By Anonymous - 13/4/2020 14:00

Oddly specific thief

Today, my car was broken into. What was stolen? My steering wheel. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1513

You deserved it

109

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Cold-blooded old times

The opposite of a good idea

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

By Anonymous - 8/1/2016 18:23

Today, I bailed my brother out of jail for violating a restraining order filed against him by his ex. I dropped him off at the place he told me he was staying at. Turned out it was his ex's house, and now he's in jail again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24956

You deserved it

3491

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By dilligaf - 27/9/2011 06:22 - United States

Today, I had to choose between staying with my boyfriend and moving out to a better job. I chose my boyfriend. He promptly left me because I didn't take the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30258

You deserved it

18454

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By CaddyWhack - 18/11/2016 20:57

Today, after a couple of months of enjoying an informal parking arrangement with a local bank, I found out they sold their extra lot without telling me. The new owner's towing company heard about the deal, though. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8375

You deserved it

760

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By erineilis - 16/8/2011 14:22 - United States

Today, while driving into work, a guy cut me off and I yelled some nasty things out of my window at him. He heard me, followed me to work, took a baseball bat out and then chased me into the office. He also smashed my windshield on his way out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33412

You deserved it

16916

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By johnG - 21/12/2009 15:23 - Canada

Today, I got a call from my local hospital's emergency room, stating my wife was in labour. My wife and I split years ago, but just haven't divorced. She is telling everyone I am the baby's father, my current girlfriend is 7 months pregnant with my child. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27934

You deserved it

9836

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By Anon - 4/8/2011 08:30 - United States

Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43923

You deserved it

4087

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By bastardchild_01 - 17/10/2012 06:22 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, after much reluctance due to fear of causing a huge debate, I finally posted something on Facebook about the presidential debates. However, the post sparked an argument with my mom's childhood best friend, that ended with her telling me that my dad isn't actually my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32039

You deserved it

3720

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By fabz - 27/11/2015 12:39 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my boss confirmed he is a micro-managing asshole. We walked into the office together and I turned on the lights. He switched them off and switched them on again, just to make sure that I did it right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24907

You deserved it

1609

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By retailworker - 9/1/2020 14:00

Customer service

Today, at work, I was helping a customer over the phone. Another customer came and asked me a question. I let them know I'd be with them shortly. They then said "I really think you should hang up. The customer is always first." FML

I agree, your life sucks

7169

You deserved it

518

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By Anonymous - 13/10/2012 11:37 - United States

Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27049

You deserved it

2734

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By Saberwolf - 13/2/2011 21:14 - United States

Today, I got a text from a girl that I've had a crush on for a long time, asking me out to dinner. I agreed and went to the restaurant. Not long afterwards, I got text from her saying something had come up, so she couldn't make it. As I was walking back to my car, I saw her walk into the same restaurant with another guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44771

You deserved it

3084

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By Anonymous - 16/11/2010 08:07 - Canada

Today, a telemarketer found me so weird that he hung up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27423

You deserved it

8682

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By Tired Hungry Geek - 27/10/2015 04:40 - United States

Today, I was exhausted after a long day at work and didn't feel like cooking so I went to a drive thru. I placed my order, went to the window and paid. I then drove off without my food and didn't realize it for a couple of blocks. I was too embarrassed to go back and get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19597

You deserved it

10200

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By hahagirl - 12/9/2012 05:40 - United Kingdom

Today, my cousin suddenly confided in me that he had tried to commit suicide by overdosing when he was 17. Shocked and not knowing how to respond, I blurted out, "Did it work?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

10403

You deserved it

34657

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By Eric John Los - 29/1/2018 13:00 - United States - Haydenville

Today, I wore a coat that was too tight. The button gave way and quickly flew about ten feet to hit my very attractive new coworker right in the ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3754

You deserved it

931

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By JessMelodique - 14/12/2016 03:01

Today, I finally decided to try an alternative to peanut butter, since I found out I was allergic a while back. Two hours later I had to be sent home because the allegedly allergen-free SunButter caused my lips and throat to swell and patches of rashes to form all over my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8099

You deserved it

710

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By TheaterMom - 28/6/2016 11:12 - Germany

Today, after two months of rehersals, an actor in my theater company decided he was unhappy with the role I gave him, so he refuses to perform. We open tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13066

You deserved it

955

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By thatsfine - 14/7/2013 22:52 - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, my sister announced her pregnancy at my husband's funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64493

You deserved it

3251

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By Britney - 24/10/2011 22:06 - United States

Today, I discovered I have a cyst on my backside. I can't get it removed until Friday. I have to sit through four midterms this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29400

You deserved it

2333

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By Anonymous - 17/9/2014 22:10 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found out my wife named our son after her ex-lover. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43676

You deserved it

3347

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By Anonymous - 22/3/2012 03:21 - United States - London

Today, I found out that sex in the woods is amazing. I also found that the roar of a nearby bear will end the amazement. Not only was I cock blocked by a bear, I almost shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32601

You deserved it

7142

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By Enni - 27/8/2016 08:47

Today, my husband told me that, "a girl's orgasm serves no purpose". FML

I agree, your life sucks

17533

You deserved it

1480

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By Anonymous - 22/8/2011 19:35 - United States

Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores have standards." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23520

You deserved it

46553

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By Anonymous - 8/6/2015 23:13 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I went to the living room where my mother was so I could ask her about something. I found her lying pantsless on the couch trying to cut her pubic hair with a pair of scissors. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29006

You deserved it

2097

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By college estudiata - 27/6/2015 00:57

Today, I realized I need to get my life together after spilling ramen while taking a bath, again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23069

You deserved it

7350

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By AbFlab - 1/6/2010 04:35 - United States

Today, I've been dieting and working out trying to work towards some solid abs because I know my girlfriend digs that stuff. I've been miserable trying to achieve this goal, plus to make things even better while kissing today she grabbed my stomach and said "I just love your abs of... flab." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34675

You deserved it

5186

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By clitty clitty bang bang - 13/4/2012 22:40 - United States - Brownsville

Today, after two years of vigorously fundraising on behalf of my senior class, they voted on spending the senior trip money at a waterpark. It's less than thirty minutes from where we all live. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25787

You deserved it

2871

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By belladonna1025 - 11/5/2016 18:49 - United States - Mesa

Today, a customer came up to me with a can of ground black pepper and asked me what the ingredients were. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10165

You deserved it

795

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2012 18:41 - United Kingdom

Today, I spun a two year old upside down, in circles. She wasn't remotely dizzy. I threw up on myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22523

You deserved it

10999

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By Hurtingincanada - 17/10/2018 05:00

Today, I woke up with bronchitis and hemorrhoids. I'm getting married in 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2997

You deserved it

174

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By Something I said? - 5/11/2013 15:26 - United States - Bronx

Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29946

You deserved it

58773

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By Chipper - 9/6/2009 00:14 - United States

Today, I was playing piano for a wedding rehearsal. Bored, I decided to pass the time playing through a book of music I found in the piano bench. Some time later the bride turns to me and screams at me to stop. I had turned the page and had begun to play "Let's call the whole thing off." FML

I agree, your life sucks

13070

You deserved it

51243

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By alf - 27/10/2008 02:34 - France

Today, I kissed the girl I love for the first time. Her reaction? She vomited. FML

I agree, your life sucks

74740

You deserved it

7225

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By Anonymous - 12/5/2019 00:00

Today, my anxiety has been so bad, I have had vivid dreams of my boyfriend of 6 months cheating on me. This is not the first time these dreams have happened, and I know for a fact he is not cheating. My anxiety is going to turn me into the crazy girlfriend from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1808

You deserved it

280

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By wife of a shithead - 6/7/2012 17:44 - Norway - Oslo

Today, my over-protective husband went into an extreme fit of jealousy at the sight of me breast-feeding our newborn baby boy. He's trying to make me bottle-feed our boy, because apparently it's "wrong" to let another guy touch my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47162

You deserved it

4729

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By Anonymous - 27/11/2014 18:51 - United States - Athens

Today, some idiot introduced my grandmother to yoga pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37994

You deserved it

3707

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By Anonymous - 30/8/2013 00:16 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I realized I love my boyfriend's cat more than my boyfriend. The only reason we're still together is I don't want to lose custody of the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29147

You deserved it

43574

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By notgettingany - 24/11/2010 17:18 - United States

Today, is my daughter's first birthday. Today also marks 1 year and 9 months since I last had sex with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43572

You deserved it

4989

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By owmyhead - 11/4/2011 06:23 - South Africa

Today, I woke up with a fever and a migraine. I work at an audiology clinic and my day consists of being shouted at down the phone by practically deaf people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30246

You deserved it

3125

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By What the fuck, son? - 11/5/2013 16:21 - Netherlands - Amerongen

Today, I walked in on my son trying to carve a bong out of a watermelon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46304

You deserved it

7779

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Top comments

By slowhandjp | 14

#7897332 - Monday 13 April 2020 14:38

The same thing like that happens in Japan very often.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7897356 - Monday 13 April 2020 15:54

That's one way to keep you on the straight and narrow path!

Comments

By slowhandjp | 14

#7897332 - Monday 13 April 2020 14:38

The same thing like that happens in Japan very often.

By John Nemeth | 14

#7897335 - Monday 13 April 2020 14:42

Dam wheel bandits strike again!

I thought they got locked up after that kid thwarted their plans

By RichardPencil | 28

#7897356 - Monday 13 April 2020 15:54

That's one way to keep you on the straight and narrow path!

By sickerthanyou | 13

#7897413 - Monday 13 April 2020 19:02

Well, now you can finally buy a quick release steering wheel to go with the helmet and gloves!

By nano123 | 13

#7897507 - Tuesday 14 April 2020 1:45

Oh you’re lucky it was steering coverfor me that was gone

By lifeis4me | 16

#7897540 - Tuesday 14 April 2020 7:08

Ordering a steering will is cheaper than buying an entirely new car