Today, my fiancé's stepfather asked me how my teaching job was... - FML

By inthefamily - 23/10/2012 13:29 - United States - Washington

Today, my fiancé's stepfather asked me how my teaching job was going. I replied heatedly that I've never taught, and then complained bitterly to my fiancé about how his family still doesn't know me. Turns out his stepfather has early onset dementia, and that I'm an asshole. FML

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Valentine's slay

Alexa, play "The Lovecats" by The Cure

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

Boom, headshot

By pooperscooper - 20/2/2017 00:00 - Australia - Hunters Hill

Today, I had to wipe someone else's shit off the toilet seat for the third day in a row. We had a new staff member join our team three days ago. FML

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By itchy itches - 23/8/2020 05:05 - United States

Box of magic

Today, my neighbor brought home a box of kittens he found in the park. Instead of calling animal control, he decided to keep them. Besides the incessant meowing throughout the day and night, a massive horde of fleas decided to migrate through his light sockets and into my nice clean apartment. FML

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By mama75 - 17/3/2010 14:18 - United States

Today, I tried an herbal tea that is supposed to increase your milk supply (I'm a breastfeeding mom). Well, it worked, and it kicked in at my office, but only on one side. So when I went into the bathroom, I noticed I had one boob WAY higher and bigger than the other. Great. FML

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By blew it - 5/6/2019 02:00

Today, I was going down on my boyfriend, only while I was down there I noticed he had an ungodly amount of dick cheese under his foreskin. He’s now mad at me for blueballing him, even though he’s clearly the one at fault for being a filthy pig. FML

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By galladore - 12/12/2014 15:17 - United States - Bensenville

Today, my oldest friend got engaged to her loving boyfriend of one year. Meanwhile, I can't even get my boyfriend of more than four years to commit to a decision of what he wants for dinner. FML

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By Thongy - 7/4/2020 20:00 - Canada

Cultural differences

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Why? My Australian friend sent me a message saying I'd left my thongs at his house. My boyfriend still refuses to believe that they call flip-flops thongs in Australia. FML

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By - 14/5/2019 14:00

Today, I spent 4 hours making a cheesecake for my brother's girlfriend, which she begged me for a week to make. After my oven breaking and having to buy a new hand mixer, she tells me she's not going to eat it because this morning she decided to try being a vegan because, "it sounds interesting." FML

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By Adam - 24/5/2011 05:54

Today, while I was walking home, I noticed an elderly man in a wheel chair trying to paint his garage so I went over to help. His response was verbal abuse and a slap to the face with a wet paint brush. FML

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By SheenaL - 27/6/2011 06:26 - United States

Today, my son is going through a rebellious phase. He's taken to wearing leather and chains, listening to death metal music all day in his room alone, and screaming at me in public places. He was fired from his part-time job for swearing at customers. My son is 29 years old. FML

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By GirlishMan1883897 - 24/7/2010 10:53 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because she said I was more of a woman than she was. I yelled out, "I HATE YOU!" and started to cry. She then took a tampon out of her purse, handed it to me, laughed, and walked away. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/7/2016 23:04 - United States - Atlanta

Today, during a heated argument with my son, I lost my temper and called him a son of a bitch. He enthusiastically agreed. FML

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By TJ - 8/8/2012 11:23 - United States - Lacey

Today, while doing my job as a cart clerk, a gentleman went around the parking lot and picked some trash up, trying to help out. Faith in humanity: +1. About an hour later I saw a woman pick a bug off of her windshield and eat it. Faith in humanity: -200. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/3/2015 23:15 - United States - Angleton

Today, I jokingly sent my girlfriend a link to an article about giving better head. She didn't think it was funny, and has since sent me numerous articles about the female orgasm, and I just got a link to the Wikipedia article about the clitoris. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2011 21:26 - United States

Today, I had to climb over a tall gate. Getting to the top wasn't a problem, but falling face first on the way down wasn't what I'd had in mind. FML

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By rolypoly - 5/3/2014 12:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I achieved a personal goal by completing a half-marathon for charity, despite being overweight and unfit before training. When I finished I cried, not because I was proud of myself, but because I ran the last 2 miles while being followed by kids on bicycles calling me a "fat cunt". FML

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By Jobless - 7/9/2010 23:27 - Canada

Today, I had a job interview. The moment I walked into the room, the interviewer said "Ok, I will interview you, but there is no way I'm hiring you." FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2016 09:59 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my boyfriend that I wanted to go separate ways. Before I could say anything, he proposed. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/1/2013 10:30 - United States - Wichita

Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Some guy grabbed her ass, and I tried to fight him. I ended up with a concussion and a messed up jaw. Her? Oh, she beat the shit out of him while I was unconscious. FML

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By vw - 20/2/2012 05:05 - United States

Today, I was talking to my grandpa while he was gardening outside. Suddenly I feel this hard, salty thing fly into my mouth and I spit it out. It turned out to be a beetle. My grandpa takes one look at the beetle and says, "Well, at least that poor bug finally got you to shut up." FML

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By callen5 - 10/3/2012 15:16 - United States

Today, I was talking to my girlfriend over Skype. I said I loved her and hoped we would be together forever. She responded by singing Who Wants to Live Forever into her mic. FML

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By Username - 17/5/2012 14:37 - Australia

Today, I was really stressed, so I tried to let it out by crying. It lasted about 30 seconds, and I was making fun of myself the whole time. Even my subconscious thinks I'm pathetic. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/7/2011 19:21 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law announced that she's going to be moving into the apartment next to us. Oh joy. FML

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By Omega - 29/7/2016 00:26

Today, I was sitting outside while my dad was mowing the lawn. He ran over a hornet's nest with several now-angry hornets. He escaped unscathed. I didn't. FML

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By Broon - 25/5/2012 19:55 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, on the brink of a stiflingly hot summer, I've come to a terrible realisation. It seems the apartment I've just moved into has been specially insulated to trap enough heat inside for the occupants to survive the planet's next Ice Age. FML

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By off the family - 17/6/2018 20:30

Today, my daughter apparently have had enough of my mother-in-law's favoritism and constant bashing at me by going: "Grandma, might I highly recommend death at this point." She's 7. FML

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By ljennette25 - 23/9/2016 04:51 - United States - Princeton

Today, I started a new job as a school bus driver. I was sent on the hardest route in the area, and not 5 minutes in I came across a broke down truck in the middle of the road. I was stuck behind him for over an hour with a bus full of elementary school kids. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2019 06:11

Today, I woke up late for work. I rushed everything, ate a quick meal and was thirsty as hell. I saw a 2-liter Coca Cola bottle, so I poured a huge glass filled with ice and ran out the door. While driving, I took a huge gulp of nice, cold thick cooking oil. FML

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By alyssabree42 - 4/8/2012 06:56 - United States - Estacada

Today, I learned that when you hear a bump in the night, it's best not to check your parents' room. Some things cannot be unseen. FML

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By MaggotMother - 20/4/2013 10:51 - United States

Today, I learned what live maggots in chocolate cake taste like. FML

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By badteacher - 24/10/2010 05:26 - United States

Today, while I was substitute teaching a middle school class, a boy, named Chris, refused to get in the boy's line for the bathroom. After I had said, "Chris, what makes you think you're a girl?" in a very loud voice, one of the other students said "She is a girl." I've scarred a child for life. FML

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By Innocent - 18/8/2016 23:03 - New Zealand

Today, someone drove into my car at an intersection and drove off. Luckily, I got the car's registration plate and called the cops on them. Turns out, it was my boyfriend's brother's girlfriend, who was illegally driving without a license. Now everyone's mad at me for getting her in trouble. FML

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By yblamemebiatch - 16/3/2016 10:56 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I found out a colleague spread lies about me because she somehow thinks I'm to blame for the hot guy at work not wanting to date her. Perhaps she should blame his fiancé. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/7/2009 16:43 - United States

Today, I went to the airport for my two week trip to explore Europe. My ticket was denied and the workers turned me away. When I asked why, they told me to check the date. My ticket was for June 22nd, not July. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/10/2013 06:21 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my job application got denied once again. I looked over it, and saw that my roommate added "screwing over customers" and "hiding dead bodies" under my skills. FML

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By myself - 9/2/2015 13:32 - United States

Today, it's been about a week since my boyfriend started his new medication, which has essentially killed any sex drive he had. It has also been about two weeks since I stopped mine, making me hornier than ever. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/11/2019 05:15

What is the real feeling?

Today, my friends and I were acting out porn scenes without sex. Then, I realized that we all watch too much porn, and we are still all virgins. FML

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By Frouse - 4/6/2019 16:00

Today, after getting home from work late last night and feeling lazy, I'd put my leftover dinner in the microwave, spoon and all. I wake up to find one of the kids started the microwave and it blew up because of the metal spoon. FML

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By catstew - 2/10/2009 01:43 - United States

Today, my mother's beloved cat died and we thought it would be nice to bury it in the back yard. I came home from work and while walking to the door saw that the cat had been dug up and partially eaten by the local raccoons and strays. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/11/2019 05:45

Alone

Today, I was feeling really down and decided to text a friend to vent to someone about it. Then I realized, I don’t have any friends. FML

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By anonymous - 8/12/2014 23:23 - United States - New Baltimore

Today, I found out I have sodium fluoride poisoning. Apparently, my water has a high level of sodium fluorine. I've been drinking much more water lately trying to be healthier. FML

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Top comments

By Hidur | 10

#5072843 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:01

Sounds like someone never even taught you to be polite

By twinny_sc | 13

#5072868 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:06

Seems like you don't know much about his family either so what are you so pissed about?

COMMENTS

By kyleekay | 25

#5072836 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:01

Regardless of the dementia bit, you sound like a whiny bitch.

Reply

GoodLookingGeese | 10

#5072861 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:04

Hey, that wasn't nice!

By Hidur | 10

#5072843 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:01

Sounds like someone never even taught you to be polite

Reply

geon_olam | 17

#5072934 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:15

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

gc327072 | 29

#5073026 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:37

16/ and what if I WAS a flying green monkey that sang mariachi songs? I'm not but, just sayin..

Reply

geon_olam | 17

#5073099 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:59

25 I'd be very impressed at your language skills.

Reply

IQWasJustLowered | 0

#5073258 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 21:00

I don't know according to Vsauce we are all the centers of the universe.

Reply

LolFMLnot | 10

#5075215 - Wednesday 24 October 2012 8:15

More like you don't know his family very well yet.

Reply

kennaem1 | 11

#5078113 - Thursday 25 October 2012 1:14

I feel like commenting that I had a frog like the one I. Your picture

By teague95 | 16

#5072847 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:02

still you didn't need to be so snappy. maybe this is another PMS Fml

Reply

onlychildFTW | 33

#5073169 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 20:27

It sounds like it. It is that time for many girls now.

Reply

TotallyAradical | 14

#5073219 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 20:45

Not for me.

Reply

MissMae93 | 23

#5073266 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 21:04

Thank you for sharing 40...

Reply

LollipopDragon | 4

#5073432 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 22:12

I like to think I'm crispy nice when on my period.

Reply

LollipopDragon | 4

#5073434 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 22:14

That should definitely say 'actually very' and not crispy...

Reply

BellaBelle_fml | 23

#5073755 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 23:24

I actually like the typo. You have inadvertently created a new form of being nice mixed with minor rudeness. I shall be using the new phrase 'Crispy nice'!

Reply

LollipopDragon | 4

#5079098 - Thursday 25 October 2012 7:15

Idk, crispy freaks me out. It's like the word moist. Makes me cringe :/

By guitarbeast | 22

#5072854 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:03

Well assuming they never told you, you're not an asshole, but you did overreact for sure . And if they did tell you, then you may need to get your self checked for dementia

Reply

Chanti_fml | 26

#5073049 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:43

Well seems to me that OP needs to stop bitching about the family not knowing him. Apparently he doesn't know the family all that good either, or else he would've known that about the girlfriends stepfather.

Reply

eggmarie | 25

#5073074 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:53

30: you do realize OP is a girl, right?

Reply

SevenMillionTons | 4

#5073222 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 20:45

I wonder if she's repeatedly told her fiancées step-dad that she doesn't teach. It could explain why she thinks it sucks.

Reply

loloalltheway | 23

#5073264 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 21:03

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#5073347 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 21:28

father-in-law, not step-father.

Reply

wolfhausen | 7

#5073453 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 22:24

Oh wait I thumbed you up, then realized he is the fiancées step father! It says it twice.. How did we miss that?

Reply

loloalltheway | 23

#5073864 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 23:48

Oh sorry, *father-in-law.

By lilhellian | 26

#5072866 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:05

Op never make your in-laws mad at you before the wedding.

By twinny_sc | 13

#5072868 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:06

Seems like you don't know much about his family either so what are you so pissed about?

Reply

dhenri | 9

#5072954 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:18

Burn

Reply

NeDaroft | 5

#5074563 - Wednesday 24 October 2012 3:17

Tsss

Reply

PhishloverA | 14

#5078028 - Thursday 25 October 2012 1:02

#7 your picture is hilarious

Reply

crystalxa | 35

#5932882 - Friday 2 May 2014 17:22

I agree. Talk about knowing eachothers family!

Reply

zeffra13 | 31

#6673075 - Wednesday 17 August 2016 3:06

Most people are really private about mental disease, so it's entirely possible they never mentioned to her that he has dementia. The FML implies she wasn't aware of it.

By kyleekay | 25

#5072870 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:06

Hopefully you aplogized, OP. Dementia or not, your reaction to your fiance's stepfather was quite rude.

By BeccaHugs | 17

#5072872 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:06

Seems like your the one that doesn't know his family at all.

Reply

EnigmaThe321 | 12

#5074870 - Wednesday 24 October 2012 5:22

*you're

By Demonfish | 14

#5072873 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:07

Have you been told this little nugget of information before OP? If yes, then yes you were asking for it, if no, then, ah well, shit happens. But I'm not really seeing the need for the "bitter complaint".

By Cbizzlez | 10

#5072881 - Tuesday 23 October 2012 19:07

Most people try to make their in-laws like them....overreacted a bit OP