By bnaz - 30/10/2020 17:01

Compassionate man

Today, my father told me I'm a lazy, pathetic waste. I work and have a one-year-old. Apparently, if you're trying to catch up on sleep, you're lazy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1011

You deserved it

Favorite

There's no helping some people

Messed up

Countdown

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked out one of the girls that hangs out in my group of friends (the same group I have been hanging out for three years). She stared at me for a couple of seconds then said " who the hell are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

51896

You deserved it

4857

Favorite

By Cali girl - United States - San Francisco

Today, I woke up again to a warm trickling sensation on my neck. It would seem my rabbit has a thing for doing his business on me to wake me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40106

You deserved it

7548

Favorite

By Alexea Luton

The eye of the beholder

Today, my boyfriend compared me to an unattractive actress. When I said it was sort of messed up to say that to me since she's not pretty, he said, "She's not as bad as you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1893

You deserved it

295

Favorite

By Dumbfuck - United States

Today, I found out that being rhythmically challenged really really sucks. I was trying to dance around sexily for my girlfriend, and I was doing that one move where you thrust your pelvis forward, and swing you hand from side to side. I hit myself in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8713

You deserved it

26469

Favorite

By John - United States

Today, I cleaned my entire apartment hoping to find the source of the terrible odor I've been smelling for the past week. It's me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9085

You deserved it

39640

Favorite

By outofluckdude - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a group of friends when I got into a conversation with this really attractive girl who I've liked for months. She asked me what school I go to. I sit to her left in biology. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45663

You deserved it

3637

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Albuquerque

Today, at a family reunion, my grandpa loudly said that I look like "a cheap Vegas whore" because of my heavy purple eye-shadow. I could tell that a few other people agreed. I was too embarrassed to explain that the "eye-shadow" was just dark circles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24387

You deserved it

2383

Favorite

By sadlrana121 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I psyched myself up and headed out to a really promising job interview. I was sure I was going to nail it and get my first job. That is, until a bird shat on my head on my way there. Thank you so very much, universe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32196

You deserved it

2542

Favorite

By DreeStahr - United States - Liberty

Today, I was texting my boyfriend and things were getting a little steamy. He said, "I really want you right now." So, of course, I told him to come over. To which he replied, "Nah." FML

I agree, your life sucks

13769

You deserved it

1346

Favorite

By awkardtaco

Today, in spite of 2 different types of bug spray, underwear, and jeans, I discovered not one, but two mosquito bites on my vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2532

You deserved it

215

Favorite

By sunboy52 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. We got on the discussion of animals, and I showed them a picture of my cat on my phone. Being a touchscreen, when her father grabbed it, it changed picture. To a picture of my girlfriend, fully nude. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37831

You deserved it

90852

Favorite

By juvenile friends suck - Germany - Tangstedt

Today, I was in the elevator, when a big bearded guy stepped in, wearing a dress. It's not an uncommon sight where I live, but my friend cracked up and asked him if he was wearing underwear. He took it as a challenge, and I can safely say that no, he was not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41977

You deserved it

6741

Favorite

By Bald - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, my son gave me a bottle of shampoo for my birthday. I'm as bald as a coot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34619

You deserved it

3448

Favorite

By ohdeardarling - United Kingdom

Today, I went over to my boyfriends house with a few people. I drank too much wine and later when everyone else left I gave him head, deepthroating a little too enthusiastically, and puked all over his cock and bedsheets. Turns out, washing vomit out of your pubes kills the mood somewhat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13660

You deserved it

60142

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got turned down from a job I really wanted. Six hours later, the guy called me again and delivered the same news, not realizing he had already called this morning. Thanks for rubbing it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30363

You deserved it

2732

Favorite

By Daddy Tyrone

Today, my wife bought a bright pink dildo and left in the lounge whilst she went upstairs to get changed. We didn't expect the in-laws to arrive with my niece and nephews, who were hitting each other with the - as described by my 5-year-old nephew - "big pink sword". FML

I agree, your life sucks

3060

You deserved it

716

Favorite

By FreakinthePink

Today, I walked into my room to find my roommate's boyfriend trying on one of my pink, lacy bras. My roommate then yelled at me for coming home early. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37067

You deserved it

3033

Favorite

By babypenguin00 - United States - Newark

Today, marks the third girlfriend in a row that has broken up with me for my terrible dandruff. I can't control it as I was born with psoriasis. All three girls called me pathetic for "making up" a disease to try to get them to stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26953

You deserved it

1925

Favorite

By hairless - Australia

Today, I got a XXX wax, because my boyfriend wouldn't go down on me as he didn't like the hair. Now he won't sleep with me at all because I look like a child with no pubic hair, and he "feels like a pedophile." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44234

You deserved it

10078

Favorite

By SleepIsForTheWeak - Canada - St. John's

Today, I had to work a double shift after my relief called in "sick" just so he could go to a party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30810

You deserved it

2549

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Greensburg

Today, I had lunch with an old friend I've had a crush on for years. We're both single, so I figured it to be kind of like a date. Until he started talking about how he told his brother last night that we would never be a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25111

You deserved it

2717

Favorite

By ajnmegs - United States - Aurora

Today, while watching TV with my wife, I realized that we were still watching "My Little Pony" even though the kids had been asleep for half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26066

You deserved it

5855

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Lewes

Today, I found out that licking your very chapped lips while totally zoned out and looking in the general direction of a girl, will end up with you becoming the massive college creeper that everyone avoids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20154

You deserved it

3508

Favorite

By habassistant - United States - North Olmsted

Today, I was cleaning one of my disabled clients because he pooped himself, so I started to undress him for a shower. I took his dirty diaper off and set it on his bed, then I bent over to take off his socks at which point he put the diaper on my head like a hat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55901

You deserved it

5219

Favorite

By Horneyandbleeding - 23/11/2020 07:01 - Canada - Winnipeg

Bad timing

Today, I got my period. I was going to have my first threesome tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

941

You deserved it

410

Favorite

By HungryStudent - Puerto Rico - Carolina

Today, my 24-year-old, unemployed brother stole all of my food money and went out with his friends. His punishment from our parents? He has to pay me back when he gets a job. My stomach has to wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45915

You deserved it

3218

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Washington

Today, school was out because of snow. My dad walked in my room and shouted "Why are you home?!" I told him why, and he replied, "Then get out the damn house and play in the snow." He tossed me out in nothing but my shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41702

You deserved it

5158

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Sydney

Today, my 15 year old sister asked which animal rice comes from. She believed every word when my mum told her it's harvested from tiny cows in Asia. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31505

You deserved it

2780

Favorite

By sal - United States - Rexburg

Today, I had to finally accept that my husband is too large for me. Normally, it'd be a bragging point, except my private parts can't handle it. After several infections brought on after vaginal tearing, I'm having to choose between being in perpetual pain, or giving up my sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54654

You deserved it

3998

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work, my husband came in and brought me flowers and a card for our anniversary. I opened the card to find a condom. I ran over and closed the door and we immediately got at it in the middle of my office. Halfway through, I realized I have been laying on the intercom button. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12184

You deserved it

36834

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Sydney

The customer is always an ass

Today, I was yelled at by a customer, who was upset over having waited twenty minutes for a waiter to come take her order. Maybe it would be understandable, if she was sitting in an actual restaurant, and not a serve-yourself coffee house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27280

You deserved it

1609

Favorite

By knepmj - United States

Today, I got locked inside my apartment due to the locking mechanism being stuck, so I had to call off work. They refused to believe me, and insisted that I be in on time or else there would be disciplinary actions taken. Maintenance wasn't available till 3 hours into my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18928

You deserved it

1381

Favorite

By unemployedaussie - Australia - Perth

Today, I was fired because my boss found out I had been looking for a new job. Then, I got a call from my only job prospect, saying I was overqualified and too young to work there as a waitress. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14092

You deserved it

1378

Favorite

By Ms Yeins - Belgium - Mechelen

Today, I was changing my tampon in a public toilet. When I threw away the used one and opened a new one, it turned out that it had no thread on it! I took another one out. Again, defective! It was the last one I had with me, and it was the second day of my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2057

You deserved it

162

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Cheeky!

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54085

You deserved it

23556

Favorite

By DramaQueen - Canada

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. As I left his house and began to drive away, I see him chasing after my car barefoot. I stop and roll down the window, ready to listen to the speech he has prepared to win me over with. He takes a moment to catch his breath and says "I want my cellphone back". FML

I agree, your life sucks

12790

You deserved it

62629

Favorite

By Anonymous - 24/10/2020 21:02 - United States - Hillsboro

Smooth sailing

Today, I found out the man I've been wanting to marry for a year and a half wants us to take a break. FML

I agree, your life sucks

980

You deserved it

106

Favorite

By nicoreal89 - United States

Today, at the Black Friday Sale, a fully grown man hit my 5 year old daughter for an Xbox. In anger, I punched the guy and gave him a bloody nose. I'm now banned from Best Buy, and my daughter has a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55017

You deserved it

6653

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, a kid came Trick-or-Treating at my house. When I told her it was still one more day until Halloween, and that I didn't have any candy, she wound-up her fist, punched me in the groin, and ran off laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30311

You deserved it

4043

Favorite

By _Asykes_

Today, I started a new school, after moving from England to New York. People only talked to me just to hear my accent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22589

You deserved it

2369

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By TwoBytesCarley | 18

#7948753 - Friday 30 October 2020 19:32

In my experience, people who react like that are really just projecting how they feel about themselves deep down.

By xxlk4xx | 4

#7948892 - Saturday 31 October 2020 14:20

something tells me your father left all the child care to your mom and never truly experienced how exhausting caring for a baby can be ontop of working! there's nothing wrong with taking care of yourself!

COMMENTS

By TwoBytesCarley | 18

#7948753 - Friday 30 October 2020 19:32

In my experience, people who react like that are really just projecting how they feel about themselves deep down.

wightkid | 12

#7948953 - Saturday 31 October 2020 20:13

Yeah it’s called projecting

By ahabsfan | 14

#7948764 - Friday 30 October 2020 21:03

The Bard said it best when he wrote “The lady doth protest too much, methinks”.

By xxlk4xx | 4

#7948892 - Saturday 31 October 2020 14:20

By diraven | 13

#7948919 - Saturday 31 October 2020 15:56

Tell him to go home, he's drunk again