist desk. A visitor came in, but only knew the patient’s nickname “Peaches” When I explained to her we don’t address patients by nicknames, she demanded to see my supervisor. She ended up spitting in her face and had to be escorted out by security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 069

You deserved it 82

Welcome back

By pixie_pix13 - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, I came back to work after being out for a week. As I walked to the back of the store, I threw my hands up and yelled, "I'm back bitches". Right after I said it, I noticed my boss was behind me. I was then taken to the office and wrote up for foul language on my first day back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 069

You deserved it 3 460

Family Matters

By Grinch - 01/12/2021 17:01

Today, I already hate the holidays. My mom has been trying to be helpful, but has severe undiagnosed memory problems that our family ignores. They've also ignored all the house repairs, but have no problem consoling her while she cries how mean I am for missing her party, because I used my vacation time to fix the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 069

You deserved it 127

Surprise indeed

By Anonymous - 11/04/2023 00:00

Today, to surprise my boss who promoted me within the first two months of my new job, I offered to take him and a couple of coworkers out to eat. We had one minor inconvenience: my bank card declined. I was 200$ in the negative. Apparently my wife decided to take the kids winter clothes shopping. It’s fucking April. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 069

You deserved it 255

SATAN!

By Anonymous - 08/12/2021 02:01

Today, my nana tried to drown my pet rat because it's white with red eyes, and red eyes mean it’s Satan in disguise, and yet my mom still refuses to admit she needs to be in a nursing home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 069

You deserved it 128

We all grieve in our own ways

By clearkim - 08/04/2021 17:00

Today, it’s the anniversary of my mother’s death. My stepmom decided that since I’m not unusually sad or crying, it must mean I didn’t care that my own mom is dead, and am therefore a psychopath. Anniversaries mean nothing to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 069

You deserved it 110

Life is unfair

By Anonymous - 06/12/2022 16:00 - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, my son, who is on the autism spectrum, was given a detention at school because he called another child fat in response to being called a "fat Indian curry muncher". The other child got away with it because he started crying. Oh and afterwards he called my son dumb for getting detention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 069

You deserved it 170

Not a biology major

By Anonymous - 02/02/2021 00:30

Today, after we had sex for the first time, my boyfriend shouted, “Huzzah! My genes will live on!” We used a condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 069

You deserved it 230

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The Top

Today, I found out that when my boss said she was considering bumping me up to full time, she actually meant she was planning on letting me go. Everyone in the office except me knew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 823

You deserved it 1 359

Today, thanks to Grand Theft Auto, I found myself seriously thinking about holding up an armored bank truck when I saw it in traffic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 699

You deserved it 38 603

Today, I wanted to impress my girlfriend with a cool fire breathing trick I learned online, and ended up burning half her room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 173

You deserved it 64 384

Today, while standing by the kitchen window I noticed a mouse running across our lawn on top of the snow. I called my two daughters to come see it, but by the time they got to the window a hawk was shredding the poor thing to pieces. My kids didn't stop crying for two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 718

You deserved it 6 701

Today, I was getting one of the best blow jobs I have ever received. My girlfriend was getting into it when I heard an "uh oh". Her tongue ring got twisted around the hair close to my balls. She started to pull, I started to scream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 054

You deserved it 1 815

Today, I took a stick lighter and used it to set a large spider on fire to kill it, as stepping on it could possibly release its babies if it were a momma. I ignited more than the spider, and had to call the fire department. FML

I agree, your life sucks 199

You deserved it 1 974