Your everyday life stories

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Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating. I thought it was hot and asked if I could join in. He threw me a disgusted look and screamed that I’d ruined the whole mood. Now we’re both unsatisfied. FML

By no action Jackson - 27/9/2020 20:02 - United States - Hesperia

What a wanker

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Today, I lost my virginity. Today, I also learned how to fake an orgasm. Twice. FML

By Anonymous - 27/9/2020 08:03 - United Kingdom - Bristol

New skills

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Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me while I was at work. She did so by telling me she has a yeast infection. FML

By Anonymous - 26/9/2020 14:02 - United States

Thanks, I hate it!

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Today, I found out my boyfriend has another girlfriend when she walked into his bedroom while we were having sex. I didn't drive there, so I'm now sitting in his car while they fight. It's been two hours since she got home. FML

By sideGirl - 26/9/2020 10:01 - United States - Lancaster

Side piece

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Today, my best friend informed me that he had lost his virginity to my sister, which I already knew. However, he told me the location. My room. While I was asleep. FML

By anonymous - 25/9/2020 20:01

Sing me to sleep…

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Today, I told my mom that I walked in on my sister and her boyfriend having sex. My mom flew into a rage and slapped me several times, calling me a liar and made me apologize to my sister for saying something “so disgusting” about her. I wasn’t lying and she just smirked the whole time. FML

By bad sis sad sis - 24/9/2020 02:01

Snitches get stitches

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Today, I told my husband that it makes me feel unattractive and undesirable that I’m the only one to ever initiate intimacy. Not just sex, but also basic affection like hugging and kissing. His response? "Oh." FML

By too proud to beg - 23/9/2020 02:02

Basic Instinct

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Today, I found my girlfriend's list of people she's slept with on her Google docs. There was 11 names after mine. FML

By Anonymous - 22/9/2020 07:02 - United Kingdom

People have lists?!

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Today, I found out I have endometriosis… Which doesn't mix well with a horny boyfriend. FML

By Anonymous - 21/9/2020 17:02 - United States

Not now, 2020

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Today, my seventy-year-old male live-in landlord asked if I'd heard a low humming noise the last few nights, around midnight, as someone had mentioned it. I feigned ignorance, whilst silently lamenting the decline of my self-pleasure opportunities. FML

By Anonymous - 21/9/2020 09:05 - United Kingdom - Exeter

Can't get no…

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Today, while masturbating, I got a huge migraine so I went into the kitchen to get an Advil. As I was getting it, my family was staring at me and I couldn't figure out why. I walked out and realized that I hadn't put my pants back on. I just walked downstairs fully torqued in front of my family. FML

By Anonymous - 20/9/2020 10:07

Tell, don't show

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Today, I overheard my boyfriend telling his best friend that the only reason he likes to sleep over at my house is for the sex and the fast internet. FML

By Anonymous - 18/9/2020 20:02

AT&Twat

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Today, after my girlfriend warned me she has the condition hypersexuality and like a fool I thought I’d landed on my feet, or on my back as it were, do you have any idea how bad sex is when you have it between 5 and 10 times a day for over a year? It’s basically a chore at this point. FML

By Anonymous - 14/9/2020 17:02

Too much of a good thing

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Today, our sons, who we thought were asleep, came barging into our room in the middle of the first blowjob my wife has given me in weeks. She was so shocked, she bit down and pulled away at the same time, tearing the big vein on the top of my cock. I had to go to hospital for blood loss and stitches. FML

By Anonymous - 14/9/2020 08:01

Sliced and diced

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Today, I walked in on my brother having sex. With my boyfriend. FML

By Anonymous - 12/9/2020 08:02

That's that, then

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Today, my daughter admitted she struggles to keep a boyfriend because as soon as she shares with them her kink of fucking guys with strap-ons and occasionally inserting other items into them, they flee. As a father, this was way more info about my daughter's sex life than I can handle. FML

By Anonymous - 12/9/2020 02:03

"I Raised a Sociopath"

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Today, I found out that my 7 friends, with a total of 23 past boyfriends in 11 years, have had 0 orgasms during sex. As someone whose sex ed was basically porn, it felt like finding out Santa wasn't real, but worse. FML

By Anonymous - 9/9/2020 05:01 - Italy

Statistics

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Today, I spent four hours at the ER because I had a miscarriage. The father of the baby was being sweet and supportive while I was there and checked in on me after I got home. Six hours after we found out we lost our baby, he asked for a threesome. He still doesn’t understand what’s wrong. FML

By Anonymous - 8/9/2020 14:01 - United States - Waterville

Mr Sensitivity

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Today, I was on FaceTime with my sister. She remarked that my living room was a mess, and that she didn’t know how I kept a man with a place like that. I retorted, “He’s not with me for how well I can clean, when I can polish his knob like a marble floor!” I had no idea my dad was off camera. FML

By messy jessy - 7/9/2020 11:01 - United States

Who's there?

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Today, I signed up for my ex’s OnlyFans. She never sent me nudes when we were dating, now she’s selling them to everyone she knows. FML

By Anonymous - 6/9/2020 08:01 - United States - San Luis Obispo

FML's OnlyFans

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Today, I realised I'm so much more sexually attracted to Transformers than anyone I've ever met. FML

By Cybertronianchic - 5/9/2020 09:58 - United Kindom - Birmingham

No kink-shaming

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Today, my wife asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I said sex. She told me to grow up and ask for something more realistic. FML

By Anonymous - 5/9/2020 02:02

Denied

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Today, my 6-minute-long-shower lasted 3 times as long as the sex prior to it. Including foreplay. FML

By Disappointed - 4/9/2020 20:08 - Austria

Quickie

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Today, I found out my fiancé has been sleeping with his therapist behind my back. If that wasn't bad enough on its own, I'd talked him into starting therapy 6 months ago to help with his mental health troubles, and have been mostly paying for it. FML

By Anonymous - 4/9/2020 05:02

Unprofessional

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Today, I had an important staff meeting via Zoom. My boyfriend got home from work, walked through the door and shouted, "BABE! I'M READY TO GET MY D*** SUCKED!" I wasn't on mute. FML

By celticschick - 31/8/2020 16:59

And they same romance is dead…

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Today, my husband and I have such busy careers, we have to schedule sex for when we’re both at home and hopefully not too tired, otherwise we’d never have sex at all. The last time we had sex was on my birthday, in April, and our next appointment is mid September. I really miss sex. FML

By Anonymous - 31/8/2020 06:55 - United Kingdom

I need it

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Today, I came home to find out my roommate had sex in my bed, because he didn't want his date to know he has a smaller bed. FML

By Leo Scofield - 29/8/2020 02:00

It's not the size that counts

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Today, although the I’ve always kept my pubic hair neat and trimmed, my boyfriend once again complained that I don’t shave. When I told him that shaving is uncomfortable and risks ingrown hairs, he sulked and said, “But it’ll look so much better!” He needs to lay off the porn. FML

By hairycarrie - 28/8/2020 04:49 - United States

Splitting hairs

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Today, I was diagnosed with a condition where blood vessels in my brain spasm just before orgasm, resulting in me getting a wicked migraine that lasts for days. The only cure? No more orgasms. FML

By Sam - 27/8/2020 23:02 - Canada

Love hurts

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