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By Anonymous - 10/03/2010 17:56 - United States

Today, I discovered my water bottle had leaked and spilled water all over my backpack, ruining my notebooks, soaking my schoolbooks, and destroying my midterm portfolio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 838

You deserved it 5 731

When nature calls…

By Anonymous - 24/10/2022 04:00 - Australia

Today, I got the strong urge to pee right as I got home from work. In my hurry to get inside, I grabbed my keys out of my pocket. They flew out of my hand, into the bushes. I couldn't find them in time and ended up wetting myself in my driveway, three minutes before I had to pick my daughter up from school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 191

DM FML

By Anonymous - 29/02/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I'd set aside a weekend to play D&D. Some old acquaintances wanted to join, saying they'd pay for food. When I picked them up to drive them to the game, they claimed they were screwed on their paychecks, couldn't afford food or gas. However, they could afford Mountain Dew and candy bars for themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 140

By Anonymous - 30/03/2011 16:37 - United States

Today, I told my crush of two years that I love him. He responded with an, "Aww, I'm sorry." and a pity hug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 681

You deserved it 9 922

Healthy mind in a healthy body

By Anonymous - 04/08/2021 17:59 - Brazil - Niter?i

Today, I started a diet to lose the 20lbs I put on during quarantine. It was also the day my body decided the diminished food intake means I'm trying to starve it to death, and must be punished with a horrible migraine. That's what I get for trying to be healthier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 775

You deserved it 232

Teacher's pet

By Anonymous - 26/10/2022 02:00 - United States - Augusta

Today, I managed to lose my engagement ring, and damage my car. But that was a cakewalk from what happened later, when a teen student tried to set fire to the classroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 123

By Anonymous - 21/12/2013 21:50 - United States - Wexford

Today, I thought it was a good idea to flush the stink bug I found in my kitchen. Later I went in the bathroom to take a crap, and next thing I know, I feel a stink bug on my privates. I guess it didn't flush after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 029

You deserved it 8 733

By jess - 07/03/2010 14:08 - South Africa

Today, I had a sip of my coffee and felt a lump of some kind enter my mouth. I thought it was a bit of biscuit, and then remembered I didn't have biscuits this morning with my coffee. I took it out of my mouth and it was a huge black fly. I then spat the rest of my coffee all over my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 046

You deserved it 4 699

Like glue

By Anonymous - 08/08/2021 10:01

Today, it's been almost 3 years since my wife has wanted sex, and I get turned down every time I ask. Even when I insist on a romantic date night, we just sit with no idea what to say to each other. How did we drift so far apart? The only thing keeping us together is the mortgage and the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 131

You deserved it 256

By Anonymous - 20/12/2013 14:27 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my boss decided that a mug and a public 'thank you' were a sufficient substitute for a Christmas bonus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 499

You deserved it 3 891

Hey big spender

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my "best friend" invited me to drink with her and a couple other friends. She told me to "just bring a few bucks for beer". When I got there, no one else had brought money, including her. They only invited me because I'm the only one with a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 135

You deserved it 4 367

What?

By Anonymous - 11/08/2021 18:01

Today, I finally confronted my father about how rude and tactless he is. It wasn't until I'd finished my rant that I realized he was ignoring me. He then told me to get him something to drink. I replied, "Since you asked so rudely, you can go get it yourself." As soon as I'd said that, he grunted and repeated himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 170

Not now, dude

By Ethan - 09/09/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, during a video job interview, I tried to sound professional by saying, “I always give 110%.” At that exact moment, my roommate burst into the room, holding a burrito and yelling, “You can’t even give 100% to doing the dishes.” The interviewer muted their mic, but I could see them shaking with laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 214

You deserved it 347

She goes to another school

By Wow. - 18/12/2013 18:23 - United States

Today, my girlfriend refused to take a picture with me to prove to my friends that I do indeed have a girlfriend. I got so desperate that I photoshopped myself into one of her Facebook photos instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 617

You deserved it 15 204

By Renter - 24/03/2011 14:54 - United States

Today, I received a bill for damage to my old apartment. The same damage caused by the maintenance guy when he came to fix the pipes about a week before I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 703

You deserved it 2 769

Taylor comes first

By lakatkat - 19/08/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, I found out on Facebook that my supposed best friend bought a concert ticket to a show. The concert ticket cost the exact same amount as the plane ticket she told me she couldn't afford to come see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 889

You deserved it 6 462

By Anonymous - 19/06/2019 06:26

Today, I was driving behind a tall truck when it drove through some overhanging branches. Suddenly, a huge branch fell on top of my car, leaving it scratched all over and with several dents in the roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 726

You deserved it 247

Be careful out there

By Burningeyes - 09/03/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I was walking my dog when a lady approached me, commented how beautiful she was, and asked to pet her. I obliged and next thing I knew I was pushed to the ground and maced. She made off with my dog. The police is unable to locate them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 774

You deserved it 82

By unholy shit - 23/01/2012 22:33 - United States

Today, my parents boarded the fad wagon and became Juggalos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 739

You deserved it 3 148

By Grossed_out - 05/03/2010 03:51 - United States

Today, I had to listen to a girl who just came back from the bathroom, talk about the "gigantic massive dump" she took, and even held her hands up to show the size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 312

You deserved it 3 753

Bruxism

By tiptoppc - 04/11/2022 00:00

Today, after waking up from a bad migraine which caused my teeth to clench, I found out that I broke a molar. A dentist told me it split down to the bone, so I need root canal and an extended crown. Then they told me the tooth below had also broke and has to be pulled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 87

By um...no? i don't think so anyway - 15/12/2013 19:16 - United States - Warren

Today, I finally got the courage to tell the girl I like how I felt. She instantly burst out laughing and said, "A crush? Dude, what are you, 12?! Hahaha!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 552

You deserved it 6 316

By scatter00x - 08/02/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 119

You deserved it 7 106

We're in Hell

By Anonymous - 09/08/2021 20:01

Today, it's Monday. I'm living in hangover hell. Work is hell. Moving my head is hell. Did I party all weekend? Yes. Except that it was just me and my cat. Nothing was consumed other than several bottles of wine and tubs of Ben & Jerry's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 351

You deserved it 1 305

Making whoopee

By Broken trust - 19/09/2025 20:00

Today, after years of my wife having almost no sex drive, and always insisting on using protection, she suddenly craves unprotected sex like an alcoholic craves booze. I went through her phone and learned why. Yup, she's pregnant, cheated on me since day one, and her scummy side dick skipped town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 684

You deserved it 104

By lonelyashell - 02/03/2010 20:04 - United States

Today, I realized that over the course of this winter, there have been more snow days in Atlanta than days in which I have ever been on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 919

You deserved it 5 167

Wait, what?

By Anonymous - 10/11/2022 06:00

Today, my friend got drunk with me and texted my boyfriend, saying she was in love with him and missed him. Her brother came to my house since she got caught drunk and gave a “lecture” on responsibility. I don't know what’s worse, the lecture or the fact that he’s my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 189

By orgasmicriding - 22/12/2012 22:55 - United States - Wyandotte

Today, because my boyfriend drives a 2-seated sports car, I had to awkwardly sit on his brother's lap as we drove to the store. I soon felt a poking sensation through his pants, just a few minutes before we hit a bumpy road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 296

You deserved it 7 022

By Foot In Mouth - 05/02/2009 22:56 - United States

Today, my anatomy teacher was putting together a skeleton model for class. He had misplaced the leg bone, so I thoughtfully asked, "What's the matter, lose a leg?" Unfortunately, there's nothing thoughtful about asking that question to a guy with an amputated leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 230

You deserved it 36 490

Safe bet

By nerdy09 - 19/08/2021 03:59

Today, a guy sent me, “I miss you.” I invited him to come over for a movie, but he then said, “I’m down for that, but I expect you to hook up with me.” I guess that’s all I’m good for? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 178

You deserved it 260

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The Top

Today, my girlfriend's dad called to say she wasn't allowed to come with me on a three-day trip on New Year's. He waited until Christmas to say it, even though we booked and paid for the trip nearly a month ago. Now he ruined both holidays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 979

You deserved it 3 212

Today, I was having a race with a little kid. I let him win to make him feel like a champion. After the race, he turned to me and said, "Maybe if you weren't so fat you would have won." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 620

You deserved it 4 547

Today, I was reading a blog post by a girl that I really like. In the post, it said, "I know I'm not beautiful." I told her that I thought it wasn't true at all. She responded by crying hysterically and asking me why I would say that. It turned out that it actually said, "I know I'm beautiful." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 262

You deserved it 32 705

Today, I invited this guy I fooled around with over to "hang out". He's "en route", so I start to make my bed only to find my cat thought this was the best time to tell me she's sick by throwing up in my bed. I only have one set of linen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 855

You deserved it 7 170

Today, I was at the gynecologist and he was performing a routine check-up. He was a new doctor and I was just slightly uncomfortable with him. About mid-check-up, as he felt around my uterus, he said in a cartoonish voice, "Oh, it's so squishy up here." The doctor turned me into a sock puppet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 500

You deserved it 5 133

Today, my brother-in-law's baby died due to SIDS. I called my mom, hoping to hear words of comfort for losing my nephew at such a young age, but instead she told me to not let something like this scare me into not having kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 132