Today, my fiancé's stepfather asked me how my teaching job was... - FML

By inthefamily - 23/10/2012 13:29 - United States - Washington

Today, my fiancé's stepfather asked me how my teaching job was going. I replied heatedly that I've never taught, and then complained bitterly to my fiancé about how his family still doesn't know me. Turns out his stepfather has early onset dementia, and that I'm an asshole. FML

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Valentine's slay

Boozehound

Crowded House

Live dumping

By Anon - 4/8/2011 08:30 - United States

Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML

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By lover21 - 8/5/2009 23:17 - United States

Today, while working at my tanning salon, a woman came in and I put her in a booth, which are all stand up. After she comes out, I go in to clean it and realize that floor is all wet. I questioned her about it and she replies, "Oh, I peed, that's not a drain?". FML

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By Robert Herrin - 14/8/2018 18:30

Kinky Crab

Today, I fell asleep with my hermit crab on my bed and woke up to him pinching my nipple. FML

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By cakestar9 - 31/12/2015 19:39 - Ireland - Ennis

Today, I went to a club to celebrate New Year's Eve. A cute guy came up to me at the bar and asked my name. I thought my 8 year long dry spell was finally about to end. I smiled and said "Chrissy!" He said "That's a whore's name!" and wandered back off into the crowd. FML

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By Justme - 5/6/2013 05:02 - United States - Lafayette

Today, I got the bill for the flowers my husband arranged to be delivered to me while he's out of town next week. I also got the bill for the flowers he's sending to the floozy he'll be seeing next week while he's out of town. The gift tag for it was: "I can't wait to see you." FML

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By mustanggt - 10/7/2012 15:39 - United States - La Porte

Today, I was in traffic court trying to get out of a ticket. The judge called my defense "complete, unadulterated bullshit." FML

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By Anonymous - 21/12/2010 08:03 - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that I was sad I'd forgotten to bake him the cookies that I was planning to send to him for Christmas. His response was "Good, you suck at cooking anyway." FML

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By hungry - 12/2/2009 00:06 - United States

Today, my mom asked me if I had an eating problem because I've been eating less. I only started eating less because she told me I ate too much. FML

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By happy bday - 17/9/2010 04:02 - Canada

Today, is my 21st birthday. My friends took me to a bar to celebrate, knowing I don't drink. I am now in charge of driving my friends home after they had an awesome night. FML

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By someone euthanize me - 16/1/2016 08:17

Today, I tested out my new paintball gun by firing a few rounds into some thick bushes. Nothing could've prepared me for the angry swarm of hornets whose nest I'd apparently shot. I'm in so much pain. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/7/2013 20:26 - Canada - Poplar Hill

Today, I announced my third pregnancy to my family. My dad's only reaction was to scoff, "Really? Stop breeding already." FML

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By earplugsplease - 16/5/2013 16:16 - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I went to visit my sister, who lives four hours away from me. I'd only just sat down on their couch when her husband told me I needed to leave so they could have sex. FML

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By bnc - 14/12/2013 22:39 - United States - Jefferson City

Today, a kid from my school called me, saying he's going on vacation to Japan soon and that since I was born there, I could teach him the language. His exact words at the start of the call were: "Hey man, you speak Asian, right?" I have to be around this shithead 5 days a week. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/10/2013 16:26 - Norway - Ytre Arna

Today, my mom let me stay home from school, because I was sick. We both agreed not to tell my dad, since he's adamant that I never miss even one day of school. A few hours after my mom left for work, he came back home, with another woman. FML

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By AllyCat - 7/6/2009 04:49 - United States

Today, was my graduation party. My birthday was about a week ago so my parents combined the presents. I thought it would be something big so I hinted for a new TV. I got a snuggie. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/8/2019 04:00

Today, my wife read a Facebook article about how oral sex can lead to mouth and/or throat infections, and is now avoiding all forms of sex, in case my penis happens to give her the bubonic plague. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2011 17:35 - Canada

Today, I tried to impress the guy I like. He breeds reptiles, and I happen to have a snake and a lizard. I went over to his house to show them off. He opened the door just as my lizard fell between my boobs. He had to help me get it out. FML

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By Melissa - 8/3/2020 14:00

Badmouth Strikes Again

Today, my 7-year-old sister had to tell my mom to watch her language. FML

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By Bitchjackedmyball - 12/9/2012 08:52 - United States - Kihei

Today, I had just bought a new $60 basketball and decided to go try it out. Five minutes into playing, the ball decided to roll into the hands of a little girl, who then said, "Mine". I thought it was cute, until she skipped over to her parent's car and they drove off. FML

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By I'm my husband's second mom - 3/11/2015 07:14 - United States - Dickson

Today, my husband got angry and stormed out of the house because he claims I wasn't pressing the buttons he told me to while playing Pokemon. FML

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By ShowOff - 11/3/2010 08:13 - United Kingdom

Today, I tried to demonstrate to my friend how laughably dull our kitchen knives are by swiping one across my palm. Turns out Dad noticed the problem yesterday and sharpened them. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/9/2017 01:30

Today, while sorting through my deceased mother's hoard of belongings, I found myself holding a necklace composed entirely of teeth. Human teeth. FML

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By bigmouth - 14/3/2009 08:43 - United States

Today, I met a really nice couple at a bar. We talked and the conversation eventually drifted towards online dating. I casually commented that hooking up through the internet was sad and pathetic. Turns out they met on Myspace. FML

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By all shat out - 7/11/2014 06:53 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I got demonic gastric distress while taking my final college exam. I only got about 50% of it done, left the classroom 50% faster, and experienced both 50% dread and 50% relief. Now I have to repeat 50% of the class. FML

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By Lifeless - 15/8/2010 08:42 - United States

Today, I put on makeup for a picture. My Facebook profile picture. That's how much of a life I actually have. FML

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By Lespoon - 25/2/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, my mom drove my family to the desert for a themed family photo. We had to wear big frumpy old western-looking clothes in 115 degree weather. Hot and agitated, I muttered, "This is the ugliest thing I've ever had to wear." My mom, looking hurt, replied, "That's my wedding dress." FML

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By Anonymous - 6/1/2016 15:58 - United States - San Francisco

Today, let's just say it's not a good sign when your plumber yells "What the fuck?!" That is, unless you actually like your kitchen being swamped by sewage. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/3/2014 20:01 - United States - Denver

Today, I was ordering a pizza over the phone. When the guy asked for my order, I yelled "Hey, you guys wanted pepperoni, right?" In reality, I was yelling this to my cat. College hasn't made me many friends so far. FML

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By deranged - 25/5/2017 19:00 - Ukraine - Pirogov

Today, my girlfriend and I went to the bank to get her new ATM card. As the bank teller gave her the card, he said that the PIN remained the same. Indignant, she cried out, "How do you possibly know my PIN code?" She's 27. FML

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By stupidteacher - 5/7/2016 15:02 - China - Guiyang

Today, I gave a presentation in class. I felt pretty good about it, until afterwards when I was told I lost points for communication because I'd been chewing gum. I wasn't, I just have a speech impediment. FML

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By Evan Chong - 13/7/2011 14:48 - Canada

Today, I went to a concert with a friend of mine. When his dad came to pick him up, I walked towards the car, expecting a ride. His dad told me he didn't have time to drive me home. I'm his neighbour. FML

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By ohdamn - 22/9/2009 11:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the dentist. I parked my car in what I thought was the dentist's car park. It was actually the car park for the business next door. I had to watch them clamp my car from the dentist's chair. FML

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By robbyrabbit - 11/11/2010 07:41 - United States

Today, I went to the place I signed for yesterday to pay the first month's rent and get my keys. I looked around before I left, and used the toilet. I went back later to show my boyfriend and found the place flooded an inch with water coming from the toilet. It had been flooding for 7 hours. FML

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By failatboys - 14/6/2009 03:06 - United States

Today, was my senior prom. I've had a crush on my date for months, but after many attempts at grinding with him and sexy seduction, he rejected me saying he was a good Catholic boy. I later found out that not only is he in touch with his religion, but intimately in touch with other boys. FML

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By ithinkimturningjapanese - 6/8/2015 08:33 - United States - Apo

Today, I was diagnosed with food poisoning for the third time since moving to this base in Japan. My husband keeps cooking questionable meat and vegetables from the commissary because he thinks the food from a Japanese grocery store is radioactive. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/5/2012 21:54 - United States - Spring

Today, after having a pretty rough day, I decided a nice, hot shower would be great. Ten minutes in, the shower head apparently couldn't take the water pressure anymore, and it flew off and hit me in the face. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/11/2010 21:20 - United States

Today, stood in line for hours to see the new Harry Potter. Unfortunately, once inside the theater, I was stuck in the bathroom with the runs for the entire length of the movie. FML

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By owmyhead - 11/4/2011 06:23 - South Africa

Today, I woke up with a fever and a migraine. I work at an audiology clinic and my day consists of being shouted at down the phone by practically deaf people. FML

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By Username - 8/2/2011 16:57 - United States

Today, I wanted to propose to my girlfriend, so I bought M and M's which I had customized with the words "Will you marry me?" on them. She ate them all without reading them. FML

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By Sir Davos of Shit Creek - 13/5/2016 20:00 - Canada - Frankford

Today, my boss asked if I'd finished my work for the day. I've been binge-watching Game of Thrones this week, and I accidentally replied "Yes, Your Grace," British accent and all. He told me to stow my "sarcasm" or I'd be looking for a new job. FML

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Top comments

By Hidur | 10

#5072843 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:01

Sounds like someone never even taught you to be polite

By twinny_sc | 13

#5072868 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:06

Seems like you don't know much about his family either so what are you so pissed about?

Comments

By kyleekay | 25

#5072836 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:01

Regardless of the dementia bit, you sound like a whiny bitch.

Reply

GoodLookingGeese | 10

#5072861 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:04

Hey, that wasn't nice!

By Hidur | 10

#5072843 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:01

Sounds like someone never even taught you to be polite

Reply

geon_olam | 17

#5072934 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:15

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

gc327072 | 29

#5073026 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:37

16/ and what if I WAS a flying green monkey that sang mariachi songs? I'm not but, just sayin..

Reply

geon_olam | 17

#5073099 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:59

25 I'd be very impressed at your language skills.

Reply

IQWasJustLowered | 0

#5073258 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 21:00

I don't know according to Vsauce we are all the centers of the universe.

Reply

LolFMLnot | 10

#5075215 - Wednesday 24 October 2012 8:15

More like you don't know his family very well yet.

Reply

kennaem1 | 11

#5078113 - Thursday 25 October 2012 1:14

I feel like commenting that I had a frog like the one I. Your picture

By teague95 | 16

#5072847 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:02

still you didn't need to be so snappy. maybe this is another PMS Fml

Reply

onlychildFTW | 33

#5073169 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 20:27

It sounds like it. It is that time for many girls now.

Reply

TotallyAradical | 14

#5073219 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 20:45

Not for me.

Reply

MissMae93 | 23

#5073266 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 21:04

Thank you for sharing 40...

Reply

LollipopDragon | 4

#5073432 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 22:12

I like to think I'm crispy nice when on my period.

Reply

LollipopDragon | 4

#5073434 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 22:14

That should definitely say 'actually very' and not crispy...

Reply

BellaBelle_fml | 23

#5073755 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 23:24

I actually like the typo. You have inadvertently created a new form of being nice mixed with minor rudeness. I shall be using the new phrase 'Crispy nice'!

Reply

LollipopDragon | 4

#5079098 - Thursday 25 October 2012 7:15

Idk, crispy freaks me out. It's like the word moist. Makes me cringe :/

By guitarbeast | 22

#5072854 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:03

Well assuming they never told you, you're not an asshole, but you did overreact for sure . And if they did tell you, then you may need to get your self checked for dementia

Reply

Chanti_fml | 26

#5073049 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:43

Well seems to me that OP needs to stop bitching about the family not knowing him. Apparently he doesn't know the family all that good either, or else he would've known that about the girlfriends stepfather.

Reply

eggmarie | 25

#5073074 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:53

30: you do realize OP is a girl, right?

Reply

SevenMillionTons | 4

#5073222 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 20:45

I wonder if she's repeatedly told her fiancées step-dad that she doesn't teach. It could explain why she thinks it sucks.

Reply

loloalltheway | 23

#5073264 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 21:03

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#5073347 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 21:28

father-in-law, not step-father.

Reply

wolfhausen | 7

#5073453 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 22:24

Oh wait I thumbed you up, then realized he is the fiancées step father! It says it twice.. How did we miss that?

Reply

loloalltheway | 23

#5073864 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 23:48

Oh sorry, *father-in-law.

By lilhellian | 26

#5072866 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:05

Op never make your in-laws mad at you before the wedding.

By twinny_sc | 13

#5072868 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:06

Seems like you don't know much about his family either so what are you so pissed about?

Reply

dhenri | 9

#5072954 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:18

Burn

Reply

NeDaroft | 5

#5074563 - Wednesday 24 October 2012 3:17

Tsss

Reply

PhishloverA | 14

#5078028 - Thursday 25 October 2012 1:02

#7 your picture is hilarious

Reply

crystalxa | 35

#5932882 - Friday 2 May 2014 17:22

I agree. Talk about knowing eachothers family!

Reply

zeffra13 | 31

#6673075 - Wednesday 17 August 2016 3:06

Most people are really private about mental disease, so it's entirely possible they never mentioned to her that he has dementia. The FML implies she wasn't aware of it.

By kyleekay | 25

#5072870 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:06

Hopefully you aplogized, OP. Dementia or not, your reaction to your fiance's stepfather was quite rude.

By BeccaHugs | 17

#5072872 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:06

Seems like your the one that doesn't know his family at all.

Reply

EnigmaThe321 | 12

#5074870 - Wednesday 24 October 2012 5:22

*you're

By Demonfish | 14

#5072873 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:07

Have you been told this little nugget of information before OP? If yes, then yes you were asking for it, if no, then, ah well, shit happens. But I'm not really seeing the need for the "bitter complaint".

By Cbizzlez | 10

#5072881 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:07

Most people try to make their in-laws like them....overreacted a bit OP