Compassionate man - FML

Compassionate man

By bnaz - 30/10/2020 17:01

Today, my father told me I'm a lazy, pathetic waste. I work and have a one-year-old. Apparently, if you're trying to catch up on sleep, you're lazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 028

You deserved it 72

Empathy lives

This Charming Man

Get 'em!

29/01/2016 19:12 - United States - Watonga

Today, I was feeling terrible and posted on Facebook about how I was stressed out and feeling really lonely. My sister replied saying "#fatfuckproblems". 13 people liked it and some so-called friends posted stuff like "rekt" and "SLAYED, bitch!", all in less than a minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 419

You deserved it 4 584

01/09/2011 07:07 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I found out that my mum has been texting my ex-boyfriend to tell him what a dick he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 624

You deserved it 4 765

Receptacle

By Anonymous - 08/02/2021 02:01

Today, I felt sick at work and tried to run to the bathroom with my hand covering my mouth, but saw a garbage can and removed my hand to let it loose. I forgot to remove my mask. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 182

26/12/2011 21:41 - United States

Today, I experienced the most intense pain I have ever had in my life. I was eating blueberries when my sister made a comment which sent me into hysterics. The force of having a bullet-like berry violently shoot out your nostril is more painful than it sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 532

You deserved it 4 344

12/04/2013 17:21 - United States - Roselle

Today, my school announced its senior motto for the year. For the second year in a row, it's "YOLO". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 922

You deserved it 5 862

22/06/2015 20:35 - United States

Today, I told my dad I was gonna to start working out again. He looked at me with honest confusion on his face and said, "You worked out before?" My mother started laughing. She was all the way upstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 601

You deserved it 3 007

24/01/2010 05:21 - United States

Today, I woke up to a text from my boyfriend that said "Dude, I think she knows I'm going to break up with her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 345

You deserved it 2 762

Just once

By Anonymous - 19/02/2020 20:00

Today, at last, my husband instigated sex for the first time since the honeymoon a few months ago when he started fondling me in bed. Then I realised he was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 853

You deserved it 175

07/02/2019 02:00

Today, my boyfriend left me for his sister. No, not my sister. His sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 692

You deserved it 204

08/12/2018 12:30

Today, I was playing card games with some colleagues a won a hand. One mate said jokingly "your mother never loved you!", I replied jokingly "at least your mother loved me"... All of a sudden he punched in the face and said, "don't ever disrespect my mother again". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 178

You deserved it 653

05/01/2013 15:59 - United States

Today, I unknowingly used my shampoo thinking it was leave-in-conditioner. While walking to work, it started to rain. I started to produce suds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 272

You deserved it 28 001

Next, on The Jerry Springer Show…

By DearLord - 03/04/2020 23:00 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I had to explain to my boss that masturbating in public is inappropriate. This isn't the first time this has taken place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 899

You deserved it 157

Thoughts and prayers

By Anonymous - 03/10/2021 20:00 - United States - Southampton

Today, I lost keys to my car, studio, house, and a storage unit in a busy city park with no chance of recovering them after searching for hours. I have to cancel work and my car is going to be towed because of street sweeping. O, woe is me! Send a prayer and Love and perhaps my keys by carrier pigeon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 200

Letting go

By Anonymous - 24/02/2021 00:30

Today, my dad muttered something about the snow in Texas being fake, caused by 5G. I didn't take the bait, because it made a change from natural disasters being caused by my "homosexual life choices." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 229

You deserved it 136

09/09/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, I realized I forgot to write a 5000 word essay for my English class. I tried to be calm since I had until midnight to finish, and it was only 8pm. I typed for three hours straight,and finished the assignment. I read over the instruction again, and realized it only had to be 500 words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 497

You deserved it 57 176

07/06/2016 16:38 - Belgium - Reet

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 276

You deserved it 1 898

03/07/2019 06:00 - Australia

Today, I got an angry text, asking me why I wasn't at the staff dinner. I've been gone for the last 2 weeks, and I wasn't told about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 524

You deserved it 91

Going well

By shiney100893 - 14/01/2013 12:56 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I was at a party with my crush. The collar on his shirt was sticking up so I fixed it for him. He gave me a hug and said, "Aww you're so good to me. You're like my mother. You can be my college mother." I got mother-zoned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 360

You deserved it 6 202

20/11/2012 17:23 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I woke up to a disappointed boyfriend. He told me he spent an hour last night farting on my pillow to see if I would wake up with pink-eye. He's 23 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 668

You deserved it 3 436

03/01/2013 06:47 - United States - Harrisburg

Today, I went to dinner with my girlfriend of 2 months. This would have been great, had I not been nodding absentmindedly when she suggested that we start planning our wedding soon, because "she's always dreamt of being married on the same day as Brad and Angelina." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 917

You deserved it 25 571

10/12/2015 08:19 - Sri Lanka - Colombo

Today, a colleague told me he was pretending to be me on a dating site, and that he has four pending dates. Last time I tried being myself, my first and only date pushed me down some stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 855

You deserved it 1 670

Unnecessary

By Ava K - 01/10/2019 16:02 - United States - San Diego

Today, my mom and I were looking at dresses for me at the mall. The cashier pointed out a dress, and my mom said, "She's definitely not going to fit into that. She's too flat-chested." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 503

You deserved it 150

Appropriate?

By JustAnotherTina - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I got an email. It said, "Everyone hates you. We voted." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 414

You deserved it 5 760

09/11/2011 19:18 - United States

Today, my dad made me quit my online school classes and go back to public school, because apparently when I'm on the computer, it makes his video games lag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 041

You deserved it 5 864

05/12/2010 09:30 - United States

Today, I found out that my husband's secretary named her new baby boy after my husband. Everyone at the office thinks it's funny. My husband says it's a coincidence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 657

You deserved it 3 280

11/06/2015 14:37 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my boyfriend and I were downtown when he pointed to a girl and said he wished I dressed more like she did. She was obviously a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 818

You deserved it 2 609

01/07/2011 09:12 - China

Today, my wife and I were watching TV. The lady on the show began to talk about how to have a smooth divorce. My wife discreetly turned the volume up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 767

You deserved it 4 502

21/11/2015 14:54 - United States - Yuba City

Spicy

Today, I finally felt ready to lose my virginity with my boyfriend. Unfortunately he was too embarrassed to go and buy some condoms, and suggested in all seriousness that we use a sandwich bag instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 558

You deserved it 3 893

Final Destination

By pickuptruckblues - 17/11/2014 04:17 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I was stopped behind a pickup truck filled with junk. I told my friend that the person should have secured the junk better, since it looked like it would fall off any minute. My friend assured me it wouldn't. Right after she said that, a large piece of plywood fell off and hit my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 787

You deserved it 3 584

RIP

By funnnyyyyy -_- - 01/08/2015 08:29 - Nepal - Kathmandu

Today, I was singing along to my favorite song when a giant bug flew into my mouth. I was so shocked I almost swallowed it. After I was done freaking out, my sister wanted to throw the bug a big funeral for its "heroic sacrifice" in shutting me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 817

You deserved it 6 485

08/07/2013 14:48 - United States

Today, I had to get an MRI. I double and triple checked to make sure there was no out-of-pocket cost. When I arrived at the testing center, I was expected to pay full price for the test. It costs $2,360. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 464

You deserved it 3 915

14/07/2011 04:50 - United States

Today, I couldn't shut a drawer in my kitchen, because an oven mitt was blocking it. An oven mitt filled with tin-foil wrapped electronics. My Mom believes Internet hackers can get into her digital camera and prepaid cell phone, and apparently tin-foil will prevent that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 161

You deserved it 2 322

05/12/2010 18:25 - Singapore

Today, I took a nap because I've been sick for the past week and I was exhausted. When I woke up, my hair, shirt, pillow, and bedsheets were soaked. I threw up all over myself in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 673

You deserved it 3 243

Looking like a fool...

By Pantsontheground - 09/08/2018 12:30 - United States - New York

Today, my pants kept falling down. Since I didn't have a belt on, I decided to tuck the waistband around my underwear to keep them in place. While on a date, I tried to adjust my pants, but ended up pulling them down along with my boxers. In the middle of a restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 373

You deserved it 2 921

06/07/2009 23:27 - Canada

Today, I thought my boyfriend of 6 years was going to propose to me. We're highschool sweethearts and he was my first. Just when he was looking into my eyes he says, " I've been seeing someone else for 2 years and I'm choosing her over you... it was a tough decision". FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 263

You deserved it 4 275

The mouthfeel

By rookiemistake - 27/04/2015 03:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I went to a wine tasting for the first time. I copied the experienced people around me by swishing the wine around in my mouth, which I then choked on and spit out all over my white blouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 882

You deserved it 10 086

30/11/2009 12:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I posted a picture of my boyfriend and I kissing on facebook. He untagged himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 867

You deserved it 19 512

05/08/2009 05:28 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house. It was just me and her. Things began to get heated, and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I hear behind me, "I am." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 567

You deserved it 86 454

20/04/2011 02:21 - United States

Today, my cat took a shit in my toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 547

You deserved it 8 652

02/02/2011 23:57

Today, I went to shovel the massive amount of snow that was on our car. After spending time in the cold wind, I finally finished, realizing it wasn't my car. It was an identical car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 601

You deserved it 6 285

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Top comments

TwoBytesCarley 21

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Friday 30 October 2020 19:32

In my experience, people who react like that are really just projecting how they feel about themselves deep down.

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Saturday 31 October 2020 14:20

something tells me your father left all the child care to your mom and never truly experienced how exhausting caring for a baby can be ontop of working! there's nothing wrong with taking care of yourself!

Comments

TwoBytesCarley 21

Send a private message

Friday 30 October 2020 19:32

In my experience, people who react like that are really just projecting how they feel about themselves deep down.

Send a private message

Saturday 31 October 2020 20:13

Yeah it’s called projecting

Send a private message

Friday 30 October 2020 21:03

The Bard said it best when he wrote “The lady doth protest too much, methinks”.

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Saturday 31 October 2020 14:20

something tells me your father left all the child care to your mom and never truly experienced how exhausting caring for a baby can be ontop of working! there's nothing wrong with taking care of yourself!

Send a private message

Saturday 31 October 2020 15:56

Tell him to go home, he's drunk again

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 152

You deserved it 33

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 103