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Baby steps

By Anonymous - 16/11/2024 21:00 - United States - Warren

Today, I started doing cardio at my local gym with a basic exercise bike because doing weightlifting by itself wasn't having an effect on my weight. Since I'm out of shape, I did 15 minutes instead of the standard 30. I had to stop at 10 minutes because my legs were so sore they nearly gave out on me when I stood up. FML

agreeclassic 339

vote type 1 153

Damned if you do…

By Anonymous - 25/03/2022 10:00

Today, I woke up early to do the dishes and clean up, after having people over yesterday. Now my wife is mad at me because I didn't stay in bed with her longer. FML

agreeclassic 952

vote type 1 111

Good night, sleep tight

By jjkk - 23/01/2021 05:02

Today, I have been trying to stop sleeping during the day, so I decided to clean my room to keep myself awake. Four hours later, I woke up on the floor. FML

agreeclassic 814

vote type 1 142

Fighting talk

By Anonymous - 21/11/2024 18:00 - United States

Today, my best friend called me a slut during an argument, and I couldn't stop myself from laughing. She lost her virginity at 13 years-old, and all four of her kids have a different dad. When I mentioned it, she gave me a black eye. FML

agreeclassic 698

vote type 1 179

Check these out, guys!

By Anonymous - 17/01/2021 13:59

Today, instead of forwarding my male boss my Covid screening results, I sent him and the entire leadership team an email offer for testosterone boosters. FML

agreeclassic 365

vote type 1 772

SK8 OR DIE

By Anonymous - 15/03/2022 02:00

Today, while skating to school, I got hit by a car, In front of the school. I went flying and everyone saw. The girl who hit me only said, "Oops, didn't see you." FML

agreeclassic 1 102

vote type 1 125

Quiet life

By Anonymous - 10/12/2024 11:00

Today, my parents told me that unless I think about my behaviour and make some real changes, people are going to think I’m weird or suspicious, and I’ll never make friends. This is because I choose to attend church on Sundays instead of watching TV and getting drunk. FML

agreeclassic 446

vote type 1 307

The ripple effect

By Healthcare - 09/12/2024 03:00 - United States - Salem

Today, my dad is freaking out because he thinks he's next on the list of targets the NYC CEO shooter has. Not because he himself is a healthcare-ruining CEO, but he's a pharmacist who gets death threats every week from patients he can't give medication to, due to insurance companies denying everything. FML

agreeclassic 598

vote type 1 93

Childcare

By Anonymous - 13/12/2024 00:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I never know who’s going to have my kids during their dad’s weekend. He drops them off with just anyone as he goes partying, but calls the cops if I pick them up early. Last week they were with his girlfriend’s brother; before that it was her uncle, and before that her cousin. All total strangers to the kids. FML

agreeclassic 605

vote type 1 93

Tinder surprise

By Anonymous - 08/02/2021 21:30

Today, I was hitting it off pretty well with a girl I met through a dating app. However, she's never going to speak to me again because I also happened to "match" with her friend. How was I supposed to know they knew each other? FML

agreeclassic 1 085

vote type 1 278

Love is love

By Anonymous - 27/03/2022 01:59

Spicy

Today, my husband got drunk, which was bad enough, but then he got me to the point where I wanted sex too, so I let him climb aboard. He was inside me for 3 thrusts and then stopped. He’d fallen asleep, so I pushed him off me, mad as hell, then he farted and shit a little bit. I married this twat. FML

agreeclassic 2 024

vote type 1 820

Thanks, Bill

By Anonymous - 16/12/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I was busy writing my English final paper and all of a sudden my computer just chose to freeze. I thought Microsoft Word would save it, but alas, 4 pages down the dumpster. Plus my earphones stopped working and I can't afford to buy a new pair. FML

agreeclassic 435

vote type 1 193

Climate change sucks

By Jules - 17/07/2023 06:00 - Germany

Today, and for the past seven weeks, the weather forecast has been the same, invariably saying, "This week, it’ll be either hot or rainy, but next week it’ll be mild and sunny." I’m still waiting for "next week's” weather. FML

agreeclassic 599

vote type 1 188

It is?

By sam - 18/12/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, and for the last few months, I finally have enough money to be able to move into my own place. I can finally have girls over. I am also at the age of 26, where most girls stop wanting to go over to a guy's house. I wish I was 18 again, when independence is seen as new and sexy. FML

agreeclassic 238

vote type 1 341

Many such cases

By Anonymous - 20/12/2024 06:00 - United States - Holden

Today, I had to use my husband's vehicle. He has been spiraling into a mean, bigoted man. I got into his vehicle and the radio was on a station that was spewing weird stereotypes of women, and making fun of anyone who is not a hard supporter of a certain orange politician/businessman. FML

agreeclassic 598

vote type 1 290

Open invitation

By Anonymous - 18/04/2022 06:00 - United States - Morganville

Today, after a grueling business trip, my husband and I came home to all our furniture broken, every window smashed, all the floors scratched and carpets ripped, all our electronics stolen, and all our food and booze gone. What happened? Our son held a party and invited literally everyone he could from campus. FML

agreeclassic 1 320

vote type 1 193

Some friend you are

By Used - 02/01/2025 03:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I had to give back the Christmas present to who I thought was my best friend. He asked me to be his girlfriend and I declined. Apparently, because I don’t feel the same way he does, I don’t deserve it. I was under the impression that he’d given me this present to be a friend, not to get in my pants. FML

agreeclassic 557

vote type 1 207

By Anonymous - 17/06/2019 20:48

Today, I'd finished cleaning the interior of my vehicle, but seconds later, a stray cat jumped in through the other opened door, and took a dump right in the center of the mat inside. FML

agreeclassic 1 776

vote type 1 177

Missed opportunities

By ThatLove - 09/08/2023 11:04

Today, after two failed long-distance relationships, I was so happy to finally meet a local guy I really liked. After an amazing date, he shared that he'll be moving to the exact opposite side of the country in two weeks. FML

agreeclassic 1 138

vote type 1 203

ThisIsYourDoc app_comment_confession_title

ThisIsYourDoc 7

Wednesday 9 August 2023 10:54

Hello, OP here. Haha yes, i posted the one where my boyfriend wanted my emotional support for getting mistreated by the girl he cheated on me with. That was why one of these long distance relationships that failed. :/ It has actually been longer ago than when I posted, but I didn't feel like posting anything back then. By now I find the situation so bizarre, I can laugh about it :D

Gimme the fookin' money!

By xobrattybabexo - 09/08/2023 03:00 - United States - Comanche

Today, my OnlyFans account got deactivated, and no one will give me a reason as to why. There goes $200… FML

agreeclassic 415

vote type 1 329

Memento

By Sips - 15/01/2025 21:00 - Estonia - Tallinn

Today, I have problems with my memory. I asked a teacher if I could let my class know a bit about it. The teacher said I'd already told my class about it. My class had even asked a few questions to me about it. I don't remember anything about it. Maybe it didn't happen and the teacher just lied to me. FML

agreeclassic 490

vote type 1 104

Did Kris Jenner put you up to this?

By Anonymous - 12/08/2023 10:00

Spicy

Today, my wife wanted to spice things up by making a sex tape. Not sure if it was excitement or just the pressure of being on camera, but the whole thing was less than 4 minutes, including foreplay and apologising, and due to bad camera placement most of the film was of my asshole. FML

agreeclassic 528

vote type 1 217

Impressive

By Anonymous - 05/03/2021 08:01

Today, I had a big job interview on Zoom. I forgot my name was set as "Fat F***". I joined the call and the older lady interviewing me was very offended. FML

agreeclassic 249

vote type 1 1 546

Boxing

By Jim - 23/01/2025 03:00 - Canada

Today, I gave my nephew a toy car as a gift. He opened it, looked at it for two seconds, and then spent the next hour playing with the cardboard box it came in. Apparently, I could’ve saved $20 and just bought him a box. FML

agreeclassic 325

vote type 1 122

Dealbreaker

By trapped - 01/05/2022 21:00 - United States

Today, it’s only been a few months but I’m seriously considering leaving my husband. His kids were fine during weekend visits, but now that they live with us they’ve become absolutely insufferable fucking monsters. He won’t discipline them, and when I try they, tell the most awful lies about me. FML

agreeclassic 1 585

vote type 1 245

Period drama

By Kate - 24/08/2023 08:00

Today, I was an altar server at my Catholic church. I wore a long white robe and at the end of Mass, I grabbed my candle and bowed to the altar. I turned around and started walking down the aisle. The woman behind me came up quickly to tell me I had bled through my robe. FML

agreeclassic 838

vote type 1 121

Yummy

By Anonymous - 03/02/2025 12:00 - United States - Des Moines

Today, I was running late for work and skipped breakfast. At a red light, I noticed a granola bar in my bag and so I took a bite, only to realize it was actually a dog treat I'd stuffed in there days ago. FML

agreeclassic 180

vote type 1 453

You gotta fight, for your right…

By PinkPonyGirl - 05/02/2025 21:00 - United States

Today, I posted a status how women deserve the right to be sexually liberated and that modesty is unnecessary. Some dick felt the need to comment, “Have you looked in the mirror? In your case modesty would be an act of mercy.” Another commented, “Yeah bro, I bet they’d pay her to keep her clothes on in strip clubs.” FML

agreeclassic 349

vote type 1 559

By wowawesome - 18/07/2019 16:00

Today, I got a second piercing in my ear. I needed help cleaning the back, so I asked my dad for help. I told him to careful, but right when I did, he tore the earring out with the cotton swab. Thanks, dad. FML

agreeclassic 1 533

vote type 1 373

Gan canny or we'll dunsh summick!

By Joshua - 28/08/2023 08:00 - United Kingdom - Newcastle

Today, I discovered my new phone's voice command doesn't really understand my accent while I'm driving. It kept thinking I was saying, "Call my mum" instead of, "Open Maps". It called my mum 14 times. FML

agreeclassic 523

vote type 1 187

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

agreeclassic 36 071

vote type 1 16 975

Today, my girlfriend got a new tattoo - the Blink-182 logo on her stomach. I wouldn't mind it, except she got pregnant a month ago and I'm pretty sure that it can't good for the baby. FML

agreeclassic 405

vote type 1 290

Today, while lying next to me, my boyfriend smiled and told me, "I really like your eyes. They're pretty." He paused and then finished with, "They really help your face." FML

agreeclassic 56 716

vote type 1 4 127

So destructive, but so cute!

agreeclassic 347

vote type 1 103

Today, on our twelfth wedding anniversary, my wife fell asleep at a fine dining restaurant table within seconds of asking me about my exciting job interview. FML

agreeclassic 417

vote type 1 103

Today, I went out to inspect the backyard. There are now more than two dozen spiders hanging out and webs crossing from one side of the yard to the other. I have decided to surrender this territory. FML

agreeclassic 26 118

vote type 1 2 949