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Assumptions

By Ugh - 20/06/2026 12:00 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I was teaching when I saw a student leave her chair and brazenly head for the door. I clapped her on the shoulder and said, "Going somewhere, miss?" She vomited all over my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 767

By girlw/ablog - 02/07/2019 18:00 - United States - Austin

Today, while on a bus, an elderly lady sat next to me sneezed so hard, snot literally went flying. I even offered her a napkin, that she refused. After a brief panic and realizing she had nothing to clean her mess with, she "inconspicuously" wiped her snotty hand on my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 942

You deserved it 143

Alexa, play "Unhappy Birthday" by The Smiths

By Anonymous - 24/03/2022 14:00 - Germany

Today, it's my birthday. I spent the day doing nothing but chores, amongst which baking my own birthday cake. I was then so exhausted that I couldn't even stand my own company, so I ate the cake alone on the couch, watching TV. It didn’t taste great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 991

You deserved it 180

Muffled

By Anonymous - 25/06/2026 00:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was driving to get groceries when my muffler fell off. I need to get it fixed or else I’ll lose my job, and my job is far away from where I live. If I take an Uber or anything, it will be taking most of my paycheck. Man, FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 69

Sudden dip

By Anonymous - 17/03/2022 22:00 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were out for dinner. We were talking over the noise of the restaurant, when suddenly it got quiet as he shouted, “I can’t wait to fuck you!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 224

You deserved it 337

Controlling

By Anonymous - 21/11/2024 03:00 - United States - Holden

Today, I was finishing a conversation with my husband. His phone rang, but he didn't take it. He said, "No, the guy said he was going to call me at 11:30 and it's 11:36. I'll call him in 3 minutes." It was then I realized that I have been the subject of this type of petty control for over 30 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 542

You deserved it 129

Shite day

By Anonymous - 26/06/2023 10:00 - Pakistan - Gujranwala

Today, while coming home from school on my bike, I lost control of it, and went straight into a light pole. Thankfully I was at a very low speed. After that, someone splashed puddle of water at me with their car. After getting to home, I went to take a bath during which the shampoo went into my left eye. It's still hurting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 649

You deserved it 157

Classic

By Anonymous - 01/07/2026 12:00 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I walked a good 5 minutes across campus, through a few large hallways and up some stairs, with about foot of toilet paper hanging out of my pants before somebody pointed it out to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 271

You deserved it 109

Move!

By Kevin - 29/11/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I got stuck in traffic and angrily honked at the car in front of me. Then I realized it was a hearse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 668

No time to lose

By Atma - 02/07/2023 03:00

Today, I spoke to my girlfriend about how we don't spend enough time talking to each other, but she went on to tell me that we'll talk about it tomorrow because she wanted to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 236

Bad sherpa

By Sorry grandpa (he's okay) - 05/12/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, while I was at my aunt's house with family, my grandpa needed to use the bathroom, so I guided him to it. There's a short staircase leading to it, and to my horror, he tumbled down it. I forgot he's going blind due to glaucoma and therefore couldn't see the steps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 511

How is this my fault?

By Anonymous - 08/12/2024 14:00 - United States - Orlando

Today, we were in line to ride Cosmic Rewind when it broke down. My mom and sister then got mad at me saying that I "wasted everyone’s time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 91

The sound of doom

By Gizu - 10/12/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I realized that I’ve been using the same alarm clock ringtone for so long that I now associate it with pure dread, even when I hear it being used in movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 127

Classic breeder moment

By Karen - 16/12/2024 16:00 - United States - Solon

Today, after losing five pounds from being sick, my first customer at work greeted me with, “Aaaahhhh, you’re expecting!” I’m not pregnant. I guess I didn’t lose my gut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 134

This ain't it chief

By JemapelleStupid - 27/04/2022 06:00

Today, I was logging into my work computer. My account became locked due to the many failed attempts at typing my password. Thinking I was alone, I said, “Fuck this shit” while dragging the keyboard off my desk. Turns out my supervisor was in the other room. I'd forgotten I'd changed my password the other day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 251

You deserved it 1 050

Shooting yourself in the foot

By Maryse - 28/12/2024 00:00 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I randomly hooked up with a hot guy, just to ruin it by saying he’s like my twin brother, and now he won’t reply to my messages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 119

You deserved it 649

Boot him out

By Anonymous - 02/08/2023 22:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, the love of my life has moved a new girl into our house. Seeing him with her is agony. When they met, he told me I had nothing to worry about. Three hours after he'd said he wanted to get back together, she called him from a new permanent phone number, and now he acts like us getting back together never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 184

Dirty protest

By Paul - 21/08/2023 00:02

Today, I had a job interview; unfortunately for me, I was so nervous that all of a sudden I felt the need to take a huge dump. My bowels started growling out of protest. I tried to play it off as if it was due to me being hungry, but it sounded like I had a monster trapped in my guts. The interviewer raised an eyebrow in disbelief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 123

Where everybody knows your name…

By Anonymous - 28/01/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I walked into a coffee shop where I always flirt with the cute barista who I think likes me, and confidently told her I'd have "the usual." She just stared at me blankly and said, "I have literally never seen you before in my life." FML

I agree, your life sucks 200

You deserved it 647

FML's Showdown #14

By Louis - 21/06/2017 21:30

Another stand off, pick your fave!

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 126

The spark is gone

By Anonymous - 10/02/2025 20:00 - United States - Orange Park

Today, my husband of 16 years had to force himself to be intimate with me. In his words, not because he’s not attracted to me but because he no longer has emotions or feelings towards me. I’m still deeply in love and had to force intimacy because now I feel like I’m just a means to an end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 145

Useless

By Anonymous - 23/03/2021 17:01 - Luxembourg

Today, I was forced to write a job application letter that boils down to, "I can't do this job, please don't hire me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 248

By coinceducul - 24/01/2016 17:31 - France

Today, I had to take my parents to the hospital after a failed attempt at a Kamasutra position. FML

I agree, your life sucks 886

You deserved it 62

Bad timing

By Anonymous - 19/05/2022 02:00

Today, on the first occasion I've seen my boss since her brief leave, I brought up how I got to hear all our customers' heartwarming plans for their moms on Mother's Day. Her mother just died. That's why she was on leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 285

Lookalikes

By Anonymous - 31/03/2021 13:58 - Germany - Bruchsal

Today, my boyfriend told me that his daughter only liked me because she thought that we look like siblings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 97

April Fool's

By Ballprankster - 02/04/2021 22:57 - United States - New York

Today, I wanted to prank my husband and filled a kitchen cabinet with tennis balls. Not sure what was funnier, seeing his reaction when all the balls fell out, or the fact that before he got home, I forgot that I had placed the balls there and opened the cabinet myself. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 1 475

Social cues

By anonymous dude - 07/03/2025 15:00 - Australia

Today, I was saying goodbye to a friend after a long day out. I went for a hug, and as I pulled away, I kissed her on the cheek for some reason. Realising it was an awkward mistake, I pulled back even more and said, "Sorry, I thought you were my mum." She looked at me confused, and we both stood there in complete silence for what felt like hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 434

Corner cutting

By Anonymous - 17/03/2025 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got some lumber delivered to site and that shit was so bent and warped I could've cut it into foot long pieces and sold them as boomerangs. My boss is breathing down my neck about finishing on time to a high standard of work, yet he keeps buying subpar materials on the cheap. Tosser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 515

You deserved it 54

Take it easy

By Anonymous - 19/03/2025 09:00 - United States - Enfield

Today, I found out that college stressed me out so much that my stomach acid now eats holes in my stomach wall. I went from, “Oh, I have a tummy ache” to “You can’t eat or drink for 24 hours because we gotta do surgery on a perforated ulcer.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 97

Productivity Queen

By NoJustNo - 13/06/2022 14:00 - United States

Today, my new office mate offered to let me smell her deodorant. This was after clipping her nails, before pulling out her needle point project, and while complaining how overworked she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 101

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The Top

Today, I announced my pregnancy to my boss. I was expecting all sorts of reactions, except, "But... Erm... How did that happen?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 586

You deserved it 63

Today, this girl I've been talking to texted me, saying she was going to visit. Trying to be sweet, I bought her $50 worth of chocolate and a cute card. Turns out she meant to send that text to her ex. Seems like the only thing I'll get from this relationship is diabetes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 091

You deserved it 5 478

Today, I asked a girl out. She replied, "Sorry, I'm suddenly a lesbian." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 957

You deserved it 3 095

Today, I realized that trying to fit in with my crush's social circle by acting like one of the lads was a waste of time. All he does is high-five me all the time and tell me every little detail of his latest one night stands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 402

You deserved it 28 078

Today, while making my son lunch, he pooped, took off his diaper, stepped in it, and then climbed to the gate to call for me. When I arrived, he had a big smile on his face and exclaimed, "Look!" Shit footprints were everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 359

You deserved it 4 805

Today, I was walking down the hallway when I stepped in an ice cold pile of cat vomit. I was barefoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 639

You deserved it 164