By ThatGuy24 - 26/9/2019 22:00 Booming economy! Today, it's my birthday and it would be a great day if me and my wife weren’t literally too poor to celebrate it. To make it even better, she won’t have birthday sex with me, because we live with her mom and she’s afraid of her hearing us. FML I agree, your life sucks 1552 You deserved it 319 90 2 19 35 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 24/9/2019 22:00 Can't win Today, I was in the mood for morning sex, but my wife told me to go wank it off in the bathroom. Three minutes later I was mid-wank when she started banging on the door because I was taking too long, and she needed to pee. FML I agree, your life sucks 1781 You deserved it 291 22 4 16 158 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 23/9/2019 18:00 Today, on Dr. Phil… Today, I realized that masturbating to pictures of my girlfriend is better than having sex with her. FML I agree, your life sucks 1557 You deserved it 384 49 5 24 120 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 22/9/2019 00:01 BFF Today, I just found out my best friend is a hooker. I just thought she worked nights and had terrible taste in clothes. FML I agree, your life sucks 1524 You deserved it 365 9 11 21 184 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 21/9/2019 02:00 Brutal Today, my girlfriend told me that she prefers to be on top because I appear skinnier than I actually am. FML I agree, your life sucks 1127 You deserved it 217 24 4 14 73 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By LaLa - 20/9/2019 22:00 One nation, under rod Today, I was fooling around with my partner after his shower. He moved my hands up to push me against the wall. Instead of hitting the wall, my hands hit the shower rod. It fell on my face and I got a bloody nose. FML I agree, your life sucks 1221 You deserved it 152 21 2 24 89 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 19/9/2019 18:00 Cockstepblocked Today, while rushing upstairs to have sex, I tripped on the stairs and rammed my naked boner into the edge of the step. All my wife could do is laugh at me. Now it even hurts to pee or put my trousers on. FML I agree, your life sucks 1786 You deserved it 373 10 2 146 121 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By huh? - 18/9/2019 13:00 - United States - Monterey Park Creepy Dick Pic Today, my ex-boyfriend sent me a photo of him getting head from a gorgeous woman. He captioned it “Jealous?” with smiley emojis. I’m not sure what’s creepier, the fact that he sent it, that he even has my new number or that we broke up more than 8 years ago. FML I agree, your life sucks 2261 You deserved it 101 24 2 216 52 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 17/9/2019 14:00 Alexa, play "It Wasn't Me" by Shaggy Today, I was yelled at and fired by my boss. He claimed that I've been sleeping with his wife. I've never met his wife. FML I agree, your life sucks 1901 You deserved it 65 25 2 115 29 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 14/9/2019 13:00 - United Kingdom - Godalming TMI Today, I sent a photo of my flat to my mother to show her how tidy I’d made it. What I didn’t realise was that my lube and sex toys were also included in the photo of the bedroom. FML I agree, your life sucks 611 You deserved it 2145 11 3 16 207 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 14/9/2019 06:01 Boundaries, dude! Today, I was awoken by the sound of my dorm roommate having sex three feet from me. He was sober, knew I was there, and has a deployed military girlfriend. FML I agree, your life sucks 2137 You deserved it 157 70 5 119 34 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 12/9/2019 04:00 - United States - New York Oops, I Did It Again Today, I had to explain to my mom that the bruises I have all over my body are not due to abuse, but because I'm into really rough sex. FML I agree, your life sucks 1465 You deserved it 653 13 7 20 215 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kilania - 10/9/2019 04:00 Today, my boyfriend was talking about video games. Bored of the subject, I started kissing his neck and chest in hopes of him to stop talking and getting some action. He did stop, only for him to say about a minute later, "You're lucky my games can't do this." FML I agree, your life sucks 1495 You deserved it 539 19 6 10 225 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ice ice baby - 8/9/2019 07:00 - United States - Monterey Park Two Scoops Today, it'd been so long since I last had sex, I was jolted out of my sleep by a body shaking orgasm. I was sweaty and breathless, and it took me a moment to realize it had been a dream. It would've been great except the subject of my nocturnal ecstasy was Vanilla Ice. FML I agree, your life sucks 1481 You deserved it 236 8 8 9 255 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Obi-Wan - 8/9/2019 04:00 - United Kingdom - Manchester Pink Lightsaber Today, I walked in on my 17 year-old son masturbating. He froze, raised his hand and tried to use the "force" to remove the memory. I'm regretting ever having let him watch Star Wars. FML I agree, your life sucks 1594 You deserved it 364 7 4 16 252 18 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 7/9/2019 02:02 Boom, headshot! Today, my boyfriend headbutted me during sex. This wouldn't be so bad if it was the first time. FML I agree, your life sucks 1344 You deserved it 209 15 1 23 89 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 5/9/2019 22:02 Right Said Fred Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend that he should sing the "I'm too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts…" song before we had sex. Now, every time we have sex, that song is going to be in my head. FML I agree, your life sucks 614 You deserved it 1644 6 6 2 149 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 5/9/2019 08:02 - United States - Staten Island Date grape Today, my boyfriend and I were drinking wine naked after sex. He went to get another glass, but on the way back tripped and fell flat on his face. His roommate unexpectedly came home, saw him face-down on the floor, thought I'd drugged him and tackled me before I could explain. FML I agree, your life sucks 1703 You deserved it 144 12 3 40 176 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Lexi - 4/9/2019 12:00 - United States Waiting For Godot 2: Electric Boogaloo Today, my muscles are sore in my arm. I told my boyfriend I think I slept on it wrong. Truth is, it's from masturbation. He won't have sex until we're married. FML I agree, your life sucks 1601 You deserved it 497 31 10 27 122 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mystupidname - 3/9/2019 14:00 - Denmark Sixteen again Today, my dad and his new fiancée are like two love-sick bunnies. They start having sex immediately whenever I leave the house. Even when I take out the trash. FML I agree, your life sucks 1749 You deserved it 122 15 7 26 143 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By oppsiedaisey - 2/9/2019 12:00 Finally! Today, it's been so long since my husband has been able to give me an orgasm that when he finally did today, I started sobbing. FML I agree, your life sucks 1764 You deserved it 294 41 6 43 125 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By semischweet - 1/9/2019 20:00 - United Kingdom - London Today, I learned why you should never to use Sean Connery's voice when asking your girlfriend to sit on your face. FML I agree, your life sucks 646 You deserved it 1658 23 6 9 228 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By kristajoy2001 - 1/9/2019 00:02 Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. All of the sudden, he whispered in my ear, "Do you want to hear a Minecraft joke?" FML I agree, your life sucks 1524 You deserved it 265 11 8 11 249 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Pugsley - 30/8/2019 14:02 - Australia Today, for my birthday, I found out I'm too ugly even for a hooker to have sex with me. FML I agree, your life sucks 1851 You deserved it 290 88 6 56 93 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Juliett - 29/8/2019 19:00 - United States - Wisconsin Rapids Today, my boyfriend gave me an amazing orgasm after a long dry spell. I moaned his name as I climaxed, and he replied, "What?" FML I agree, your life sucks 1524 You deserved it 239 14 6 5 185 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 28/8/2019 16:00 - United States - Los Angeles Today, I went to my boyfriend's house, whom I have been with for 4 years. I've been in Australia for the last 2 months and before I left, he bought a box of 12 condoms, saying we would use them when I got back. We went to the bedroom and I opened the box. There was one left. FML I agree, your life sucks 2535 You deserved it 204 203 2 95 38 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kylee Day - 27/8/2019 06:00 Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for a second time. Then when I was getting dressed with him sitting there next to me, there was a silence. He thought to fill it, he'd grab my hand and fist-bump me. FML I agree, your life sucks 1297 You deserved it 316 13 10 8 205 10 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By I need cuddles - 26/8/2019 20:00 Today, I realized that the only time my boyfriend is physically affectionate with me is when he wants to have sex. When I suggested we just cuddle, he looked at me and said, "What’s the point in that?" FML I agree, your life sucks 1789 You deserved it 268 148 5 16 45 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By notsohot - 25/8/2019 00:01 Today, I showed up at my boyfriend's house with nothing under my coat but some sexy lingerie. He told me he was working on an assignment, and made me wait three hours before he'd have sex with me. FML I agree, your life sucks 1109 You deserved it 1920 40 5 31 161 18 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By katie - 23/8/2019 06:00 - United States - Chicago Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML I agree, your life sucks 779 You deserved it 2380 27 4 36 281 20 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, my Tinder date left as soon as he heard me speak. He said my voice sounds like a ten-year-old boy. This is also the reason my last three Tinder... I agree, your life sucks 22 You deserved it 1 0 Comments
Today, my manager told me to wipe an computer as it was not used anymore, to bad the CEO did not apreciate al his personal photo's were deleted in the... I agree, your life sucks 18 You deserved it 2 0 Comments