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I'm parked here!

By Anonymous - 13/10/2021 17:00

Today, they've been building a house next door. I went to wash and wax my car, and I was back home for only 10 minutes before a Bobcat digger backed into it. FML

agreeclassic 961

vote type 1 68

Preppers, man

By Bad at adulting - 04/12/2025 15:00

Today, I attempted meal prepping to “get my life together.” Within an hour I'd burned rice, melted a plastic spatula, and discovered I’d seasoned chicken with powdered sugar instead of salt. My smoke alarm and my stomach filed complaints. FML

agreeclassic 155

vote type 1 355

Like riding a bike

By my teeth! - 24/07/2020 14:07

Today, my sister and I were trying to teach our kids how to Double Dutch. While giving a demonstration of how to jump in while the ropes were turning, my feet got jumbled. I ended up faceplanting in front of all the kids, who screamed in horror at my bloodied face and missing tooth. FML

agreeclassic 1 445

vote type 1 387

Work anxiety

By Anonymous - 08/10/2021 08:00

Today, I got hit by a car walking to work. My first thought wasn't to call 911 or my husband, but to call work to let them know I wouldn't be able to make it in for my shift. FML

agreeclassic 1 043

vote type 1 127

Seize the day, right?

By Anonymous - 03/06/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, our boss offered use of the restaurant for free for my 50th. It went well but afterward he asked us to clean up, then started pulling all the deep-cleaning equipment out of storage, saying, “Might as well while you’re all here.” The cleaning took longer than the party. Bastard. FML

agreeclassic 607

vote type 1 117

Tradcath

By Anonymous - 30/01/2023 16:30

Today, my husband won’t speak to our son anymore, because our son has slowly become more religious and is now studying to be a priest, "bringing shame on the family" as my husband calls it. FML

agreeclassic 854

vote type 1 256

Where am I?

By Anonymous - 13/06/2024 09:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was at a new restaurant when I went to the restroom. When I was done, I sat back down at the table, and idly started listening to my friends chatting. After a few seconds, I realized I'd sat at the wrong table, with complete strangers, who were too polite and/or bemused to say anything. FML

agreeclassic 210

vote type 1 507

First day

By AnotherCrazyCatLady - 20/11/2021 14:03 - Australia

Today, I joined my local fire department. While there, I struggled to open a door. Thinking it was locked, someone saw me and opened it. No it wasn't locked. I just didn't push it hard enough. Great first impression. FML

agreeclassic 818

vote type 1 246

Party Foul

By FML Videos - 22/09/2018 18:30

Madame is not pleased.

agreeclassic 247

vote type 1 164

Party animal

By Anonymous - 23/11/2021 16:58

Today, I got this beautiful girl's number at a bar. After the night was over, I was pretty drunk and sent too many drunk Snapchats. When I'd sobered up, I deleted them. She asked why I deleted them, so I said because I was drunk and didn't remember what I sent. She hasn't messaged me back since. FML

agreeclassic 274

vote type 1 1 354

Thick ear

By why - 23/06/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I made fun of a crazy-looking woman at the park. The man next to me turned out to be her husband, and he dragged me by my ear over to apologize to her. My friends are still laughing at me and my ear is swollen to twice the usual size. FML

agreeclassic 64

vote type 1 1 235

Stewart Lee has let himself go

By Anonymous - 26/06/2024 15:00 - Israel

Today, I noticed while sitting on my office chair, my belly is now large enough to touch my thighs. I'm not pregnant, I just ate my feelings for the past few years, and gained about 20kg in total. I've never felt so much self-loathing as I do right now, and I'm too ashamed to ask for help. FML

agreeclassic 421

vote type 1 290

Bro moment

By Anonymous - 11/11/2021 11:00

Today, I had a stomach bug and had to run to the restroom because I messed my pants. My boyfriend's words of comfort? "Don't worry, bro. I've crapped my pants at least twice since we've been together." FML

agreeclassic 924

vote type 1 175

By Veronica Rambo - 24/10/2018 17:30

Today, it was my first day going to work with new hours where I'm in the office alone for an hour. I managed to lock myself out without my jacket, my phone, and my keys. It was raining. FML

agreeclassic 2 440

vote type 1 723

Fairweather friends

By Anonymous - 18/11/2021 08:01 - United States - Seattle

Today, after not hearing from my "bestie" for over a month, I realized she completely ghosts me when she finds a boyfriend, only calling me when they break up so she can complain, and hangs up before hearing a single word about my life. I have such low self-esteem, I don't even fight it. Who needs enemies? FML

agreeclassic 932

vote type 1 282

Happy Fourth of July

By Help - 05/07/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I tried to comfort my cats from fireworks. Problem is, I also have really sensitive hearing, so fireworks are distressing to me as well. My cats didn't take kindly to me being distressed and just became more irritable. They took their irritability out on me. Now I look like I fought a bear or something. FML

agreeclassic 346

vote type 1 187

Unfair

By Anonymous - 20/02/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, I got into trouble for moving my chair around in class, which went on my permanent record, while other people were literally throwing things across the room and being loud but they didn't get in trouble. Tomorrow's my birthday and now my parents won't let me go out, even after I told them what happened. FML

agreeclassic 866

vote type 1 161

Cat Struggles

By FML Videos - 08/10/2018 18:31

So destructive, but so cute!

agreeclassic 347

vote type 1 103

Shortass

By Anonymous - 11/07/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom - Dartford

Today, while I was on holiday, my dad let himself in and did some of the DIY I’ve been putting off. He is 6”6 and I am 5”2 so he didn’t realise certain things need to be at my height, not his, like the bathroom mirror, the kitchen shelves, and the hallway coat hooks. FML

agreeclassic 497

vote type 1 127

I have no idea what I'm doing

By Anonymous - 25/02/2023 10:00

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in months and couldn't figure out how to use any of the equipment. FML

agreeclassic 551

vote type 1 328

Close, but no cigar

By LisaM - 27/02/2023 04:00

Today, my long-distance boyfriend of 3 years uttered the heartbreaking words, “I met this girl here in my hometown and she’s really great and we fell in love with each other, I can’t do this anymore. We’re over.” I was planning on moving to his town after graduation this year. FML

agreeclassic 1 145

vote type 1 150

Sounds wonderful

By Loner - 05/12/2021 14:00

Today, I spent the thirty second consecutive day in a row seeing no one but my cat. FML

agreeclassic 823

vote type 1 253

Dirty girl

By I like sex dirty but not THAT dirty! - 20/07/2024 11:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, my husband is upset because I’ve been turning him down when he tries to initiate sex as soon as I walk in the door. I work 12 hour shifts as an ER nurse and the thought of getting into bed without showering away all the day's germs repulses me. FML

agreeclassic 625

vote type 1 176

Broken healthcare

By ittybittyannie - 08/01/2022 02:59 - Australia - Spring Hill

Today, I have a severe infection. The last doctor I saw was in the ER and he gave me antibiotics ineffective against what I have, and sent me home. The doctor before that gave me a dose of antibiotics you’d give a toddler, so they didn’t work either. It has spread to my kidneys and I should’ve been admitted to hospital. FML

agreeclassic 1 232

vote type 1 113

Bad mindset

By Anonymous - 10/12/2021 02:01 - United States

Today, I went to a strip club and got a dance from a 19-year-old who was clearly not into me. I left and got into my car, and parked on a busy street. For some reason, the desire to do something pathetic was coursing through my veins, and so… I jerked off right there in my car. I think I was trying to get caught. FML

agreeclassic 348

vote type 1 2 304

I'm a mess

By Anonymous - 02/10/2020 23:01

Today, I went in to return a pack of socks. The cashier told me I couldn't return them. Then, I thought that she hadn't given the unreturnable socks back to me, even though she had, so I ended up getting all hormonal and angry over their return policy. When I got home, my mom got on my case too. FML

agreeclassic 355

vote type 1 1 352

Take the L

By Anonymous - 11/03/2023 00:00

Today, I went to the dentist for a routine cleaning. As I was leaving, the receptionist told me to "have a nice day" and I replied, "You too, love you!" then I went back home and roasted in the embarrassment for an hour or two. FML

agreeclassic 755

vote type 1 226

Family matters

By Anonymous - 03/10/2020 16:56

Today, I was told by step-dad, who I live with, that my mom "hates my guts" while smiling so big, because he got a call from her. He's so desperate for her to come back that all the lying, cheating, manipulation, and emotional abuse doesn't push him away. She's a tornado. FML

agreeclassic 1 254

vote type 1 100

Drama Llama

By Anonymous - 16/01/2022 18:01 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I discovered that my supposed 'friend' was spreading rumours about me and my other friends. We confronted her, but then she started crying and playing the victim so everyone would feel sorry for her, then spread more rumours. My friends and I have done nothing to her. FML

agreeclassic 1 172

vote type 1 154

Commited

By Anonymous - 20/03/2023 00:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I finally got up the nerve to ask out my crush, only to find out that they're already in a committed relationship with my mom. FML

agreeclassic 1 082

vote type 1 160

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, I spent an hour deleting 70 of my status posts from the past week so I don't look so addicted to Facebook. Damn, I need a life. FML

agreeclassic 10 811

vote type 1 42 373

Today, I woke up at 4AM to the sound of lightning hitting a tree in my backyard, then that tree proceeding to hit my house. Later, my neighbor's tree fell over, which hit our fence, and they're not even home. FML

agreeclassic 440

vote type 1 89

Today, I watched "Rain Man" with my family. The whole time they kept exclaiming, "Omigod! That's just like Kate!" FML

agreeclassic 21 260

vote type 1 2 886

Today, at 2:00 am, my neighbor discovered "What Does The Fox Say?" He loves it. FML

agreeclassic 31 217

vote type 1 2 464

Today, I heard my next door neighbour screaming as if someone was trying to slice her throat. Her window was open. Intrigued, I went onto my balcony and asked if everything was okay, and if she needed anything. She and her boyfriend shouted back in unison: "We're fucking! Go away!" FML

agreeclassic 41 118

vote type 1 8 209

Today, my daughter had a flat tire. When she told me about it, I said, “Well, it’s a good thing you know how to change a tire!” She then replied that she has actually forgotten how to change a tire, because it’s “been too long.” It’s only been a couple months since I showed her. FML

agreeclassic 961

vote type 1 301