By bnaz - 30/10/2020 17:01

Compassionate man

Today, my father told me I'm a lazy, pathetic waste. I work and have a one-year-old. Apparently, if you're trying to catch up on sleep, you're lazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

989

You deserved it

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This is us

Thanks for the miracle

Booty pic

By missseloit3

Today, I met a nice guy who wanted to chat. I didn't want to be the bitchy type and throw him the "I have a boyfriend" line right away, so I conversed with him. When he asked was I single I, of course, said no. He yelled at me and made a huge scene about me leading him on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4490

You deserved it

758

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By too good - United Kingdom - Dartford

Today, my boyfriend and I tried roleplaying a teacher-student during sex. We're both studying to be actors, so we ended up going into a really deep, emotional storyline that didn't end in sex at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44865

You deserved it

14441

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By Ohgodmother - Australia - Hobart

Today, in public, one of my mom's friends asked me how on earth did I get so tall, my mom happily scampered to my side and shrieked: 'TWO YEARS OF BREAST MILK'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44300

You deserved it

3976

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By keisha89 - United States

Today, I finally met the guy I've been talking to online for a year. I'd dropped 10lbs off my weight. He'd shaved 20 years off his age. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16840

You deserved it

38848

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By nbj10 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, my dad went snooping on my laptop, and saw that I'd recently looked up 2 Girls, 1 Cup. It was out of morbid curiosity, but he thinks I'm into "satanic porn", and confiscated every electronic device I own. Now I have to sneak to the library just to check my emails. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41952

You deserved it

15231

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By ifyouseekmylife - United States

Today, my son told me he lost the envelope with all the money he earned selling Cub Scout popcorn. The popcorn was delivered already, and the money needs to be turned in to the pack leader tonight. I just spent $220 on popcorn my neighbors are eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32477

You deserved it

5595

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By really

Today, a customer left their shopping cart behind their car and backed into it. She then came inside and threatened to sue me personally for not sending someone to collect it from where she left it. After 5 minutes of her yelling, I finally got a word in edgeways: I don't work there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6144

You deserved it

340

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By frankrizzo - Canada

Today, I had a wet dream. When I woke up, I was touching myself. Unfortunately, I also woke up to find that I had fallen asleep on the couch after eating too much at a family reunion. When I looked around the room, over 10 relatives were giving me nasty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41927

You deserved it

8944

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By justme - France

Today, I was about to take a crap when the smoke alarm went off. I ran out of the bathroom and tried to run downstairs. I tripped and shit on myself. The alarm had gone off cause my kid put my wallet in the toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40517

You deserved it

5146

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By concernedcousin

Onan would be proud

Today, my little twelve year-old cousin who is staying with us for a while so his parents can "work out issues" ran into my room, his face ghostly white. He begged me to take him to the hospital because he "tugged" on his penis too much in the shower, and was "bleeding milky stuff." Sigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2386

You deserved it

138

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By Anonymous - United States - Mansfield

Today, I fell down the stairs with a cup of coffee. It gave me burns on my arm and I sprained my wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1524

You deserved it

210

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By Anonymous

Today, I learned what a "pain in the ass" means. I sat down on my patio swing chair, only to discover it was swarming with baby wasps, who stung me all over the butt. Ouch! FML

I agree, your life sucks

1543

You deserved it

207

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By married and hates - United States

Today, I got a call from an ex, demanding to know why my Facebook relationship status was set as married. I got married a few months ago, and I quietly explained this to her. My wife overheard and now thinks I've been cheating all along. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38242

You deserved it

5595

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By ILoveAnimals - Austria - Vienna

Today, I went to the circus with my family. When we were looking at the animals during the break, an elephant took my purse with his trunk and ate it. It crushed my cellphone, camera, keys and wallet. After that, the circus director yelled at me for feeding poisonous stuff to his elephant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32640

You deserved it

5490

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I started my new job at a small business. I was pretty excited to finally be working, until I found out the big boss is a creeper and sees no problem making comments such as "You're way more interesting than the rest of these slope-eyed fucks." FML

I agree, your life sucks

20762

You deserved it

1635

Favorite

By I hate retail - Australia - Kensington

Today, I had to carry a 25kg bag of cement to an elderly customer's car because she refused to use a cart. "You're paid to work, so I'm gonna make you work." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25338

You deserved it

3203

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By I quit - United States

Today, MS Word kept crashing with a memory error, so I called tech support. Instead of actually fixing the problem, their tech wasted over an hour of my time defragmenting the hard drive, disabling the anti-virus, and downloading new video card drivers from some shady site, before giving up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27092

You deserved it

3322

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By fmlifer - United States

Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the cheek at school. I missed, and walked away awkwardly. Later on, a teacher stopped me and told me how bad I failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39419

You deserved it

9109

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By pzy

Today, I'm in the middle seat on a flight to Dallas. The guy on the aisle is sleeping with his mouth open and I can smell his breath. I feel nauseous. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9701

You deserved it

687

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By manymisfortunes - Canada - Lachine

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have a quickie in the car. We had left a window open so it wasn't too hot, and I was holding onto the edge of the window, fingers hanging over. In the midst of it all, my boyfriend managed to close the window by hitting the button. My finger is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40897

You deserved it

12360

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By Anonymous - United States - Franklin

Today, at my minimum wage job, we received a half-way decomposed dog found in a lake. It was my job to tear open the bag and try to identify the breed and color. It would've been easier if the body wasn't crawling with maggots. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23420

You deserved it

1812

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I tried to get my boyfriend's attention by taking my bra off and tossing it at him. He only put it on as a hat and kept playing his video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21925

You deserved it

3963

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By x_udontknowme_x - United States

Today, while I was out of the office, I'd left my phone charging inside. My boss informed me that since I am clearly running up her electricity bill, it will be deducted out of my already nearly non existent paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27216

You deserved it

4335

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By Anonymous - United States - Bethany

Today, I started my first overnight shift at the penitentiary. This was also the night the offenders decided to riot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3259

You deserved it

212

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By ScoobieDoo - United States

Today, my son said, "Mommy, sometimes my pee-pee goes up like a stick." I replied, "Well, honey, that's normal and okay." I then asked when it happens, to which he said, "Well, sometimes when watching Scooby Doo and Shaggy comes out dressed in lady clothes." FML

I agree, your life sucks

425577

You deserved it

66449

Favorite

By JD - United States

Today, I went out on a date with a girl for the first time. I opened her car door for her and then slammed her leg in it upon closing. She will be in a cast for 6 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34636

You deserved it

10386

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By nolife - United States

Today, I was so bored that I began searching for videos of people popping their pimples. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10079

You deserved it

41540

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By headdesk - United States - Kaneohe

Today, I picked up a co-worker from the airport. As she got in the car, she looked over at me and said, "I'm still not sleeping with you". This was our second conversation. The first is when she asked if I could pick her up from the airport. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57399

You deserved it

6181

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By Rawr - United States

Today, I was really horny after some dirty texts from my boyfriend. Since everyone seemed to be sleeping, I closed my eyes and started to touch myself. I was really close to climaxing when I opened my eyes and made eye contact with my mother staring at me as I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30584

You deserved it

11294

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By oofouchmyvagooter

The Rupture

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time in over a week, because I had been having weird cramps. Afterwards, I was experiencing the worst pain I’ve felt in my entire life, so we went to the ER. Turns out my cramping was from an ovarian cyst, and having sex made it rupture. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2260

You deserved it

175

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By meeeoow - Australia

Today, my drunken father decided to walk my quiet street naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30564

You deserved it

2762

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By Fartini

Today, I discovered that alcohol makes me red-faced, extremely gassy and eager to discuss my virginity with everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11169

You deserved it

2366

Favorite

Golden shower

Today, I had my first golden shower. Too bad it was from my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1598

You deserved it

353

Favorite

By Heather212

Today, I sat down on my bed completely naked in front of my husband and said, "Man, it's hot in here!" while spreading my legs. He just blew on my vagina, asked if that was better, and then walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7182

You deserved it

1340

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/11/2020 15:05 - Hong Kong - Central District

Does this smell weird?

Today, I found out that the shampoo I’ve been using has yogurt in, following a prank my boyfriend did. Turns out he forgot about it and I’ve been using it for 5 days now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

740

You deserved it

103

Favorite

By fishfloors

Today, I finally broke down and paid someone to clean my condo. Sometime after she finished, my cat threw up. Then my roomba went off, smearing regurgitated mackerel all over the freshly washed floors. There goes $150. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4264

You deserved it

854

Favorite

By clapping_for_you

Today, in a private discussion, my teenage son confessed to me he finally lost his virginity several weeks ago. Why did he confess? He came to me to ask why it all of a sudden hurts when he pees, and asked if it could have anything to do with it... FML...

I agree, your life sucks

3119

You deserved it

369

Favorite

By mathii - France

Today, I was doing swimming practice at the pool. I suddenly got breathless, dizzy, and felt like I was drowning. I cried out to the instructor, telling him I had a weak heart. He shouted back, "I don't care about your girlfriend's problems! Swim, bitch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

47633

You deserved it

6122

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my best friend had 3 birthday parties for herself over the weekend. I wasn't invited to any of them. When I asked her why, she said I "didn't fit in" to any of the groups that were at the parties. All my other friends were invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58985

You deserved it

4048

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, my crazy ex-girlfriend legally changed her last name to mine. I'm getting married in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56726

You deserved it

3756

Favorite

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Top comments

By TwoBytesCarley | 18

#7948753 - Friday 30 October 2020 19:32

In my experience, people who react like that are really just projecting how they feel about themselves deep down.

By xxlk4xx | 2

#7948892 - Saturday 31 October 2020 14:20

something tells me your father left all the child care to your mom and never truly experienced how exhausting caring for a baby can be ontop of working! there's nothing wrong with taking care of yourself!

COMMENTS

By TwoBytesCarley | 18

#7948753 - Friday 30 October 2020 19:32

In my experience, people who react like that are really just projecting how they feel about themselves deep down.

wightkid | 11

#7948953 - Saturday 31 October 2020 20:13

Yeah it’s called projecting

By ahabsfan | 14

#7948764 - Friday 30 October 2020 21:03

The Bard said it best when he wrote “The lady doth protest too much, methinks”.

By xxlk4xx | 2

#7948892 - Saturday 31 October 2020 14:20

By diraven | 10

#7948919 - Saturday 31 October 2020 15:56

Tell him to go home, he's drunk again