Today, I brought home my new boyfriend, who happens to have an eyepatch. Despite repeatedly telling them not to, even threatening punishment, my daughters, ages 9 and 11, would not stop calling him "Cyclops." He’s mad at me for this. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met my boyfriend's family. He calls his parents things like “geriatric hag” and “old clown”. I was about to yell at him, but they started calling him “nancy boy” and “nerd”. Apparently they love each other, but only communicate through abuse. I can’t believe I may soon marry into this mess. FML
Today, I introduced my dad to my boyfriend. I gave my dad the middle finger and he thumped me on the head, as we've been playfully doing for years. My boyfriend got all mad and tried to fight my dad. FML
Today, my husband is sulking because our daughter's first boyfriend is a rugby-playing giant he can’t scare away with the standard father's threat of a good beating unless he treats our daughter well. I married a real idiot manchild. FML
Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
Today, I playfully drew thick eyebrows on my one-year-old son to make him look like a cartoon villain. He laughed cutely in the mirror as I took some adorable pictures. When my husband saw, he threw such a horrendous fit about boys and makeup, I was reduced to tears. FML
Today, I confronted my boyfriend about him and his female friend’s friendship making me uncomfortable. He responded by throwing the mother of all fits and punching a hole in the wall. He said I have to pay for the repair, because I "made him do it." FML
Today, my daughter must be punishing me for something. She's dating a boy who dropped out of high school to “escape the system” and yet loves collecting unemployment benefits, and refuses to read books because he hates not knowing what the characters really look like. FML
Today, my ex-husband came to pick up our two kids for his weekend with them. Seeing his new girlfriend was in the car, and desperate for conversation, I asked her name. My kids unhesitatingly blurted out, "Mom". FML
Today, I walked into my shed to find my daughter's boyfriend asleep and completely duct-taped to the ceiling, with his face painted like a clown. FML
Today, I told both my boyfriend and my son that they needed to start spending more time together. They both asked why and what they did that I feel the need to punish them. They’re so similar, even I forget they’re not father and son, and yet for some reason they hate each other. FML
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Top comments
Slim87R 7
I really hope he is mature enough to understand they are kids and it's to be expected. In his position I would have leaned into it and played the role of pirate and we all could have a laugh. How you handle unfortunate circumstances can dictate a lot. Make the best of what you have and you will be a much happier person.
DoctorPALO 14
If you hadn't told them NOT to, they probably wouldn't have.
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Comments (13)
DoctorPALO 14
If you hadn't told them NOT to, they probably wouldn't have.
Slim87R 7
I really hope he is mature enough to understand they are kids and it's to be expected. In his position I would have leaned into it and played the role of pirate and we all could have a laugh. How you handle unfortunate circumstances can dictate a lot. Make the best of what you have and you will be a much happier person.
bleachedraven 14
better to laugh than cry : )
cuz803 46
Lmao adorable. Toxic but adorable. Kids will be kids.
Yudith 28
Better than than "Cap'tain Hook".
bleachedraven 14
Coming from kids he shouldn't be too upset about it.
FireMars 14
You brought home Majima didn't you?
core01 30
This would be a red flag for me. Kids say rude stuff. Adults have to be mature enough to handle it in a calm and rational manner. His anger is not how you handle it.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Start calling yourself Jean Grey. Problem solved. Just watch out for old dudes called Logan. They're the jealous type.
cacheson 42
You do need to do more than just threaten punishment. You can still give consequences in the moment.
rotflqtms_ 21
For an adult, he's really thin skinned. They are children and had he played it off, maybe they would have been bored and stopped. Do you really want someone who can't handle teasing from children to be a father figure for your children? He gets upset too easily to be able to handle larger situations that'll come up later. Getting mad at you for something someone else does...I don't think he's mature enough to take on the role you probably want him to take on...