The Top

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Classic sitcom fodder

By Captain obvious - 14/04/2023 18:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I walked in on my wife in bed naked, with a guy I’ve never even heard of. At first she said, “It’s not what it looks like!” I told her I just saw her cheating on me with another man, to which she said, “Oh… it’s exactly what it looks like.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 467

You deserved it 153

FEED ME, HOOMIN

By My cat is special - 21/04/2023 12:00 - United States

Today, my cat ate the dog's food and is now very sick. For the third time. The first time he did it, I was concerned; second time, I was confused. Now I realize he's just an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 683

You deserved it 220

Never road head on a first date

By Anonymous - 04/03/2022 12:00

Today, I drunkenly gave my date road head while he was driving me home. He must have gotten what he wanted, because that was a week ago and he’s totally ghosted me since. I’ve never felt this cheap and nasty and humiliated in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 663

You deserved it 1 647

Mystery message service

By Anonymous - 25/11/2020 20:02

Today, my two year-old opened one of my boyfriend's Snapchat messages. It was from a girl I've never heard of, with whom he has a 700+ day streak and is one of his top friends. The message said, "I wish?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 253

Late arrival

By juniper - 11/03/2022 18:00

Today, I had a presentation at 8 a.m. that was worth 30% of my grade. Unfortunately, someone decided to text me at the exact moment my alarm should’ve gone off, so it didn’t. My body doesn’t naturally wake up until 3 p.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 552

You deserved it 945

Soft as snow

By Anonymous - 25/09/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered why my new boyfriend likes his sex slow and loving, like super slow. It’s because, despite being in shape, he’s so unfit that if he tries to go hard and fast he struggles to breathe and passes out on top of me. Guess my love life is limited to one mile an hour now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 210

He has a point

By I'll stop being "bitter" when my life stops sucking - 29/04/2026 15:00 - United States - New York

Today, my tall, handsome, perfect cousin told me to stop bitching about being single and "work on myself", as if that would magically attract hordes of women. I told him to fuck off and swung at him. He knocked me on my ass and had the balls to say he forgave me but that I needed to stop being bitter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 1 094

Alexa, play "Glad to be Unhappy" by The Mamas & The Papas

By Anonymous - 29/11/2020 05:02

Today, my ex told me he never wanted to talk to me again, because of how annoying I am. I’m still madly in love with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 686

You deserved it 555

The hero we deserved

By Anonymous - 01/05/2023 15:00

Today, I helped save three people, including a newborn, when I was sole witness to a bad car crash. My boss said that wasn’t a valid reason to be 4 hours late for work and fired me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 240

You deserved it 103

No-life

By Anonymous - 03/12/2020 20:01

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he wanted to spend alone time playing FIFA instead of having a relationship. If I ever find the CEO of EA Sports, I’m throwing hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 273

Snooze fest

By Karly - 03/02/2022 20:00

Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while still giving me oral sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 281

You deserved it 259

I hear you telephone thing, listening in

By Anonymous - 09/05/2023 22:00

Today, I've been talking to a chick since early this year and she seems to like me a lot. We were both drinking heavily and were talking on the phone, having a really good time. Suddenly it hangs up. I get her back on the phone just a few minutes later only to hear her getting the bottom knocked out. So much for that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 282

AITA?

By mattie - 16/05/2023 03:00 - United States - Montgomery

Today, the guy I was talking to for about 3 years, started dating in December, and was super happy about it, told my friends, and he told me he loved me within the first week, has now broken up with me. All because I "said I love you too quickly." He said it first and now his friends think I'm batshit crazy. Is he a dick or am I overreacting? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 056

You deserved it 140

Easy mistake

By Anonymous - 12/02/2022 22:00

Today, some jacked-up dude who spends way too much time in the gym actually flipped my car onto its roof, while his friends filmed it, because he said I’d parked in a disabled bay, and he was gonna expose me on YouTube. He must have felt a right fool when he realised it wasn’t even a disabled bay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 274

You deserved it 96

Risky road

By Gimme money - 24/05/2026 09:00 - United States - Secaucus

Today, desperate for money, I stepped out in front of a car, hoping to get a hefty bribe not to take the driver to court. He slammed on his brakes and barely tapped me. When I fell onto his hood and started screaming, a passerby said, "That's the fakest scam attempt I've ever seen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 1 094

Sofa King

By Anonymous - 27/05/2023 15:00

Today, and since I got frustrated at my wife as she was harping on at me, yet again, a few months ago, and I told her to shut the fuck up for the first time ever in our 25 year marriage, I’ve been sleeping on the sofa. I’m thinking of changing my address to Sofa, Fireplace Road, Living Room Town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 1 069

Prank or brain melt?

By Anonymous - 30/05/2023 03:00 - Canada - Woodstock

Today, my son texted me that he couldn't find his phone, so I went to go help him look for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 234

You deserved it 943

Which part of pandemic don't you understand?

By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 23:02

Today, after quarantining for 2 weeks so I could spend Christmas with my parents, they went over to see a COVID hoaxer/Trump-supporting neighbor, and spent an hour inside with him, without wearing masks. I'm a nurse, working with cancer patients. They don't understand why I'm upset, and are angry that I'm leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 358

You deserved it 321

Play your cards right

By ShinobiForLife - 23/03/2022 18:01

Today, I realised that I keep both Naruto collecting cards and a condom in the same pocket of my wallet. Nothing says sexy quite like dropping a bunch of Gaara cards before getting it on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 1 212

They're all out to get me

By Anonymous - 21/06/2026 12:00 - United States - Rialto

Today, we drove for four days across states. My dad refused to let us go into the amusement park or check into the hotel we'd traveled for. The park is now cashless and he swears that it’s a government conspiracy to monitor and control us. He made us sleep in the car before going home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 69

Good job

By An. - 11/01/2021 23:01 - United States - Denver

Today, after a really bad day, I just wanted to order DoorDash. When my food came, I saw my burger had tomatoes in it, despite requesting no tomatoes. I’m deathly allergic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 083

You deserved it 145

Thanks, great feedback everyone!

By Anonymous - 27/01/2021 23:01

Today, after years of not meeting my partner's family, along with the new arrival of our daughter, we decided to travel to meet them all and introduce our bundle of joy. Instead of the usual welcoming committee, all they could go on about was whether or not my daughter was his because of how fair toned she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 151

Smooth shower moves

By Anonymous - 29/06/2023 12:00

Today, my wife tried to join me in the shower to be sexy, only I was shampooing so when I turned round and felt someone in the shower with me, I panicked and we both fell and got stuck in the bottom of the bath. Our kids had to come and help, because my wife had a broken arm and we couldn’t move. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 099

You deserved it 204

By Anonymous - 18/05/2019 14:25

Today, I found out my boyfriend was going to propose. He'd bought me a beautiful white gold ring that I never got to see. His estranged mom stole the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 492

You deserved it 122

Get on with it

By Anonymous - 04/07/2023 03:00 - Belgium - Eupen

Today, I'm pregnant and feeling awful due to all-day-long morning sickness. My doctor suggested that I cancel all my social plans to be able to keep working. My doctor is also my husband, and the father of this child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 261

No one is that good in bed, surely

By Anonymous - 31/01/2021 16:59

Today, my ex-boyfriend is still stalking me after several years. I asked him why he doesn't just move on and let me be. He replied that I drove him crazy one time when we were intimate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 205

You deserved it 166

Nostalgia

By Alex - 14/04/2022 12:00

Today, I got a Facebook friend request from an ex-schoolmate from my high school. He was the same piece of shit who used to bully me at the time. He's now a psychologist. I guess my life was meant to be bollocks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 155

Gun culture is fascinating

By Gun safety - 22/12/2024 00:00 - United States - New York

Today, my 14 year-old son asked to join my buddies and me at the gun range. The second I finished the safety lecture and handed him a pistol, he started twirling it on his finger (thankfully, it was unloaded). I smacked him in the head and took him home. Now he's moping and sulking like a bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 719

You deserved it 257

But I need it!

By InDebted - 02/05/2022 14:00 - United States - Kula

Today, my jobless husband wants to buy the latest iPhone. His current phone is in good condition, except that he has a 1000 apps on it slowing it down. We're also in deeply crushing debt from all his bad financial decisions from his severely loss-making business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 199

You deserved it 191

Freakout

By nofunforme - 25/06/2019 18:00 - United States - Candler

Today, I was having fun while home alone, until my dog heard my vibrator and tried to attack me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 987

You deserved it 473

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend's dad called me a whore and said I'm trying to use his son and "steal" his virginity for my own needs. My boyfriend has had sex with over 10 girls and I'm a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 087

You deserved it 3 517

Today, it's been 10 days since my family and I have been visiting France. I've always wanted to try their culinary specialties but my dad says we "can't trust them". We've eaten at McDonald's 9/10 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 387

You deserved it 4 022

Today, I found out that my brother was selling pictures of me showering. For what? World of Warcraft money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 822

You deserved it 4 864

Today, I was talking to a swimmer I just met. I saw a cute guy and whispered to her, "That guy is hot." She asked "Who?" I pointed at him. She turned to see him, then turned back to me and said "Ew, that's my brother." She went to him, whispered something. He turned around to see me and said, "EW." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 677

You deserved it 7 763

Today, a customer came in to the Pizza store where I work and complained that the food they had purchased had a strand of black hair in it. After some deliberation, my boss decided to fire me. He is the only staff member there with black hair. I shaved my hair 2 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 430

You deserved it 3 563

Today, my dumbass cat sat on a lit candle. The whole house now smells like burnt hair and I now have to clip clumps of wax-burnt hair off his bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 028

You deserved it 974