The Top

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By Anonyme - 29/01/2016 22:38 - China - Shanghai

Today, I'm doing an architecture course in China. My boss asked me to create a lamp shaped like a shrimp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 379

You deserved it 2 401

Is that a pass then?

By Anonymous - 12/09/2020 11:01 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, I had a piano exam, for which I'd worked hard. I went in, and the examiner asked me to play some scales. I was so nervous, I played 3 octaves and then realised I'd ran out of space. I might have then said, "FUCK!" really loudly… and she heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 953

You deserved it 397

By IncompatibleMetier - 09/10/2014 23:07 - France

Today, and for a long time, I've had a phobia of schools. I'm extremely stressed out about starting in a new school. Normal, right? Yes, except that I'm the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 508

You deserved it 10 982

Shake it off

By chubby - 11/07/2024 12:00 - United States - Denver

Today, my metabolism finally slowed down just weeks before my high school reunion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 130

Are you lonesome tonight?

By Anonymous - 26/11/2021 14:01

Today, Thanksgiving Day and I have no family to spend with, all my friends are busy or out of town, and the only person actively talking to me is a random guy on Bumble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 186

By crétin-crédule - 26/02/2013 05:02 - France - Isle

Today, I got talking to a pretty girl on the subway. Just as she was about to get off, I handed her my phone so that she could give me her number. She ran out with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 134

You deserved it 51 311

Fuzzy perception

By opinaise - 02/08/2012 13:00 - France - Toulouse

Today, my girlfriend opened my refrigerator and began her usual moaning, "You're a pig, you never clean up. Look at this egg, it makes me want to throw up… It's gone black, it’s covered in fuzz, IT'S GOT HAIR ON IT!" I got up to check it out. It was a Kiwi fruit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 326

You deserved it 4 018

Gotta catch 'em all

By Takethefoot - 20/07/2024 05:00 - United States - Cabot

Today, I now have a plantar wart, chigger bites, and a brown recluse spider bite all in the same foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 94

By Doritos - 17/06/2010 08:06 - United States

Today, my room-mate came out of the bathroom, tossed a Playboy on the coffee table, threw away a used condom, dug his hand into my bag of Doritos, and washed his hands. In that order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 570

You deserved it 4 750

By callerid - 03/08/2009 11:45 - United States

Today, I had misplaced my cell phone. I decided the best course of action would be to dial the number from my house phone and wait for it to ring to locate it. Somebody answered when I called. It wasn't the wrong number and I had a brief conversation with the man that stole my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 455

You deserved it 3 791

Keynote

By Andrew - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, there was a meeting at work, during which I had to give a presentation to my boss and other attendants. The first subject I had to tackle was how my 5 year-old son got to my briefcase and replaced its contents with some crayons and a fluffy teddy bear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 496

You deserved it 5 606

Horrible

By Anonymous - 03/08/2024 03:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I got told once again that I’m being a horrible mother by letting a man move in with me. We recently got engaged after 6 years together. Meanwhile, my ex has a new girlfriend practically every other month and forced our kids to call multiple women “Mommy.” Yeah, I’m the bad guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 554

You deserved it 148

By Anonymous - 10/06/2009 13:12 - United States

Today, my adorable five and a half year old boy told me that when he grows up he's going to be my boyfriend. I thought it was kinda cute until I asked him why. "Because you need one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 240

You deserved it 7 304

By Anonymous - 12/05/2009 17:39 - United States

Today, I took a call. Wrong number. A few seconds later, they called back and I told her that she had the wrong number. She said she just hit redial and didn't understand how she got me again. I tried to explain how redial works. She called me a moron and hung up. Then my phone rang again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109 986

You deserved it 6 118

By mylifesucks - 18/04/2009 07:20 - Netherlands

Today, I celebrated my 21st birthday. My boyfriend of almost 3 years gave me a big pink vibrator. Thinking it was a joke I said: "I won't need this as long as I have you!" His reply: "That's what I wanted to talk to you about." FML

I agree, your life sucks 123 406

You deserved it 7 045

Tasty smell test failed

By Teen Idol - 14/08/2024 09:00 - United States - Lansing

Today, after a week of wondering why my room smelled terrible, I found the culprit: a moldy sandwich I'd hidden under my bed during a movie night to avoid sharing it with my brother. I don’t know what’s worse - the smell or the fact that I was outsmarted by a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 688

Thanks, Neoliberalism!

By Broke student - 21/08/2024 02:00 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I DoorDashed after work to make money for gas because I spent all my money on test prep. My tank is almost empty but I made enough to buy a full tank to get me to work. Turns out the DoorDash card does not work at the pump and I have to wait a week for it to deposit. I'm currently counting coins. I get paid monthly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 104

Move on

By Anonymous - 23/08/2024 07:00 - United States - Puyallup

Today, it was my the last day of my time off work for my birthday weekend and I had so much fun, but I was thinking about my ex-fiancé for a lot of the time because I still haven’t gotten closure with that situation. All I wanna do is SCREAM because I just turned 30, got dumped and have to keep on going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 235

Wild

By Anonymous - 25/01/2022 08:01

Today, I intended to get home early. Instead, I got too drunk, threw up, fell asleep on the train, and had to pay a $120 for a taxi fare. Happy 30th birthday to me, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 283

You deserved it 1 488

Put it away!

By Need eye bleach - 05/04/2023 17:00 - United States

Today, a woman had a wardrobe malfunction right in front of me. As if that's not awkward enough, that woman was my own mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 714

You deserved it 157

What are you doing?

By Anonymous - 31/08/2024 22:00 - United States - New York

Today, at a work gathering, I started chatting with a guy who looked familiar. It took 5 minutes to realize he was a guy from my apartment complex. For the last year I've been pretending to be an accountant named Claire whenever we met in the elevator because I thought it was funny. My real name isn’t Claire and I’m definitely not an accountant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 741

Best of three

By Anonymous - 12/04/2023 06:00

Today, I chipped my front tooth on a hazelnut. Yesterday, my car broke down because the mechanic did a shit job, and oil leaked all through the engine. I'm waiting in fear of whatever expensive thing is going to happen tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 104

Rules are for squares

By He's old enough to know better! - 08/09/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, my boss's oldest son challenged me to a chess game. I've been practicing a lot, so I decided to humor him. He was a challenging opponent; not because he was skilled, however, but because he was trying to cheat almost constantly. I felt exasperated, rather than accomplished, when I beat him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 443

You deserved it 73

When you brag a bit too much

By Lewis - 11/12/2018 00:30

do not count your chickens before they hatch

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 153

Thank you for your service

By Paulalala - 11/09/2024 20:00 - United States - Helena

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. The cop asked if I had a reason for going so fast. I panicked and said, “I have to poop.” He followed me home with lights on, just to make sure I made it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 485

No more!

By Anonymous - 14/09/2024 09:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in months. On my way home, my legs gave out halfway up the stairs to my apartment, and I had to awkwardly sit there until I could crawl the rest of the way up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 154

Cheesy

By Anonymous - 25/02/2022 09:00 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I told my best friend that there was a time that I loved her, then told her it was today, yesterday, last week, last month, last year, and listed several years before that, etc. Her response? "Wow, I can't believe we've known each other that long." FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 380

Chill

By Anonymous - 04/10/2024 14:00 - Australia

Today, I was chatting to a cashier I see quite a lot, trying to be as charming and as unsmarmy as possible. When she asked if I wanted the receipt, I panicked and said, "No thanks, I don’t believe in paper." She looked at me like I was an alien. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 474

Bummer

By Anonymous - 06/02/2022 19:03 - United States - Steele

Today, I learned from my dad that I'm astoundingly similar to my uncle, whom I never met. It was pretty cool to learn more about him, until my dad he told me that the reason he died so young is because he committed suicide. I've been suffering from severe depression since I was fourteen. Foreshadowing? I hope not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 169

You deserved it 128

Who am I?

By Frederick - 11/10/2024 20:00 - Canada

Today, I think I've figured out why I haven't had any replies to my job applications, or just weird ones. I was sending them from an old email address, which is something like "69_party_dude_420@…" (that's not the actual address, so don't @ me!) instead of my professional one, which is listed on my CV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 588

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The Top

Today, as a science teacher, I did a science experiment in front of a class. One of my students asked me if it was "photoshopped." He was being serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 653

You deserved it 3 216

Today, on Facebook, my sister posted a ton of photos of herself wearing a skimpy bikini, commenting that she looked hideous and fat. I can't stand attention-seeking fuckballs, so I called her on it. My mother then condemned me for "mocking" my sister, and grounded me for an entire month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 192

You deserved it 6 179

Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 633

You deserved it 31 066

Today, my cat managed to lock my dad and me outside of our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 830

You deserved it 6 974

Today, I was about to have sex with my boyfriend when he reminded me that I needed to cut my toe nails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 917

You deserved it 18 165

Today, I celebrated my 22nd birthday. On my cake stood last year's "21" candle, to which had been added a single candle. Clearly, times are tough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 035

You deserved it 6 784