The Top

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Getting on

By Anonymous - 01/05/2021 23:00

Today, I realized that I’m old, and that it’s been too long since I had sex or even masturbated. How did I notice? Because I tried to, and I found out I couldn’t comfortably spread my legs that far anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 093

You deserved it 300

Funny, huh?

By Anonymous - 08/07/2022 14:00

Today, I was sole witness to an armed robbery. The police farted around so much while not letting me leave until they took my statement that I missed my own fucking wedding. I was in my suit, and literally begging to be allowed to leave. One even joked he was probably doing me a big favour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 560

You deserved it 136

The struggle is real

By Anonymous - 11/07/2022 02:00

Today, after struggling to get up on time all week at 5 a.m., it's finally my day off, and boom, I'm up exactly at 5 a.m., naturally. No alarm, no struggle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 973

You deserved it 130

All mine

By Anonymous - 12/04/2025 15:00 - United States - Maryland Heights

Today, feeling generous, I bought a dozen donuts for my coworkers. Instead, I ended up taking them into my office and eating all of them in the first hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 547

Ninja!

By Anonymous - 13/09/2019 06:02 - Australia - Perth

Today, after getting home from my morning run, I found my brand new leather couch with scratches all over it and smelling of cat piss. I don't have a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 794

You deserved it 120

The penny drops…

By Catchy slogans trump intelligent answers i guess - 20/04/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I had a debate at school. I had diligently studied my position, digging up historical parallels, researching the economics, and preparing citations. I lost to a guy who just yelled, "Tax the billionaires" to every question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 134

Reputation

By Joe - 21/04/2025 16:00 - United States - East Carbon City

Today, it's my wife's birthday. I'm known for being forgetful and she already thinks I don't care. I had some little things planned for today, but her sister messaged me telling me to remember her birthday before I even said happy birthday. Now my wife is crying and upset because once again, I "only act on prompt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 156

Go compaaaaaaare

By Unloved - 11/07/2022 09:00 - United States

Today, while I was gaming, a girl using voice chat was probably the most polite person I have ever encountered in my life. It was only after I logged off that I realized she spoke to me with more affection and respect than my own mother ever has in my entire life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 053

You deserved it 126

Where's my coffee?

By dinkley7 - 20/05/2021 11:00

Today, so far, I’ve been called the c-word, a bitch, and a douche. All by the same person, all because I wouldn't make them coffee at one in the morning. We don’t serve coffee until 6 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 988

You deserved it 106

Healthcare crisis

By Whoops - 07/11/2023 08:00

Today, I finally went to an orthopedic doctor to figure out why my sprained ankle hasn’t healed and keeps getting worse. Turns out I have stress fractures and made them way worse by walking around on them for a month, because my regular doctor told me to stop being hysterical over a sprained ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 587

You deserved it 94

No laugh track required

By Anonymous - 06/05/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I sneezed so hard at work that I farted. In the silence in our open space office that followed, my boss looked over, smiled, and said, "Bless you?" The people in the office who weren't wearing headphones burst out laughing, then those people noticed the laughter, took their headphones off, and my boss then had to explain to them why they were laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 503

You deserved it 132

Get better locks

By Aww! You shouldn't have! ....REALLY! - 10/05/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, my friends, led by my best friend, threw me a surprise party. Bearing a cake, they all happily yelled, "SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" by suddenly barging in… through the bathroom door. I was on the toilet, in the middle of taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 511

You deserved it 68

The manosphere problem

By Anonymous - 07/08/2022 22:00

Today, I walked out of a date after he told me feminism is "ruining society" and tried to convince me, with articles he had saved on his phone, that the female orgasm isn’t real like a man’s is FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 394

You deserved it 230

Jumping the gun

By Anonymous - 16/11/2023 16:00

Today, my wife ruined the gift I got for our 10 year anniversary by opening a package that was clearly addressed to me, finding the custom made necklace, and started wearing it straight away. I didn’t even know it had been delivered yet and boom, right there on her neck two weeks early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 712

You deserved it 116

It's always when your hands are full that your nose starts to itch

By Mightytall - 05/10/2019 20:00

Today, I found the perfect position on the couch, both feet up comfortably and my two cats curled up in my lap. Then, my foot started to itch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 254

For profit healthcare should be abolished

By Brokeashell - 15/08/2022 10:00

Today, I’ve had to spend $300 out of my savings account for my doctor's appointment to get another 90-day supply. Health insurance is way too expensive, as I'm a student and work part time, and haven’t had luck in finding a job. How am I supposed to save for a car in the meantime? FML

I agree, your life sucks 801

You deserved it 163

Hacked

By Now an Android kind of guy - 30/05/2025 18:00 - Philippines - Paranaque City

Today, at the Apple Store, the crew, security, manager, technician, and fellow customers alike, never bothered covering up to laugh at me when I went there to have my phone fixed. Someone somehow hacked my iPhone, and when I use the Face ID, it makes a bloodcurdling scream of fear in full volume, then shuts down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 390

You deserved it 105

Lonely, so lonely

By Anonymous - 05/06/2021 11:59 - China - Shanghai

Today, I realised that my social anxiety, fear of people's judgment, social isolation, you name it, have got so bad that I literally have no interests. It got to such a point that I even have nothing to search up in the internet, so I just stare at an empty browser page wondering what should I do with my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 979

You deserved it 214

Smells like team spirit

By Anonymous - 02/12/2023 07:00 - United States

Today, my boss decided to start a sport challenge where we should set a training goal and report about achieving it. Okay, I go to the gym a few days a week, but I'm really not interested in this collective motivation crap. Later, our boss hinted that if I don't take part, I may get fired for breaking the team spirit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 565

You deserved it 113

Terminally online

By Anonymous - 13/08/2022 10:00 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, I came home to see my dad sitting in his car. I thought it'd be fun to sneak up on him. He was filming himself on his phone, ranting about "fighting like hell" and "a storm coming." He had his baseball cap on backwards, probably because the front had the name of our town in Wales on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 765

You deserved it 162

Exploitation

By Anonymous - 08/06/2025 00:00 - United States - Baldwin Park

Today, our boss told me and her other salaried staff, "There is literally no problem this office faces that can't be solved by you all working after hours and on weekends." FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 73

Messed up country

By Anonymous - 13/06/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my absentee dad died in America and some branch of the American government decided that I need to settle his debts. "Which debts?" you ask. Unpaid child support. Yes, America wants me to pay them my own child support, despite never meeting my dad or even once setting foot in America. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678

You deserved it 75

Guess she's doing fine, then

By Anonymous - 18/08/2022 14:00

Today, after eight years of estrangement, I finally heard from my mother. Not that she contacted me, I just saw her in an YouTube video, in which batshit people in red hats and draped in flags were being interviewed during the "hogs gone wild" shitshow down in Florida, protesting about the FBI. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 209

About that "why"…

By Wtf - 15/06/2025 22:00 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I found out that the girl I like is fucking my friend. The friend who she always said was "a disgusting sexist pig" and swore she hated. The worst part is, she's right, he's a complete dick to women. I don't know how or why he got in her pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 341

You deserved it 117

The long goodbye

By Anonymous - 22/12/2023 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend and I were fooling around when her dad burst in, proclaimed an, “Aha! I caught you you pervert!” moment and threw me out of the house. We’re in our 30s with kids, and jointly own that house. Having a father in law with Alzheimer's is great isn’t it? Just fecking great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 611

You deserved it 147

Public menace

By Anonymous - 06/01/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom - Portsmouth

Today, my dad is too old to drive, period, and yet while I was at work my wife thought it was a good idea to let him try her new Mercedes, which by the way I bought and insured. He used the accelerator like he was driving a shitbox Nissan and destroyed our local kebab shop's big front window and door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 573

You deserved it 154

Brief encounter

By Angry Orphan - 09/09/2022 15:29

Today, after I got reacquainted with an old friend with whom it'd been 12 years since we last spoke, both divorced, with kids, we started talking, start feeling things for each other. We'd both agreed to take things slow. We spend an amazing weekend together, made plans to spend my birthday together, and then I was ghosted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 493

You deserved it 173

That's still a thing?

By Anonymous - 13/09/2022 04:30

Today, while shopping at a grocery store, I was the winner of the '1,000,000 customer of the year' award. I was surrounded with people taking pictures and everyone looking, all while I was buying adult diapers for my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 171

You deserved it 135

I'm so tired

By Musical Terror - 12/07/2025 16:00 - Canada - Regina

Today, I had a panic attack on the bus, because I couldn’t find my headphones. I was listening to them the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 217

You deserved it 393

Sorry kiddo

By CatastrophicKatie - 18/09/2022 08:30 - United States - Lawrenceburg

Today, I had to back down and buy a popsocket, which I'd declared useless and stupid since they first came out. I had to buy one after dropping my phone on my toddler's head while he was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 212

You deserved it 1 091

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I saw a portable speed camera on the highway and braked hard. I caused a 4 car pile-up and my car is totaled. It wasn't a speed camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 169

You deserved it 60 811

Today, I co-starred in a production of Hamlet. Halfway through play, the actor playing Hamlet forgot his lines, threw a raging temper tantrum, screaming about how much he hated the play and how he wanted to go home in front of hundreds of audience members. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 120

You deserved it 3 538

Today, I woke up with a fever, headache and sore throat. All the symptoms of Covid-19. I told my husband, whose responded with, "Sack up and get over yourself." FML

I agree, your life sucks 968

You deserved it 207

Today, after sitting for hours at my desk, my legs fell asleep. When I got up to go to the bathroom on my break, I couldn't walk properly and leaned against things so I wouldn't fall over. My supervisor then came over and started lecturing me about being drunk at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 543

You deserved it 4 622

Today, I walked into the bathroom at work, only to witness a woman with her shirt pulled up giving herself a sink bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 369

You deserved it 1 531

Today, I just received the king-sized bed I'd ordered. My boyfriend moved out two days ago when we broke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 237

You deserved it 1 218