Spicy

Needy

By Arnold - 21/10/2025 09:00

Today, my wife asked why I was so grumpy. I admitted that I was horny and sexually frustrated. She went on an hour long tirade about how I "shouldn't need sex to not be a jerk" and how I need to handle my own needs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 305

You deserved it 181

Tease

By Blue balls forever - 20/10/2025 20:00

Today, my fiancee told me she felt horny and was excited for bed, then got mad when I seemed indifferent. I'd be more interested if she didn't constantly wind me up by talking about sex, then get cold feet the second we're alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 277

You deserved it 66

Fishy

By Anonymous - 19/10/2025 20:00

Today, my boyfriend mentioned that he wants to get a vasectomy. I didn't give it much thought, until two things occurred to me. 1.) I have PCOS, and was told by multiple doctors that I can't have children. 2.) He almost never wants to have sex anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 260

You deserved it 79

I have needs

By Anonymous - 15/10/2025 20:00

Today, it's been a few months since my wife and I have been intimate due to her health, so I have urges but out of respect I don't act on. However, while I was showering, I was scrubbing my dick and I immediately busted all over the shower curtain. I had a walk of shame to inform my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 239

You deserved it 172

Spice it up

By Jan - 13/10/2025 20:00

Today, my husband came home, threw me over his shoulder, and carried me to the bedroom. Furious, I shrieked to be put down and demanded an explanation. He said, "I thought you wanted us to be more spontaneous…" Apparently, that means he should treat me like a sex toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 723

You really shouldn't have

By BB_Skylar - 11/10/2025 20:00

Today, I found that my (well-meaning and very kind) Dad cleaned up under my bed after a little mold problem. The problem? He cleaned up a few empty THC gummy containers and saw my dildo. And I thought living at home at uni was a good idea… FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 324

Wankers everywhere

By Anonymous - 10/10/2025 20:00

Today, I was giving a quiet man a haircut. I saw his hand moving repeatedly under the cover, and I knew he was masturbating. I was alone and it was late, so I punched him in the dick as hard as I could, then ran for my pepper spray. Turns out he just has a nervous tic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 442

Thanks Dad, but…

By Sad cuck - 09/10/2025 22:00

Today, my dad called in a rage, saying he caught my "cheating whore" girlfriend at a bar on a date. I had to admit to him that she and I participate in a cuckold lifestyle. The sheer disgust and disappointment in his voice has been haunting me all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 443

Triggered

By Ouch - 06/10/2025 20:00

Today, after a long dry spell, I spent a day treating my wife, ending with a full body massage. She was wearing only panties, breathing heavily, and spread her legs, so I reached for her crotch to finger her… and she kicked me in the head so hard I fell off the bed and split my head open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 176

Thanks but no thanks

By Anonymous - 06/10/2025 09:00

Today, a woman grabbed my arm and told me she wanted to ride me like a stallion then suck me clean afterwards. It would have been tempting were she not my 90 year-old Alzheimer’s-riddled nana, who raised me on her own and took me to church twice a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 93

What are you hiding?

By Horny af - 05/10/2025 22:00

Today, after several grueling weeks at the gym, my moribund sex drive suddenly kicked into high gear. All I want is for my husband to fuck me senseless, but he's now convinced I'm just trying to butter him up before dropping a bombshell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 154

Confusing

By here's a giant baby - 05/10/2025 03:00

Today, my boyfriend told me he was horny. Since it has been a while, I offered to help. He sighed and complained that he didn't feel attractive and didn't want sex. I laughed and asked if he grew a vagina overnight. He got mad and stomped off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 144

You deserved it 400

What is he hiding?

By Wtf - 04/10/2025 20:00

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he had any secret sexual fantasies and promised that I wouldn't judge him, hoping to scratch my kinky itch. He looked at me wide-eyed, yelled, "IT'S A TRAP!!" and literally sprinted out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 257

You deserved it 184

Not feeling it

By BuyersRemorse - 01/10/2025 20:00

Today, I bought a dragon dildo after many years of curiosity and recently, one too many glasses of wine. As I lined it up next to my forearm, the reality that it would go INTO me set in. I can't return it as it is not the seller's fault. I'm throwing it away tomorrow before someone I know finds it. Curiosity killed the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 322

Keep it to yourself

By Anonymous - 30/09/2025 20:00

Today, I had to have the awkward conversation with my adult daughter that the reason I’m divorcing her mom is because she’s not my daughter, she’s actually the daughter of her mom's secret boyfriend, who she’s been screwing behind my back for almost 30 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 60

Snooping around

By Anonymous - 29/09/2025 20:00

Today, I found out the heartbreaking truth of why my husband won’t have sex with me. He cheated, got an STD, and is now waiting for it to clear up before he touches me again. When I confronted him, he flipped out and wrecked the house because I invaded his privacy by going into his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 81

Morning glory

By Unwanted - 26/09/2025 20:00

Today, I woke up with a huge boner. My girlfriend saw it, rolled her eyes and said, "Not a chance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 89

Rubbers

By Anonymous - 26/09/2025 12:00

Today, I’m bisexual and recently started dating my girlfriend who’s a lesbian. I made a complete fool of myself when we were about to have sex because out of habit I asked if she had any condoms. Sex makes me dumb I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 248

Taste test

By Anonymous - 21/09/2025 20:00

Today, I noticed my boyfriend tasted different than normal so he got a doctor's appointment, which is where he discovered he has a yeast infection under his foreskin. Yuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 116

Making whoopee

By Broken trust - 19/09/2025 20:00

Today, after years of my wife having almost no sex drive, and always insisting on using protection, she suddenly craves unprotected sex like an alcoholic craves booze. I went through her phone and learned why. Yup, she's pregnant, cheated on me since day one, and her scummy side dick skipped town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 480

You deserved it 95

So frustrating!

By Sexless - 18/09/2025 20:00

Today, my wife complained that I never try to initiate sex anymore. I moved in to kiss her, only for her to push away and say, "I don't want sex!" I tried again later that night. "I don't want sex!" The next day: "I don't want sex!" This is why I never try; if something doesn't work, why keep trying it? FML

I agree, your life sucks 347

You deserved it 68

No kinkshaming!

By I'm a freak - 17/09/2025 20:00

Today, I watched Alien for the first time with my husband. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I got so wet during the facehugger scene, I had to fake a panic attack and ask him to turn the movie off because I was scared he'd notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97

You deserved it 261

Foundations

By Anonymous - 16/09/2025 20:00

Today, I caught the woman I’ve been dating for a few weeks in bed with my brother. We’ve not had sex yet. If she wanted a relationship with him, why not say so instead of wasting my time? This truly feels like I did the work digging the trench, but my brother got to lay the pipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 95

Hmmmm…

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my 21 year-old boyfriend asked me what foreplay is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 811

You deserved it 5 377

I have needs

By why - 11/09/2025 20:00

Today, as always, my boyfriend has a micropenis. He found my dildo and started crying because it was bigger than him. I love him to death and would never cheat on him, but sometimes I just need to be filled up. Am I wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 136

Enough!

By Anonymous - 08/09/2025 11:00 - United States

Today, I was trying to put my kids to bed but my husband kept riling them up with yelling, wrestling, etc. By the time we actually got them to bed I was exhausted. His ass had the nerve to throw a fit because I was too tired for sex. Why does he think I was trying to get them to sleep?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 260

You deserved it 99

Oh no, the horror!

By Anonymous - 07/09/2025 08:00 - United Kingdom - Abertillery

Today, it’s too complicated to explain how I found out but suffice it to say I learned that the actress I shared a kiss with on stage at the theatre had given her boyfriend a blowjob less than ten minutes before coming on stage and kissing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 85

Why would you even have that?

By Ellis - 06/09/2025 14:00 - United States - Ephrata

Today, I was on FB Messenger talking to one of my friends who is a pastor about getting together playing golf and I meant to send him an emoji in our conversation, but accidentally sent an emoji sticker of my wife and me doing doggystyle. I quickly deleted it on my side, but it was still visible on his side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 417

Bustin' makes me feel good

By Billie - 03/09/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, after years of my husband letting himself go and our sex life dying a slow, painful death, he's finally gotten my hints and started exercising and eating right, and he looks amazing. But now he has no sex drive and says, "I'm getting older, there are more important things to me than busting nuts all day!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 184

What have you been up to?

By I'm innocent I swear - 02/09/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, my period was a few days late, so my anxiety kicked in and I told my husband I was worried about being pregnant. He pointedly said that pregnancy requires sex, and I suddenly remembered we haven't had sex in months. I haven't cheated, but good luck convincing his suspicious ass of that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 587

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I woke up lying on the ground outside with a horrible headache. I camped out in my tree house last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 700

You deserved it 10 044

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend about some recent family drama my sister has been causing. He quickly lost interest and started jacking off right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 088

You deserved it 8 191

Today, while my kids were taking a nap in the other room, I masturbated while Dora The Explorer was on. I think I need to get out more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 545

You deserved it 28 779

Today, I found out I need serious surgery on my right knee to remove a tumor growing underneath it. I will not be able to walk for 3 weeks, and the doctor told me to take off for 5 months from work just for full recovery. My father's response, "You'll do anything not to work." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 944

You deserved it 3 602

Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, my husband was not in the mood for sex. He told me this while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 345

You deserved it 188

Today, I tried hallucinogenic mushrooms for the first time with my friend. Little did I know, they last for around 6 hours, and I had class at 3, when I had to give a presentation in front of 30 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 645

You deserved it 85 377