By jenabp - United States Today, while changing my clothes, my 3 year old daughter informed me that I looked like a zebra. Noticing my shocked face, she tried comforting me by telling me I was a pretty zebra because I was a purple zebra. She was talking about my stretch marks. FML I agree, your life sucks 35718 You deserved it 4590 122 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SezzyJ - Australia Today, my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me. Via text. With the iPhone I got him for our anniversary. FML I agree, your life sucks 39207 You deserved it 3840 98 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By forgottendaughter - South Africa Today, my father asked me to never contact him again. The reason? His "new" family doesn't know I exist and explaining that he has a 28 year old daughter to his wife and his other children would be "awkward". I have siblings that I will never meet. FML I agree, your life sucks 48745 You deserved it 2556 216 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Limalia - Switzerland Today, one week after my girlfriend berated me for not being invested enough in our relationship, I proposed to her. Her answer? "I meant give me an orgasm, not a ring!" FML I agree, your life sucks 38181 You deserved it 10518 130 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Classy Broad Today, I learned that my hair color is classified as "Buttered Toast". FML I agree, your life sucks 1296 You deserved it 265 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By youshitme - Australia Today, I was at work, working on a new play. In the final dress rehearsal, I heard some of the crew laughing so I looked down at the very revealing costume to see that my left testicle was hanging out. FML I agree, your life sucks 36206 You deserved it 7803 92 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, my brother has two broken arms and needs help wiping his own ass. Bonus, he has bad diarrhoea from the food poisoning he got from the shrimp he made me hand-feed him yesterday. FML I agree, your life sucks 1848 You deserved it 150 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By morgie96 - United States - Pompano Beach Today, on Facebook, all these parents posted photos of their child's last first day of high school, saying they were so proud as they left for senior year. It was my first day of senior year today, but my parents just gave me a high-five for not doing drugs. FML I agree, your life sucks 41965 You deserved it 8913 55 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Reggie Today, my mom won the lottery. My biological mom who I only met last year, after 33 years of not knowing who she was. She is sharing her millions with her kids, but that doesn't include me as I "don't count". FML I agree, your life sucks 4757 You deserved it 602 30 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Hayward Today, due to plumbing issues, I had to choose between a goosebump-inducing cold or skin-blistering hot shower. This is the 7th day in a row. My husband says it shouldn't be more than another week before he "gets it figured out". FML I agree, your life sucks 30503 You deserved it 3146 98 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton Today, I was browsing the web on my boyfriend's laptop, when I idly clicked a bookmark. It turned out to be his private blog, where he most recently spoke in very creepy detail about his efforts to make me love him, remarking that, "Soon, I'll plant my seed in her breeding hips." FML I agree, your life sucks 39638 You deserved it 4510 340 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By dacara6415 - 26/8/2020 14:01 - United States Apocalypse Now Today, I was diagnosed with a kidney infection; the symptoms include nausea and having to pee every five minutes. I had to walk six miles in the pouring rain to pick up the medication, peed in the woods twice, got honked at while throwing up on the road, and my boyfriend told me not to complain. FML I agree, your life sucks 1871 You deserved it 131 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By grossedoutgirlfriend Not so normal, no Today, I came home from work to see a pair of panties I hadn't worn lying on the floor. I picked them up and they were all crunchy. It turns out that while I'm away, my boyfriend uses my underwear as a vessel for his semen. He claims this is normal. FML I agree, your life sucks 2141 You deserved it 303 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Hungary - Budapest Today, I took my girlfriend to eat out at a restaurant. We chatted for an hour, and it all seemed to be going well, until she told me that she wanted to break up. Waiting for the bill and driving her home was the most painful time of my life. FML I agree, your life sucks 45544 You deserved it 3612 138 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By popeye - United States Today, I was trying to take the cap off a can of spray cooking oil. It was really stuck so I pulled extra hard. It flew off and I punched myself in the head. I also sprayed myself in the eye with it. The lump on my forehead and my swollen shut eye make me look like Popeye, but I'm a girl. FML I agree, your life sucks 24024 You deserved it 5325 76 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By snidpea - France Today, I sprained my ankle while playing soccer. I still have to walk home. In the rain. FML I agree, your life sucks 27976 You deserved it 3468 100 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By notgoth - Netherlands - Rijen Today, I went to a bar with my best friend, and some guys came up to us and started flirting with her and offering her a drink. I felt a bit left out and started joking that "I'm thirsty too". One guy looked at me, cringed and said, "No, I don't buy drinks for weird girls." FML I agree, your life sucks 44407 You deserved it 8347 131 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto Today, I got a surprise raise and a promotion at work. Hours after accepting, our company was raided by police on fraud charges. Due to my new managerial position, I had to get grilled by cops. I may not have a job at all next week. FML I agree, your life sucks 29493 You deserved it 1790 64 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Castle Rock Idiots on bikes Today, as I pulled to a halt at a stop sign, a cyclist ripped through the air, slammed straight into my fender, and almost launched over my car. I ended up being cited for reckless driving. FML I agree, your life sucks 25721 You deserved it 2313 109 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Birthday Surprise - United States - Fayetteville Today, my parents thought it would be a great surprise to accidentally shoot me in the leg for my birthday. FML I agree, your life sucks 52543 You deserved it 4961 141 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Rockland Today, I accidentally ripped out my boyfriend's insulin pump while trying to give him a lapdance. FML I agree, your life sucks 54491 You deserved it 17123 134 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By holdengurl18 - China Today, I found out that my boyfriend is extremely jealous of a stuffed toy that sits on my bed, all because it gets to 'sleep in the same bed as me and he doesn't.' Now, whenever he comes over, he throws it at the wall, death glares at it, then gets up and kicks it under my bed. FML I agree, your life sucks 42653 You deserved it 13006 396 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bureaucracy - United States - Bellingham Today I went to the bus station to pick up a lost phone. Even after calling ahead the day before, I was turned away because I hadn't e-mailed. The website says to call and doesn't list an e-mail. I still don't have the phone. FML I agree, your life sucks 6540 You deserved it 437 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Professor FacePalm - United Kingdom Today, the police gave me a ticket for obstructing a loading bay as the vehicle "was not parked within the loading bay markings". I couldn't get the vehicle fully into the loading bay because there was a police vehicle in the way. FML I agree, your life sucks 9291 You deserved it 694 22 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By WickedLittleDoll - United States - Laurinburg Today, I realized my anger management has hit a new low when I screamed at a goose for being a goose. FML I agree, your life sucks 31578 You deserved it 8823 57 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ReboundGrl - United States - Las Vegas Today, I was really happy because the guy I've been on a few dates with wanted to take pictures with me. I thought it'd meant that he really liked me, but it turns out he just wanted them so he could post them online and make his ex-girlfriend jealous. FML I agree, your life sucks 13735 You deserved it 1362 37 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kirstiexoxo - United States Today, I had a package stolen from my porch. It was a shipment of customized M and M's for a Valentine's gift. I spent $60 for someone else to eat "I love you" messages. FML I agree, your life sucks 29469 You deserved it 4015 161 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By clueless - United States - Irvine Today, I realized that when a girl asks what your plans are for Valentine's Day and you say "nothing" and she responds with, "Oh, I don't have any plans either", it means she wants you to take her out. Took me three months to figure that out. FML I agree, your life sucks 37569 You deserved it 58921 169 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Toodamnold - United States - Fairbanks Today, I was once again escorted out of a supermarket by a police officer. I must be the only 83-year-old who still has his marbles, but people always assume I am senile and wandering from a care center. FML I agree, your life sucks 5415 You deserved it 254 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anon - 30/6/2020 08:02 Parenting Today, my mom volunteered me to watch her cousin’s 7-year-old daughter overnight. She’s a nice kid, but sadly the mom has babied her so much that she literally can’t do a thing for herself. She needed help wiping, bathing and even brushing her teeth. Her mom does it all and never taught her differently. FML I agree, your life sucks 1436 You deserved it 105 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By alone in ND Today, it's my 25th birthday. I closed at work, not one person wished me happy birthday, no calls or letters from my family. Even my boyfriend of 3 years didn’t remember. FML I agree, your life sucks 2090 You deserved it 181 24 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By alycion Today, I took my father to a hockey game. He always has to get pictures with the girls, so while in bag check, he used his breath spray. He got me in the eye, and I was temporarily blinded through most of the first period. FML I agree, your life sucks 1613 You deserved it 131 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Nuneaton Today, after recently breaking up with my boyfriend, I unknowingly washed my laundry using his washing tabs. My whole wardrobe now smells like my ex. FML I agree, your life sucks 30932 You deserved it 16933 98 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By poolboy - United States Today, I was working as a swim instructor for kids. Teaching them not to be afraid of the water, I put my face in the water and blew bubbles. I asked them to try it. All of them did, except for one. I went right to him and blew bubbles again. He then said to me, "but I just peed in that water." FML I agree, your life sucks 94070 You deserved it 9251 107 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By anonymous - United States - San Francisco Today, my daughter admitted to me that the only reason she's nice to me is because I give her money. She's six. FML I agree, your life sucks 35128 You deserved it 5330 63 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lonely Today, not only can I not get a real boyfriend, I can't even get one on the Sims. FML I agree, your life sucks 1381 You deserved it 264 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By someone something Today, I was finally able to come home after 4 months in a hospital recovering from brain surgery and physical therapy. While taking a walk around the neighborhood, my new neighbor's Rottweiler ran after me. I tripped while running, got bit, and went back to the hospital for stitches. FML I agree, your life sucks 3319 You deserved it 171 18 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By WhyM3Th0ugh - United States - Sunnyside Today, one of my idiot classmates decided it was a good idea to throw his water bottle across the room to his friend. Unfortunately, I was sitting in front of his friend. I now have a very noticeable bruise and bump near my temple along with a headache. Everybody laughed at me. Even the teacher. FML I agree, your life sucks 24905 You deserved it 1658 61 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By IGOTIT - United States - Fountain Valley Today, my boyfriend took me to a very elegant and expensive restaurant to celebrate our anniversary. When it came to the check, I volunteered to pitch in half, which he rejected by saying "I got it". Little did I know was that "I got it" was short for "I got your credit card". FML I agree, your life sucks 47356 You deserved it 3543 96 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nottililgirl - United States Today, after taking a shower, I noticed a weird noise and asked my husband about it. "I think it's in the walls," I told him. After careful inspection, he simply turned off the electric razor I had just used to shave my legs and gave me 'that' look. I had beaten him in an IQ test not 24 hours prior. FML I agree, your life sucks 7988 You deserved it 43992 96 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Phillycheeze | 20 #7705718 - Monday 8 October 2018 20:07 I like cats...... I just can't finish a whole one. Send a private message 5 1 Reply
By Phillycheeze | 20 #7705718 - Monday 8 October 2018 20:07 I like cats...... I just can't finish a whole one. Send a private message 5 1 Reply
By TheSminty1 | 17 #7706329 - Tuesday 9 October 2018 20:38 Instant regret Send a private message 0 0 Reply
Today, I caught up with a good friend and he let me rant about my sexless marriage. He was really understanding and supportive. I got home and he sent... I agree, your life sucks 630 You deserved it 136 4 Comments
Today, I had the house to myself for the morning. I decided to enjoy being alone, so pulled my trusty bullet vibrator from the drawer. I was very much... I agree, your life sucks 846 You deserved it 179 8 Comments