Today, my boyfriend has trained my three cats to respond to "Fart Cat", "Little Shit", and "Lumpy Butt" as well as their actual names. I'd be less annoyed if all three didn't adore him and sit on his lap every day. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came home very tired from a bad day at work, and really just wanted to relax on the couch for a while. My cat jumped into my lap, wanting affection. I was petting him, thanking him for his emotional support. He reciprocated by noxiously farting in my face and running away. FML
Today, after about fifteen minutes of my cat bullying me into letting him get onto my lap, I finally caved. He clambered on, turned around, farted in my direction, and got off as fast as he got on. FML
Today, my fiancé has decided to become my cat's personal trainer. This includes talking to the cat, attempting to motivate him to run up and down the stairs and telling the cat to call him "Coach Daddy". I now have a crazy fiancé and a very angry cat. FML
Today, my cat still loves my boyfriend more than me. I spent around 6 months convincing my boyfriend to get a cat. FML
Today, I realized my boyfriend rather qualifies as a pet: He loves eating, he hardly ever talks or listens, but he is cuddly, always enjoys having me around and can – within limits - be trained to do useful things. FML
Today, for the third time, my boyfriend called his dog by my name. FML
Today, my boyfriend got irrationally pissed at me because his cat decided to sit on my lap instead of his. FML
Today, to tease my cat for his naughty behavior and tendency to fart upon getting onto my lap, I tried to return the favor by farting on him while he was cleaning himself. It wasn't a fart. FML
Today, my girlfriend's cat adores me. I can't sit down without her jumping on my lap and purring. The cat is also overweight, with very sharp claws, and likes to knead on my legs. My legs look like I lost a fight with a thorn bush. FML
Today, after dating my girlfriend for a while, I had a realization. She often says things like, "You're my favorite!" and scratches my beard, which I appreciated affectionately. Upon meeting her pets, it dawned on me that I am just another one of her cats. FML
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Top comments
ahabsfan 17
You do realize they don’t know what anything means, no matter what you call them.
DLBL 23
Where's the LOL button?
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Comments (3)
ahabsfan 17
You do realize they don’t know what anything means, no matter what you call them.
DLBL 23
Where's the LOL button?
idragosani 17
I thought everyone this kind of thing, dogs and cats